Start to a novel possibly the most difficult thing ever?

[Philosopher]

Hi all,

I've been working on a novel for around two years now and I finally know how I want the story to end. Now I'm undertaking the seemingly impossible task of turning the 250k+ words I've got into a nice to read piece at least half the lengh but twice as potent.

Anyway, I've rewritten the start a good 10+ times, and am determined to keep at it until it's good. I figure once I get the first chapter to read how I want it (finding my voice), then I can complete the rest of the novel in the same manner.

Please critique this version of the start, the whole chapter is about 3.5k words but this is the first 700 words. Read it as if you were opening a novel and let me know what you think. Be picky so I know every little thing that bugs you about it, and if there's anything you like in there, let me know so I can recognise and reuse strengths.

Many thanks.

-------------------


James woke to the sound of his father, Mr. Facey, calling him to get up and get dressed for the wedding which would soon start. The feeling of an almost forgotten dream lingered in his mind, and when he rattled his brain to try and salvage it, all he remembered was the essence of a tiny bluebird, a fiery phoenix and a grey fox, he then felt the whispering remains of excitement, which soon turned to a hint of sadness, it was very odd. Those images and feelings soon slipped away, leaving the frustration of not being able to recall any more of the dream no matter how hard he tried. Whatever it had been about, it left a significantly unsettling feeling in his stomach.

‘I’m not telling you again. We’re going to be late!’ Mr.Facey’s stern shadow lingered on the floor, and then disappeared as he moved into the other room.

James threw his woollen blanket down and climbed out of bed in a huff. It’s my birthday but you’re not worried about that though are you? He bit his lip and refrained from saying what he was thinking. He’d agreed for his friends to get married on the same dayas his birthday because then there could be an even larger celebration, with the wedding and a feast in the day and the birthday party at night. He never really had many birthday celebrations because his father didn’t seem to bother with it so much as he was growing up. He barely ever received presents either, aside from little things from his friends every now and then.

His mother had passed away shortly after his birth, but he knew very little about that matter because whenever he asked his father, the aging man would hesitate and stutter and say that he regrettably couldn’t remember much about it. James was always suspicious as to the honesty of that answer, but he didn’t like thinking about being motherless so he didn’task about it often.

Mr. Facey had raised James alone, but they weren’t really very close. He was hard on James and he seemed more intent on passing on every piece of knowledge he had, rather than being a loving father. For this reason, James had grown up to be one of the brightest and most skilled young men in the village. His hunting skills were plentiful and his knowledge on plants and herbs was second only to his father, and he could craft and build like no other. His father was too old to build very well, but his attention to detail and command over intricate crafts was still astonishing. One other thing James was relentlessly trained in was the use of the sword. It was all quite a mystery how Mr. Facey knew how use a sword, because no one else in Parkhaul did, their village was ‘too peaceful for nonsense like that, thank you very much.’

Once James was dressed he joined his father in the garden, which was more like a work yard scattered with half finished crafts of wood and metals, and then they made their way up the hill to the village Inn. The wedding of James’s good friends Samuel Farland and Sarah Middles was commencing shortly at the Inn’s front garden.

Built at the top of the hill that the village was scattered around, the Pig On The Hill was the communal backbone of Parkhaul. Many villagers spent every evening in there, drinking Mr. Brightfawn’s incredibly tasty brews, he was the Innkeeper, and eating Mrs. Brightfawn’s deliciously cooked meals. This was a luxury James barely ever had the chance to indulge in, for Mr. Facey always made sure they hunted, gathered and prepared their own food, he said that letting others do it for you was lazy and made you less of a man.

The weather had been quite terrible lately for the spring season, and in the weeks leading up to the wedding, peoples spirits were slightly dampened by the coldness and the mud and the lack of bloom. But in the few days before the event, the sun opened its heart and warmed the earth, and a transformation of spring had occurred. Today the weather was good, the sun was booming down and the flowers and greenery opened wide to soak it all in.

---------------

Just so you know, the writing soon goes into some action on the next paragraph. I'm not sure if the text above would be classed as a boring / frustrating infodump, or reasonable description of context and characters... Let me know if it is an infodump, please tell me how one creates context from the beginning in a different way.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

James woke to the sound of his father, Mr. Facey, calling him to get up and get dressedsuper picky: this is a repeat of get, maybe get up and dress for ... for the imminent? wedding which would soon start. The feeling of - try it without these 3 words? an almost forgotten dream lingered in his mind, and when he rattled his brainI'm not sure about this, I have an image of him shaking it to try and salvage it, all he remembered was the essence of a tiny bluebird, a fiery phoenix and a grey fox, he then felt the whispering remains of excitement, which soon turned to a hint of sadness, it was very odd. Those images and feelings soon slipped away, leaving the frustration of not being able to recall any more of the dream no matter how hard he tried. Whatever it had been about, it left a significantly unsettling feeling in his stomach. As an opening paragraph what i liked was it set a feeling of foreboding against what is usually a happy event. What I wasn't so sure of was that the dream, and the vagueness, didn't entirely grip me..

‘I’m not telling you again. We’re going to be late!’ Mr.Facey’s stern shadow lingered on the floor, and then disappeared as he moved into the other room.

James threw his woollen blanket down and climbed out of bed in a huffI'm not sure - it's telling, and his next thoughts kind of do that anyway. It’s my birthday but you’re not worried about that though are you? He bit his lip and refrained from saying what he was thinking. He’d agreed for his friends to get married on the same dayas his birthday because then there could be an even larger celebration, with the wedding and a feast in the day and the birthday party at night. He never really had many birthday celebrations because his father didn’t seem to bother with it so - drop? much as he was growing up. He barely ever received presents either, aside from little things from his friends every now and then. I think it's a little long. the first bit really has to grip us, and his birthdays past aren't entirely gripping me. Not that it's not nice to know, but about 40 words would have done me: He bit his lip - he'd agreed to the wedding being on the same day as his birthday. It meant a wedding feast and a party in the evening. Besides, it might mean that this year he got some presents.

His mother had passed away shortly after his birth, but he knew very little about that matter because whenever he asked his father, the aging man would hesitate and stutter and say that he regrettably couldn’t remember much about it. James was always suspicious as to the honesty of that answer, but he didn’t like thinking about being motherless so he didn’task about it often. Personally, I'd lose this paragraph and try to slip it in at a later stage. because you've already shown his dad doing the parental job, I think we have enough hints to an unusual set up.

Mr. Facey had raised James alone, but they weren’t really very close. He was hard on James and he seemed more intent on passing on every piece of knowledge he had, rather than being a loving father. For this reason, James had grown up to be one of the brightest and most skilled young men in the village. His hunting skills were plentiful and his knowledge on plants and herbs was second only to his father, and he could craft and build like no other. His father was too old to build very well, but his attention to detail and command over intricate crafts was still astonishing. One other thing James was relentlessly trained in was the use of the sword. It was all quite a mystery how Mr. Facey knew how use a sword, because no one else in Parkhaul did, their village was ‘too peaceful for nonsense like that, thank you very much.’And this, I'd definitely lose. It's telling, and you're going to have lots of chances at the wedding feast to show us their disfunctional behaviour. The hunting skills would make a lovely scene later. But for me, this paragraph would have me setting it down.

Once James was dressed he joined his father in the garden, which was more like a work yard scattered with half finished crafts of wood and metals, and then they made their way up the hill to the village Inn. The wedding of James’s good friends Samuel Farland and Sarah Middles was commencing shortly at the Inn’s front garden.I like this paragraph more. Except, would he think of them by their full name if they were good friends? Or would it be just Sam and Sarah? Does it add to it that we know their surnames now? If so, I'd slip it in a little less obviously, maybe on an order of service, or something?

Built at the top of the hill that the village was scattered around, the Pig On The Hill was the communal backbone of Parkhaul. Many villagers spent every evening in there, drinking Mr. Brightfawn’s incredibly tasty brews, he was the Innkeeper, and eating Mrs. Brightfawn’s deliciously cooked meals. This was a luxury James barely ever had the chance to indulge in, for Mr. Facey always made sure they hunted, gathered and prepared their own food, he said that letting others do it for you was lazy and made you less of a man. Again, this is really telling. The fact the wedding is there tells me it is important, its name indicates its on a hill. If they're drinking his tasty brews, we know he's the innkeeper and she can then be referred to as his wife, and reduce a name coming at us?

The weather had been quite terrible lately for the spring season, and in the weeks leading up to the wedding, peoples spirits were slightly dampened by the coldness and the mud and the lack of bloom. But in the few days before the event, the sun opened its heart and warmed the earth, and a transformation of spring had occurred. Today the weather was good, the sun was booming down and the flowers and greenery opened wide to soak it all in. This I like, although I'd get rid of the bit up to bloom as telling. But there's a nice bit of description at the end which works for me.

---------------
Hiya, Philosopher - I was super picky, cos that's what you asked for. For me, there was too much telling. In terms of the back story, how much is it really neccessary for me to know, right now? the innkeeper's name - that can be shouted across the bar with a drinks order, later. Instead, what I'd like is to set the scene, right at the point the action starts. So, James and his father walked up the path to the Pig on the hill, with the sun shinning. the nice little bit of description here. he picked up the order of service, handed one to his father, who nodded curtly - he hadn't even wished him a happy birthday yet, he'd probably forgotten again - and they went into the church... Everything else in here I don't need to know in order to enjoy a nice country wedding scene.. Hope it's helpful.

 

[Anne Lyle]

I hate to break it to you, Philosopher, but waking up from a dream is such a clichéd way to start a story that most editors and agents will reject a manuscript out of hand when they see one. So if you're seriously planning on submitting your book, I would rethink your opening.

Also, I agree with Springs - way too infodumpy, sorry! You're telling the reader an awful lot that he/she doesn't need to know at this point, and you are telling it to the reader, not letting it emerge naturally through character interaction. For an example of how to handle exposition through dialogue, take a look at the opening chapter of my novel:

http://www.annelyle.com/nightsmasque/the-books/the-alchemist-of-souls/

Read that first scene, and then stop and think how much you've already learned about the characters and their world without me stopping to tell you

As springs says, cut to the chase, instead of beginning with this "throat-clearing" expository scene of him waking up. Why are we supposed to be interested in your character? Everyone has birthdays, conflicts with parents and uncomfortable social situations - what's so special about this one? What's the hook that's going to make the reader think "hot damn, I have to read more of this"?

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

I think Springs and Anne have mentioned the most important thing. It isn't punchy enough.

You need to grab the readers eyeballs by the scruff of their optics and wrench them down to the page and force them to read every syllable.

Hope this helps :-

What exactly woke him up he couldn't be sure. There were some heavyweight contenders.

The eyeball piercing brightness streaming through the curtains? High up on the list and worthy of consideration.

The deafening cacophony of birdsong entering through the opened window and which seemed to fill every corner of his delicate head? Shrill and painful, certainly noticeable to anyone in his condition.

His father shouting "Get up you idle bugger and get dressed, I've been calling you for the last half hour." That would have shocked most awake, it had certainly been loud.

Mmm... Any one of those would have done the job. However, In the milliseconds since these events had conspired to drag him from is drunken stupor, far and away the most worthy sleep dispersant was, without doubt, the slap of the soaking wet towel smacking against his face, where his dad had carefully dropped it for maximum affect.

His father's outburst, it had to be said, was a close second but, by his own confession, he had been shouting for some time. Plus none of the other contenders were accompanied by sensation of ice cold water, which had now started to penetrate deep under the covers. Technically, of course the the curtains, the window, the shouting and the towel had been part of the same 'pincer' movement his dad had mounted, but he felt sure that without the masterstroke none would have been adequate to the task. Able to stand the cold wetness any longer, he kicked of the duvet and reached for his pants.

"Oh hi dad", he commented, "I thought we were getting up early, you should have got me up earlier: we'll have to rush a bit now"

His father's face, a picture of bewilderment, turned just before the wide grin appeared and he burst into laughter. Managing to control himself, just. He cast a quick."there's tea and tablets on the side table; the shower awaits your presence", over his shoulder as he left the room...

Obviously, a different take, but, if you get my drift, something has happened and we have the mystery, to the reader, of why the rude awakening and what will come next. Would you read on?

TEiN

 

[Anne Lyle]

TEiN makes a good point: you can get away with anything if your prose has a strong narrative voice. But you need something compelling, whether that's the voice of the character (or narrator) that makes you want to spend more time with them, or a plot hook that you have to know the answer to. It's different for every writer, and you need to find your own style. And you can only do that through writing, and reading, and getting critiques, and editing, and writing some more.

It's taken me my entire adult life to write well enough to blow an editor away with an opening chapter - stick at it!

 

[JoanDrake]

What is the action paragraph you say is coming? See if you could somehow start with that, then insert this as you go along. It sounds interesting but it does lack a hook as it stands.

 

[mithril]

Springs, TIEN and Anne have already covered most of the points. The only other point that jumped out at me would be - "sun was booming down" That read a tad awkward to me.. it put me in mind of loud music

Other than that, I thought the info about James and his father interesting but like others have said, it would be more effective if revealed in the proper context.

Good luck on your next rewrite!

 

[chrispenycate]

[/quote]

Hi all,

I've been working on a novel for around two years now and I finally know how I want the story to end. Now I'm undertaking the seemingly impossible task of turning the 250k+ words I've got into a nice to read piece at least half the lengh but twice as potent.

Anyway, I've rewritten the start a good 10+ times, and am determined to keep at it until it's good. I figure once I get the first chapter to read how I want it (finding my voice), then I can complete the rest of the novel in the same manner.

Please critique this version of the start, the whole chapter is about 3.5k words but this is the first 700 words. Read it as if you were opening a novel and let me know what you think. Be picky so I know every little thing that bugs you about it, and if there's anything you like in there, let me know so I can recognise and reuse strengths.

Many thanks.

-------------------


James woke to the sound of his father, Mr. Facey, calling him to get up and get dressed for the wedding which would soon start.

rather a long stretch without punctuation.

The feeling of an almost forgotten dream lingered in his mind, and when he rattled his brain to try and salvage it, all he remembered was the essence of a tiny bluebird, a fiery phoenix and a grey fox,

Comma splice.

he then felt the whispering remains of excitement, which soon turned to a hint of sadness,

Comma splice.

it was very odd. Those images and feelings soon slipped away, leaving the frustration of not being able to recall any more of the dream no matter how hard he tried. Whatever it had been about, it left a significantly unsettling feeling in his stomach.

‘I’m not telling you again. We’re going to be late!’ Mr.Facey’s stern shadow lingered on the floor, and then disappeared as he moved into the other room.

James threw his woollen blanket down and climbed out of bed in a huff. It’s my birthday

Comma

but you’re not worried about that though

Comma

are you?

He bit his lip and refrained from saying what he was thinking. He’d agreed for his friends to get married on the same day_as his birthday because then there could be an even larger celebration, with the wedding and a feast in the day and the birthday party at night. He never really had many birthday celebrations because his father

Possibly pluperfect "hadn't seemed to bother"?

didn’t seem to bother with it so much as he was growing up. He barely ever received presents either, aside from little things from his friends every now and then.

His mother had passed away shortly after his birth, but he knew very little about that matter because whenever he asked his father, the aging man would hesitate and stutter and say that he regrettably couldn’t remember much about it. James was always suspicious as to the honesty of that answer, but he didn’t like thinking about being motherless so he didn’t_ask about it often.

Mr. Facey had raised James alone, but they weren’t really very close. He was hard on James and he seemed more intent on passing on every piece of knowledge he had, rather than being a loving father. For this reason, James had grown up to be one of the brightest and most skilled young men in the village. His hunting skills were plentiful and his knowledge on plants and herbs was second only to his father, and he could craft and build like no other. His father was too old to build very well, but his attention to detail and command over intricate crafts was still astonishing. One other thing James was relentlessly trained in was the use of the sword. It was all quite a mystery how Mr. Facey knew how use a sword, because no one else in Parkhaul did,

Comma splice

their village was ‘too peaceful for nonsense like that, thank you very much.’

Once James was dressed he joined his father in the garden, which was more like a work yard scattered with half finished crafts

I'm not sure "crafts" is exactly the right word. Would "projects" be too posh?

of wood and metals, and then they made their way up the hill to the village Inn. The wedding of James’s good friends Samuel Farland and Sarah Middles was commencing shortly at the Inn’s front garden.

Built at the top of the hill that the village was scattered around, the Pig On The Hill was the communal backbone of Parkhaul. Many villagers spent every evening in there, drinking Mr. Brightfawn’s incredibly tasty brews,

Comma splice (could you perhaps put "the innkeeper" before "incredibly"?

he was the Innkeeper, and eating Mrs. Brightfawn’s deliciously cooked meals. This was a luxury James barely ever had the chance to indulge in, for Mr. Facey always made sure they hunted, gathered and prepared their own food, he said that letting others do it for you was lazy and made you less of a man.

The weather had been quite terrible lately for the spring season, and in the weeks leading up to the wedding, peoples

people's

spirits were slightly dampened by the coldness and the mud and the lack of bloom. But in the few days before the event, the sun opened its heart and warmed the earth, and a transformation of spring had occurred. Today the weather was good, the sun was booming

Without wishing to criticise your metaphor, "booming" is rather an auditory word for the sunlight.

down and the flowers and greenery opened wide to soak it all in.

---------------​

Just so you know, the writing soon goes into some action on the next paragraph. I'm not sure if the text above would be classed as a boring / frustrating infodump, or reasonable description of context and characters... Let me know if it is an infodump, please tell me how one creates context from the beginning in a different way.

For me, this is both a little too ornate and a little too disconnected at the same time, If it flowed better, a bit less jerky, we could accept it as a slightly old fashioned description; if it were simpler, more straightforward, then it would be from the somewhat rustic characters' points of view, and quite in setting. The mix of the two disturbs me somewhat, but offhand I can't see an example of where it could be improved. Just my opinion, obviously.

And yes, it does seem a bit slow for a modern novel where, it seems, if nobody's died in the first three paragraphs the bored and impatient reader puts it back on the shelf and moves on, a throback to more leasurely times when reading was not in competition with television and RPG, but that doesn't disturb me.

 

[prizzley]

James woke to the sound of his father, Mr. Facey

It's James POV, but "Mr Facey" makes his father sound like a school teacher. Maybe he thinks of his father as "Mr Facey". If so, does that need to be explained early? After a few "Mr Facey"s, he's then "his father".

I'd prefer to give the father's full name and then use his first name or full name consistently throughout.) Maybe the full name would fit with James's feelings about his father.) For me, the repetition of "his father" seems to jar more than a name would.

I'd like to have other thoughts on this. Does a parent's first name work when the POV is the child's, who's young enough to use Daddy/Mummy? I don't know.

 

[Philosopher]

Many thanks for the advice everyone! I had a feeling it would sit a bit infodumpy /slow. Please await my punchy rewrite and give it the same level of criticism.

Anne Lyle I will be sure to read the passage you linked for me, thanks.

One question I have is how do writers negotiate the boundaries of infodump and storytelling?

I know its a little old, but its a classic example: Lord of the Rings is a very slow moving book, with much background and context told in the opening, does one call that infodump these days? Or is it storytelling? And if so, what's the difference between the two?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I'd like to have other thoughts on this. Does a parent's first name work when the POV is the child's, who's young enough to use Daddy/Mummy? I don't know.

For quite a while my adult protagonist referred to his father, who'd been dead quite a while, by his first name, and I got consistent feedback it jarred. To a certain extent, it depends on your pov choice - it would, I think, be fine in 3rd omnipresent, but in 3rd close or 1st, I think if would be Dad or my dad.

I know its a little old, but its a classic example: Lord of the Rings is a very slow moving book, with much background and context told in the opening, does one call that infodump these days? Or is it storytelling? And if so, what's the difference between the two?

I think Chrispy's right on this one, it's a modern taste thing.

 

[Anne Lyle]

One question I have is how do writers negotiate the boundaries of infodump and storytelling?

With care

I know its a little old, but its a classic example: Lord of the Rings is a very slow moving book, with much background and context told in the opening, does one call that infodump these days? Or is it storytelling? And if so, what's the difference between the two?

Lord of the Rings was published sixty years ago. You might be able to get something that slow-moving published today (I haven't read it, but I'm under the impression that The Name of the Wind isn't exactly a page-turning thriller) but you have to be exceptionally good. It comes back to a combination of voice and a compelling story that hooks the reader.

As for the difference between infodumping and storytelling, they're really two ends of the spectrum, with a lot of blurry ground in the middle. Also, readers vary in how much background information they'll tolerate. There aren't any hard'n'fast rules to writing, except maybe Finish the Damned Book

 

[Toby Frost]

I agree with earlier posters. I think there is too much infodump, in that you frequently pull away from what's happening now to fill in gaps to the backstory (that generally don't need filling at this stage).

I'm of the view that the safest way to start a novel is with someone doing something of their own free will. Here James feels very undynamic and passive, as he is reluctantly attending a wedding to which he's being taken. He seems a bit put out but compliant: there's not really any tension there. You also don't need phrases like "his good friends", as this should be apparent from the context.

Also, and I don't know whether I'm alone in this, I found the setting very hard to work out. For the first few paragraphs I was sure this was in the modern day, somewhere rural. The fourth paragraph slightly surprised me there.

Sorry if this reply is a bit brief: the computer ate my first attempt!

 

[Jake Reynolds]

Not sure if someone has said it, but forget focussing on where to start it, and just start somewhere and leave it behind. I agonised over things like this for a while before I just decided to do it later. A few novels on in the series and the start point has changed more times than I can count (prologue or no prologue? Action scene or set-up? etc). These things will be always be shifting as the novel progresses (unless you're Mr. Hardcore Outliner).

Just get the story out, write write and write more. Finding voice is something that happens on the way, and it is rarely something that can be planned or decided. Get writing, and let it come naturally.

And trust me, you'll be rewriting most of this anyway.

A couple of other things:

His father 'doesn't really remember' the death of his wife? Really? This seemed really weak to me. If dear old dad is somehow complicit in her death he'd have made up a story. If there is some kind of secret, he'd have made up a story, and so on. He wouldn't just stutter and say he couldn't really remember.

Also, the whole 'father knows how to use a sword when nobody else in the quiet village does' thing is a bit of a fantasy cliche (see Wheel of Time and countless others). I wonder, like others have said above, how much of this information even needs to be in there at all.

I'd like to see the action scene that is being led up to, because I reckon you'll find you can start there instead.

 

[Anne Lyle]

Just get the story out, write write and write more. Finding voice is something that happens on the way, and it is rarely something that can be planned or decided. Get writing, and let it come naturally.

If you re-read the OP, I think you'll find that this is a revision pass after doing just that

 

[Grimbear]

James woke to the sound of his father, Mr. Facey, calling him to get up and get dressed for the wedding which would soon start.

We don't need all of this in the first sentence imo 'James woke to the sound of his father calling him' is enough. If this is the first sentence you need something stronger though, I think. Also, leave out the 'Mr. Facey' - it's just odd that James would think of his father in this way. If I were writing this then I would probably begin at the wedding itself, maybe James standing in the church or wherever, and poss. something there could spark off thoughts of this dream?

‘I’m not telling you again. We’re going to be late!’ Mr.Facey’s stern shadow lingered on the floor, and then disappeared as he moved into the other room.

It's not clear where his father is standing initially. If it's in a corridor outside James's room then imo please say this.

James threw his woollen blanket down and climbed out of bed in a huff. It’s my birthday but you’re not worried about that though are you? He bit his lip and refrained from saying what he was thinking. He’d agreed for his friends to get married on the same day as his birthday because then there could be an even larger celebration, with the wedding and a feast in the day and the birthday party at night. He never really had many birthday celebrations because his father didn’t seem to bother with it so much as he was growing up. He barely ever received presents either, aside from little things from his friends every now and then.

How old is James? Initially he comes over as a child. I had an image in my head of a kid of about 12 or 13, but then his friend is getting married? I think this is something you might want to look at.

The other thing that strikes me is that I don't know where you are. I assumed this was set on Earth in modern times, but then again, my perception changes. The birthday thing though - it would be commonplace and normal for a peasant-boy in the past, and in most fantasy settings, to never celebrate a birthday and certainly it would be normal to never get any gifts.

His mother had passed away shortly after his birth, but he knew very little about that matter because whenever he asked his father, the aging man would hesitate and stutter and say that he regrettably couldn’t remember much about it. James was always suspicious as to the honesty of that answer, but he didn’t like thinking about being motherless so he didn’task about it often.

Mr. Facey had raised James alone, but they weren’t really very close. He was hard on James and he seemed more intent on passing on every piece of knowledge he had, rather than being a loving father. For this reason, James had grown up to be one of the brightest and most skilled young men in the village. His hunting skills were plentiful and his knowledge on plants and herbs was second only to his father, and he could craft and build like no other. His father was too old to build very well, but his attention to detail and command over intricate crafts was still astonishing. One other thing James was relentlessly trained in was the use of the sword. It was all quite a mystery how Mr. Facey knew how use a sword, because no one else in Parkhaul did, their village was ‘too peaceful for nonsense like that, thank you very much.’

Once James was dressed he joined his father in the garden, which was more like a work yard scattered with half finished crafts of wood and metals, and then they made their way up the hill to the village Inn. The wedding of James’s good friends Samuel Farland and Sarah Middles was commencing shortly at the Inn’s front garden.

Built at the top of the hill that the village was scattered around, the Pig On The Hill was the communal backbone of Parkhaul. Many villagers spent every evening in there, drinking Mr. Brightfawn’s incredibly tasty brews, he was the Innkeeper, and eating Mrs. Brightfawn’s deliciously cooked meals. This was a luxury James barely ever had the chance to indulge in, for Mr. Facey always made sure they hunted, gathered and prepared their own food, he said that letting others do it for you was lazy and made you less of a man.

The weather had been quite terrible lately for the spring season, and in the weeks leading up to the wedding, peoples spirits were slightly dampened by the coldness and the mud and the lack of bloom. But in the few days before the event, the sun opened its heart and warmed the earth, and a transformation of spring had occurred. Today the weather was good, the sun was booming down and the flowers and greenery opened wide to soak it all in.

---------------

Just so you know, the writing soon goes into some action on the next paragraph. I'm not sure if the text above would be classed as a boring / frustrating infodump, or reasonable description of context and characters... Let me know if it is an infodump, please tell me how one creates context from the beginning in a different way.

To be honest I think you should just keep writing this, move on to the next scene. Come back to it later on to make any changes. It's too easy to get hung up on getting one tiny part just right, and then you never get any further on.

This does need some tweaking. For instance, you obviously know James pretty well - which is great - but you seem anxious to tell us everything about him and his home straight away - which isn't. I'd much rather learn of his hunting skills for instance, on an actual hunt, learn of his building ability while he builds something. I'd rather learn of his father's attitudes through dialog and action, not just be told what to think. I could learn about the pub when one of the characters goes into it for a drink. I don't mind waiting to know this. I don't mind not knowing everything at once - in fact I prefer it that way.

I hope that helps. Would be interested to read more. Thanks.