Philosopher
Philosopher
- Joined
- May 6, 2011
- Messages
- 81
I've got the feeling it comes across a little boring, but that may be because I've read it many times over. Please let me know what you think, I'm more interested in how you receive it than nit-picky editing at the moment. Many thanks in advance!
If at any point you get bored, stop reading and let me know why, thanks.
P.S I sometimes get formatting issues when pasting from msft word, where words get bunched / paired together. I've tried to make sure this isn't the case but if you spot one please ignore it.
------
James crept through the woods, he was hunting a well-sized boar, or so the tracks suggested.
It was cold for spring time, his feet felt the bite from the ground and his breath steamed a tinting mist in front of him. The greenery had taken it’s time to show up this year, so he found himself amongst scantily clad trees, but also some greener ones with fruits trying to grow.
He went to the ground and examined a fresh print. He was getting closer. The thrill sent him faster, trying to be quieter, heart beating quicker, sweatier. The fatally sharp tip of the spear he carried caught his eye as he moved forward, it pushed his beat harder.
The thought of bacon teased his hunger further and his stomach screamed at him for it, quickly, quickly, find the pig now! Just beyond the enclosure ahead he heard the distinct snap of a dry twig on the ground, the pig was there! He could almost smell roasting pork, it danced on his nose as he tried to control his breathing and make it quieter.
He crouched behind the bushes and gently prized his way through, being as stealthy as could be. What he saw shocked him more than if an Icewolf had charged at him.
He’d never seen her before, she certainly wasn’t from the village and it was a very peculiar thing for a non-villager to be in these parts of the outskirts. He had to force himself to look away and back again, in case she wasn’t real. Yep, still there, the most beautifully intriguing girl he’d ever seen. Her skin glowed like mature honey or light oak and her hair was the colour of well nourished soil, but silky, and her eyes were a deep, vigorous brown.
“What’re you looking at?” She said.
He realised that he’d been staring at her longer than he thought. “I’m sorry, I...” Those words came but with them nothing. “I...”
“Come out of those bushes would you. How long have you been spying on me?”
As he edged out she lurched backwards, her eyes pointing at his spear. He quickly jammed it into the ground and she eased. “I wasn’t spying on you! Where are you from?”
She was looking at him in a way no one had ever looked at him before; it was quite odd but also very nice. Her eyes were wide, curious, but also very welcoming with a gentle smile to accompany them. Her teeth were very white and small and they were not perfectly straight, though that made them more attractive. “I’m Nicola,” she said.
“James,” he said, kicking himself that he’d forgotten his manners and hadn't introduced himself first.
“I am from Avenia,” she said.
“My uncle has told me about those with skin tanned from birth. It’s quite amazing to see in life. What are you doing here? You must be lost.”
She giggled. “In Avenia we have people of all skin colours, but this place is quiet, I like it. I won’t be here long. Come, I’ll show you,” she grabbed his hand and led him away.
They walked further from the village than James usually goes, through lush plains scattered with daisies and over a stream, and finally she stopped him near some woods which nestled at the foot of a hill.
“We can’t be seen,”
By who? James thought.
They slipped into the woods and around the hill, and they crawled through the bushes until there was an opening where they could see into a huge valley beyond.
“My father’s army.”
The words hit him before his eyes could process what he saw. That’s what it was: an army! He’d never seen anything like it. Never had he seen so many people, or so many tents, or so many horses or sheep or pigs or so many of... well any of it!
The tents were white pyramids of many different sizes. The flags had jade backgrounds and the shape of a white jagged leaf as the emblem.
“Is that the emblem of Avenia?”
“Yes, of the Avenian Guard. Look it’s on their shields too,” she pointed at one of the guards manning the edges of the camp.
The shields were huge, of a jade tinted metal and shaped like a leaf, rounder at the top end and sharp at the bottom. “Why are you travelling with an army?” was all James could find to say.
She was quiet for a second. “We’re travelling south to honour an ancient allegiance. Father says that war is brewing and that it is our duty to go.”
“Is your mother with you?” James found the thought of a Warman marching with his daughter most unusual. “Are you royalty?”
She said nothing.
“Nicolaaaa!” He heard a voice bellow from the distance.
“Oh, mud cakes! We’d better go.” She got up and crept through the woods, he followed her. They went back the way they came.
“Nicola!” The sound was closer now.
“Run!” she bolted.
They sprinted across the plains and he heard, “there she is!” and the sound of metal clanking, groaning under the strain of the chase, this he’d never heard before. It sent shivers down him, such an unnatural sound.
“Quickly!” she said.
He looked back to see four men gaining on them. Their swords were sheathed but the blades sung an unsavoury tune to him and it fired him onwards. He grabbed Nicola’s hand and pulled her into the woods they’d met in, then they scrambled to the stream and into a canyon that the water ran through, and then through a cave that was as dark as night, it went on for some time but finally they arrived at his favourite place, the hidden lake.
All around it was a thick wall of trees, aside from the path leading to it. They sat on a fallen tree trunk. It was smooth and dry, but cold. She shot an intense smile at him, and when he let out a huge breath and started panting as if he’d been holding it that whole time, she laughed at him so hard he couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
“Why are they chasing you?” James finally managed to catch a moment with enough breath to speak.
“Father said not to leave the camp.”
“What would they have done to me if they’d caught us?”
“Depends on what they thought your intentions were,” she said coldly. This place is beautiful,” she was looking in the direction of the lake.
“My favourite,” he said. The sky cast a crisp reflection of milk and gentle silver over the water. Through that there was ochre, rich rust deep set in the bed and blackish green weeds grew under the crystal clear water, swaying ever so subtly.
Schools of fish glided tranquilly and then out of nowhere they’d find reason to dart off, only to fall back into their original flow once more, and all was calm in the water again.
If at any point you get bored, stop reading and let me know why, thanks.
P.S I sometimes get formatting issues when pasting from msft word, where words get bunched / paired together. I've tried to make sure this isn't the case but if you spot one please ignore it.
------
James crept through the woods, he was hunting a well-sized boar, or so the tracks suggested.
It was cold for spring time, his feet felt the bite from the ground and his breath steamed a tinting mist in front of him. The greenery had taken it’s time to show up this year, so he found himself amongst scantily clad trees, but also some greener ones with fruits trying to grow.
He went to the ground and examined a fresh print. He was getting closer. The thrill sent him faster, trying to be quieter, heart beating quicker, sweatier. The fatally sharp tip of the spear he carried caught his eye as he moved forward, it pushed his beat harder.
The thought of bacon teased his hunger further and his stomach screamed at him for it, quickly, quickly, find the pig now! Just beyond the enclosure ahead he heard the distinct snap of a dry twig on the ground, the pig was there! He could almost smell roasting pork, it danced on his nose as he tried to control his breathing and make it quieter.
He crouched behind the bushes and gently prized his way through, being as stealthy as could be. What he saw shocked him more than if an Icewolf had charged at him.
He’d never seen her before, she certainly wasn’t from the village and it was a very peculiar thing for a non-villager to be in these parts of the outskirts. He had to force himself to look away and back again, in case she wasn’t real. Yep, still there, the most beautifully intriguing girl he’d ever seen. Her skin glowed like mature honey or light oak and her hair was the colour of well nourished soil, but silky, and her eyes were a deep, vigorous brown.
“What’re you looking at?” She said.
He realised that he’d been staring at her longer than he thought. “I’m sorry, I...” Those words came but with them nothing. “I...”
“Come out of those bushes would you. How long have you been spying on me?”
As he edged out she lurched backwards, her eyes pointing at his spear. He quickly jammed it into the ground and she eased. “I wasn’t spying on you! Where are you from?”
She was looking at him in a way no one had ever looked at him before; it was quite odd but also very nice. Her eyes were wide, curious, but also very welcoming with a gentle smile to accompany them. Her teeth were very white and small and they were not perfectly straight, though that made them more attractive. “I’m Nicola,” she said.
“James,” he said, kicking himself that he’d forgotten his manners and hadn't introduced himself first.
“I am from Avenia,” she said.
“My uncle has told me about those with skin tanned from birth. It’s quite amazing to see in life. What are you doing here? You must be lost.”
She giggled. “In Avenia we have people of all skin colours, but this place is quiet, I like it. I won’t be here long. Come, I’ll show you,” she grabbed his hand and led him away.
They walked further from the village than James usually goes, through lush plains scattered with daisies and over a stream, and finally she stopped him near some woods which nestled at the foot of a hill.
“We can’t be seen,”
By who? James thought.
They slipped into the woods and around the hill, and they crawled through the bushes until there was an opening where they could see into a huge valley beyond.
“My father’s army.”
The words hit him before his eyes could process what he saw. That’s what it was: an army! He’d never seen anything like it. Never had he seen so many people, or so many tents, or so many horses or sheep or pigs or so many of... well any of it!
The tents were white pyramids of many different sizes. The flags had jade backgrounds and the shape of a white jagged leaf as the emblem.
“Is that the emblem of Avenia?”
“Yes, of the Avenian Guard. Look it’s on their shields too,” she pointed at one of the guards manning the edges of the camp.
The shields were huge, of a jade tinted metal and shaped like a leaf, rounder at the top end and sharp at the bottom. “Why are you travelling with an army?” was all James could find to say.
She was quiet for a second. “We’re travelling south to honour an ancient allegiance. Father says that war is brewing and that it is our duty to go.”
“Is your mother with you?” James found the thought of a Warman marching with his daughter most unusual. “Are you royalty?”
She said nothing.
“Nicolaaaa!” He heard a voice bellow from the distance.
“Oh, mud cakes! We’d better go.” She got up and crept through the woods, he followed her. They went back the way they came.
“Nicola!” The sound was closer now.
“Run!” she bolted.
They sprinted across the plains and he heard, “there she is!” and the sound of metal clanking, groaning under the strain of the chase, this he’d never heard before. It sent shivers down him, such an unnatural sound.
“Quickly!” she said.
He looked back to see four men gaining on them. Their swords were sheathed but the blades sung an unsavoury tune to him and it fired him onwards. He grabbed Nicola’s hand and pulled her into the woods they’d met in, then they scrambled to the stream and into a canyon that the water ran through, and then through a cave that was as dark as night, it went on for some time but finally they arrived at his favourite place, the hidden lake.
All around it was a thick wall of trees, aside from the path leading to it. They sat on a fallen tree trunk. It was smooth and dry, but cold. She shot an intense smile at him, and when he let out a huge breath and started panting as if he’d been holding it that whole time, she laughed at him so hard he couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
“Why are they chasing you?” James finally managed to catch a moment with enough breath to speak.
“Father said not to leave the camp.”
“What would they have done to me if they’d caught us?”
“Depends on what they thought your intentions were,” she said coldly. This place is beautiful,” she was looking in the direction of the lake.
“My favourite,” he said. The sky cast a crisp reflection of milk and gentle silver over the water. Through that there was ochre, rich rust deep set in the bed and blackish green weeds grew under the crystal clear water, swaying ever so subtly.
Schools of fish glided tranquilly and then out of nowhere they’d find reason to dart off, only to fall back into their original flow once more, and all was calm in the water again.
