Telling what's going to happen, then showing it

[Hex]

I'm editing my wip and occasionally I come across this sort of structure:

[Something happened]

[This is how it happened in more detail]

Is that a Bad Thing?

I'm hopeless without examples, so here's one (not sure it's great, but it's the one I'm sitting frowning at right now):

(end of previous chapter, character says: 'we must go and climb something very high and dangerous')

start of next chapter:

Mikhail wouldn't let me go.
"It's insane," he insisted. "You know nothing about what's up there. How will you reach them?"
"Caster Fair--"
"That's a myth, Rachel. You can't risk your life because of a story."

and so on for a page or so. Should I just remove 'Mikhail wouldn't let me go.'?

 

[AnyaKimlin]

It depends, sometimes a mix of tell and show is very effective it can add a clarity to the scene. Which is a very unhelpful answer. Do you feel it adds depth and clarity ?

 

[Susan Boulton]

I'm editing my wip and occasionally I come across this sort of structure:

[Something happened]

[This is how it happened in more detail]

Is that a Bad Thing?

I'm hopeless without examples, so here's one (not sure it's great, but it's the one I'm sitting frowning at right now):

(end of previous chapter, character says: 'we must go and climb something very high and dangerous')

start of next chapter:

Mikhail wouldn't let me go.
"It's insane," he insisted. "You know nothing about what's up there. How will you reach them?"
"Caster Fair--"
"That's a myth, Rachel. You can't risk your life because of a story."

and so on for a page or so. Should I just remove 'Mikhail wouldn't let me go.'?

I would. It's not needed. I would also not use any foreshadowing at all, allow the reader to find out what is going to happen to the characters by it happening, not hinting what is going to happen. (does that make sense?)

 

[Jo Zebedee]

See I rather like it; it gives me a visual image to hold on to.

 

[Mouse]

Is that a Bad Thing?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Nooooooo.

Ha. Sorry, I'm in a funny mood. Must be the snow.

I'm hopeless without examples, so here's one (not sure it's great, but it's the one I'm sitting frowning at right now):

(end of previous chapter, character says: 'we must go and climb something very high and dangerous')

start of next chapter:

Mikhail wouldn't let me go.
"It's insane," he insisted. "You know nothing about what's up there. How will you reach them?"
"Caster Fair--"
"That's a myth, Rachel. You can't risk your life because of a story."

and so on for a page or so. Should I just remove 'Mikhail wouldn't let me go.'?

I don't even understand that example, if I'm honest. Can I blame the snow again?

I'm pretty sure I do what you're describing though. As long as it's not too in-your-face sort of thing, I reckon it's fine.

 

[Abernovo]

One consideration might be that it's a chapter break.

For one thing, it's a natural point for a person to stop reading and pick up again when they get back to the book. So, 'Mikhail wouldn't let me go' gets you back to the story.

A chapter break is also like a giant paragraph break. So (putting on a heroic voice): 'We must go and climb something very high and dangerous' - sub-text: we might not make it through this. Cue music, episode credits, chapter break.

Then with the next chapter, Mikhail puts his foot down. It's no different than writing 'Mikhail was unhappy with the idea'. For me this doesn't look like foreshadowing, but giving a context to who is doing what. Actually, if I could connect this to another thread, you could get rid of the 'he insisted', as you've already established that it's Mikhail who is arguing against the idea.

 

[ctg]

I'm editing my wip and occasionally I come across this sort of structure:

[Something happened]

[This is how it happened in more detail]

Is that a Bad Thing?

I'm hopeless without examples, so here's one (not sure it's great, but it's the one I'm sitting frowning at right now):

(end of previous chapter, character says: 'we must go and climb something very high and dangerous')

start of next chapter:

Mikhail wouldn't let me go.
"It's insane," he insisted. "You know nothing about what's up there. How will you reach them?"
"Caster Fair--"
"That's a myth, Rachel. You can't risk your life because of a story."

and so on for a page or so. Should I just remove 'Mikhail wouldn't let me go.'?

It really depends as this is too short. You would have to judge it against much larger context. Like for example that page of yours. Because what you do here, is essentially drama.

Dialogue can read very fast, so if it's not all too bad and there's something good in it, then why not. Why to delete? The dialogue shows what the characters think and how they act in certain situations.

You can even use that argument between two to three characters to accurately describe the scene and the settings, while you - as a writer - hide the dangers.

So, as I said before, we need a better example.

 

[Hex]

Hmmm. Thank you for the replies. So I understand from these that it's not automatically a bad thing, and it's down to the way in which it's used?

SJAB -- that makes perfect sense. I'll get rid of the foreshadowing sentence and see what I think (and then put it back in and... etc. Repeat until dizzy)

Though, Abernovo, you make a good point about the start-of-chapter thing. And I sometimes like a bit of stage direction myself....

Sigh. Okay -- I don't think this is as important as I'm making it.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

It depends on whether you are in a section of your story that is too slow-moving. If it is, you should cut out everything that is not essential. That sounds like it is not essential. If the pacing is fine, then it's not an issue.


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[Hex]

Thanks, Teresa. I will read it again and consider the pace (I'm not good at that level of reading -- much better at swapping words around)

 

[James Coote]

Sorry to piggyback on someone elses thread, but I'm curious, is it worth telling the event, and then not showing it until some time after the consequences are known to the reader.

E.g

Mikhail wouldn't let me go.

So/but instead I [did stuff]

[consequences]

Rachel recalled what Mikhail had said to her before she [did stuff]
"It's insane," he insisted. "You know nothing about what's up there. How will you reach them?"
"Caster Fair--"
"That's a myth, Rachel. You can't risk your life because of a story."