Synopsis help

[Bowler1]

I have no real idea what I'm doing here, so there is only one place to go...

Culture Shock – Synopsis

The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race. We start with Lieutenant Isha-Redd, who later becomes a general, and he meets his future wife at a dance. We get to see him develop as a stronger character because of his friendship with Wal-Oth and follow him as he goes into action for the first time. His friendship with Thee-Lo, Ory-Pring and the guns he uses are links for later in the plot when he over throws his government in a coup to capture humans that have landed accidentally on his planet.

Carl, one of the main human characters in the book, awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. After a period of time he is picked up by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

To start with the Monco treat the captive humans very well, as they were unsure how to proceed. There is a Monco military takeover by Isha-Redd brought about by pressure from their war and a serious influenza outbreak. The flu, which affects both human and Monco, has a big impact on the Monco front line soldiers and leads to a ceasefire while they recover. Tual-Tac, the next main alien character also has the flu while fighting in the war. We also see Tual-Tac develop from a young and impressionable Monco into a tough fighting sergeant prior to him arriving at Fort Gri.

The take-over of Fort Gri, which Tual-Tac is a part, is under the direction of General Isha-Redd. This group do want answers and technology from the humans. This second group of aliens are under pressure to get results as the Monco war is far from settled, despite the ceasefire brought on by the flu.

The humans have nanotechnology that makes it difficult for the aliens to break the human group. The nanotechnology means humans can switch off pain, so humans can’t be tortured, the Monco do try. The humans can also communicate with each other via this nanotechnology, so solitary confinement and physiological pressure won’t work. The aliens prove the humans can communicate silently with each other by killing a likable human character, Sam. This calculated act of murder gets the humans talking Monco to the aliens. A skill all the humans had, but hid from the Monco. So pain won’t work, physiological pressure won’t work, the Monco are unsure what to do next when they hit upon a new idea. The aliens then take a chance and see if they can get humans addicted to drugs, which they can do very successfully. The Monco then get the information they want from the humans through the use of drugs.

When the human rescue does finally arrive, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd is not portrayed as likable; he will stop at nothing to get what he wants, which is why torture, murder and drugs were used on the humans. In reality, he has taken a personal gamble capturing the humans. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he then trades this technology with enemy elements on the other side of their war and brings about peace. His motivation for this is his long dead wife, who always hated the military and his undying love for her.

Through this storyline there is the friendship between the main human character and the main alien character, Carl and Tual-Tac. Tual-Tac has been changed by his experience of war, not always for good. Near the end, Carl accidently transfers nanotechnology to the alien while under the influence of drugs. Taking his opportunity the technology offers him, Tual-Tac deserts military service and escapes a difficult situation to start a new life.

There is plenty of deception used by Isha-Redd to achieve his ends, he double crosses a number of other officers on his way to capturing Fort Gri.

The Monco motivations are similar to human motivations, but there are constant differences between the two races which sometimes add humour, other times tension. Hence the title of the book, I think it suits the story well. It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love.

 

[The Judge]

I don't think you've got this right, Bowler -- you've inserted yourself into the narrative too much (eg the last para) and the timeline is all over the place at the beginning. I'm far from good at synopses myself but I'll try and have a play around with it, but in the meantime, can you do something about the size of the font, please. It needs to be a good bit bigger. Ta.


EDIT: I think you have to strip this to essentials and then work forward, eg something like

Isha-Redd meets the love of his life at a dance. The problem is [name] hates the army and warfare and he is a lieutenant in the [name of country] army engaged in a bloody war with its neighbours. [then talk of the war, his aims, marriage, her death]

When an alien race – known as humans – crash land on Monco, Isha-Redd, now a general, sees this as a way to...

Then bring in the coup, the torture etc -- not forgetting how it ends. I'd concentrate on him and what he does. I wouldn't name characters unless they play an important role in the synopsis (ie are mentioned at least twice).

Hope that helps a bit.

 

[Bowler1]

I'll review, Judge and come back. I'm far from happy with my current version and appreciate the help.

 

[Hex]

What TJ said (though I'm a bit hopeless at synopses(?) too).

Does it matter that Isha Redd meets his wife at a dance?

I think, also, if people are mentioned in the synopsis, we assume they're central characters.

In my opinion, as well as inserting yourself too much, you tell a bit too much. e.g.

Isha-Redd [is not portrayed as likable; he ]will stop at nothing to get what he wants, which is why torture, murder and drugs were used on the humans.

You don't need the bit in brackets -- it's clear from the rest of what you say.

Hope this is helpful.

(springs posted a list of the four questions you need to ask yourself when writing a synopsis -- it's in amw's thread in GWD -- it might help?)

 

[Bowler1]

Next version. Hopefully better. Hex, I have not made your changes here but they are noted.

Culture Shock – Synopsis

The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race.

We start with Lieutenant Isha-Redd, who he meets his future wife, Sci-Lo at a dance. We get to see him develop as a stronger character because of his friendship with Wal-Oth and follow him as he goes into action for the first time. He returns from the war having been promoted to a Major when he meets Sci-Lo again. She is part of a powerful industrial family with great wealth, an opportunity not lost on Isha-Redd.

Carl, one of the main human characters in the book, awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. After a period of time he is picked up by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

During the time Carl is on the surface of the alien world, Tual-Tac the next main alien character starts as an impressionable young Monco that is recruited into the army. We follow Tual-Tac into trench warfare and see him change into a hardened war veteran.

To start with the Monco treat the captive humans very well, as they were unsure how to proceed with the aliens they have captured. During this time a flu outbreak occurs that has a big impact on the front line fighting Monco troops and stalls their war. During the ceasefire there is a Monco military takeover by General Isha-Redd, who makes a grab for power when with a military coup. He captures the humans in this coup and realises he has an opportunity to get his hands on alien technology.

The take-over of Fort Gri, which Tual-Tac is a part is violent. Once Isha-Redd has the humans he sets about trying to break the humans as a group.

The humans have nanotechnology within their bodies that makes it difficult for the aliens. The nanotechnology means humans can switch off pain, so humans can’t be tortured, the Monco do try. The humans can also communicate with each other via this nanotechnology, so solitary confinement and physiological pressure won’t work.

The aliens prove the humans can communicate silently with each other by killing a likable human character. This calculated act of murder gets the humans talking Monco to the aliens. A skill all the humans had, but hid from the Monco. So pain won’t work, physiological pressure won’t work, the Monco are unsure what to do next when they hit upon a new idea. The aliens then take a chance and see if they can get humans addicted to drugs, which they can do very successfully. The Monco then get the information they want from the humans through the use of drugs.

During this phase when the humans are addicted to drugs a friendship between Carl and Tual-Tac develops. Tual-Tac has been changed by his experience of war, not always for good. Near the end, Carl accidently transfers nanotechnology to the alien while under the influence of drugs. Taking his opportunity the technology offers him, Tual-Tac deserts military service and escapes the army. A parallel tale of friendship between different races formed in difficult circumstances for both races.

When the human rescue does finally arrive, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants, which is why torture, murder and drugs were used on the humans. In reality, he has taken a personal gamble capturing the humans. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he then trades this technology with enemy elements on the other side of their war and brings about peace. His motivation for this is his long dead wife, who always hated the military and his undying love for her.

The Monco motivations are similar to human motivations, but there are constant differences between the two races which sometimes add humour, other times tension. Hence the title of the book, I think it suits the story well. It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

It is tighter, but i think it could go down even further. Thee is a lot of info there and really we just want to know who it is abiut, what they do, how it ends. I think the technology stuff and personal comments could be seperated from the main query and stuck into the query letter somewhere. And i think there needs to be a hook, a line near the beginning that makes us go ooooohhhh, and isha meeting his wife at a dance isnt it. Unless its done a it hotter

When isha- redd met his wife, he knew they were destined to be together...

Which in no way refelects your book, but putting the dance at the start makes it sound like it could go that way, if that makes sense? So i think it needs distilled down a little more to the main themes and characters.

But i, too, am hopeless at all things query and synopsis-y.

 

[Cosmic Geoff]

Next version. Hopefully better. Hex, I have not made your changes here but they are noted.

Culture Shock – Synopsis

The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race.

We start with Lieutenant Isha-Redd, who he meets his future wife, Sci-Lo at a dance. We get to see him develop as a stronger character because of his friendship with Wal-Oth and follow him as he goes into action for the first time. He returns from the war having been promoted to a Major when he meets Sci-Lo again. She is part of a powerful industrial family with great wealth, an opportunity not lost on Isha-Redd.

Carl, one of the main human characters in the book, awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. After a period of time he is picked up by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

During the time Carl is on the surface of the alien world, Tual-Tac the next main alien character starts as an impressionable young Monco that is recruited into the army. We follow Tual-Tac into trench warfare and see him change into a hardened war veteran.

To start with the Monco treat the captive humans very well, as they were unsure how to proceed with the aliens they have captured. During this time a flu outbreak occurs that has a big impact on the front line fighting Monco troops and stalls their war. During the ceasefire there is a Monco military takeover by General Isha-Redd, who makes a grab for power when with a military coup. He captures the humans in this coup and realises he has an opportunity to get his hands on alien technology.

The take-over of Fort Gri, which Tual-Tac is a part is violent. Once Isha-Redd has the humans he sets about trying to break the humans as a group.

The humans have nanotechnology within their bodies that makes it difficult for the aliens. The nanotechnology means humans can switch off pain, so humans can’t be tortured, the Monco do try. The humans can also communicate with each other via this nanotechnology, so solitary confinement and physiological psychological? pressure won’t work.

The aliens prove the humans can communicate silently with each other by killing a likable human character. This calculated act of murder gets the humans talking Monco to the aliens. A skill all the humans had, but hid from the Monco. So pain won’t work, physiological pressure won’t work, the Monco are unsure what to do next when they hit upon a new idea. The aliens then take a chance and see if they can get humans addicted to drugs, which they can do very successfully. The Monco then get the information they want from the humans through the use of drugs.

During this phase when the humans are addicted to drugs a friendship between Carl and Tual-Tac develops. Tual-Tac has been changed by his experience of war, not always for good. Near the end, Carl accidently transfers nanotechnology to the alien while under the influence of drugs. Taking his opportunity the technology offers him, Tual-Tac deserts military service and escapes the army. A parallel tale of friendship between different races formed in difficult circumstances for both races.

When the human rescue does finally arrive, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants, which is why torture, murder and drugs were used on the humans. In reality, he has taken a personal gamble capturing the humans. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he then trades this technology with enemy elements on the other side of their war and brings about peace. His motivation for this is his long dead wife, who always hated the military and his undying love for her.

The Monco motivations are similar to human motivations, but there are constant differences between the two races which sometimes add humour, other times tension. Hence the title of the book, I think it suits the story well. It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love.

I assume this is a synopsis intended for use in marketing the book. I have marked in red some bits that are not appropriate for this - or are simply mis-spelt. If you draft the synopsis well it will imply which characters or ideas are important by the number of words you devote to them.

As a story - it looks like it could be workable. But don't neglect the lessons of our own history: total war generally ends in total victory of one side, while a colonial squabble ends in the stronger power concluding that it's more trouble than it's worth, and asymmetric warfare involves a strong power baffled by a weak enemy who refuses to stop struggling. Hostage taking is only relevant in a context of non-warfare, and often results in an attempt to resolve the situation by violence. Weapons leak from high-tech states to low-tech states and other groups.
BTW, human technology is too complex to be handed over to aliens by a few individuals. On a sheet of paper, could you yourself explain to your aliens how to make a functioning Typhoon fighter? or even a Ford Focus?

 

[ctg]

I have no real idea what I'm doing here, so there is only one place to go...

Culture Shock – Synopsis - First Try

I read it and I could say I got the plot. The only thing I got was the main character and that there are aliens in the story.

Culture Shock [Not to be associated with the Banks Culture] - Synopsis - Second Try

I haven't yet read it, just copied to my clipboard and I can all ready see you're having trouble with it.

The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race.

We start with Lieutenant Isha-Redd, who he meets his future wife, Sci-Lo at a dance. We get to see him develop as a stronger character because of his friendship with Wal-Oth and follow him as he goes into action for the first time. He returns from the war having been promoted to a Major when he meets Sci-Lo again. She is part of a powerful industrial family with great wealth, an opportunity not lost on Isha-Redd.

No, no mate. This is not good. The synopsis is way too dry for the agents and editors to read, when it should read like a mini-story. You could have written:

Lieutenant Isha-Redd thought thatwar never changes, when he sets a foot on a trenches of his planet.Although in his mind, things has advanced a great deal, the Mongosfinds out that they aretechnologically in disadvantage, when they face offonslaugth of a human civilization.

Trenches, stationary warfare, machine guns, artillery barrages and all out charges doesn't seem to do anything on this silent foe. And it all seems lost, when a salvation arrives from a sky in a form an escape capsule. In it the Mongos find out Carl.

He quietly thinks everything is lost, when the furry aliens transport him to a monastry like fortification called Fort Gri. But to his amazement the captors not only treat him, but also his fellow beings surprisingly well. And a bit by a bit he starts to trust them; eventually forming a friendship with Tual-Tec, when warring parties broker a cease fire.

The aliens however doesn't release the captivities as the general Isha-Redd takes charge of the prison complex. His aim is to find out how the invaders communicate silently. And to achieve that he's not going to stop for nothing. Everything is on table, even if it means that he has to torture or make them to drug-slaves.

It is in one those drug infused sessions, when Carl opens up and accidentally transfers nanites into Tual-Tec. Learning that not all humans are monsters that Isha-Redd paints them to be, the alien deserts the army and escape the service with the breakthrough technology hidden in his body.

He hides among the civilisation and stays there at the end, whenhumans broker a peace deal with the General Isha-Redd.




​

Now I know that what I have written above might not be what your story is a like, but I wrote it so that you can see how you could develop the synopsis on your own, and make it sound like a mini-story. I skipped the whole wife thing as I didn't know how to fit the thing in and make it sound like one of them main plot-lines. However, I do believe you can do that, given time, aim and will in your part. So don't be disgruntled even if my thing sounds a like perversation of your synopsis. It is there to give you an example on how you could do it.

 

[Abernovo]

Hi Bowler.
I'd agree with CG on removing the narration- the 'we start/sees'. I'm pretty poor on synopses as well (is there anyone out there who's good at them?), but I approach them in a similar way to how I had to write a synopsis fir a scientific paper: from an impersonal perspective - 'I' do nothing, 'we' do nothing, but 'this happened, resulting in X'

I wouldn't normally rewrite things, but all I've done in this case is excise words and change a few 'humans' to 'them'. I've added a couple of commas, as well, but, apart from the last paragraph these are all your words. Please forgive me. If it's useful, feel free to take any part of it. If not, just ignore it and mutter about me.

Culture Shock – Synopsis

The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race.

Lieutenant Isha-Redd meets his future wife, Sci-Lo at a dance. Soon after, he goes into action for the first time accompanied by his (friend/mentor?) Wal-Oth. He returns from the war, having been promoted to Major, and meets Sci-Lo again. She is part of a powerful industrial family with great wealth, an opportunity not lost on Isha-Redd.

Carl, a human , awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. He is caught by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

While Carl is on the alien world, Tual-Tac, an impressionable young Monco, is recruited into the army. Tual-Tac also experiences trench warfare, becoming a hardened veteran.

To start with, the Monco treat the captive humans well, as they were unsure how to proceed with the aliens they captured. A flu outbreak occurs, affecting the Monco troops on the front line and stalling their war efforts. During the ceasefire, there is a Monco military coup by General Isha-Redd. He captures the humans and realises he has an opportunity to get his hands on alien technology.

The take-over of Fort Gri, which Tual-Tac takes part, is violent. Once Isha-Redd has the humans, he sets about trying to break them as a group.

The humans have nanotechnology within their bodies making it difficult for the aliens. This nanotechnology allows humans to switch off pain, so they can withstand tortured. The humans can also communicate with each other via this nanotechnology, so solitary confinement and psychological pressure won’t work.

The aliens kill one of the human captives. This calculated act of murder gets the them talking to the Monco. The Monco are surprised to learn that the humans know the Monco language. Still desperate to gain their military secrets, the Monco use drugs to get the information from the humans.

During this time, a friendship between Carl and Tual-Tac develops. Tual-Tac has been changed by his experience of war, not always for the better. A drugged Carl accidently transfers nanotechnology to Tual-Tac. Taking the opportunity the technology offers him, Tual-Tac deserts military service.

When the human rescue finally arrives, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants. In reality, he has taken a personal gamble capturing the humans. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from them, he can trade it with enemy contacts and brings about peace. His motivation is his undying love for his long dead wife, who always hated the military.

In the end, the Monco are similar to humans, the similarities and differences shown by both humour and drama. It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love.

 

[Hex]

My other random thought is that it feels like a lot of 'and then this happens, and then that does'.

It doesn't need to -- e.g. "Days before his unit sees action for the first time, Lieutenant Isha-Redd meets a beautiful girl at a dance..."

I don't know if you need that information, but it stops the 'and then he does this... and then that'

I wonder, though, if your 'when' is actually later on -- with Carl being captured by the aliens, because that's when the story gets going (or is it?). I don't know how much of Isha-Redd's back story you need to relate or if you could get away with:

"General Isha-Redd, a war-hungry Monco obsessed by his beautiful wife, does this and then that...."

You could tighten too -- e.g. "He returns from the war, having been promoted to Major". could become "He returns a Major"

 

[Bowler1]

A better version, one Abernovo should see a lot in, all my own words of course... I have tried to use some emotional words as well, I think this improves the read, thanks as ever to my buddy CTG. Hex, there is a time gap between Major Isha-Redd and General Isha-Redd, will need to ponder.
Geoff, your comments on technology have been carefully noted as the ending is not written yet, so I'll be careful with trying to maintain an ending with a real feeling to it.

Culture Shock – Synopsis


The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race.

Lieutenant Isha-Redd meets his future wife, Sci-Lo at a dance and is struck by her beauty. Soon after he goes into action for the first time; he meets Major Wal-Oth who becomes his friend and mentor before his first battle. Isha-Redd fights well and he returns from the war, having been promoted to Major, and meets Sci-Lo again. She is part of a powerful industrial family with great wealth, an opportunity not lost on Isha-Redd.

Carl, a human, awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. Rescue fails to arrive and he is caught by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

While Carl is on the alien world, Tual-Tac, an impressionable young Monco, is recruited into the army. Tual-Tac experiences harsh and cruel trench warfare, becoming a hardened veteran and killer.

To start with, the Monco treat the captive humans well, as they were unsure how to proceed with the aliens they have captured. A flu outbreak occurs, affecting the Monco troops on the front line and stalling their war efforts. During the ceasefire, there is a Monco military coup by General Isha-Redd. He captures the humans and realises he has an opportunity he cannot pass up to get his hands on alien technology.

The take-over of Fort Gri, which Tual-Tac takes part, is a violent betrayal of Ory-Pring, a past friend of Isha-Redd. Once Isha-Redd has the humans, he sets about trying to break them as a group.

The humans have nanotechnology within their bodies making it difficult for the aliens. This nanotechnology allows humans to switch off pain, so they can withstand being tortured. The humans can also communicate with each other via this nanotechnology, so solitary confinement and psychological pressure won’t work.

The aliens kill one of the human captives. This calculated act of murder gets the humans talking to the Monco, something the Monco had suspected the humans were capable of. Still desperate to gain their military secrets, the Monco use addictive drugs to get the information from the humans.

During this time, a friendship between Carl and Tual-Tac develops. Tual-Tac has been changed by his experience of war, not always for the better. A drugged Carl accidently transfers nanotechnology to Tual-Tac. Taking the opportunity the technology offers him, Tual-Tac deserts military service in a desperate bid for freedom.

When the human rescue finally arrives, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants as failure is not an option for him. Failure would mean war for the Monco, and a traitors death for him if his coup fails. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he can trade it with enemy contacts and brings about peace. His motivation for this grab for power, gambling with his life, is his undying love for his long dead wife, who always hated war.

In the end, the Monco are similar to humans, the similarities and differences shown by both humour and drama. It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love.

 

[Hex]

Culture Shock – Synopsis

OK -- so there are three protagonists: (1) Isha-Redd, (2) Carl and (3) Tual-Tac.

Do you need Tual-Tac's story here?

These are just random thoughts, Bowler, but I'd suggest the synopsis needs start off shorter and tell a single, very coherent story. I think the story is probably Isha-Redd's. Once the flow of that one is clear, maybe add either Carl's or Tual-Tac's (Carl's doesn't come to an end, though, so maybe Tual-Tac?). Ignore any bits that don't work for you.



When General Isha-Redd's beloved wife dies, he plunges into a wild plan to respect her memory by ending war on his planet forever. His means to do this are the captive humans held in the secure facility of Fort Gri.

His chance comes when human flu escapes into the population and infects frontline troops, and he seizes power in a deadly military coup forcing a cease-fire. When his forces reach Fort Gri, he discovers the humans will not share their technology and sets about trying to break them as a group. [you know, I would say upfront why Isha-Redd wants the human technology -- it mightn't be the way it works in the book, but I think the synopsis doesn't have to follow the reveals of the book in the same way]

Human nanotechnology allows them to withstand torture and communicate with each other despite solitary confinement; psychological pressure doesn't work.

Left with no alternative, Isha-Redd orders the killing of one of the human captives. This calculated act of murder persuades the remaining humans to communicate with the Monco at last. Still desperate to gain their military secrets, the Monco use addictive drugs to get the information from the humans.

When the human rescue finally arrives, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Failure would mean war for the Monco [but they're already at war, aren't they? or did Isha-Redd stop it? ok -- I tweaked above], and a traitor's death for him if his coup fails. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he can trade it with enemy contacts and brings about peace. [I think this needs to be more specific -- maybe Isha-Redd has something specific he's looking for to trade with his enemy? Does he force a cease-fire on the condition that he can share the human technology?] His motivation for this grab for power, gambling with his life, is his undying love for his long dead wife, who always hated war.

 

[Bowler1]

Good point, Hex, I'm still following the general plot line as it unfolds, which I don't have to do.

An interesting observation on Tual-Tac, he could almost be cut from the synopsis, but he is one of the main characters and key to the plot. Mostly as a coalface Monco POV, while Isha-Redd is the big plot line.

I feel like such a newbie again.

 

[Hex]

I hate these things.

OK -- I guess the thing you need is the conflicts of the characters you want us to care about. So Isha-Redd's is in there but what's Tual-Tuc's?

And Carl wants to be rescued -- which is a bit passive maybe?

This sort of stuff makes my head hurt and my eyes glaze over, but it might be useful if you have the sort of brain that works on patterns like this (I wish I did):

http://www.publishingcrawl.com/2012/04/17/how-to-write-a-1-page-synopsis/

 

[alchemist]

I feel like such a newbie again.

Synopses tend to have that effect on us all.

I think it can be tightened quite a bit more, although the limit on your word count will have a hand in what you can do.

Culture Shock – Synopsis


The Monco, are an alien race with a level of technology similar to World War I on earth and with a similar conflict. This means the humans are the advanced race. I'd suggest dropping this para. You'll get it in through mention of the humans spacefaring, and maybe something like trenches and artillery for the Monco. Then you can start with the protagonist's story.

Lieutenant Isha-Redd meets his future wife, Sci-Lo at a dance and is struck by her beauty. Soon after he goes into action for the first time; he meets Major Wal-Oth do you need him? who becomes his friend and mentor before his first battle. Isha-Redd fights well and he returns from the war, having been promoted to Major, and meets Sci-Lo again. She is part of a powerful industrial family with great wealth, an opportunity opportunity for what? You haven't mentioned what drives him, as you do near the end not lost on Isha-Redd.

Carl, a human, awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. Rescue fails to arrive and he is caught by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

While Carl is on the alien world, Tual-Tac, an impressionable young Monco, is recruited into the army. Tual-Tac experiences harsh and cruel trench warfare, becoming a hardened veteran and killer. this para splits the narrative. You could leave mention of T-t until he has an effect on the plot

To start with, the Monco treat the captive humans well, as they were switch to past tense unsure how to proceed with the aliens they have captured. A flu outbreak occurs, affecting the Monco troops on the front line and stalling their war efforts. During the ceasefire, there is a Monco military coup by General Isha-Redd to bne less passive, maybe say "I-R stages a coup..." . He captures the humans and realises he has an opportunity he cannot pass up to get his hands on alien technology.

The take-over of Fort Gri, which Tual-Tac takes part, is a violent betrayal of Ory-Pring, a past friend of Isha-Redd again, probably don't need to mention it. If you do, you could do it from I-R's POV and up his internal conflicts e.g. His determination to bring about peace forces I-R to betray his former friends.... Once Isha-Redd has the humans, he sets about trying to break them as a group.

The humans have nanotechnology within their bodies making it difficult for the aliens. This nanotechnology allows humans to switch off pain, so they can withstand being tortured. The humans can also communicate with each other via this nanotechnology, so solitary confinement and psychological pressure won’t work. You could shorten it a little e.g. The humans are difficult, given their nanotechnology allows them to withstand pain and secretly communicate with each other

The aliens kill one of the human captives. This calculated act of murder gets the humans talking to the Monco, something the Monco had suspected the humans were capable of. Still desperate to gain their military secrets, the Monco use addictive drugs to get the information from the humans.

During this time, a friendship between Carl and Tual-Tac develops If toy dropped T-T here for the first time, i think it'd be okay. Tual-Tac has been changed by his experience of war, not always for the better. A drugged Carl accidently transfers nanotechnology to Tual-Tac. Taking the opportunity the technology offers him, Tual-Tac deserts military service in a desperate bid for freedom.

When the human rescue finally arrives, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants as failure is not an option for him. Failure would mean war for the Monco, and a traitors death for him if his coup fails. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he can trade it with enemy contacts and brings about peace this is the first mention of his core beliefs. I think it'd be better to get that in early, then his actions are more understandable. His motivation for this grab for power, gambling with his life, is his undying love for his long dead wife, who always hated war.

In the end, the Monco are similar to humans, the similarities and differences shown by both humour and drama. It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love. good for a query, maybe not for a synopsis; but it all depends on the demands of your publisher/agent!

 

[Boneman]

Aah, the synopsis. We can write 120,000 words of spiffing action and razzmatazz, but we struggle with a synopsis, myself included. But I seem to be okay at writing other people's, so let's look at a few suppositions first.

A synopsis must tell the story. That's all. Simple, really, when it comes down to it. It doesn't include your thoughts (the last bit - that belongs on your submissions letter), and it should just follow the action, synopsising, so we get a taste of the book, and where it's going. To be honest, I'm somewhat confused by the names and the characters, and who did what to whom, so I'd simplify it a great deal. You seem to be trying to tell the story from three different characters, so I'd ask you: "Whose story is this?" and concentrate on him/her. If you have two different worlds, with two main characters (one in each world) you can still do it, but it has to be handled with care.

I think you're trying to get over too much detail, which is swamping the synopsis. Telling us 'this means the humans are the advanced race' is confusing right at the start, because you've mentioned World War I. Now I could assume you mean that we're in 2012 and the Monco (you may have to change that, once you've seen 'Blazing Saddles'....) are a hundred years behind us. In which case wouldn't it be simpler to say just that? (Actually the nanotechnology puts this in our future, so I'm really confused now.) Or leave it out as an entree and introduce it where it's relevant? I've no idea where your story starts, but assume it's in the Monco pov, because you say 'we start with...etc'. But I'm not drawn to Isha-Redd, and I can't see him doing anything that would draw me to him, unfortunately. I've no idea who Wal-Oth is, what sex they are even! Since he's never mentioned again, it's pointless having him/her in the synopsis.

And what war has Isha-Redd returned from? Against whom? Because humans are coming, I'm confused on this point. I assume different races of the Monco are in conflict, but I have no way of knowing.

That's three assumptions I've had to make from your synopsis, and I'm pretty sure an agent will have given up by now, because they want your synopsis to tell them what's what. And when did Isha-Redd get promoted to General? You introduce him and then we don't hear from him again until the other two characters have been introduced. And the biggest confusion for me is

This calculated act of murder gets the humans talking Monco to the aliens.

Who the heck are the aliens? If we start in Monco pov, then the humans are aliens (Isha-Redd wants to get his hands on Alien technology, remember?) Is Tual-Tac a Monco? Does he go to war with Isha-Redd? Not knowing your story, it's difficult to attempt trimming this synopsis, but here goes: (Ignore them if they're complete rubbish! - they're very short, I should point out...)

Version 1: Carl Perkins awakes to find himself in the hands of Aliens. He was supposed to be observing the planet (Dubriferkin), but a systems malfunction sends an escape capsule to the planet's surface, and he and his men do not resist capture. Their technology is overwhelmingly superior to their captors, and they do nothing that might reveal it. A war is raging on the planet and they are captured by (no idea what to put here, as I don't know if the Monco are fighting the Donco, or if the whole planet are Monco and it's the Northern tribes that are fighting the Southern) and held in a secure fort. The introduction of humans to the planet has an unforseen consequence, when flu devastates the aliens. (not sure if that's so, of course) In a lull in the fighting, opposition General Isha-Redd seizes power of his armies in a coup, and attacks the fort where Carl and his men are held. He is determined to use their superior technology to win his war.

But torture and physiological pressure have no effect; the nanotechnology of Carl and his men allows them to resist, easily. Desperate, the Monco use drugs, causing the men to become addicted, and their secrets are revealed. When rescue for Carl arrives Isha-Redd ransoms them for the technology they possess (which seems a bit daft, surely the vastly superior humans would just waltz in and take back their men and nuke the planet?) and then shares the technology with the Donco (whoever the opposition are) bringing lasting peace to his planet.

Version 2: Monco commander Isha-Redd has fought war for as long as he can remember. Promoted through ability, he rises through the ranks and commands battalions against the Donco, his avowed enemy. Relentless trench warfare has gone on for years, with neither side coming close to winning. When a human spacecraft lands and Carl Jenkins and his crew are captured by the enemy, Isha-Redd sees his chance when their arrival unintentionally causes a flu pandemic. He siezes power, and launches an overwhelming attack on the fort where they're held, and capture them.

Torture and murder do little to break Carl and his men. Unknown to the Monco, they possess nanotechnology that allows them to resist, and they do nothing to reveal it. With the war still raging, Isha-Redd is desperate to get the technology Carl possesses. By causing a drug addiction in the humans, Isha-Redd finally gets what he wants, and when rescue arrives for Carl, Isha-Redd ransoms them for the technology. But he shares the technology with his enemy, and creates a lasting peace on his planet.

I haven't done one for Tual-Tac, I can't see him as anything but a bit-part player. Unless you want the technology he gets to create the rescue for Carl? ie Tual-tac calls them with the technology he's got? But then, why wouldn't Carl and the others do that?

These are very short versions, but you could flesh them out with important details, that advance the story, as necessary. Good luck with it.

 

[Bowler1]

This version is really short, but I'm liking it a lot more. Anyway, here it is.


Culture Shock – Synopsis

Isha-Redd has fought in wars all his life and has been promoted through the ranks until he reaches the rank of General. The wars the Monco are fighting are becoming more deadly and ruthless as their technology advances, as does he.

Carl, a human, awakes to discover himself in an escape capsule on the surface of an alien planet. He is not supposed to be there as the ship he was in was only meant to observe the Monco. Rescue fails to arrive and he is caught by the Monco and brought to a secure facility, Fort Gri.

To start with, the Monco treat the captive humans well, as they were unsure how to proceed with the captured aliens. A flu outbreak occurs, affecting the Monco troops on the front line and stalling their war efforts. During the ceasefire, General Isha-Redd takes his chance and through a violent coup seizes power and his prize, the humans.


The humans have nanotechnology within their bodies making it difficult for the aliens to break the human group. After failed brutal attempts the Monco finally use addictive drugs that shatter the human group as they sink into the depths of despair and addiction.

When the human rescue finally arrives, Isha-Redd holds the humans ransom for human technology. Isha-Redd will stop at nothing to get what he wants as failure is not an option for him. Failure would mean war for the Monco, and a traitors death for him. With the technology Isha-Redd gets from the humans, he brings about peace by giving away the human secrets to the enemy. His motivation for this is his undying love for his long dead wife who hated war.

It is a story of friendship, war and the power of love.

 

[Stephen4444]

Hi, I really like this synopsis. Good writing... best synopsis I've seen in a while. The only tic I have, is... the last paragraph,

humans ransom for human,

which is correct; but also sounds repetitive. I think "humans ransom for their" would sound better.

This version is really short, but I'm liking it a lot more. Anyway, here it is.

When the human rescue finally arrives, Isha-Redd holds the [humans ransom for human] technology.

 

[Bowler1]

Yeah, I think this version pack a nice little punch. Loads of details missed, but I think it gives enough information that some tired agent will wade into the full version.

Thank you everyone for your input, I'm very grateful as ever.