Description Difficulties

[Mouse]

I hate, hate writing description. I can't even describe to you how much I hate it, but it's a lot.

All I'm trying to do is describe the entrance to Highgate cemetery and it's the most difficult thing in the world! I've written and deleted about a hundred sentences so far and I'm pretty much ready to throw my laptop out the window in frustration.

This is what I'm trying to describe:

(Picture from Wikipedia)

How do you describe that? It's an old looking building, with some big black gates in the front. It doesn't help that I have no idea what the building is and Google isn't helping me.

 

[The Judge]

In whose POV are you describing it? Not that I know all the characters -- but I think it's best to start there, as each person should take something different from it. Someone who has been to prison, for instance, or who has recently been arrested, it might remind them of a prison entrance. Someone who is interested in history would see if as a castle.

 

[Mouse]

I've got two POV characters present, one of whom (is that right?) is Mercer. I was debating whether to use him or not and decided not, but you know, now you've mentioned prison I think he might work better. Thanks, TJ!

 

[The Judge]

A pleasure.

Anyway, a few random thoughts which might help: Victorian gothic, grey brick, white stone, oriel windows with gothic arches, crenellations (the fake battlements), vaguely churchy-looking, archway with black wrought-iron gates.



NB there is a second entrance, I see on googling, but I've no idea which is which.


EDIT: on checking its website introduction, I see it isn't grey brick at all, but in that image, more honey-coloured.

 

[Mouse]

See, why doesn't this sort of stuff come to me? All I'd thought to mention were the gates and the word 'Gothic.' I just find description so difficult! Ta.

 

[Abernovo]

I'd mention Victorian Gothic design. If you're going for a prison reference, they're not the same (smaller, for a start), but the gateway flanked by towers is reminiscent of HMPrisons Wormwood Scrubs, Strangeways (Manchester), Lincoln, and Leeds, although the last one really is much more castle-like. They're Victorian Gothic-y style, as well.

 

[Mouse]

NB there is a second entrance, I see on googling, but I've no idea which is which.

The second entrance is for the East cemetery, I think. It's much simpler looking and far easier to describe!

I'd mention Victorian Gothic design. If you're going for a prison reference, they're not the same (smaller, for a start), but the gateway flanked by towers is reminiscent of HMPrisons Wormwood Scrubs, Strangeways (Manchester), Lincoln, and Leeds, although the last one really is much more castle-like. They're Victorian Gothic-y style, as well.

Thanks, Aber. I'm gonna Google those prisons!

 

[Abernovo]

What it most reminds me of, though, is some of the Victorian Gothic monstrosities that exist in the West End of Aberdeen. To me, it looks like a house, or a converted church. Not one of my preferred architectural styles.

 

[The Judge]

Yes, I didn't mean to suggest it was identical to a prison, only that it might remind him of it (it made me think of a prison anyway...)

Re what it is -- I found this

Two chapels, Church of England and Dissenters, were housed within one building, built in the Tudor style, topped with wooden turrets and a central bell tower. Beneath the bell-tower remains an archway linking the two conflicting religious ideals of each denomination and denoting the lack of partiality of the London Cemetery Company. The archway also gave an imposing entry to the Cemetery.

The description doesn't fit very well, save for the idea of chapels either side, and the imposing entry, but it's possible it's been changed since.


EDIT: yep, I think that's it. Have a look at this website page -- the photo top left and the caption underneath http://www.highgatecemetery.org.uk/ -- the blurb talks about what it's used for now

 

[HareBrain]

"The cemetery entrance was so spooky that even the cars parked outside had turned white with fear. Apart from one Audi who was there to kick Autovamp ass."?

 

[prizzley]

I'd include the seemingly pointless decorative bits and the weather. That wintry picture makes the building look gloomy and depressing. The large windows that should let light in, seem blank, as if there's nothing behind them. Or ghosts.

What about the cars in front? (Might not fit your story) Some are backed in as if ready for a quick getaway. I can't see from the photo whethere the taxi driver is sitting in his cab, listening to the radio or outside, smoking a quick fag. Life goes on outside these walls.

I love writing description from photos. It was one of my first short story challenges and it made me thing about what I saw.

 

[hopewrites]

I like description because I find it's a good way to set emotive tone, you started a good thread about that in the workshop didnt you?

As TJ said, who's describing it will make a difference, because each will see it with a different emotive tone. I like walking in my hometown's historic district when I'm in different moods just to see how my mood effects the way I see the buildings. They've all been redone to look 'original' or at least out of the time the town was founded.

When I'm in a nasty mood; I see them as proof of an inferiority complex on the part of the nation, grasping and bolstering up any little bit of history we can find or invent to prove something, but no one is sure what.
When I'm in a fantastic mood; I stroll slowly and savor the artistry and love that was put into the placement of each stone, let my eyes caress graceful curves to unexpected delight in carvings not noticed before.
When I'm depressed; I see only the foundations, how they join up with the street or appear to sink beneath it. Bricks appear bloody, granite made of bone, all dusted with the fears and hopes of a bustling humanity.

I like description because it's a free opportunity to sneak in some character revelation without the pressure to do any development.

When I was in school I could never describe things the way I wanted to. So I spent time just describing things to myself as I saw them (in my head of course, didnt want people to think I was a loon) and found that my mood effected the way I saw things. and when I asked other people to describe something I was always delighted that in a group of us each persons answer was slightly different. That we all focused on something uniquely important to us.


Maybe description is something I love because I've taken years to try and learn how to say exactly what I want to. I still dont always manage it. There are days when I feel like English is my second language, but I've forgotten my first.


tl;dr- take your time and enjoy the process of finding exactly the words you want when describing. when i've done this the results are inevitably a delightful surprise.

 

[Mouse]

Bloody internet connection just died and I got logged out. Anyway, thank you all!

The scene's going to be at night time, so after everybody's gone home and the cemetery is empty. I'm trying to find out what lights there are but can find nothing on that at all.

I was actually planning a visit to see the place for myself but that plan's been scuppered now so I'm relying on the internet.

 

[nubins]

I would describe it as a large medievil fortifed stone gatehouse, that you would be forgiven for thinking it was a church or a castle.

And then.. if needed, embelish it with the fact like you cant be sure if its keeping people in or something out, cold looking, perched on the edge of civilisation (ie the road on one side, the trees and greenery all around it.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I think this is one of those instances where it's best to try and start from something small that has never been written about before. I'm thinking of the reference I give fairly often, to Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", where a student got stuck trying to write an essay. Her topic started out as the town, I think, and she couldn't think of anything to say, and the teacher suggested she narrow it down. She tried to write about the college, but nothing came. He suggested narrowing it to one building, but she was still stuck. Finally they worked all the way down to one brick of that building, and she came back with pages and pages that she had written.

The problem was that she was overwhelmed by all the other things that had been written about the town, and the college, and the building -- she was trying to write what you're supposed to write about those things. Looking at one single brick freed her perception from what had already been done.

That's what I feel when I look at that picture. I start thinking of architectural terms (and how I don't really remember which are which), and what the building actually is, when it was built, what's inside, and so on. And I don't feel that I have the necessary expertise or knowledge to describe that building. I would be just as stuck as you, right there.

But I can think of a character coming up on that building at night, sliding along the wall in the shadows, trying to sneak into the cemetery, and he would look up at the foreboding (or forbidding, isn't there a discussion about that around here somewhere?) walls seeming to tower into the sky, feel the rough stone at his back as it pulled at his shirt, maybe some moss in the cracks, and the bushes would grab at his ankles as he passed. Coming out around a turret (or is that one of those other terms?), he might be startled at his reflection in a panel of glass. The tree branches could be moving in the wind, scratching at the bricks.

Things like that. It would, of course, depend on how he felt about being there and what he was up to.

 

[Brian G Turner]

How do you describe that?

You don't.

Unless an exact description of the building is essential to the plot, then you don't try and do that.

Instead, the character experience will describe it according to what stands out for them personally.

And remember, a description can often work stronger by simply throwing in a few choice words, and allowing the reader to fill out all the details with their imagination.

 

[Mouse]

I start thinking of architectural terms (and how I don't really remember which are which), and what the building actually is, when it was built, what's inside, and so on. And I don't feel that I have the necessary expertise or knowledge to describe that building. I would be just as stuck as you, right there.

Yeah, this is what always throws me. I don't know the names of things and I don't know the details.

My character's sitting in a car just looking at it at the mo, so I'm having to describe it from 'outside' sort of thing, rather than using any other way.

 

[The Judge]

Yeah, this is what always throws me. I don't know the names of things and I don't know the details.

Would Mercer, or whoever becomes the POV character, know the architectural details or any of them? If you think he does, then you'd need to use some at least eg like oriel window/lancet windows, so doing some research is your only answer. If he doesn't know a mullion from a mausoleum, then you don't need to know them either (though it wouldn't do you any harm to learn a few... ) so use plain words eg a bay window over the arch/narrow pointed windows.

 

[Glitch]

I agree with Brian. Don't describe it in detail, only describe what's required for the scene.

Is there a full moon, or is it pitch black? Does Mercer have any issues with cemeteries in general. Does it feel they are haunted?

If I was to use this scene I might write something like -

As they stopped at the gate, Mercer looked up at the imposing structure before him. The large Victorian arches created shadows, which looked like they danced in the moon light. Every horror movie he had ever seen flashed before his eyes. He nearly leapt out of his skin as Mouse touched his hand.

You've written more than me, so this is just to give you an idea.

 

[Mouse]

Would Mercer, or whoever becomes the POV character, know the architectural details or any of them? If you think he does, then you'd need to use some at least eg like oriel window/lancet windows, so doing some research is your only answer. If he doesn't know a mullion from a mausoleum, then you don't need to know them either (though it wouldn't do you any harm to learn a few... ) so use plain words eg a bay window over the arch/narrow pointed windows.

No, you're right. Mercer wouldn't have a clue. I changed my mind again though and went with the other POV character and unfortunately, she would know. I am going to have Merc comment on the prison-like-ness of it though.

How would I have found out, for example, they were 'oriel' windows though? I wouldn't have even known where to look to get the answer (apart from ask you smartarses here!).

I agree with Brian. Don't describe it in detail, only describe what's required for the scene.

Is there a full moon, or is it pitch black? Does Mercer have any issues with cemeteries in general. Does it feel they are haunted?

If I was to use this scene I might write something like -

As they stopped at the gate, Mercer looked up at the imposing structure before him. The large Victorian arches created shadows, which looked like they danced in the moon light. Every horror movie he had ever seen flashed before his eyes. He nearly leapt out of his skin as Mouse touched his hand.

You've written more than me, so this is just to give you an idea.

I might actually nick some of that for when Ambrose shows up! Ta!