Dialogue tag help

[Arthur_Connelly]

I'm trying to have a character say something. Adding the dialogue tag after he's spoken might be a problem because his words are serious sounding, but his tone is not. I know this is generally the way things are done by professional writers with their "he said wryly" and "she said dryly".

Adding the tag beforehand makes more sense to me, but I've been told it looks dated. I don't mean to do it often and mainly "he said" and "she said" suffice unless I let the character's actions set the tone. I know there might be rules, and probably are, for this sort of thing, but I've seen so many strange things in published works over the years that I can't say whether the rules don't really matter or if they're just being broken as needed.

So many pieces of writing advice, in books and online, contradict one another that I end up scratching my head. (Especially those cases where authors of books on writing shirk their own advice in their writing, but I guess an established author can do whatever they want.)

Anyway, I'm asking for your opinions on the matter the words said and the tone in which they're delivered.

 

[HareBrain]

Is the speaking character the POV character? If not, the POV character could perhaps notice a subtle change in facial expression just before the line of dialogue, which might suggest the tone.

I would venture the opinion, however, that it's possible to worry too much about this kind of thing. Though none of the devices you've tried so far might seem perfect, I bet most of them are at least serviceable. How many times have you put down a book because of a single, slightly clumsy line? If the answer is more than "none", then you're an even more picky reader than I, and God help you.

 

[Ursa major]

I'm trying to have a character say something. Adding the dialogue tag after he's spoken might be a problem because his words are serious sounding, but his tone is not. I know this is generally the way things are done by professional writers with their "he said wryly" and "she said dryly".

As a reader, I would want to know as early as possible that the speaker's tone altered the meaning of the words.

Sometimes the reader can infer the tone. If your character, a known pacifist, said something along the lines of

"Hang him? Why not slit his belly open and strangle him with his own intestines? And if you attach his gonads to his ears, it'll set the whole thing off really nicely!"

I, as a reader, could be easily persuaded that the character is deploying hyperbole. I'd suggest that the more subtle the shift in tone from what the reader would be assuming, the greater the need of letting the reader know early on.

Adding the tag beforehand makes more sense to me, but I've been told it looks dated. I don't mean to do it often and mainly "he said" and "she said" suffice unless I let the character's actions set the tone. I know there might be rules, and probably are, for this sort of thing, but I've seen so many strange things in published works over the years that I can't say whether the rules don't really matter or if they're just being broken as needed.

Would it be possible to give some examples of what you mean? (I'm wondering of the tag beforehand business is something like:

He said, wryly: "Blah...."

in which case I can see why some folk would find it a bit off-putting.)

 

[Arthur_Connelly]

How many times have you put down a book because of a single, slightly clumsy line? If the answer is more than "none", then you're an even more picky reader than I, and God help you.

That's a good point. And I don't think I've ever kept reading a story because the grammar was good either.

As to the line itself:

He puffed himself up and said, in mock indignation, “I’ll have you know I'm the first man to receive his license under the new rules.”

The character speaking the line is the POV and isn't known for levity, but he's trying it out to lighten the mood. It becomes clear within the next few lines that he's joking:

“Were you?” she asked.

“It helped that I was the first man in line to take the test.”

So the construction might not be needed at all in this occasion, but I still want to know if this technique, used sparingly, is acceptable.

 

[HareBrain]

Used sparingly, I think it's fine. It might give a slightly dated feel if used too often, but the "I'll have you know" is hardly street slang anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Or you could have: 'He puffed himself up [with mock indignation]. "I'll have you know ..." which might suit better.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

You can divide a sentence and put the dialogue tag in the middle, you know, if there is already a natural pause in it (which is to say, a comma). It won't work in every sentence, because it can make the first part more emphatic by emphasizing the part before the pause, or it can draw out a sentence into a sort of drawl by emphasizing the pause, but I think it would work fine here because of the supposed indignation.

“I’ll have you know," he said, puffing himself up in mock indignation, "I'm the first man to receive his license under the new rules.”

 

[Arthur_Connelly]

Thank you.