Is this too cliched?

[Boneman]

Having read a treatise recently about cliches and tropes, I am concerned that I have fallen into the same trap, in my current Wip.

It goes like this:

Ancient texts are discovered that give some power to three bad guys (the translators of the text). They leg it, but not before killing everyone who'd had any knowledge of said texts, because they want the power for themselves. I had intended to have a survivor (or at least a deathbed scene where she tells what happened, before popping her clogs), so we'd know what went on.

Would it be too cliched to have the brother/lover/husband of the survivor (who wouldn't have to be there at the time of her death) vow to hunt 'em down? Or at least work to get the authorities to take it seriously, since there's some doubt and confusion about the whole 'bad-guys-have-legged-it-with-dangerous-knowledge' scenario? ( I figure they could cleverly cover their own deaths, so the authorities think everyone was killed).

I'm trying to think what I'd gain or lose by having this scenario (ie the survivor), or whether there should just be tremendous confusion about the event, but our hero has suspicions, and starts to follow up on them.
'Deathbed and revenge' scenarios can be quite cliched, and the hero involved is actually a strong secondary character in the book, not the main hero. Although it gives him motivation, am I risking a trope that is too well-worn? And become a tired cliche?

All input welcome!

 

[Aun Doorback]

How far are you in? I mean if you're passionate about the story then maybe look at whether you could introduce a twist in the tale or as the plot unfolds to limit / or dispel th cliche or 'how convenient is that' - i.e the survivor could be the real bad guy? or the bad guys were actually set up up by someone else that draws the hero into the story to right an past wrong... After all ther really is nothing new under the sun, and if you're enjoyment is writing the story (Your story) then see where it takes you, after all it's good writing practise. If you're looking to get published then see if you can spring a suprise in the first fifty pages and then a bigger twist later on. Just my random thoughts to get the thread going!

 

[Mouse]

Why not have it be the wife/sister/daughter instead? I like that it's a secondary character and not the main. I reckon the way you write it determines whether it's cliché or not.

 

[alchemist]

Sounds fine to me. Isn't this just one of the 7 basic stories, or however many there are? The rest of the story, the characters, style etc. can distance it from cliche.
Or use an unusual setting, such as your bathroom.

 

[Aun Doorback]

.
Or use an unusual setting, such as your bathroom.

Whoa! I think Stephen King used that in the Shining?

 

[paranoid marvin]

I agree it's best that he isn't the main hero. He could aid the main character in his quest , either joining him/her or providing information.

Of course the fate of one who has lost a loved one is usually ultimately to die in the attempt , but that's no bad thing as the death of a major character always keeps the reader on their toes , especially if it isnt at the end of the novel.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[Ursa major]

Just thinking aloud...:

There has to be some reason for your protagonist to go after the "bad guys". Revenge is as good as any, I suppose. And having some knowledge of what happened would seem to be essential: s/he has to know that whatever occurred wasn't an accident and that at least one of the bad guys is not as dead as everyone else seems to suppose.



The answer to whether you need a deathbed scene is more difficult. Too much information will give

• fewer chances for doubt in the reader's mind (always assuming the soon-to-be-deceased is a reliable witness),
• might risk losing a sense of discovery through the book,
• might raise a questions about the hero's good sense (if s/he and the readers know how effective and deadly the ancient power is), and
• will require less effort on the part of your hero (because, in essence, the book becomes a chase).

Too little information may undermine the reader's belief in the hero's motivation (unless the one thing of which s/he is certain is the guilt of at least one of the parties).

However, making the "survivor" of the deathbed scene (if I may put it like that ) an intermediary will improve matters, particularly if they are not a POV character, and so details of the deathbed scene can be served up through the book. There is a danger, though, that the reader could suspect that the hero being told, "I've just remembered: the man you're about to face has a weak spot just above his right elbow" will sound too much like the author (you) throwing in convenient solutions to the hero's problems at just the right time.

 

[Boneman]

Thank you all so much for the excellent input, which has helped a great deal. I think I'm just too close to the writing to see it, sometimes, which is why this forum is so good. I love it!

I think it will be better to have the 'deathbed' scene offstage, so it can be used to move the plot when I need it, rather than an obvious infodump that will alert readers that something significant is just around the corner (ie part cliche). That way I should avoid the pitfalls you've so masterfully pointed out, Ursa.

No doubt I'll be back here when I actually write the scene. Might even be my 2,000th post...

 

[ali565]

Hey. I think it sounds good, I personally think whether it turns into a cliche or not depends on what happens in the end of your story,e.g. if your good character ends up 'living happily ever after' then that'll be a real cliche, but I agree, if you could introduce an exciting twist then it'll be a really good story.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I don't think it's a cliché at all, it's a clear, reasonable motivation. Yes, revenge for the murder of a loved one has been used before, but that's because it works. The clearer and more reasonable the motivation, the less time you have to spend with complicated explanations of why he would or why he should. Then you can get on with making everything else wonderful.

And twists are all very well, but most readers keep on reading for the characters. Make them vivid, believable, passionate, engaging, and readers will love the story.

 

[paranoid marvin]

Now if he carried a whip , wore a fedora and had a dislike for snakes - then it would start to sound like a cliche.

 

[Boneman]

Now if he carried a whip , wore a fedora and had a dislike for snakes - then it would start to sound like a cliche.

Dammit, you've been reading my work again...

By Teresa
And twists are all very well, but most readers keep on reading for the characters. Make them vivid, believable, passionate, engaging, and readers will love the story.

Which is what I do have to remind myself of, now and then, as a great idea runs away with me!