Capitals for the word LOUD.

AnyaKimlin

AnyaKimlin

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OK my head says no, but every time I read this paragraph I want to put the word loud into capitals or italics - loud feels inadequate for the volume, I don't really want to lengthen the paragraph and adverbs feel too weak. Suggestions on a postcard:


"After a few attempts to find something suitable I settle on The Skuas. The Skuas are my father’s least favourite group because he thinks they are a bad influence on Matt and I. Both Dad and Uncle Tom say they have a lot to do with our rebellious behaviour and they have wiped several tracks from our playlists. Turning the volume control up, loud, I lie on my bed and let the bass convince me that what he doesn't know could somehow harm him."
 
I'd go with italics, for emphasis.
 
it is YA does that change viewpoints ? In his and my head he is trying to reach his father who is on a boat about four miles away, but I am hoping the scene will imply that and I don't need to say it.

Normally i wouldn't but this is about the fifth time I have sat down to read the chapter and thought this needed something.
 
I don't think capitals would bother me (the 'bad influence on... I' does, but only because I spoke exactly the same way as a teenager and my mother beat it out of me with relentless nagging). If you want to emphasise without using capitals, have you considered dashes?

"Turning the volume control up -- loud -- I lie on my bed and let the bass convince me that what he doesn't know could somehow harm him."

I think that's stronger than commas (don't ask me why).

"Turning the volume control up, LOUD, I lie on my bed and let the bass convince me that what he doesn't know could somehow harm him."

I really like that sentence, btw.
 
Thanks. I like it too it ends the chapter perfectly with a touch of foreshadowing. That is why I don't want to add to it with waffle about how loud. I keep changing the Matt and I to me and Matt or Matt and me - my own grammar sometimes tries to compete with Angus'.

Now you have me thinking I like this better as it highlights the sound and makes it look more like a considered choice:

"Turning the volume control up -- LOUD -- I lie on my bed and let the bass convince me that what he doesn't know could somehow harm him."
 
"As it's YA", you could go the whole hog and show the volume being turned up:
Turning the volume control up REALLY LOUD,
Click to expand...
I'd probably avoid using bold, though, or larger font sizes.
 
I did consider REALLY LOUD but felt it weakened the loud a bit. Hmm I am thinking
-- LOUD -- works but might even make it -- LOUD --

I agree about bold and I'll leave font sizes up to any publisher.
 
To be honest you don't need the word loud. The whole paragraph telegraphs the fact that the character is listening to loud music. You have him turning the music up and referring to the bass note. That in my opinion is enough. Also the inclusion of the word makes the sentence clumsy, as in it loses a bit of its power re informing the reader that he is thumbing his nose at his father.
 
I did try taking the loud out, but didn't like the sentence as much. I like the seperation between his action and the thought.

I have gone with:
"
After a few attempts to find something suitable I settle on The Skuas. The Skuas are my father’s least favourite group because he thinks they are a bad influence on Matt and I. Both Dad and Uncle Tom say they have a lot to do with our rebellious behaviour and they have wiped several tracks from our playlists. Turning the volume control up -- loud -- I lie on my bed and let the bass convince me that what he doesn't know could somehow harm him."
 
Does this say more about the character then simply use of -- loud --

Turning the volume up to ELEVEN I lie on my bed and let the booming bass convince me that what he doesn't know, could somehow harm him.

Reason I'm asking is because your latest version does read a bit flat, if you know what I mean. And using the eleven reference says to the readers that the character knows about the classic joke, that has sparked Marshall to add number eleven in their volume buttons.

From Wiki said:
"Up to eleven" or "these go to eleven" is an idiom from popular culture, coined in the movie This Is Spinal Tap, which has come to refer to anything being exploited to its utmost abilities, or apparently exceeding them, such as a sound volume control. Similarly, the expression "turning it up to eleven" refers to the act of taking something to an extreme. In 2002 the phrase entered the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary with the definition "up to maximum volume".[1]
Click to expand...
 
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Not really he isn't on Earth and whilst some culture has survived I think that one maybe stretching it too much... he and his friends share the likes of Sherlock (which is banned) round like it is porn. Angus refuses to look at the TV because of the way the media treat him.

Although I may try to think about an astronomy term that might work.
 
Ursa major said:
...because in space, one can only hear the really loud stuff.... ;):)
Click to expand...

lol

Although the beauty of my planet is they don't know that yet ;) I based it off one of those Fisher Price balls, you know with the green bottom and the rocking swan ? There is a crystal dome surrounding it and they can't get anything passed it.
 
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