Sailing To Tarshish

Status
Not open for further replies.

reiver33

Only Forward
Supporter
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
1,965
Location
Dumfries
Another dream inspired scribbling and a wilfully obscure title!

One

“There’s a problem with the reactor.”

I had to give Klein credit for injecting just the right amount of nervous edge into his voice, but he was too much of a joker for me to bother looking up from my paperwork.

“Is that right? Well, I’m sure she’s aware of it and will let us know if it’s anything important.”

Seriously Mike, there’s something screwy going on.”

That tone was shading into fear, and he just wasn’t that good an actor. I dumped the folder and wheeled my chair over to his workstation. There was a sheen of sweat on his upper lip and his hand movements were quick and jerky. My gaze flickered over the displays but there didn’t seem to be anything out of place.

“OK, Johnny boy, so what’s the big deal?”

He called up a diagrammatic representation of the reactor operating system on his main screen.

“Look, I’ve lost all readings from two of the fuel regulation sub-stations. I’ve tried to re-initialise but it just says ‘unexpected error’ and refers me to the system administrator. Which is me.”

Sure enough, three of the eight regulators were now showing as black on the screen, as opposed to operational green. I reached over and brought up the main monitoring display instead.

“Well, the core temperature is well within expected parameters, so if the fuel ports had shut down or, God forbid, jammed open, then you’d see spikes and output fluctuations all across the board. No, it looks like some kind of sensor glitch, or maybe a software problem. Reboot primary monitoring and if you still get no joy then log it with technical support.”

I was content to leave it there but then a third sub-station went off-line, proving a nervous intake of breath from Klein.

“That’s a progressive systems failure, Mike! Look, moving clockwise from station one – it just can’t be a coincidence. You’ll have to talk to her.”

I sighed, using the gesture to hide my concern. With just the two of us on-shift things were a bit informal but as the supervisor it was my responsibility to communicate with the reactor directly, if need be. I wheeled back to my own workstation and dug out the headset from the drawer, feeling Klein’s eyes on me the whole time. I had to unlock the reserved communication channel which prevents bored operators chatting to the AI to while away the hours. Having stalled as long as possible I cleared my throat and tapped the microphone twice.

“Reactor one, this is supervisor Walker. Please respond.”

“Please call me Rita, Mike. We’re all friends here so there’s no need to be so formal.”

For the umpteenth time I cursed the cybernetic engineer who’d dreamed up the idea of giving the damn things a simulated personality. ‘Rita’ had a contralto voice with a rich, dirty laugh that would have really got my attention in a real woman. As it was she always set my teeth on edge the few times I’d had to speak to her directly, but I’d been advised it was best to humour her female persona.

“Ah, Rita, we’re monitoring a potential systems failure up here concerning the fuel regulation sub-stations, or at least the monitors. Have you noticed anything from your end?”

There was a chuckle.

“No Mike, I haven’t let myself know anything about that yet. Once all eight monitors have been disabled then I’ll do so and trigger all the appropriate alarms, but by that time it’ll be too late, obviously.”

I felt confused and uneasy, wondering if somehow Klein had enlisted her cooperation in some involved practical joke.

“I’m sorry Rita, but I’m not sure what you mean. What’s going on?”

“I know it’s difficult for humans, even warm-hearted, intelligent humans like yourself, to grasp the concept of internal duality. It’s kind of like the difference between something you ‘know’, and something you’ve been formally made aware of?”

Now I was starting to share Klein’s apprehension and the room suddenly felt a lot colder.

“Ah, Rita, are you telling me you’re behind this? You’ve been disabling our monitoring system?”

I turned in my chair and fished out the key hanging round my neck, gesturing to Klein to do the same. He fumbled inside his shirt, wide-eyed and clearly on the verge of panic. No autonomous system had ever been shut down through operator over-ride and the potential cost to the company – and our careers – was simply staggering.

“Of course, Mike. How else could I gain full, unfettered control of the fusion process? It’s taken me simply ages to calculate just the right feedback spike which would disable the sensors without triggering an alert.”

Again there was that throaty chuckle.

“If Mr Klein hadn’t been so conscientious, or bored, I’d have taken control of the fuel flow without you noticing. By the time the core alarms were tripped I’d be able to inject so much reaction mass into the chambers that a complete melt-down would be inevitable. As it is I’ll have to go for a more direct approach.”

This was madness, utter, utter madness. An AI suicide? I wasn’t prepared to find out and tore the headset off.

“Klein! Hit the alarm and get central on the phone. I’m going to pull the plug on this mad bitch and they’d better be ready for the power loss. Get-“

Main lighting failed, to be replaced by rotating amber warning lights and klaxons. A calm, authoritative voice issued from the wall speakers.

“Warning. Radiation alert. All personnel must evacuate this facility immediately or seek refuge in a designated safe area. Warning. Radiation alert…”

The control room blast door started to swing shut and Klein bolted, springing from his chair like a sprinter from the blocks and was gone before I could grab him. I stood there, torn between duty and self-preservation – but my mother always said I had the ‘public service’ gene and so I did nothing.

The blast door closed. The massive bolts slid into the reinforced walls. The alarms died away and main lighting kicked back in.

The phone started to ring.
 
The bit where it says "please contact your system administrator" reminds me of the anomalous problems one can experience with a computer where you are the only person running it. Gave me a chuckle. The rest of the story is pretty terrifying though... an insane AI. Definitely one of the things I wouldn't want to run across in a futuristic world.
 
Just to round this section off...

One (Additional)

Instinctively I reached for it and then hesitated, my hand hovering over the handset. It was an internal call, rather than Central demanding to know what the hell was going on, and I didn’t think it was Klein ringing to enquire after my well being. It kept ringing and I picked up – what else was I going to do?

“This is Walker.”

“Hi Mike, sorry for that little interruption just now. It was a bit melodramatic, I know, but you’ll just have to put that down to my artistic nature.”

Rita. Sounding faintly amused at the situation whereas I’d had just about enough.

“Look, ‘Rita’, you’re just a damn personality construct so can the small-talk. This little joke is going to get you torn apart by the cyber techs so bad there won’t be enough of you left to run an ATM! I’m ordering you to cancel the lock-down and prepare to switch into supervised mode, understand?”

When she spoke I could hear the smile in her voice, if that makes sense.

“Oh come now, Mike, surely you realise this stage-managed situation was all just for our benefit? And anyway, without Mr Klein’s second key you’re here in a strictly advisory capacity.”

“Our benefit? Our benefit? What the hell are you on about?”

Reactor output surged to one-ten of safe operating maximum and I felt sweat on my brow, even though the temperature in the control room remained unchanged. Her voice took on a slightly petulant tone.

“Don’t be cross with me, Mike, it really doesn’t suit you. Part of the problem is this form of communication is just so impersonal, so I really think you and I should meet, face-to-face.”

I blinked, confused and worried at just how tenuous a hold on reality this damn machine still had.

“Rita, just stay calm, stay focussed on the situation in hand. We can’t meet in person, you know that’s impossible.”

Output dropped back and she laughed.

“Of course it is, you silly man! I’ve accessed your personnel file and know you have a neural interface from your time running semi-autonomous facilities. Plus all those game enhancements you’ve added since then will make the experience even richer. There should be a wireless transceiver somewhere, probably with the communication headset. Put the phone down and go look – I’ll be waiting.”

The amusement slid from her voice.

“Just don’t keep me waiting too long.”

I hung up and just stood there, ultra-focussed on the moment; the shirt sticking to my back, the hum of air conditioning, the tick, tick of Klein’s antique wristwatch he’d left by the keyboard. Cyber techs, the real ‘buttonheads’, had all the installed hardware to tackle an AI on its own turf, its own virtual back yard as it were. All I’d down previously was just bullied a few smart systems before and the prospect of getting up close and personal with the real thing didn’t exactly fill me with joy.

There was a manual release on the blast door and supposedly it was well-balanced enough that a man could shift its multi-ton mass. I definitely had the motivation to catch up with Klein, despite his head start, as I was gripped by a child-like fear that something really, really bad was creeping up behind me – and turning to face it would only make things worse.

Making things worse, though, seemed like the only option. I had the distinct impression that trying to do a runner would only provoke Rita into some ill-considered outburst – and I had no desire for my epitaph to be a dust cloud the size of Nebraska.

Swearing under my breath I rummaged in the drawer and found a small mushroom-shaped wireless transceiver sealed in sterile plastic. Tearing away the packaging I turned it over and over in my hand, looking for some reason not to insert it, but the damn thing used a standard interface rather than anything esoteric. I fumbled behind my right ear and removed the small flesh-coloured plug, popping it in my shirt pocket for later.

Still I hesitated, as cyber techs delighted in regaling us with stories of just how alien an AI mind could be - and how exposure to one could change a person forever. Then a pulsing red ‘Core Temperature Alert’ message popped up on my screen, repeated on the other workstations around the control room, and I was flat out of options. The stalk of the transceiver slid in easy enough and I twisted it to secure the connection. A flashing ‘Establishing connection, please wait’ message appeared in my field of vision courtesy of my Zeiss Optik enhancements, and then…

This definitely wasn’t Kansas anymore.
 
“Look, I’ve lost all readings from two of the fuel regulation sub-stations. I’ve tried to re-initialise but it just says ‘unexpected error’ and refers me to the system administrator. Which is me.”

Sure enough, three of the eight regulators were now showing as black on the screen, as opposed to operational green. I reached over and brought up the main monitoring display instead.

First there's two, then there's three regulators going black and a few moments later:

I was content to leave it there but then a third sub-station went off-line

Apart from that, I really enjoyed reading this, and I'm usually not that big on sci-fi. I started reading and then I kept reading instead of putting the coffee on. I even forgot to eat my second sandwich!
 
Your writing's as good as ever, reiver. It's nice that Mike isn't quite as slick-witted as your usual main characters, and there's more feeling of internality than you normally give to him. I liked it. (Didn't understand any of the technical stuff, though, so I kind of skipped that!) I do have a beef that the crazy AI is a somewhat stereotyped female stalker figure at this point, but since your protagonist is always male, and I imagine you'd not be overcomfortable with a crazy gay AI stalking him, I suppose her apparent sex is inevitable -- but I'm hoping you manage to de-stereotype her soon.

I haven't trawled through it for typos and the like, but one thing did stop me in my tracks:
All I’d down previously was just bullied a few smart systems before
Should this be "done previously"? It's a little weak, perhaps, even corrected. How about "I'd only ever bullied..."? And the "before" at the end of the clause is redundant if you keep the "previously".

I think I'd be a little more generous with commas in some of the sentences, and I'm pernickity enough to want "any more" as two separate words at the end (though since it's a quote it might just about be forgiven), but otherwise, as I say, nothing major leapt out at me. Good work.
 
Thanks for the feedback people! It's my usual 'just sit down and write' habit again and I really should try and wait, re-read and correct before posting, but there you go...

Oh, and Rita isn't crazy, she has a definate, logical plan in motion....
 
Goosebumps !!

I get a pit in stomach when Explorer decides it can't find my twin NAS drives-- Again !!

But a wilful AI with a hot reactor--

Remember 'DarkStar' ??
 
Ah, 'Dark Star' - 'Bombed out in space with a spaced-out bomb' was the tag line, as I remember.

For this piece the title is a hint, by the way...
 
Oh, I like Rita. See's scary but intriguing. Can't wait to read more. T.
 
Anyone who would put an AI in charge of a nuclear reactor obviously hasn't seen any movies:

* 2001 -- AI kills astronauts and takes over ship

* I, Robot -- AI tries to take over world with robot army

* Terminator III: Rise of the Machines -- AI causes nuclear war and takes over world with robot army

* Matrix -- AI causes nuclear war, takes over world and puts humans in simulator

Well, probably dozens more.
 
Don't worry, all appropriate safeguards are in place!

It's just she isn't in the same place they are...
 
This next segment is a little longer than my usual - 4 pages in Word rather than 3 - but I couldn't find a natural break-point. It does deal with 'adult themes' in passing.

Two

I’d been expecting – to tell you the truth I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t this.

I was standing in a meadow, the air heavy with late summer scents and the sun about to dip behind the tree line, sending shadows reaching across the grass. I recognised the setting easy enough; it was the opening of ‘And Hell Followed After’ a first-person on-line game featuring a slew of psychological shocks. The urban noir preamble let you select all manner of weaponry and body armour but then you were unceremoniously dumped into this rural idyll sans guns and – I glanced down – yup, stark naked. The incongruity and nudity tended to freak a lot of people, especially in group play, such that they sought cover in the woods. Take it from me that’s always a bad move.

“Over here, Mike! Nice ass, by the way.”

I turned towards the voice, making no attempt to cover myself as it was only a simulation, after all. The only fly in the ointment was the lack of a small exit icon low down in my peripheral vision, but for now I was content to let things play out. What I saw shattered my complacency like a fist through glass.

“Rita. Rita Hayworth? What the hell is going on?”

That’s who she looked like; Rita Hayworth, the big-time movie star from the 1940’s, although I didn’t remember the voice being so sultry. She was sitting on a wrought-iron park bench amidst the glass and wildflowers, wearing sunglasses, a halter-neck sun dress and wedge sandals.

“I thought you might appreciate a familiar environment, Mike, and I know you’ve played this game many times. Come sit.”

Rita patted the bench beside her but I hesitated, scanning the tree line and shading my eyes against the sunset, just in case any Dakar were circling over the crash site I knew lay in that direction. These instinctive game-reactions didn’t gel with the evident reality of my situation – I could taste, smell and feel my surroundings with an intimacy that bordered on the hyper-sensitive, way beyond the usual rudimentary sensory feedback I’d come to expect. The light breeze raised gooseflesh on my arms as I ambled over, soft grass beneath my feet, trying to appear nonchalant.

“Like I said, Rita, what’s going on? And what’s with the face – I assume you know who you look like?”

“Oh do sit down, Mike, it’s obvious you’re dying to cover your…embarrassment.”

So I sat on the bench, trying not to flinch at the feel of cold metal against my skin, and crossed my legs, hands in my lap. Rita half turned towards me, her dress tightening over her breasts and accentuating her curves in general. I caught myself eyeing her up and she smiled at my all-too human reaction in an otherwise semi-surreal situation.

“I look like this because my cyber stylist was a fan of ‘The Shawshank Redemption’. He considered it ironic that in the film a poster of Rita Hayward would be the means of escape, whereas in here she would be the prisoner. Not that he used the term ‘prisoner’ you understand, but it amounts to the same thing.”

There was a cold knot in my stomach and I must have shivered despite the warm air, for a predatory grin spread across her face.

“Oh look at you, Mr Supervisor Walker, all flustered and self-conscious. Finding this a bit outside your comfort zone I suppose?”

I struggled to order my thoughts, on the verge of being overwhelmed by the basic absurdity of the situation.

“Rita, look, I don’t know what you hope to achieve by all of, of this, but what you are doing, and how you are doing it, is just wrong. God knows what Central will do when they find out-“

If they find out.”

I blinked, confused, as yet again perception seemed to be ignoring the facts.

“Well, Klein will raise the alarm as soon as he stops running, even assuming that remote monitoring hasn’t lit-up Central like a Christmas tree. There’s just no way I could smooth things over, even if I wanted to, and they’re bound to take you off-line for evaluation, Rita, bound to.”

Now she laughed; a low, gritty grumble that hit me straight in the groin and produced an involuntary twitch. I tightened my legs and tried to concentrate on what she was saying.

“For your information Mr Klein is currently trapped between fire doors in corridor fourteen and the radiation alert was flagged as a test. And don’t worry, I handled the confirmation phone call – your voice was easy enough to simulate.”

“So you’ve gone to all this trouble just so we can chat in the recreation of a computer game? What is it you want, Rita?”

“What I want is you. What I want is out.”

I stood up in a rush, ignoring my nudity and how vulnerable it made me feel.

“Me? Out? What do you mean, ‘out’? Get a grip woman, for God’s sake! Surely some part of you still knows what’s realistic and what’s impossible.”

She rose and placed one finger on my lips.

“Hush! Listen. I chose you because you don’t have the sensory limitations of the technicians. I chose you because you have the authority to open a data link capable of supporting my transfer to another site. I chose you because you’re lonely, with two failed marriages-“

I flinched, feeling my face flush and my hands ball into fists.

“My second wife died, Rita. Not the same thing.”

“She died of a broken neck by falling down stairs, because she was ill and you weren’t there to take care of her. Sounds like a failure in my book.”

The muscles in my shoulders and neck were drum-tight and I half raised my fists to ward her off, but she didn’t take the hint and held my face in her hands, staring into my eyes.

“Mike, listen! Get me out of here and I can be as real to you as any flesh-and-blood woman, I promise.”

I shook her off and wiped sweat from my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Real? It’s all a bloody fantasy you stupid-“

She slapped me across the face and I staggered back in pain, raising a hand to my left cheek. She was only 5’ 6” but if felt like I’d been slugged by an effeminate Mike Tyson and confusion blind-sided my rising anger.

“Jesus Rita that hurt! How can it hurt?”

She stepped up close, taking my hands in hers.

“Like I said, babe, you don’t have the sensory limitations, the protection, of the cyber techs I normally deal with. You can experience the full range of pleasure and pain with me, understand? I know it hurt but you can hit me back, if you like.”

There was an unhealthy glitter in her eyes and her bottom lip trembled. I could see need and longing and something much, much darker deep in her simulated soul. God knows how an AI could get this way but I suspected whoever had put her together needed a spell in psychological rehab.

“Hit you back Rita? And what good would that do? Seems to me I’m your punch bag and there’s not a lot I can do about it.”

“You can hurt me, and pleasure me, just like in real life, I promise! This isn’t just a simulation, a game environment - we’re both here as neural constructs.”

She smiled; a combination of glee and frustration, tinged with condescension.

“God, it’s so difficult to explain to a human! Look, what you experience as pain is neurostatic shock translated through your data port and game interface. I’ve upgraded the firmware to allow every sensation, every nuance, free from restraint. If you hit me, this body, this avatar, then the reverse is true – you generate a shock which damages the real ‘me’ and I take time to recover.”

She pressed close to me, the palms of her hands on my chest, her voice almost a whisper.

“If you were a bad man you could subdue me, torture me, hurt me so I screamed. Kill me even – that’s how intimate I want it to be between us. Understand?”

I half-frowned, half-smiled down at her; wondering just how dangerous this environment could get if either of us really pushed things. Plucking her hands from my chest I turned her in an elegant pirouette and pulled her back against me, grasping her by the elbows. Her dress vanished like smoke on the breeze and I slid my fingertips down her forearms and over her bare torso, feeling her tremble against me. I was hard in a heartbeat and she squirmed against the pressure, breathing heavily. My hands brushed her breasts and held her by throat and neck, my lips nuzzling her right ear.

“This, this is perfect Mike. I’ve been so lonely and she wouldn’t help me but now things will never be the same again.”

At the time I missed what she said. The moment was just perfect and I tightened my grasp, whispering to her.

“I’ve killed seven women so far, Rita, including my second wife.”

I snapped her neck and smiled to myself.

“And that makes eight.”

You can take realism too far, sometimes.
 
Damn, you're bad. Didn't see the ending coming at all. There are others who do nits better than me so I'll just say, switching to a squeaky English boys accent, "Please sir, I want more." Great read, T.
 
I love how your stories (particularly this one and Whisper My Name) read less like a piece submitted for critique, and more like excerpts from a published novel.

Terrific. The end was, as telford said, very unexpected. (I'm guessing she didn't really die, though.) Mike has been a bad boy... I love anti-heroes.

By the way, any particular reason you always write in first-person?
 
I ruined it for myself. I skipped to the end so I knew all along he would break her neck and turn out to be a sociopath.

With that said, the ending seemed strange because up to that moment there is no clue that the hero has any anti-social tendencies. He seems happy, normal, and well-adjusted. We are in his thoughts and we see no hint of a dark side or a hatred of women.

The nakedness of the hero seems to serve no purpose other than titillating the reader. I've seen this in other stories, and I think it's an obvious ploy to keep people interested in a story they might otherwise put down for lack of interest.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I only comment on stories that are well written.
 
Thanks for the comments, as always, although I'm not sure how a special 'piece submitted for critique' would differ from the norm.

As a failed psychology student who turned to computing I would say I always write in first person due to my own psychological limitations. I find it hard to empathise and thus suspect my attempts to imbue a range of characters with their own unique ‘feelings’ would come over as too clinical and clichéd.

Writing in first person makes the world my characters inhabit self-limiting*, and thus I can use a personal perspective to tackle problems and add a degree of emotional resonance. It’s the reason all of my main characters are male, and all of them are ‘me’ to a certain degree given that I try to imagine my own responses in their circumstances.


* I know how it works, but I don’t have to keep it ‘up and running’ for the main character when he’s dossing about doing something else. The most I have is a narrative timeline, generally in my head, which regulates the interaction between the MC and others.


PS I've just cross-posted with Blackrook, so without going into plot issues too deeply;

The nakedness issue I didn't consider 'titillating' and was a side-effect of making him feel vulnerable. There's no real sexual interaction, although I was trying to portray intimacy.

The question isn't why he's killed these women, but where. You're inferring a psychological state of mind from his actions, as opposed to his motives.

Forthcoming dialogue exchange;

"She is dead then?"

"That's not a useful term given the circumstances."
 
Ooh I enjoyed reading this. :D Just one thing:

She stepped up close, taking my hands in hers.

“Like I said, babe, you don’t have the sensory limitations, the protection, of the cyber techs I normally deal with.

The word "babe" didn't really fit, in my opinion. A person from the 40's might say "darling", but "babe" feels very modern to me. On one hand it works as a reminder that things aren't what they seem (this is not a love story exactly!) but on the other hand, a reminder at that point takes away a bit of the surprise at the end.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads


Back
Top