Williamlk
WilliamLK
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2010
- Messages
- 52
Hi friends,
I have the first novel out on Amazon Kindle for The Stritonly Chronicles. It's called The Eye of the Storm. It's doing quite well, but I would love some constuctive critique
I thought I'd post the prologue here for my sff chronicle friends. Since this is the first book in the series, I would love some critique, suggestions, anything you'd like to share, I'm open.
Thanks!
I have the first novel out on Amazon Kindle for The Stritonly Chronicles. It's called The Eye of the Storm. It's doing quite well, but I would love some constuctive critique
I thought I'd post the prologue here for my sff chronicle friends. Since this is the first book in the series, I would love some critique, suggestions, anything you'd like to share, I'm open.
Thanks!
THE EYE OF THE STORM
PROLOGUE
PROLOGUE
“Eternity! Thou pleasing, dreadful thought.”
~Joseph Addison
Becki screamed. Her fingernails dug tight into the bark of the tree she held. With quick and uneven shots of breath, she gasped for air to fill her ever tightening lungs.
Clouds of black fog filled the rain soaked skies. Twirling, rolling furiously, like volcanic ash vomiting from the heavens. Then a lightning bolt pierced the backside of the tree. Becki was thrown backwards. She flew into the murky abyss, finally crashing down, slamming onto the rocky ground below.Oozing from her open mouth, blood dripped down her chin.
With the wind howling, dust shifting and debris flying, she could barely make out his form. Caught in this universal rage, The Czar of Stritonoly was alive for now. Becki could only lie there, almost lifeless, no energy left to fight anymore. Her long, dirty blonde hair whipping around her pale and innocent face, almond green eyes blinking furiously.
The Czar felt the storm continue to yank his small frame back and forth. His body rocked violently from the tiny pieces of rubble smashing into him. His velvet cape torn, flapping wildly in the relentless wind. The Imperial logo, an embroidered row of serpents, ripped away from his chest. His mind started to spit out thought, …I‘m losing it all…How did this happen?
If she didn’t know him so well, he would have been invisible to her now. Her eyes narrowed, squinting to see him more clearly. She knew instinctively how he walked, moved, breathed. He was still there, but only as a blurry apparition. He tried in vain to move towards her, throwing his body in her direction. Leaping for her with full force, the attempt only threw him away. The giant hands kept holding him back.
Hands! Are they human hands? Becki asked herself. Or are they claws? I cannot tell!
What she saw was real, but the creature that held the Czar was not human at all. The creature began to cling to him like a giant string of teeth ready to bite down. He felt the creature rip into his flesh, every fiber of his being sensing the agony in super slow motion.
Beep…Beep…Beep!!!
Becki spun her head quickly around, searching for the sound. This constant beeping sound. Suddenly, every action and movement screeched to a violent halt. All was silent now…except for the beeping…the steady beeping. Then, she sensed the real pain growing inside her. Becki stopped breathing as she entered her darkness.
~Joseph Addison
Becki screamed. Her fingernails dug tight into the bark of the tree she held. With quick and uneven shots of breath, she gasped for air to fill her ever tightening lungs.
Clouds of black fog filled the rain soaked skies. Twirling, rolling furiously, like volcanic ash vomiting from the heavens. Then a lightning bolt pierced the backside of the tree. Becki was thrown backwards. She flew into the murky abyss, finally crashing down, slamming onto the rocky ground below.Oozing from her open mouth, blood dripped down her chin.
With the wind howling, dust shifting and debris flying, she could barely make out his form. Caught in this universal rage, The Czar of Stritonoly was alive for now. Becki could only lie there, almost lifeless, no energy left to fight anymore. Her long, dirty blonde hair whipping around her pale and innocent face, almond green eyes blinking furiously.
The Czar felt the storm continue to yank his small frame back and forth. His body rocked violently from the tiny pieces of rubble smashing into him. His velvet cape torn, flapping wildly in the relentless wind. The Imperial logo, an embroidered row of serpents, ripped away from his chest. His mind started to spit out thought, …I‘m losing it all…How did this happen?
If she didn’t know him so well, he would have been invisible to her now. Her eyes narrowed, squinting to see him more clearly. She knew instinctively how he walked, moved, breathed. He was still there, but only as a blurry apparition. He tried in vain to move towards her, throwing his body in her direction. Leaping for her with full force, the attempt only threw him away. The giant hands kept holding him back.
Hands! Are they human hands? Becki asked herself. Or are they claws? I cannot tell!
What she saw was real, but the creature that held the Czar was not human at all. The creature began to cling to him like a giant string of teeth ready to bite down. He felt the creature rip into his flesh, every fiber of his being sensing the agony in super slow motion.
Beep…Beep…Beep!!!
Becki spun her head quickly around, searching for the sound. This constant beeping sound. Suddenly, every action and movement screeched to a violent halt. All was silent now…except for the beeping…the steady beeping. Then, she sensed the real pain growing inside her. Becki stopped breathing as she entered her darkness.
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