'P for Pleistocene' continued.

[Nik]

Day 31 Sunday
==============

"Hot drink for you, Mister Mike !" Alys greeted me as I slowly put my head out of the tent.

"Thanks." I set the cup to cool while I blinked sleep from my eyes. My dreams had been stalked by wolves and sabretooth cats so I was glad to see the day. "How are the away team ?"

"Morning, Mister Mike," Jenny said. "They've had breakfast and got organized, now they've walked down to the latrine." Turning to Alys, she said, "Come on, let's wait for them outside."

Dave was stirring stew from his seat by the hearth, so I asked, "What's the weather like ?"

"Shower of rain in the small hours," Dave reported. "Dew's lifting. Looks like it's going to be a nice day."

"Good." I worked around until I could pull on my day clothes and tie my shoes. The cup of hot water had still not cooled enough to drink. I sat across from Dave and sipped it warily.

"You were dreaming about wolves again," he said. "Gave me quite a fright."

"Sorry."

"I take it Dire Wolves are as bad as they sound ?"

"Yes." I shuddered. "Half as big again as our wolves, mean as hyenas."

"Ouch."

"Good news is they were restricted to the Americas." I took a careful breath. "Lots of them turned up in the La Brea tar pits."

"You reckon we won't meet them ?"

"They aren't known from Eurasia." I sipped my water thoughtfully. "Snag is we should have found some trace of human settlement, so I'm not sure what's going on."

"Deep, Mister Mike..."

"Like the sea level being 'normal'..." I took another sip. "What with ice ages, warm inter-glacials, first and second order post-glacial isostatic adjustments-- Given how it was so up and down, chances of being 'normal' are really small."

"You said..." He nodded. "So we watch for surprises."

"Yeah..." My water was almost cool enough to drink. "That sabretooth cat was a bit of a shock."

"We got away, though." Dave stopped stirring for a moment. "Beginners' Luck, I suppose."

"Here's to 'Beginners' Luck'." I toasted him.

"Slainté !" He grinned, then turned. "Ah ! Here's--"

Jenny and Alys clambered up the steps and parked their spears. Jenny nodded to me, checked Dave's stew-pot, then said, "Away team are just about done. We were going to see them off then serve our breakfast."

"Well, I've had a cup of water and I've got my shoes on," I said. "I could give them a hand up the ladders."

Alys and Jenny exchanged glances, then Alys grabbed her spear again and handed the second to me. "Okay, Mister Mike."

The away team were stood between the foot of the steps and the Leat path, checking their loads.

"Morning, Mister Mike." Henry nodded. "Come to see us off ?"

"Give you a hand up the ladders, too." I ran a careful eye over the equipment they were packing or slinging. "You've remembered a fire-starter ?"

Henry pointed to Sue, who said, "I've got it. Plus two lots of tinder."

"Shovel, saw, bush-whacker." O waved. "Bolas in case."

I noted the covered pot with their supper, looked around.

"The baskets are by the ladders." O reported, taking up the pot. "We have topped off our water bottles."

"We're putting the pot in the creel on a pole, slinging the fish traps as panniers." Henry explained.

"If it works..." I allowed.

"Number three gets the tent." He began tieing it to his pack. "There ! That's me done."

"Good to go." Sue finished collecting her load, stood ready.

"Bye, Jenny !" O called. "Bye, Dave !"

"Bye !" Jenny waved from the entrance.

"Go careful !" Dave shouted from the cave.

We trooped along the path to the kiva ladders. I helped hand the baskets up, waited for the three to assemble their loads then said, "Go careful and have fun."

"Thanks, Mister Mike." O nodded.

"Just watch yourself on the rocks. Don't forget some reef-fish have spines."

"Uh-huh." Sue shivered. "That wouldn't be nice."

"Come back safe." Alys said, then gave Henry a quick hug.

"Will do." He held her hand for a few seconds longer than a handshake, then shouldered his pack and hefted his spears. Sue and O took up their laden carrying pole and got comfortable. Each had one spear as an alpenstock, another spear tucked through ties on the pole. Henry shouldered both of his.

"Wagons, ho ?" Sue asked.

"We go." O lifted a hand to salute us, then led off.

Alys and I watched them hike to the boundary, then pointed out glimpses until they were lost to sight over the ridge.

"They'll be okay, won't they, Mister Mike ?"

"I hope so." What else could I say ? "They know the route, they've a shelter and fire-wood ready, ample fish in the rock-pools." Alys looked doubtful. Thinking of her hand-grasp, I added, "Plus six spears and the bush-whacker."

She nodded slowly. "It's going to be a long week..."

"It is that," I agreed, then changed the subject. "Is that stew as good as it smelt ?"

"Better !" She grinned. "Come on !"
===

I nearly posted this ten minutes ago, then realised I'd made a seriously stupid continuity error. At least that's now fixed...

 

[alchemist]

Hi Nik,
I'll give this a go with some coloured bits...

Day 31 Sunday
==============

"Hot drink for you, Mister Mike !" Alys greeted me as I slowly put my head out of the tent.

"Thanks." I set the cup to cool while I blinked sleep from my eyes. My dreams had been stalked by wolves and sabretooth cats so I was glad to see the day. "How are the away team ?" This question doesn't get answered

"Morning, Mister Mike," Jenny said. Where did she come from?"They've had breakfast and got organized, now they've walked down to the latrine." Verbs quite passive Turning to Alys, she said, "Come on, let's wait for them outside."

Dave was stirring stew from his seat by the hearth, so I asked, "What's the weather like ?"

"Shower of rain in the small hours," Dave reported. "Dew's lifting. Looks like it's going to be a nice day."

"Good." I worked around until I could pull on my day clothes and tie my shoes. The cup of hot water had still not cooled enough to drink. I sat across from Dave and sipped it warily.

"You were dreaming about wolves again," he said. "Gave me quite a fright."

"Sorry."

"I take it Dire Wolves are as bad as they sound ?"

"Yes." I shuddered. "Half as big again as our wolves, mean as hyenas."

"Ouch."

"Good news is they were restricted to the Americas." I took a careful breath. "Lots of them turned up in the La Brea tar pits."

"You reckon we won't meet them ?"

"They aren't known from Eurasia." I sipped my water thoughtfully. "Snag is we should have found some trace of human settlement, so I'm not sure what's going on."

"Deep, Mister Mike..."

"Like the sea level being 'normal'..." I took another sip. "What with ice ages, warm inter-glacials, first and second order post-glacial isostatic adjustments-- Given how it was so up and down, chances of being 'normal' are really small."

"You said..." He nodded. "So we watch for surprises."

"Yeah..." My water was almost cool enough to drink. "That sabretooth cat was a bit of a shock."
I don't understand the dialogue, not being familiar with the story, but it flows very well.
"We got away, though." Dave stopped stirring for a moment. "Beginners' Luck, not sure about the capital L here I suppose."

"Here's to 'Beginners' Luck'." I toasted him.

"Slainté !" Accent should be on the a He grinned, then turned. "Ah ! Here's--"

Jenny and Alys clambered up the steps and parked their spears. Jenny nodded to me, checked Dave's stew-pot, then said, "Away team are just about done. We were going to see them off, then serve our breakfast."

"Well, I've had a cup of water and I've got my shoes on," I said. "I could give them a hand up the ladders."

Alys and Jenny exchanged glances, then Alys grabbed her spear again and handed the second to me. "Okay, Mister Mike."

The away team were stood standing? between the foot of the steps and the Leat path, checking their loads.

"Morning, Mister Mike." Henry nodded. "Come to see us off ?"

"Give you a hand up the ladders, too." I ran a careful eye over the equipment they were packing or slinging. "You've remembered a fire-starter ?"

Henry pointed to Sue, who said, "I've got it. Plus two lots of tinder."

"Shovel, saw, bush-whacker." O waved. "Bolas in case."

I noted the covered pot with their supper, I do this too, but it would probably be better with AND looked around.

"The baskets are by the ladders." O reported, taking up the pot. "We have topped off our water bottles."

"We're putting the pot in the creel on a pole, slinging the fish traps as panniers. no need for full stop" Henry explained.

"If it works..." I allowed.

"Number three gets the tent." He began tieing tying? it to his pack. "There ! That's me done."

"Good to go." Sue finished collecting her load, stood ready.

"Bye, Jenny !" O called. "Bye, Dave !"

"Bye !" Jenny waved from the entrance.

"Go careful !" Dave shouted from the cave.

We trooped along the path to the kiva ladders. I helped hand the baskets up, waited for the three to assemble their loads then said, "Go careful and have fun."

"Thanks, Mister Mike." O nodded.

"Just watch yourself on the rocks. Don't forget some reef-fish have spines."

"Uh-huh." Sue shivered. "That wouldn't be nice."

"Come back safe." Alys said, then gave Henry a quick hug.

"Will do." He held her hand for a few seconds longer than a handshake, then shouldered his pack and hefted his spears. Sue and O took up their laden carrying pole and got comfortable. Each had one spear as an alpenstock, another spear tucked through ties on the pole. Henry shouldered both of his.

"Wagons, ho ?" Sue asked.

"We go." O lifted a hand to salute us, then led off.

Alys and I watched them hike to the boundary, then pointed out glimpses until they were lost to sight over the ridge.

"They'll be okay, won't they, Mister Mike ?"

"I hope so." What else could I say ? "They know the route, they've a shelter and fire-wood ready, ample fish in the rock-pools." Alys looked doubtful. Thinking of her hand-grasp, I added, "Plus six spears and the bush-whacker."

She nodded slowly. "It's going to be a long week..."

"It is that," I agreed, then changed the subject. "Is that stew as good as it smelt ?"

"Better !" She grinned. "Come on !"
===

I nearly posted this ten minutes ago, then realised I'd made a seriously stupid continuity error. At least that's now fixed...

Overall, it seems pretty good to me. There's a lot of nitty gritty explanation, which is fine as long as it's consistent with the rest of your writing and you don't go into as much detail on every morning in camp.

 

[Nik]

Thanks, Alchemist !

For me, that's remarkably little red...

Couple of mis-punctuations, especially around dialogue attributions-- I'm still struggling with those.

And, yes, I'm still leaving out 'and' when constructing sentences.

Then there's those phrases to tweak: I might have picked them up during my usual recursive editing, but I fear they'd slip through.

Many thanks for the feedback-- Keeps me sharp !!

 

[Xelah]

I didn't read the first P for Ple... plie... word I can't spell or pronounce. Hopefully that will not be too much of an impediment.


Error.
Opinionated literary conjecture.

Day 31 Sunday There should be some punctuation between 31 and Sunday. Read it out loud to yourself. I'm wagering you read it as "Day 31 *pause* Sunday" and not "Day31Sunday"
==============

"Hot drink for you, Mister Mike !" Alys greeted me as I slowly put my head out of the tent.

"Thanks." I set the cup to cool while I blinked sleep from my eyes. My dreams had been stalked by wolves and sabretooth cats so I was glad to see the day. "How are the away team ?"

"Morning, Mister Mike," Jenny said. "They've had breakfast and got organized, now they've walked down to the latrine." By word usage, I'm assuming that this expedition is government funded in some capacity. In the same sentence though, word usage suggests that these are civilians. If it's a Military-Scientific expedition, the verbage sound be different. I especially don't like the "got organized" as it doesn't sound like something one would do when getting ready to go face cave bears and the ilk.Turning to Alys, she said, "Come on, let's wait for them outside."

Dave was stirring stew from his seat by the hearth, so I asked, "What's the weather like ?"

"Shower of rain in the small hours," Dave reported. "Dew's lifting. Looks like it's going to be a nice day." Is the weather going to be a plot point later? See Chekhov's gun.

"Good." I worked around until I could pull on my day clothes and tie my shoes. The cup of hot water had still not cooled enough to drink. I sat across from Dave and sipped it warily.

"You were dreaming about wolves again," he said. "Gave me quite a fright."

"Sorry."

"I take it Dire Wolves are as bad as they sound ?" Might be me missing the first part causing trouble, but if these guys are organized enough to have away teams and have members knowledgeable in pre-civilization fauna, at some point prior to this, they'ed have been briefed on
**** that might eat them. Even if this is people stranded in a time where these animals exist, there would most likely have been a gathering the more leaderly types would have confronted the group with the possibility that **** might eat them to find out who is going to panic and who will make a spear.

"Yes." I shuddered. "Half as big again as our wolves, mean as hyenas."

"Ouch."

"Good news is they were restricted to the Americas." I took a careful breath. "Lots of them turned up in the La Brea tar pits."

"You reckon we won't meet them ?"

"They aren't known from Eurasia." I sipped my water thoughtfully. "Snag is we should have found some trace of human settlement, so I'm not sure what's going on."

"Deep, Mister Mike..." What's deep?

"Like the sea level being 'normal'..." I took another sip. "What with ice ages, warm inter-glacials, first and second order post-glacial isostatic adjustments-- Given how it was so up and down, chances of being 'normal' are really small."

"You said..." He nodded. "So we watch for surprises."

"Yeah..." My water was almost cool enough to drink. "That sabretooth cat was a bit of a shock."

"We got away, though." Dave stopped stirring for a moment. "Beginners' Luck, I suppose."

"Here's to 'Beginners' Luck'." I toasted him.

"Sláinte!" He grinned, then turned. "Ah ! Here's--"

Jenny and Alys clambered up the steps and parked their spears. Jenny nodded to me, checked Dave's stew-pot, then said, "Away team are just about done. We were going to see them off then serve our breakfast."

"Well, I've had a cup of water and I've got my shoes on," I said. "I could give them a hand up the ladders."

Alys and Jenny exchanged glances, then Alys grabbed her spear again and handed the second to me. "Okay, Mister Mike."

The away team were stood between the foot of the steps and the Leat path, checking their loads.

"Morning, Mister Mike." Henry nodded. "Come to see us off ?"

"Give you a hand up the ladders, too." I ran a careful eye over the equipment they were packing or slinging. "You've remembered a fire-starter ?"

Henry pointed to Sue, who said, "I've got it. Plus two lots of tinder."

"Shovel, saw, bush-whacker." O waved. "Bolas in case."These sound like smart types. Why hasn't anyone made a crossbow? Easier to use and more practical than bolas.

I noted the covered pot with their supper, looked around.

"The baskets are by the ladders." O reported, taking up the pot. "We have topped off our water bottles."

"We're putting the pot in the creel on a pole, slinging the fish traps as panniers." Henry explained.

"If it works..." I allowed.

"Number three gets the tent." He began tieing it to his pack. "There ! That's me done."

"Good to go." Sue finished collecting her load, stood ready.

"Bye, Jenny !" O called. "Bye, Dave !"

"Bye !" Jenny waved from the entrance.I don't know why, but all of the greetings and parting phrases is striking me as odd. Why does everyone address each other by name so frequently?

"Go careful !" Dave shouted from the cave.

We trooped along the path to the kiva ladders. I helped hand the baskets up, waited for the three to assemble their loads then said, "Go careful and have fun."

"Thanks, Mister Mike." O nodded.

"Just watch yourself on the rocks. Don't forget some reef-fish have spines."

"Uh-huh." Sue shivered. "That wouldn't be nice." I think you're trying to give some exposition on the dangers of the creatures they're facing, but it's sounding forced. If they've been here long enough to be needing to forage for food and make fish traps, they'ed know this already. So far, we're up to Chekhov's Weather, Sea Level, Dire Wolves, Sabertooth Cats, and Pointy Reef Fish. I'd cut the less important stuff from this scene and save it for when it's relevant describing a later scene.

"Come back safe." Alys said, then gave Henry a quick hug.

"Will do." He held her hand for a few seconds longer than a handshake, then shouldered his pack and hefted his spears. Sue and O took up their laden carrying pole and got comfortable. Each had one spear as an alpenstock, another spear tucked through ties on the pole. Henry shouldered both of his.

"Wagons, ho ?" Sue asked.

"We go." O lifted a hand to salute us, then led off.

Alys and I watched them hike to the boundary, then pointed out glimpses until they were lost to sight over the ridge.

"They'll be okay, won't they, Mister Mike ?"

"I hope so." What else could I say ? "They know the route, they've a shelter and fire-wood ready, ample fish in the rock-pools." Alys looked doubtful. Thinking of her hand-grasp, I added, "Plus six spears and the bush-whacker."

She nodded slowly. "It's going to be a long week..."

"It is that," I agreed, then changed the subject. "Is that stew as good as it smelt ?"

"Better !" She grinned. "Come on !"

 

[Nik]

Thanks, Xelah !

Bit of background: There's six teenagers plus de-facto Camp Leader Mike who was an Archaeologist between webmeistering. They were supposed to be camping for a week but, half-way to the camp-out barn, following a thunderstorm, they found the land beyond approx 120 metres radius of cave where they were sheltering has reverted to wilderness, and the fauna to Pleistocene.

Temperature and lack of ice-cap suggest interglacial but, oddly, there's no evidence of Neolithic settlement or activity. They've come equipped for a camp-out in a barn, so lack 'wilderness' tools. Happens Mike was lugging nails & hammer, wire-saws, palm-plane etc to repair barn siding, or they'd be in a real bind. They've since managed some dry-stone walling, tipped their spears with nails, done some basket-weaving etc etc...

The lack of materials is a major problem. They're a long, long way from making cross-bows, but bolas just take stones and rope. The base-camp team are going to spend days slowly sawing a mesh bin's tube post into bevelled six-inch lengths to make *serious* spear-heads, courtesy of slow-learning wolves and a most unexpected sabretooth who, fortunately, had business with a passing deer...

 

[Xelah]

That makes more sense then.