Does critique from your close-ones ever get easier?

[Fitzchiv]

Hi all, today I uploaded my very first piece of writing to my blog, just about comfortable with the fact it would be an extremely small amount of strangers who read it.

I forgot, however, my other half follows my author account on twitter and thus had read it by the time I got home from work!

Whilst her feedback was fine (and would never be otherwise to be honest) I find it excruciating knowing it's been read by someone I know, and scared to ask what her thoughts are. Although she did say "it's very descriptive and i'm not used to that" which means i've clearly fallen in the classic new-writers trap!

Does it get any easier over time, or if you're a bit closed off like me is it a lifelong affliction?!

Cheers

F

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

My relatives who don't ordinarily read fantasy (or much in the way of fiction) always read my books after they are published and they invariably say the same thing, "I love your descriptions."

It didn't take me long to figure out what that meant: They didn't understand the book at all.

And that was OK. I wasn't a new writer, I had been published, and I didn't need the validation of readers I had never expected to like my writing. They enjoyed having the books because I had written them; it gave them pleasure to show them to other people and say, "my daughter/sister/niece/cousin wrote this"; I didn't mind if they didn't like them (or probably finish them, if the truth were known); and everyone was happy all around.

Show your writing to people who are "used" to the kind of writing you're trying to do. They will be able to tell you whether or not you are doing it well, and what you have to do to make it better.

Everyone else is going to give you the same line about how well you write descriptions. (The people who truly understand and like your writing may love your descriptions, too, but it will rarely be the first and will never be the only thing that they mention.)

 

[Hex]

My sister read my latest short story today and her response was: "It is a strangely engaging story considering that it is about a washing machine."

I almost wish she'd praised the description

More seriously, though, it's nice she's reading your stuff but I agree -- some things are really hard to share, especially with people we know and love.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

My sister read my latest short story today and her response was: "It is a strangely engaging story considering that it is about a washing machine."

I almost wish she'd praised the description

That sounds like sincere praise to me.

Unless it wasn't actually about a washing machine.

 

[Gary Compton]

When I first started writing, because of my natural overconfidence. I believed I was a good writer within 3 months of starting.

The wife used to say, 'Yes, that's great. I love it.'

She really meant I was a complete idiot, but 20 years of marriage stopped her from saying that.

Now, six years later, when I think I might be getting somewhere.

Her eyes fill with a thin glaze of emotion when she reads my offerings. She's clearly bored to death and my story which without doubt will send a glass eye to sleep.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

My family and friends aren't that polite - I keep reading about how they are supposed to be supportive and give nice comments lol

Mum said it was crap. Brother said it was incomprehensible. Best friend and husband said it was like sitting inside my head --and they didn't need to know I was nuts

 

[Hex]

That sounds like sincere praise to me.

Unless it wasn't actually about a washing machine.

Luckily, it was about a washing machine. I think it was the 'strangely' that concerned me. She's always nice about the things I write so I have to be super-neurotic to spot any indication that she thinks there's a problem.

She really meant I was a complete idiot, but 20 years of marriage stopped her from saying that.

Excellent. I look forward to the effect that a few more years of marriage will have on my husband, then.

Mum said it was crap. Brother said it was incomprehensible. Best friend and husband said it was like sitting inside my head --and they didn't need to know I was nuts

Gosh. What a bracingly direct family you have. No searching for hidden meaning there, I guess.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Gosh. What a bracingly direct family you have. No searching for hidden meaning there, I guess.

I'm thinking of trading them in lol However not sure if it is a good thing but husband and best friend have started to read my novel again -- hubby is offering help and friend asked me to write a children's story for an event.

 

[Fitzchiv]

Cheers for the replies all. When up to 30 posts I'll pop the exerpt on the critique forum and as you say, gain some feedback from people with more to do with the genre.

I don't judge at all, but the kind of stuff she reads is simply not this style or genre - my big worry though is I do intend to channel some stuff in there she'll likely go "aye aye, where's that from!?" lol, never mind.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Well, there are other sites you can post things to to get some good feedback as well.

Deviantart can, surprisingly, be a good place to get some feedback, and while I have an eternal enmity with the administration of this next site, you could post a few items under free membership to writing.com. Up to five, if they haven't changed things around. And I'm sure others can suggest sites as well in the interim.

 

[Fitzchiv]

I think for the moment I'll stick with feeling reasonably safe on here! Already got a comment on the blog, which is nice, but I may well have a peek at Deviantart now..

 

[Dozmonic]

My family, rather than strangers, are who I turned to with my earliest writing with the rule that they had to give me constructive feedback or they're wasting my time and I theirs. So I'll get from them what they like and WHY, and what they didn't like and WHY and, most importantly, what I'd written so badly they didn't have a clue what I was dribbling about

That gave me the direction I needed while tinkering at the start and, at current, my work's not at a stage where I need to show anybody because I can still see what I need to do to improve it. When I've got past that stage, it'd be a case of hoping for a kind soul to give a couple of chapters a good read over.

 

[Susan Boulton]

I have never asked a family member for a critique, or asked them to read my work. If they want too it's fine, I will give them a copy, otherwise I feel it is better to get a critique from someone else.

When it comes to a critique it has to be someone willing to tell you the truth with regards to how much the story sucks or not. Family or close friends tend not to want to do that and I feel by asking them you are putting undue pressure on them.

 

[Flugel Meister]

One piece of advice: Don't volunteer your work to any of your friends or family. And if they do see it, don't listen to their comments, no matter how good.

They usually fail to read the material objectively. But more importantly, they probably have no active interest in the writing process and they aren't editors.

However, if they're related to John Jarrold, listen to the advice. Or, post it here for us to read.

 

[The Judge]

I don't have that problem -- no one in my family knows I write.

When I first started I didn't let my partner read anything, but gradually that changed and now he reads scenes/chapters more or less as I finish them. It's not always edifying -- as those who read my comments in the Challenge Discussions will know! -- since he tends not to read with his brain engaged.** However, the praise is good for morale and he can spot spelling mistakes -- and the other day he remarked that one scene took a while to get going (which it did) so the training is obviously paying off!



** When I whinge, his stock response is to ask me whether I prefer the Hass or Nowak versions of Bruckner's Eighth...

 

[Anne Martin]

My partner is a professional academic writer and editor with several published books. He's also a peer reviewer for OUP and a couple of other academic presses. Generally, I don't let him near anything I write, but of the few that I did, one story nearly won a competition (Honourable Mention) and another was published. Saying that, I've had several stories published without his help, and was a quarterfinalist in a large novel-writing competition.

Ordinarily, I would advise against soliciting comments from family, but that ultimately depends on the family and the advice you expect to receive.


TJ: Definitely the Nowak versions. Some of the Haas versions are nothing like anything Bruckner ever wrote, i.e. the eighth symphony is mostly the second (shorter) version with a bunch of stuff that he liked from the first version reinstated. Nowak published both versions in their original forms. I prefer the second version. It's taught and unusually succinct (for Bruckner), but 9 out of 10 performances are the Haas version because he got there first.

 

[The Judge]

Ah-ha! I now have a comeback! Thanks for that.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

If you join a writers group, it's not unusual to form friendships with some of the other writers.

So whether or not it's a good idea to show your writing to your friends may depend on who your friends are and how you got to know them. I met two of my best friends through a writers group, and of course I still value their feedback. They read and write fantasy, and they give good, honest critiques.

 

[Boneman]

The difficulty, as Gary points out, is that your loved ones may not want to be honest (Anyakimlin's nearest and dearest apart...) for fear of hurting your feelings. I gave my book to a close friend and she waxed lyrical about it, which was very pleasing. About six months later, I told her I'd killed off a character and she said "Good. Couldn't stand the namby-pamby woman, and she spoiled the whole book for me." When I asked why she didn't tell me this to start with, she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I let them read it now, but attach little importance to their comments.

 

[Fitzchiv]

I must admit I have absolutely no intention of telling my friends or family I write (loose term currently) however it's more difficult with my partner as I essentially have to explain why I need to manage my time differently. Aside from that there will be a lot of stuff in my writing based on personal events or experiences I would be uncomfortable with people close to me having too close a look at - fine if buried in a finished product, but not in raw exposed form!