need help in my writing project.

[huxley]

there's a dialoque part in my story that one character says to another a saying or quote or story. it's to make the other character realize something
.

" only when he's ready to risk everything in order to gain what he wants only then can he gain it."

(once he's ready to give up the whole world for the one he loves will he gain her back)- thats pretty much what I want to say but in a metaphor or a story,like a children's story or tale .

ex: ( a story of a cartoon character wanting something so bad and fails but only gains it when he risks everything)

he lost the woman he loves but can only gain her back when he risks everything. but only realizes that when the other character tells him.

 

[chrispenycate]

Eh bien, le question?

only when he's ready to risk everything in order to gain what he wants only then can he gain it.

Too much repetition here, even for emphasis. And you definitely need some punctuation before the second "only", even if it's only a comma.

Is this supposed to be a line of dialogue, or a proverb or folk saying? If the latter it will be easily memorable; either compact and pithy, or a rhyme, like Montrose's toast:-

“He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
That puts it not unto the touch
To win or lose it all”

I wouldn't "risk", or "gain" (certainly not twice). Only when he is ready to give up everything for his goal does he have any hope of achieving it. But that's dialogue, not folklore. And note that not contacting the "he is" to "he's" is already accentuating the action. So, what exactly were you looking for?

 

[huxley]

no, um these aren't the lines I want to use. I'm trying to figure out a story that will tell it or a quote that would tell it.

I'm just lost for ideas. that's why I'm writing on this forum.

 

[Colbey Frost]

“You want everything, but have nothing. Like a tramp on the streets you scrape by, spending your coppers on tobacco and booze. You must starve yourself man! Save your coppers! And like a hero, gamble it on a roulette wheel… you’ve fallen down the path of a loser, but without courage, you’ll never be a winner.”

Something like that?

 

[huxley]

sort of yeah,,, but I should have mentioned earlier, it's a kid talking to an adult.

 

[Colbey Frost]

sort of yeah,,, but I should have mentioned earlier, it's a kid talking to an adult.

Why doesn't that surprise me lol

 

[hopewrites]

so the kid is telling the adult a story that reveals to him the wisdom he needs to win his lady love?

how old is the kid? kids tell stories differently at different ages.

 

[Peter Graham]

Sounds easy enough:-

Child: So like you think she's really sick and stuff? Sort of like even better like you know than Perpetual Kombat 75: Attack of The Android Badgers? So you've got to like get out there and tell her and it todally doesn't matter about money and stuff because if you don't tell her she might todally end up with a celebrity or even a footballer and then she'll like have a Lear jet and you'll still be sat here like a complete saddo worrying about the mortgage? Because like love is everything and stuff? Tess said so on Strictly last night when Craig was being all like "oh, daaaarling, that was so awful" when Nancy fell over during the cha cha and sort of nearly broke her ankle and stuff. Not that I like Strictly. Mum todally made me watch it. I'm into urban garage rap like MC Miss-Odge-UrKnee or Phat Blissbox.

Adult (wiping tear from eye): Why, thank you, child. Your trusting innocence and innate prescience has caused the scales to fall from my eyes. I shall go now and declare my undying love to my Aphrodite!

Child: No biggies and stuff. Can you like give me a tenner and drop me off at Jaiden's on the way?

Regards

Peter

 

[Colbey Frost]

Sounds easy enough:-

Child: So like you think she's really sick and stuff? Sort of like even better like you know than Perpetual Kombat 75: Attack of The Android Badgers? So you've got to like get out there and tell her and it todally doesn't matter about money and stuff because if you don't tell her she might todally end up with a celebrity or even a footballer and then she'll like have a Lear jet and you'll still be sat here like a complete saddo worrying about the mortgage? Because like love is everything and stuff? Tess said so on Strictly last night when Craig was being all like "oh, daaaarling, that was so awful" when Nancy fell over during the cha cha and sort of nearly broke her ankle and stuff. Not that I like Strictly. Mum todally made me watch it. I'm into urban garage rap like MC Miss-Odge-UrKnee or Phat Blissbox.

Adult (wiping tear from eye): Why, thank you, child. Your trusting innocence and innate prescience has caused the scales to fall from my eyes. I shall go now and declare my undying love to my Aphrodite!

Child: No biggies and stuff. Can you like give me a tenner and drop me off at Jaiden's on the way?

Regards

Peter

Haha, in places I've lived adults talk like that - discuting don't you think?

 

[goldhawk]

"Only when he's ready to risk everything can he gain that that's worth everything."

 

[Phyrebrat]

"Once, I had to use my pet goldfish to catch a pike."

Too dark?