The Hell Book: Overview, Intro and Chap. 1

Status
Not open for further replies.

blairWitcher

Resident Soultaker
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
135
Location
All my life I've always made and pictured out fant
Warning to Pedants and Critiques: The person who wrote this mess has a bad, really bad, case of IGS (incorrect grammar syndrome). Please feel free to give him/her a good "dismembering". I only suggest you do so in a nice, sensitive way. :)

OVERVIEW


What would you do if one day, as you went to a secondhand bookstore to buy a nice R.A. Salvatore book, you came across a large black book with strange unknown words written haphazardly on it's front cover? Intrigued, you took it from the shelf and opened it, only to find out that it was empty except for the first six pages which contained nothing but a very long list of names in minuscule writing.

You asked the shop owner about it and he said he doesn't know that such a thing existed in his shop and that if you wanted it, you could have it - free. Nobody sane enough would turn down something that doesn't have a price so you took it and brought it home with you.

That evening as you settled to do your homework, you began to notice something about the book, now lying on the corner of your desk. Those strange writings on the front page where no longer strange. It's as if they have rewritten themselves to unravel its own mystery - It was title followed by what seemed a strange order of instructions which said:

THE HELL BOOK

1. Any name of a person, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the moment the last letter of the name was written.

2. While writing a name, one must have a mental picture of the person's face focused in his mind.

3.You may also place the specifics about when and how a person should die by placing a comma after the name. this should be finished 66 seconds before the last letter of the name was written down. failure will revert to that person dying due to brain seizure.

4.Once the Hell Book is held by a person other than the current owner for 66 seconds, the ownership of the Hell Book will be passed unto him.

5. If a person who held the Hell Book wasn't able to hold it for 66 seconds, that person will die instantly of brain seizure.


It sounded like a spooky "ghost" joke. As you were about to throw that "stupid" book out of the living room window, headlines appeared on the evening news report about a robbery taking place on a grocery store somewhere in the city. The Robber,armed with a gun and taking a small child hostage, caught your attention and you decided to have a little experiment. You took a pen from your pocket and as you opened the sixth page of the book and looked intently at the robber's name and face flashed on the television screen. As soon as you have written down the name, you took a stopwatch from your shirt pocket, clicked the "start" button and waited.

five seconds...

twenty...

thirty...

fifty...

sixty two... sixty four...

and, instantly, the moment you pressed the "stop" button, the robber fell to the ground; shaking terribly like a man caught on fire and, without any scientific or logical explanation, died amidst millions of viewers worldwide.

Disbelieving, you looked back at the numbers projected on the stopwatch's display.Exactly 66 seconds. It was then that you looked again at the front cover of the book and read the 1st rule clearly:

"Any name, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the last letter of the name was written."


This and a lot more happened to Christopher Jacobs when he became the new owner of THE HELL BOOK.


----------------------------------------------

Introduction
What is life?

For me, its a constant struggle between good and evil, right versus wrong, and tragically, despite all the efforts we put up to ignore it, evil always gains the upper hand in the everlasting battle. Everyday we see and hear signs of it, the symptoms of a deadly social virus, on the streets and alleyways of our modern cities and suburbs, making headlines on the midnight news flash or the front pages of the morning newspaper - a man selling his wife and children to slavery for a kilo of dope, a syndicate mastermind escaping the weight of his crimes due to "lack of evidence", a tyrant slaughtering millions of people for personal gain or a serial killer decapitating innocent victims without remorse.

I hate them, those monsters. I wish they'll all just drop dead and rot in everlasting damnation. The world will be a better place without these abominations running about.

But what are we doing about it? Our leaders and representatives promise us on election days to uphold the laws and regulations "for the common good" of all mankind. but what of of the "common evils"? They strive hard to come up with solutions but, question is, are they implementing it? Upholding it?

I think not.

But it'll all change soon.

I'll catalyze the change for a better society.

My name is Christopher Jacobs and I'll bring a new light to a darkening world.
------------------------------------------
CHAPTER ONE

Everything had been different ever since Mom and Dad died on an "accident" a year ago. During the holidays, I'm staying at Aunt Agnes' farm at Nashville. I helped her and Uncle Tom with the household chores. She's a nice lady, always smiling and homely in her warm purple dress and flowery apron. She's an apple pie expert and had always cared for me like a son even though I wasn't. Uncle Tom, on the other hand, was a quiet and calculating man like Dad was. He's a policeman, a police chief to be specific, and its only natural for him to develop that kind of attitude in his line of work. They had no children of their own, which might explain why they wanted to take me in when my parents died.

I wished I could be with them all year round but I had other things in life to attend to.

Most of the time, though, I stayed at our old house in San Diego with our old butler Jack taking care of me. If it were up to me, I would have sold the place a few months ago if not for him. Jack had served my family even before I was born and had always been my best and loyal friend.He stayed because Dad made him my personal guardian and overseer of the family estate till I turned 18 if anything should happen to him or Mom.

But I think that's not it. He stayed because he doesn't want to be alone too.

He had a family once, just like me, but his wife and daughter died during a bank robbery three years ago so he really knows what it felt like to lose someone you really cherished. He was the one who took me out of school and drove me to the hospital the night of the incident. He was there when the female doctor came out of the room and said that my "Mommy" and "Daddy" were gone. He was there by my side during the funeral, when I was crying my eyes out in front of the tombstone where Eveline and Samuel Jacobs were buried to rest in everlasting peace.

Peace... what a load of crap.

Luckily, Dad had prepared for the worst scenarios in life and had planned ahead to secure my future. All the family's assets and accounts was handed down to me by Dad's personal lawyer, Mr. Martin, a few weeks after the funeral and told me that I had nothing to "worry" about financially because "everything's being taken cared of." I never really liked those words but I can't do anything more but trust on them.

I felt cold and alone and I don't know anything worth doing anymore.

With the school's permission, I took a year off from the normal school hubbub and cowered like a fetus in Dad's old library, reminiscing old memories and photographs standing on the mantle piece. I remembered being weak for crying and skipping meals for two days. It was all painful.

But then came something much worst.

I heard on the news, a month later, that the suspect for my parents' death, a certain Evan Birch, the one who "accidentally" crashed a Pick-up van on Dad's car, had been "cleared "from all legal charges. Angrily,a blood haze overcame me and I ended up smashing dad's old baseball bat on the television.

Cleared of all charges? It doesn't make sense.

I cried after that. I wanted to do something, anything, to bring my family the justice they deserved. But how could I do that? I'm just a boy? If those lawyers and justices on the courts, with all their legal skill and knowledge, had been outsmarted by verbal lies and deceit, how could I?

That was then when I realized what I wanted and what I should do.

I had to be strong. I had to be cold and prepared, mentally and physically, If I am to survive this harsh world.

I need to survive it first so that one day, I could have my vengeance.

That day,I embraced the dark side of my soul and promised to become the devil. I never knew that the devil himself would come to help me, a few months later, In the form of a book.

(to be continued...)
 
Last edited:
[/quote]
Nice? Sensitive? You do remember who I am, I trust?

Tenses. You chop and change in time zones. I'm going to make some suggestions, but it needs consistancy.
Warning to Pedants and Critiques: The person who wrote this mess has a bad, really bad, case of IGS (incorrect grammar syndrome). Please feel free to give him/her a good "dismembering". I only suggest you do so in a nice, sensitive way. :)

OVERVIEW


What would you do if​
comma
one day, as you went to a secondhand bookstore to buy a nice R.A. Salvatore book, you came across a large black book
repetitions of "book"; try for a synonym?
with strange unknown words written haphazardly on it's front cover? Intrigued, you took it from the shelf and opened it, only to find out that it was empty except for the first six pages
comma
which contained nothing but a very long list of names in minuscule writing.

You asked the shop owner about it and he said he doesn't
didn't
know that such a thing existed in his shop and that if you wanted it, you could have it - free. Nobody sane enough
enough for what?
would turn down something that doesn't
didn't
have a price so you took it and brought it home with you.

That evening as you settled to do your homework, you began to notice something about the book, now lying on the corner of your desk. Those strange writings on the front page where
were
no longer strange. It's as if they have
had
rewritten themselves to unravel its
their own mystery - It was
a? the?
comma
followed by what seemed a strange order
perhaps not "order"
of instructions which said:

THE HELL BOOK

1. Any name of a person, once written on its pages,
You have said {check it} that the name will die. It should be more like "Any person, whose name is written on these pages…
will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds
after
the moment the last letter of the name was
is
written.

2. While writing a name, one must have a mental picture of the person's face focused in his mind.
I don't like "mental" with "in his mind", and the last "him" before "his" is the intended victim. Not important; we can follow who's who, but could be improved.
3.You may also place the specifics about when and how a person should die by placing a comma after the name.
Upper case "T"
this should be finished 66 seconds before
"before" or "after"?
the last letter of the name was written down. failure
Failure to do this?
will revert to that person dying due to brain seizure.

4.Once the Hell Book is held by a person other than the current owner for 66 seconds, the ownership of the Hell Book will be passed unto him.

5. If a person who held the Hell Book wasn't able to hold it for 66 seconds, that person will die instantly of brain seizure.
It sounded like a spooky "ghost" joke. As you were about to throw that "stupid" book out of the living room window, headlines
Headlines? It's a TV show, right?
appeared on the evening news report about a robbery taking place on a grocery store somewhere in the city. The Robber, armed with a gun and taking a small child hostage, caught your attention and you decided to have
I don't think you "have" an experiment. "Perform", yes, but I suspect this is "try"
a little experiment. You took a pen from your pocket and as
with this "as" the sentence should continue to another action (eg. " and, as you opened the sixth page of the book and looked intently at the robber's name and face flashed on the television screen, you carefully wrote it on the page."
you opened the sixth page of the book and looked intently at the robber's name and face flashed on the television screen. As soon as you have
had
written down the name, you took a stopwatch from your shirt pocket, clicked the "start" button and waited.

five seconds...

twenty...

thirty...

fifty...

sixty two... sixty four...

and, instantly, the moment you pressed the "stop" button, the robber fell to the ground;
just comma
shaking terribly like a man caught on fire and, without any scientific or logical explanation, died amidst millions of viewers worldwide.

Disbelieving, you looked back at the numbers projected on the stopwatch's display.Exactly 66 seconds. It was then that you looked again at the front cover of the book and read the 1st rule clearly:

"Any name, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the last letter of the name was written."
as first time.
This and a lot more happened to Christopher Jacobs when he became the new owner of THE HELL BOOK.
----------------------------------------------
Introduction
What is life?

For me, its​
it's
a constant struggle between good and evil, right versus wrong, and tragically, despite all the efforts we put up to ignore it, evil always gains the upper hand in the everlasting battle. Everyday
Two words
we see and hear signs of it, in the streets and alleyways of our modern cities and suburbs, making headlines on the midnight news flash or the front pages of the morning newspaper - a man selling his wife and children for a kilo of dope, a syndicate mastermind escaping the weight of his crimes due to "lack of evidence", a tyrant who slaughters millions of people for personal gain or a serial killer decapitating innocents without remorse.

I hate them. I wish they'll
they'd
all just die and rot in everlasting damnation. The world will
would
be a better place without this
these
abominations running about.

But what are we doing about it? Our leaders and representatives promise us on election days to uphold the laws and regulations "for the common good" of all mankind. but what of of the "common evils"? They strive hard to come up with solutions but, question is, are they implementing it? Upholding it?
What is this "it"?
I think not.

But it'll all change soon.

I'll catalyze the change for a better society.

My name is Christopher Jacobs and I'll bring a new light to a darkening world.
------------------------------------------
CHAPTER ONE

Everything had been different ever since Mom and Dad died on an "accident" a year ago. During the holidays, I'm staying at Aunt Agnes' farm at Nashville. I helped​
help
her and Uncle Tom with the household chores. She's a nice lady, always smiling and homely in her warm purple dress and flowery apron. She's an apple pie expert and had always cared for me like a son
comma
even though I wasn't. Uncle Tom, on the other hand, was a quiet and calculating man like Dad was.
why past tense for this sentence, when his wife gets present?
He's a policeman, a police chief to be specific, and its
it's
only natural for him to develop that kind of attitude in his line of work. They had no children of their own, which might explain why they wanted to take me in when my parents died.

I wished I could be with them all year round but I had other things in life to attend to.
past tense again
Most of the time, though, I stayed at our old house in San Diego with our old butler Jack taking care of me. If it were
had been
up to me, I would have sold the place a few months ago if not for him. Jack had served my family even before I was born and had always been my best and loyal friend.He stayed because Dad made him my personal guardian and overseer of the family estate till I turned 18 if anything should happen to him or Mom.

But I think that's not it. He stayed because he doesn't want to be alone too
either?
.

He had a family once, just like me, but his wife and daughter died during a bank robbery three years ago
comma
so he really knows what it felt like to lose someone you
he? or without anything?
really cherished. He was the one who took me out of school and drove me to the hospital the night of the incident. He was there when the female doctor came out of the room and said that my "Mommy" and "Daddy" were gone. He was there by my side during the funeral, when I was crying my eyes out in front of the tombstone where Eveline and Samuel Jacobs were buried
laid
to rest in everlasting peace.

Peace... what a load of crap.

Luckily, Dad had prepared for the worst scenarios in life and had planned ahead to secure my future. All the family's assets and accounts was
were
handed down to me by Dad's personal lawyer, Mr. Martin, a few weeks after the funeral and
he
told me that I had nothing to "worry" about financially because "everything's being taken cared of." I never really liked those words but I can't do anything more but trust on them.

I felt cold and alone and I don't
didn't
know anything worth doing anymore.

With the school's permission, I took a year off from the normal school hubbub and cowered like a fetus in Dad's old library, reminiscing old memories and photographs
it doesn't work with "reminiscing" covering both memories and photographs.
standing on the mantle piece. I remembered being weak for
from?
crying and skipping meals for two days. It was all painful.

But then came something much worst
worse
.

I heard on the news, a month later, that the suspect for my parents' death, a certain Evan Birch, the one who "accidentally" crashed a Pick-up van on Dad's car, had been "cleared "from all legal charges. Angrily, a blood haze
you've said it's the blood haze that was angry.
overcame me and I ended up smashing dad's old baseball bat on the television.

Cleared of all charges? It doesn't make sense.

I cried after that. I wanted to do something, anything, to bring my family the justice they deserved. But how could I do that? I'm
I was
just a boy? If those lawyers and justices on the courts, with all their legal skill and knowledge, had been outsmarted by verbal lies and deceit, how could I?
Yes, I understand, but perhaps a little reorganisation.
That was then when I realized what I wanted and what I should do.

I had
have
to be strong. I had
have
to be cold and prepared, mentally and physically, If I am to survive this harsh world.

I need to survive it first so that one day, I could
can
have my vengeance.

That day,I embraced the dark side of my soul and promised to become the devil. I never knew that the devil himself would come to help me, a few months later,
lower case "i"
In the form of a book.

(to be continued...)
 
Warning to Pedants and Critiques: The person who wrote this mess has a bad, really bad, case of IGS (incorrect grammar syndrome). Please feel free to give him/her a good "dismembering". I only suggest you do so in a nice, sensitive way. :)





OVERVIEW


What would you do if one day, as you went to a secondhand bookstore to buy a nice R.A. Salvatore book, you came across a large black book with strange unknown words written haphazardly on it's front cover? Intrigued, you took it from the shelf and opened it, only to find out that it was empty except for the first six pages which contained nothing but a very long list of names in minuscule writing.​

You asked the shop owner about it and he said he doesn't know that such a thing existed in his shop and that if you wanted it, you could have it - free. Nobody sane enough would turn down something that doesn't have a price so you took it and brought it home with you.​

That evening as you settled to do your homework, you began to notice something about the book, now lying on the corner of your desk. Those strange writings on the front page where no longer strange. It's as if they have rewritten themselves to unravel its own mystery - It was title followed by what seemed a strange order of instructions which said:​

THE HELL BOOK

1. Any name of a person, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the moment the last letter of the name was written.

2. While writing a name, one must have a mental picture of the person's face focused in his mind.

3.You may also place the specifics about when and how a person should die by placing a comma after the name. this should be finished 66 seconds before the last letter of the name was written down. failure will revert to that person dying due to brain seizure.

4.Once the Hell Book is held by a person other than the current owner for 66 seconds, the ownership of the Hell Book will be passed unto him.

5. If a person who held the Hell Book wasn't able to hold it for 66 seconds, that person will die instantly of brain seizure.

It sounded like a spooky "ghost" joke. As you were about to throw that "stupid" book out of the living room window, headlines appeared on the evening news report about a robbery taking place on a grocery store somewhere in the city. The Robber,armed with a gun and taking a small child hostage, caught your attention and you decided to have a little experiment. You took a pen from your pocket and as you opened the sixth page of the book and looked intently at the robber's name and face flashed on the television screen. As soon as you have written down the name, you took a stopwatch from your shirt pocket, clicked the "start" button and waited.​

five seconds...​

twenty...​

thirty...​

fifty...​

sixty two... sixty four...​

and, instantly, the moment you pressed the "stop" button, the robber fell to the ground; shaking terribly like a man caught on fire and, without any scientific or logical explanation, died amidst millions of viewers worldwide.​

Disbelieving, you looked back at the numbers projected on the stopwatch's display.Exactly 66 seconds. It was then that you looked again at the front cover of the book and read the 1st rule clearly:​

"Any name, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the last letter of the name was written."

This and a lot more happened to Christopher Jacobs when he became the new owner of THE HELL BOOK.

----------------------------------------------​

So this reminds me a lot of Death Note, not to say that there is anything wrong with that.

Introduction


What is life?

For me, its a constant struggle between good and evil, right versus wrong, and tragically, despite all the efforts we put up to ignore it, evil always gains the upper hand in the everlasting battle. Everyday we see and hear signs of it, the symptoms of a deadly social virus, on the streets and alleyways of our modern cities and suburbs, making headlines on the midnight news flash or the front pages of the morning newspaper - a man selling his wife and children to slavery for a kilo of dope, a syndicate mastermind escaping the weight of his crimes due to "lack of evidence", a tyrant slaughtering millions of people for personal gain or a serial killer decapitating innocent victims without remorse.​

I hate them, those monsters. I wish they'll all just drop dead and rot in everlasting damnation. The world will be a better place without these abominations running about.​

But what are we doing about it? Our leaders and representatives promise us on election days to uphold the laws and regulations "for the common good" of all mankind. but what of of the "common evils"? They strive hard to come up with solutions but, question is, are they implementing it? Upholding it?​

I think not.​

But it'll all change soon.​

I'll catalyze the change for a better society.​

My name is Christopher Jacobs and I'll bring a new light to a darkening world.​

------------------------------------------​
I think that this section would be better off not in the first person. Make the section more of a general concept that the reader hates too. Make the reader feel the way Jacobs does even before they meet.

CHAPTER ONE

Everything had been different ever since Mom and Dad died on an "accident" a year ago. During the holidays, I'm staying at Aunt Agnes' farm at Nashville. I helped her and Uncle Tom with the household chores. She's a nice lady, always smiling and homely in her warm purple dress and flowery apron. She's an apple pie expert and had always cared for me like a son even though I wasn't. Uncle Tom, on the other hand, was a quiet and calculating man like Dad was. He's a policeman, a police chief to be specific, and its only natural for him to develop that kind of attitude in his line of work. They had no children of their own, which might explain why they wanted to take me in when my parents died.​


I guess I don't understand the reason behind the description of the Aunt's clothing. All of chapter one is more of a quick look back at Jacobs life up to this point. Unless she always wears a purple dress.​


I wished I could be with them all year round but I had other things in life to attend to.​

Most of the time, though, I stayed at our old house in San Diego with our old butler Jack taking care of me. If it were up to me, I would have sold the place a few months ago if not for him. Jack had served my family even before I was born and had always been my best and loyal friend.He stayed because Dad made him my personal guardian and overseer of the family estate till I turned 18 if anything should happen to him or Mom.​

But I think that's not it. He stayed because he doesn't want to be alone too.​

He had a family once, just like me, but his wife and daughter died during a bank robbery three years ago so he really knows what it felt like to lose someone you really cherished. He was the one who took me out of school and drove me to the hospital the night of the incident. He was there when the female doctor came out of the room and said that my "Mommy" and "Daddy" were gone. He was there by my side during the funeral, when I was crying my eyes out in front of the tombstone where Eveline and Samuel Jacobs were buried to rest in everlasting peace.​

Peace... what a load of crap.​

Luckily, Dad had prepared for the worst scenarios in life and had planned ahead to secure my future. All the family's assets and accounts was handed down to me by Dad's personal lawyer, Mr. Martin, a few weeks after the funeral and told me that I had nothing to "worry" about financially because "everything's being taken cared of." I never really liked those words but I can't do anything more but trust on them.​

I felt cold and alone and I don't know anything worth doing anymore.​

With the school's permission, I took a year off from the normal school hubbub and cowered like a fetus in Dad's old library, reminiscing old memories and photographs standing on the mantle piece. I remembered being weak for crying and skipping meals for two days. It was all painful.​

But then came something much worst.​

I heard on the news, a month later, that the suspect for my parents' death, a certain Evan Birch, the one who "accidentally" crashed a Pick-up van on Dad's car, had been "cleared "from all legal charges. Angrily,a blood haze overcame me and I ended up smashing dad's old baseball bat on the television.​

Cleared of all charges? It doesn't make sense.​

I cried after that. I wanted to do something, anything, to bring my family the justice they deserved. But how could I do that? I'm just a boy? If those lawyers and justices on the courts, with all their legal skill and knowledge, had been outsmarted by verbal lies and deceit, how could I?​

That was then when I realized what I wanted and what I should do.​

I had to be strong. I had to be cold and prepared, mentally and physically, If I am to survive this harsh world.​

I need to survive it first so that one day, I could have my vengeance.​

That day,I embraced the dark side of my soul and promised to become the devil. I never knew that the devil himself would come to help me, a few months later, In the form of a book.​

(to be continued...)​

To me this screams Batman Begins again, nothing wrong with that. The whole thing feels rushed like an Info dump on the reader. I would like to have some of the information given to me slower as the Jacobs and I get to know one another.

IMHO
 
I have a few comments - In general it's a nice idea :-

Red Remove
Blue comments
Green possible suggestions
All opinions only :)



Warning to Pedants and Critiques: The person who wrote this mess has a bad, really bad, case of IGS (incorrect grammar syndrome). Please feel free to give him/her a good "dismembering". I only suggest you do so in a nice, sensitive way. :)



OVERVIEW

What would you do if one day, as you went to you were in a secondhand bookstore to buy a nice R.A. Salvatore book, you and came across a large black book with strange unknown words written haphazardly writingon it's front cover? Intrigued, you took it from the shelf and opened it, only to find out that it was empty except for the that after the first six pages, which just appeared to be a list of names, the book contained totally blank pages. which contained nothing but a very long list of names in minuscule writing.

When you asked the shop owner about it and he said he doesn't know that such a thing existed in his shop and that if you wanted it, you could have it - free. Nobody sane enough would turn down something that doesn't have a price so you took it and brought it home with you.​

That evening as you settled to do your homework, you began to notice something about the book, now lying on the corner of your desk. Those strange writings on the front page (cover before) where (were) no longer strange illegible but was now clear and written in English and boldly announced. It's as if they have rewritten themselves to unravel its own mystery - It was title followed by what seemed a strange order of instructions which said:

OK why 66 - Surely just 6 or 666 and isn't this a bit cliche anyway. Why not just some random number like 42 :) Oh I know the old hell thing but whose fiction are you copying with that?

THE HELL BOOK

1. Any name of a person, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the moment the last letter of the name was written.


Here we have the first biggie - Does every Frank Smith die. If not then a name isn't going to be specific enough. IT would need to be a list of full DNA profiles - Or be written in the blood of the intended victim for full analysis by the book, if you get my drift.

2. While writing a name, one must have a mental picture of the person's face focused in his mind.


OK, this would work but as an instruction it might be better if it went first. As in:-



First picture in your mind a person you would like to die; then at the same time write their name in this book - kind of thing.



I found this quite difficult to do in the sense that while writing I tend to think of the words although it could be argued it should be difficult to kill someone this way. And what's the obsession with brain seizure

3.You may also place the specifics about when and how a person should die ( No the first instruction was quite specific - brain seizure and no other) by placing a comma after the name. this should be finished 66 seconds before the last letter of the name was written down. failure will revert to that person dying due to brain seizure. (and it said after the last letter of the name)

4.Once the Hell Book is held by a person other than the current owner for 66 seconds, the ownership of the Hell Book will be passed unto him.

5. If a person who held the Hell Book wasn't able to hold it for 66 seconds, that person will die instantly of brain seizure.


(OK, so a a man dies in suspicious circumstances of a brain seizure. When the police break down the door they find a strange book with weird instructions about how it can kill people - So they leave it there for someone else to make use of ???)

It sounded like a spooky "ghost" joke. (no it sounds ridiculous and you would think so too - That isn't to say your plot is ridiculous; just that anyone would think it was if they saw it on a book) As you were about to throw that "stupid" book out of the living room window, headlines appeared on the evening news report about a robbery taking place on a grocery store somewhere in the city. The (R)obber,armed with a gun and taking a small child hostage(,) caught (catches) your attention and you decided to have a little experiment. You took a pen from your pocket and as you opened the sixth page of the book and looked intently at the robber's name and face flashed on the television screen. As soon as you have written down the name, you took a stopwatch from your shirt pocket, clicked the "start" button and waited.​


(Again this is a bit far fetched - If the only detail you need is a photograph of someone then lets hope he hasn't got a twin. Plus this seems a bit extreme for just a robbery. Let's at least have a bank and three people killed and the girl begging for her life - which would also allow for a fuller description of the nominated dead person to be.)

(five seconds...

twenty...

thirty...

fifty...

sixty two... sixty four... ) A bit painful why not just Twenty, twenty five, etc. We don't actually have to pass the time just read it

and, instantly, the moment you pressed the "stop" button, (surely you would watch the event and press the button and then look at the time like you do when you use a stop watch) the robber fell to the ground; shaking terribly like a man caught on fire and, without any scientific or logical explanation, died amidst millions of viewers worldwide. (Really picky here and this is why a brain seizure doesn't really work because as you say dying is normally quite a long business. If the 66 seconds is when he starts to die then he isn't as the book promised dead in 66 seconds he's still alive and thinking and (just about) breathing and technically not dead. What we need is instantly dead from death.)

Disbelieving, you looked back at the numbers projected? on the stopwatch's display.Exactly 66 seconds. It was then that you looked again at the front cover of the book and read the 1st rule clearly:​

"Any name, once written on its pages, will die of brain seizure exactly 66 seconds the last letter of the name was written."

This and a lot more happened to Christopher Jacobs when he became the new owner of THE HELL BOOK.

----------------------------------------------
Introduction
What is life?

For me, its a constant struggle between good and evil, right versus wrong, and tragically, despite all the efforts we put up to ignore it, evil always gains the upper hand (Ermm... I think most would consider anyone that made use of a book like this would well and truly placed on the evil side of the balance) in the everlasting battle. Everyday we see and hear signs of it, the symptoms of a deadly social virus, on the streets and alleyways of our modern cities and suburbs, making headlines on the midnight news flash or the front pages of the morning newspapers - a man selling his wife and children to slavery for a kilo of dope, (No, I would think that was quite rare and not an everyday event and it wouldn't be for a kilo it would more likely be for just one hit.) a syndicate mastermind escaping the weight of his crimes due to "lack of evidence", a tyrant slaughtering millions of people for personal gain (so it would be OK is it was done altruistically then :)) or a serial killer decapitating innocent victims without remorse. (most people would put the tyrant last)

I hate them, those monsters. I wish they'll all just drop dead and rot in everlasting damnation. The world will be a better place without them these abominations running about.

But what are we doing about it? Our leaders and representatives promise us on election days to uphold the laws and regulations "for the common good" of all mankind. but what of of the "common evils"? They strive hard to come up with solutions but, question is, are they implementing it? Upholding it? (this is more a political speech than a plot builder it could be done in a much simpler way. - And the politicians do nothing - for instance)

I think not.​

But it'll all change soon.​

I'll catalyze the change for a better society.​

My name is Christopher Jacobs and I'll bring a new light to a darkening world.​

I stopped here as for me this is too long (not saying that's a bad thing; just that I can't keep it up :)

------------------------------------------​

CHAPTER ONE

Everything had been different ever since Mom and Dad died on an "accident" a year ago. During the holidays, I'm staying at Aunt Agnes' farm at Nashville. I helped her and Uncle Tom with the household chores. She's a nice lady, always smiling and homely in her warm purple dress and flowery apron. She's an apple pie expert and had always cared for me like a son even though I wasn't. Uncle Tom, on the other hand, was a quiet and calculating man like Dad was. He's a policeman, a police chief to be specific, and its only natural for him to develop that kind of attitude in his line of work. They had no children of their own, which might explain why they wanted to take me in when my parents died.​

I wished I could be with them all year round but I had other things in life to attend to.​

Most of the time, though, I stayed at our old house in San Diego with our old butler Jack taking care of me. If it were up to me, I would have sold the place a few months ago if not for him. Jack had served my family even before I was born and had always been my best and loyal friend.He stayed because Dad made him my personal guardian and overseer of the family estate till I turned 18 if anything should happen to him or Mom.​

But I think that's not it. He stayed because he doesn't want to be alone too.​

He had a family once, just like me, but his wife and daughter died during a bank robbery three years ago so he really knows what it felt like to lose someone you really cherished. He was the one who took me out of school and drove me to the hospital the night of the incident. He was there when the female doctor came out of the room and said that my "Mommy" and "Daddy" were gone. He was there by my side during the funeral, when I was crying my eyes out in front of the tombstone where Eveline and Samuel Jacobs were buried to rest in everlasting peace.​

Peace... what a load of crap.​

Luckily, Dad had prepared for the worst scenarios in life and had planned ahead to secure my future. All the family's assets and accounts was handed down to me by Dad's personal lawyer, Mr. Martin, a few weeks after the funeral and told me that I had nothing to "worry" about financially because "everything's being taken cared of." I never really liked those words but I can't do anything more but trust on them.​

I felt cold and alone and I don't know anything worth doing anymore.​

With the school's permission, I took a year off from the normal school hubbub and cowered like a fetus in Dad's old library, reminiscing old memories and photographs standing on the mantle piece. I remembered being weak for crying and skipping meals for two days. It was all painful.​

But then came something much worst.​

I heard on the news, a month later, that the suspect for my parents' death, a certain Evan Birch, the one who "accidentally" crashed a Pick-up van on Dad's car, had been "cleared "from all legal charges. Angrily,a blood haze overcame me and I ended up smashing dad's old baseball bat on the television.​

Cleared of all charges? It doesn't make sense.​

I cried after that. I wanted to do something, anything, to bring my family the justice they deserved. But how could I do that? I'm just a boy? If those lawyers and justices on the courts, with all their legal skill and knowledge, had been outsmarted by verbal lies and deceit, how could I?​

That was then when I realized what I wanted and what I should do.​

I had to be strong. I had to be cold and prepared, mentally and physically, If I am to survive this harsh world.​

I need to survive it first so that one day, I could have my vengeance.​

That day,I embraced the dark side of my soul and promised to become the devil. I never knew that the devil himself would come to help me, a few months later, In the form of a book.​

(to be continued...)​
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads


Back
Top