Hello Chrons,
After many rewrites, this now is the opening chapter of my novel (part one). Some crits have seen this before and I have taken your comments onboard.
As always all and any crits will be appreciated and feel free to beat me to death with your honesty opinions.
Main point is this: Although there will be appropriate explanations in the next paragraph, does this work as a stand alone opening?
Thanks for your time.
Prologue:
Lucas beat the fingers of his right hand lightly against the armrest. His years of service in Monitor Corps, before returning to Bellinda, had only served to sharpen his intrinsically keen instincts. At the moment those instincts were screaming at him that something was wrong. Could it have been the tone of the Pruessen captain's voice as he signed off? The halting but deliberate tenor of his words, that suggested he did not buy the colonel's story? He would have trouble believing such a tale himself. Yet whether he believed it or not, it had bought them the time that they so desperately needed.
His finger hovered over the comm stud for a moment, then returned to tapping the armrest. Contacting the Senior Engineer would only serve to interrupt his train of thought. Tuning the harmonics of the hyper generator took total concentration even with the best of technology. The jury rigged apparatus that had taken four years to cobble together, had none of the sophistication of their old system. It might not even work.
Lucas checked the chronometer. It had been two point four hours since they had left Kania behind, and one point nine hours since they had cleared her sensor envelope and began calibrating the generator.
Lucas knew that if the Pruessens discovered their ploy, they would never allow them to escape. But for the time being he could only sit and…
"Contact!"
Mary's voice struck him like the crack of a whip.
"Captain, I have a contact, coming in fast from astern." She looked up from her readouts, dread painted across her face. "It's Kania."
A collective groan filled the bridge. Lucas resisted the urge to join in the mournful dirge.
"Captain," Jackson said, "we are being hailed."
"No reply. Have Daniel report to the bridge." He did not wait for Jack's reply. "Mary, raise the shields. Helm, give us best possible speed to the hyper ingression point." He tapped the comm stud. "John, we need to go now." He felt a twinge of surprise at how low and calm his voice sounded.
"Almost there." The Senior Engineer's voice sounded far away, clouded with matters not of the real world.
"John, we have company."
"Just a few more minutes."
He hit the off stud and turned to the First Officer. "How long?"
"She will be in firing range in fifty seconds,” Mary said. “She is on full tactical alert and her sensors are active."
Lucas nodded. With her military grade sensor suite, Kania could not help but detect Bellinda's hyper emissions.
The crew's tension was palpable.
"Very well people, we knew this was a possibility from the outset. We aren't out of the race yet. Mary, let's take a look."
Since his days in Monitor Corps, Lucas had become accustomed to seeing the face of the enemy. It was an old failing of his. The screen shimmered to life against the forward bulkhead, before solidifying into a representation of the patrol ship that dogged their course. He snorted.
"What?" Mary caught his gesture and had managed to force a curious smile.
"I was thinking that we wouldn't be here at all if that was a real warship. We would be vaporized by now."
"You have always had an odd sense of humor, Captain," she said with a dark smile. "She will be in extreme pulsar range in ten seconds."
The bridge hatch slid aside and Daniel, sidestepping the dried blood stain, rushed to the Damage Control Console. Lucas feared that the young engineering officer would have his work cut out for him today.
"John?" Lucas called to the Senior Engineer.
"Just a few more minutes."
Lucas gritted teeth and shook his head. The old engineer would get his harmonic calibrations exactly aligned, even if it ended up killing them all.
"Captain," David reported, "we have passed the hyper ingression mark. We can ingress as soon as we calibrate our harmonics for transition."
"Very well." Lucas resisted the urge to contact the John again.
"Janine, stand by; I will keep this channel open."
"Aye, captain."
"Sally, are you ready?"
"Yes, sir." Again, the inhumanly steady tenor.
The ship shook. "High and to starboard," Mary said. "She's coming in at maximum acceleration and will be in optimal firing position in twelve seconds."
"Very well. Shut down the reactor and close the engine carapaces."
“Acknowledged.”
One decent shot through her belly and into the reactor room would finish them all. With the shields up and the bulkhead hatches sealed there was little more that he could do to protect his family. The ship's fate rested in the hands of Sally and John. He could only hope for the long overdue return of Telford's luck, for Bellinda's shields and armor cladding would afford little protection from the enemy's pulsars.
"Guard our belly and port side, Sally."
"Aye, sir." Her fingers flew across the console pitching the ungainly vessel about, in a frantic attempt to throw off the patrol ship's aim and protect her stern quarter. She was good, but four hundred thousand tonnes of freighter did not outmaneuver a fast attack ship; period.
Twin beams struck out from Kania followed by a horrific concussion.
"Direct hits on upper hull. Shield blisters fifty two through sixty seven overloaded," Daniel reported.
Almost before he finished speaking the ship rocked again.
"We are open to space," Daniel said. "Starboard bow, sections twenty through twenty eight on decks eight through eleven."
Lucas' eyes darted to the screen. A great plume of frozen air trailed behind the ship, along with detritus from the shattered hull. And a mass of bodies. Some were broken pieces of humanity, mercifully killed outright. Some of the bodies flailed their arms and legs in their death throes. Merciful God almighty, he thought.
The ship trembled as the energy beams tore at her.
"Starboard upper. Sections sixty one through seventy, on decks eleven through fifteen. Sealing off."
The Imperial warship maneuvered for the freighter's stern lower quarter. Bellinda's only advantage lay in her size. She could absorb a lot of punishment. Unless they maneuvered for a shot into her reactor.
"She has passed optimal and is closing," Mary said.
"Watch her, Sal," Lucas warned.
"I see her. I, see, her." Sally's hands were a blur across the helm controls. She could not outmaneuver the smaller vessel but she could outguess it.
A handful of heartbeats before Kania fired, Sally hit the bow thrusters for one point five seconds. The bow rose and the stern dropped. The move saved all of their lives.
The pulsar beams missed their intended target, the engine nacelles, and ripped into the boat bay doors. Massive decompression blew the doors outward, along with the untethered landing boats.
Bellinda shuddered violently. The stern feeds went down under the onslaught, blacking out the screen. Lucas felt quietly thankful for the reprieve from the carnage. He could not know how many family members he had lost. Not to mention the hundreds of Kulaks.
"She's hitting her forward thrusters full on," Mary said hurriedly.
"Switching to port and starboard scanners."
The screen split in two, showing twin images of destruction. The great rent in the top of deck one gapped open like a torn mouth, still trailing a gossamer venting of air.
"Standing by, captain." Sally might be a damn good helm, but she had yet to learn patience.
Lucas kept his eyes on Kania, dropping them only occasionally to his readouts.
So quiet that no one could hear he whispered, "Come on you little *******. Just a bit closer."
The patrol ship repositioned for another shot at Bellinda's belly.
Lucas waited and counted the seconds as Kania hurtled towards them. Safe in the knowledge that their opponent was unarmed, the enemy took chances that no naval officer would normally risk. That confidence was worth a broadside of torpedoes.
"Now, Sally!"
Sally rotated the ship through her axis. The untouched port side of the ship swung around to face the onrushing Pruessen ship. Sally stopped the rotation with counter thrust then sat motionless with her fingers poised over the attitude thrusters.
"Five degrees over," Lucas ordered. Then, "Janine, blow them all, now."
Each of the eight great cargo hatches that ran along the port side of the ship was composed of two interlocking sections. Each section was a solid construct of durillian and weighed forty tonnes a piece.
Janine had prepared the hatches with a quantity of shaped explosive charges, courtesy of the mining consignment bound for Kulak Four. Lucas could imagine Janine crashing to the deck as all eight hatches blew from their mountings. The explosive decompression would add to their momentum.
Since the port side of the ship pointed directly at Kania, the mass of six hundred and forty tonnes of ejected hatches blew directly into the attacker's flight path.
Lucas held little hope of actually hitting a vessel as fast and maneuverable as Kania. But if he could give her pause, make her change her angle of attack, make her delay firing for even a few seconds, it would be worth the effort. The pursuing ship rose up on her nose applying a sharp amount of thrust from her main engines and avoided the debris field.
After many rewrites, this now is the opening chapter of my novel (part one). Some crits have seen this before and I have taken your comments onboard.
As always all and any crits will be appreciated and feel free to beat me to death with your honesty opinions.
Main point is this: Although there will be appropriate explanations in the next paragraph, does this work as a stand alone opening?
Thanks for your time.
Prologue:
Lucas beat the fingers of his right hand lightly against the armrest. His years of service in Monitor Corps, before returning to Bellinda, had only served to sharpen his intrinsically keen instincts. At the moment those instincts were screaming at him that something was wrong. Could it have been the tone of the Pruessen captain's voice as he signed off? The halting but deliberate tenor of his words, that suggested he did not buy the colonel's story? He would have trouble believing such a tale himself. Yet whether he believed it or not, it had bought them the time that they so desperately needed.
His finger hovered over the comm stud for a moment, then returned to tapping the armrest. Contacting the Senior Engineer would only serve to interrupt his train of thought. Tuning the harmonics of the hyper generator took total concentration even with the best of technology. The jury rigged apparatus that had taken four years to cobble together, had none of the sophistication of their old system. It might not even work.
Lucas checked the chronometer. It had been two point four hours since they had left Kania behind, and one point nine hours since they had cleared her sensor envelope and began calibrating the generator.
Lucas knew that if the Pruessens discovered their ploy, they would never allow them to escape. But for the time being he could only sit and…
"Contact!"
Mary's voice struck him like the crack of a whip.
"Captain, I have a contact, coming in fast from astern." She looked up from her readouts, dread painted across her face. "It's Kania."
A collective groan filled the bridge. Lucas resisted the urge to join in the mournful dirge.
"Captain," Jackson said, "we are being hailed."
"No reply. Have Daniel report to the bridge." He did not wait for Jack's reply. "Mary, raise the shields. Helm, give us best possible speed to the hyper ingression point." He tapped the comm stud. "John, we need to go now." He felt a twinge of surprise at how low and calm his voice sounded.
"Almost there." The Senior Engineer's voice sounded far away, clouded with matters not of the real world.
"John, we have company."
"Just a few more minutes."
He hit the off stud and turned to the First Officer. "How long?"
"She will be in firing range in fifty seconds,” Mary said. “She is on full tactical alert and her sensors are active."
Lucas nodded. With her military grade sensor suite, Kania could not help but detect Bellinda's hyper emissions.
The crew's tension was palpable.
"Very well people, we knew this was a possibility from the outset. We aren't out of the race yet. Mary, let's take a look."
Since his days in Monitor Corps, Lucas had become accustomed to seeing the face of the enemy. It was an old failing of his. The screen shimmered to life against the forward bulkhead, before solidifying into a representation of the patrol ship that dogged their course. He snorted.
"What?" Mary caught his gesture and had managed to force a curious smile.
"I was thinking that we wouldn't be here at all if that was a real warship. We would be vaporized by now."
"You have always had an odd sense of humor, Captain," she said with a dark smile. "She will be in extreme pulsar range in ten seconds."
The bridge hatch slid aside and Daniel, sidestepping the dried blood stain, rushed to the Damage Control Console. Lucas feared that the young engineering officer would have his work cut out for him today.
"John?" Lucas called to the Senior Engineer.
"Just a few more minutes."
Lucas gritted teeth and shook his head. The old engineer would get his harmonic calibrations exactly aligned, even if it ended up killing them all.
"Captain," David reported, "we have passed the hyper ingression mark. We can ingress as soon as we calibrate our harmonics for transition."
"Very well." Lucas resisted the urge to contact the John again.
"Janine, stand by; I will keep this channel open."
"Aye, captain."
"Sally, are you ready?"
"Yes, sir." Again, the inhumanly steady tenor.
The ship shook. "High and to starboard," Mary said. "She's coming in at maximum acceleration and will be in optimal firing position in twelve seconds."
"Very well. Shut down the reactor and close the engine carapaces."
“Acknowledged.”
One decent shot through her belly and into the reactor room would finish them all. With the shields up and the bulkhead hatches sealed there was little more that he could do to protect his family. The ship's fate rested in the hands of Sally and John. He could only hope for the long overdue return of Telford's luck, for Bellinda's shields and armor cladding would afford little protection from the enemy's pulsars.
"Guard our belly and port side, Sally."
"Aye, sir." Her fingers flew across the console pitching the ungainly vessel about, in a frantic attempt to throw off the patrol ship's aim and protect her stern quarter. She was good, but four hundred thousand tonnes of freighter did not outmaneuver a fast attack ship; period.
Twin beams struck out from Kania followed by a horrific concussion.
"Direct hits on upper hull. Shield blisters fifty two through sixty seven overloaded," Daniel reported.
Almost before he finished speaking the ship rocked again.
"We are open to space," Daniel said. "Starboard bow, sections twenty through twenty eight on decks eight through eleven."
Lucas' eyes darted to the screen. A great plume of frozen air trailed behind the ship, along with detritus from the shattered hull. And a mass of bodies. Some were broken pieces of humanity, mercifully killed outright. Some of the bodies flailed their arms and legs in their death throes. Merciful God almighty, he thought.
The ship trembled as the energy beams tore at her.
"Starboard upper. Sections sixty one through seventy, on decks eleven through fifteen. Sealing off."
The Imperial warship maneuvered for the freighter's stern lower quarter. Bellinda's only advantage lay in her size. She could absorb a lot of punishment. Unless they maneuvered for a shot into her reactor.
"She has passed optimal and is closing," Mary said.
"Watch her, Sal," Lucas warned.
"I see her. I, see, her." Sally's hands were a blur across the helm controls. She could not outmaneuver the smaller vessel but she could outguess it.
A handful of heartbeats before Kania fired, Sally hit the bow thrusters for one point five seconds. The bow rose and the stern dropped. The move saved all of their lives.
The pulsar beams missed their intended target, the engine nacelles, and ripped into the boat bay doors. Massive decompression blew the doors outward, along with the untethered landing boats.
Bellinda shuddered violently. The stern feeds went down under the onslaught, blacking out the screen. Lucas felt quietly thankful for the reprieve from the carnage. He could not know how many family members he had lost. Not to mention the hundreds of Kulaks.
"She's hitting her forward thrusters full on," Mary said hurriedly.
"Switching to port and starboard scanners."
The screen split in two, showing twin images of destruction. The great rent in the top of deck one gapped open like a torn mouth, still trailing a gossamer venting of air.
"Standing by, captain." Sally might be a damn good helm, but she had yet to learn patience.
Lucas kept his eyes on Kania, dropping them only occasionally to his readouts.
So quiet that no one could hear he whispered, "Come on you little *******. Just a bit closer."
The patrol ship repositioned for another shot at Bellinda's belly.
Lucas waited and counted the seconds as Kania hurtled towards them. Safe in the knowledge that their opponent was unarmed, the enemy took chances that no naval officer would normally risk. That confidence was worth a broadside of torpedoes.
"Now, Sally!"
Sally rotated the ship through her axis. The untouched port side of the ship swung around to face the onrushing Pruessen ship. Sally stopped the rotation with counter thrust then sat motionless with her fingers poised over the attitude thrusters.
"Five degrees over," Lucas ordered. Then, "Janine, blow them all, now."
Each of the eight great cargo hatches that ran along the port side of the ship was composed of two interlocking sections. Each section was a solid construct of durillian and weighed forty tonnes a piece.
Janine had prepared the hatches with a quantity of shaped explosive charges, courtesy of the mining consignment bound for Kulak Four. Lucas could imagine Janine crashing to the deck as all eight hatches blew from their mountings. The explosive decompression would add to their momentum.
Since the port side of the ship pointed directly at Kania, the mass of six hundred and forty tonnes of ejected hatches blew directly into the attacker's flight path.
Lucas held little hope of actually hitting a vessel as fast and maneuverable as Kania. But if he could give her pause, make her change her angle of attack, make her delay firing for even a few seconds, it would be worth the effort. The pursuing ship rose up on her nose applying a sharp amount of thrust from her main engines and avoided the debris field.
