Dialogue punctuation (again again again)

[Hex]

Hello

My latest issue with dialogue punctuation. How should I punctuate something like this?

"I didn't think you were real." is the first thing he says.

capitals? not capitals? full stop? confusion...

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Because you've used the is it sounds like a dialogue tag and I'd do it as

"I didn't think you were real," is the first thing he says.

If you want to avoid the comma you'd need to change the tag.

"I didn't think you were real." It was the first thing he said.

In terms of capitals, it's the fullstop is the problem; that means you've finished the dialogue inside the quotes meaning a capital has to follow but makes no sense>

"I didn't think you were real." Is the first thing he says.

You could also get round it by making it an exclamation or question;

"I didn't think you were real!" is the first thing he says. But I think you either need a comma or to change the dialogue term to a statement.

Clear as mud my answer, I suspect.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

The first thing he said was, "I didn't think you were real!"

Otherwise, go with the first thing Springs said.

 

[Hex]

Lovely, thanks. I'm still confused about what's a dialogue tag and what isn't (clearly).

Thank you both

 

[David Evil Overlord]

My (probably feeble) understanding is that I said, or he said, or she said, or anything similar, is a dialogue tag. What you used comes under that broad "anything similar" umbrella.

I think.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

We need TJ, or Peter...

he said, he questioned, he replied, he extrapolated, are all dialogue tags. To use what you had as a dialogue tag you need to use a comma inside the quote because otherwise you can't add the tag.

EG..

"Springs has no idea what she's talking about." she said.

It doesn't work because she said is linked to the dialogue.

So you need to link yours to the dialogue, with a comma, or change the dialogue tag to an action.

Mud swirling, anyone.

 

[Mouse]

Um... Why do you need 'is the first thing he says' at all? If he's not spoken previously, then obviously that piece of dialogue is the first thing he says.

If somebody else is recounting it, then put it all in dialogue.

Context, Hex, we need context!

(either way, 'is the first thing he says' isn't a dialogue tag as far as I'm concerned)

 

[David Evil Overlord]

It might be the first thing he said after he discovered she was the Legendary Shoplifting Ghost...

 

[HareBrain]

The punctuation should still work if you remove the quote marks: that's the test. (Big font size because no one ever seems to remember.) The exception is with exclamation and question marks, which in dialogue can act either like commas or full stops.

 

[Culhwch]

(either way, 'is the first thing he says' isn't a dialogue tag as far as I'm concerned)

Don't know if it's technically a tag, but it's definitely attribution.

If you must use it, I'd go for DEO's suggested rework....

 

[Hex]

So:

I didn't think you were real, is the first thing he says.?

(assuming I'm unreasonably determined to use that sentence structure)

I don't always understand what it means that the punctuation should still work if I remove the quotation marks... sorry.

It's clear from the context that he's speaking, but I wanted a different kind of effect-thingy. I have no idea if that's a good idea or not, and these are just notes just now, but I stumbled over it and wondered.

The context (such as it is), is:

When he opens his eyes, they're as dark as his hair.

"I didn't think you were real," is the first thing he says. "I thought I was dreaming you."

It would sound different, somehow to have:

When he opens his eyes, they're as dark as his hair.

"I didn't think you were real. I thought I was dreaming you."

 

[The Judge]

It's not a dialogue tag, but the punctuation of '... real," is...' as springs has it is probably the one I'd have chosen.

I was wondering if it's effectively a quote. She (I'm guessing the narrator is female) is quoting him as saying this, so it would be the same as if she'd written ' "I love you!" were the first words I ever heard him speak.' The problem with that idea is the quote itself doesn't end with a comma, so we're either left with no punctuation in the quotation marks or a full stop which looks ungainly followed by lower case (or the cunning exclamation mark I used which nicely avoids the issue...)

 

[Mouse]

So:

I didn't think you were real, is the first thing he says.?

(assuming I'm unreasonably determined to use that sentence structure)

I don't always understand what it means that the punctuation should still work if I remove the quotation marks... sorry.

It's clear from the context that he's speaking, but I wanted a different kind of effect-thingy. I have no idea if that's a good idea or not, and these are just notes just now, but I stumbled over it and wondered.

The context (such as it is), is:

When he opens his eyes, they're as dark as his hair.

"I didn't think you were real," is the first thing he says. "I thought I was dreaming you."

It would sound different, somehow to have:

When he opens his eyes, they're as dark as his hair.

"I didn't think you were real. I thought I was dreaming you."

Then I'd do, presuming we're in someone else's VP (and it's first person):

When he opens his eyes, they're as dark as his hair. The first thing he says to me is, "I didn't think you were real. I thought I was dreaming you."

(though I might make it a colon, but I dunno)

It's not a dialogue tag, but the punctuation of '... real," is...' as springs has it is probably the one I'd have chosen.

I was wondering if it's effectively a quote. She (I'm guessing the narrator is female) is quoting him as saying this, so it would be the same as if she'd written ' "I love you!" were the first words I ever heard him speak.' The problem with that idea is the quote itself doesn't end with a comma, so we're either left with no punctuation in the quotation marks or a full stop which looks ungainly followed by lower case (or the cunning exclamation mark I used which nicely avoids the issue...)

That's why I asked for context, because I thought like you that she's quoting him saying it. Which is why I said put it all in dialogue (meaning add quotation marks round it all like you've done).

 

[The Judge]

Ah, no, Mouse. I didn't envisage the narrator was saying this, so as to require speech marks around the whole thing, the ' ' I used was just to differentiate the bit I was talking about from the rest of my warblings. I was using "quoting" loosely, not literally, as an analogy for how to punctuate his dialogue. Not that it helped any.

 

[HareBrain]

So:

I didn't think you were real, is the first thing he says.?

(assuming I'm unreasonably determined to use that sentence structure)

I don't always understand what it means that the punctuation should still work if I remove the quotation marks... sorry.

Maybe I could have explained it better. Remove the speech marks, as you've done above, and if you've punctuated it properly the sentence structure should still work, as it does above. But

I didn't think you were real. is the first thing he says.

Clearly doesn't. Nor would:

I didn't think you were real. Is the first thing he says.

Having ascertained that, you put the speech marks back in. Personally, I think this would be easier than worrying about what is and is not a dialogue tag, which is an imprecise term anyway.

 

[Mouse]

Ooooh. I see, TJ.

 

[Hex]

Thank you all

 

[Brian G Turner]

Hello
"I didn't think you were real." is the first thing he says.

You'd end with a comma, as the second part is a direct continuation of the first, ie:

"I didn't think you were real," is the first thing he says.

However, it's a very informal way of writing it, I presume for first person. A more formal way of writing it would be to reverse the clauses:

The first thing he said was, "I didn't think you were real."

 

[TheDustyZebra]

The context (such as it is), is:

When he opens his eyes, they're as dark as his hair.

"I didn't think you were real," is the first thing he says. "I thought I was dreaming you."

In context, I think this sounds just right. I wouldn't turn it around, in this case.

The clue to the lower-case "is" would be that declarative sentences don't start with "is". So you will never have something like

"I didn't think you were real." Is the first thing he says.

because "is" is not a sentence-starter unless it's a question, and even then there will be a subject to go with it. "Is that the first thing he said?"

In your sentence, it would be "That is the first thing he says." In which case, "I didn't think you were real" is taking the place of the "that".

How's that for clear?

 

[Arkose]

The punctuation should still work if you remove the quote marks: that's the test. (Big font size because no one ever seems to remember.) The exception is with exclamation and question marks, which in dialogue can act either like commas or full stops.

I didn't know this. I don't think I will forget it now seeing such a strong emphasis.