Tecdavid
Verdentia's Gardener
I was speaking with some of the others about first chapters , just recently, and it got me wondering whether mine was any good. I've written an alternate chapter, quite a bit different from this, but I'd like to gather a few opinions on this one (or the first 1080 words of it) before showing anyone the alternate.
Thanks very much.
~~~~~~
The clear night sky did little to please the soldiers in black. Their uniforms, dark and durable, melded well against their cool, still surroundings: the forest-covered valley. A silence was shared between the five men, doing well to keep them discreet, though it wasn’t long before the group’s most restless member stood up to gaze over the night-steeped cliffside. That hardy helmet of his helped hide his enthusiasm, and his anxiety.
‘Can’t you feel them?’ he muttered. ‘I can. Sharper than ever before, I’d reckon.’ He almost jittered with anticipation. A rotund soldier, wielding what appeared to be a lance, tried to soothe the man.
‘Think of it like any other assignment: we head down, we force our way through, we leave fretting for later. We know you care for a little slaying, so be thankful the pickings are rich. Endbringers are hardly the most coordinated marks, Avion. You should know not to let their numbers scare you.’
Avion slowed and nodded quietly. There was something very strange about Endbringers. The very sight of so many could mould your emotions like putty, riling your mind, sending your senses into a frenzy. They all knew it. The peculiar beings crept through the shadows, through the murk, through each and every nook and cranny your mind would never dare think about. Places where you could only envision fear being spun and woven. That’s where they spawned, and what better place to suit them than here? Amidst this particular valley?
Avion hated the place. His company weren’t at all keen on it either.
‘Loc!’ Avion hollered. The squad leader was rather used to the nickname. ‘It’s started, I can see it! They’ve begun to swarm.’
The soldiers’ heads shot up, suddenly tense, and they quickly joined Avion overlooking the cliffside. The valley beneath was filled with twisted trees, like a monstrous mouth filled with fangs. Thousands of branches reached up to a cold, merciless moon, all tangled and chaotic. The Endbringers had grown restless. Something odd filled their still, plagued hearts tonight. Only through an occasional gap in the forest’s muddle could the soldiers see the swarm.
Their leader turned to the lancer,
‘Warze, fend off their largest for as long as possible. Overpower any if you get even the slightest chance, but for the Light’s sake, pull back if they grow too troublesome. We cannot afford even the slightest casualty. Not tonight. Not with so few of us.’
Warze nodded, still peering down into that ever-darkening maw.
‘Vorne, you’ll fight alongside him. Back him up if the situation demands it.’ He took a quick look over the edge himself. ‘And tonight, we may very well need all the help we can get.’ A blade-wielding soldier, slim, long-limbed and silent, gave a simple nod.
‘Marley, you’ll join me in the battle behind Warze and Vorne. We’ll keep the littler ilk at bay until the Soulus charges. Only then will we have a chance at besting the lot of them.’
‘Then, home,’ said Avion, sighing a smile.
‘But just how long will it take to charge?’ asked Marley.
To that, the leader looked hesitant, and worried. ‘That, I cannot say. The Soulus is volatile . . . The Vaidriant Sphera’s Light may simply refuse to shine in a place such as this, where its villain resides.’ A little uncertainty pricked his sullen, troubled face. ‘I’ve . . . never had to fight down here before. Krieliss is their territory. Their advantage. It’d only be wise to imagine what makes the Light here glimmer so sparsely.’ He raised his head skyward, as if to challenge the very night, noticing the worried way his men shifted. ‘All I hope is that I can lead you as capably down here as anywhere else.’
The soldiers didn’t respond. They didn’t want anyone’s guard lowered by words of comfort or kindness. They would wait, and let the battle decide how their leader fared here of all places. Krieliss was a place where night seemed endless. A place where winds cut like daggers, where mountains were earth-born claws, and where screams blew like gales from the emptiest hollows. It wasn’t moonlight, lamplight, or candlelight Loc spoke about. It was a light of their own. A different Light. Something brighter, and truly unwelcome in a land like this.
‘Avion,’ the leader went on, ‘I want you to keep the Ethereal in a form befitting a firearm. Attend to the enemies of the air.’
Avion nodded and reached into a sealed pocket of his belt, from which he produced what looked like a glowing orb. It shimmered, though sat still. Yet there was something about that shimmer which promised it held great worth, and value.
The soldier focussed hard with the orb in his grasp, and felt it slowly reshape. The air – the very reality – around it began rippling, warping as the bizarre object performed its shifting dance. Within seconds, the orb had grown, moulded, reshaped into something peculiar but brutal. Something like a bow-gun, resting firmly in Avion’s grasp. The others watched, and none did so much as blink.
Everyone rose, clutching their weapons tight, trying to block out the sounds of those Endbringer hordes, writhing in their masses. The Endbringers they were about to leap into the midst of.
The last moments of peace were then shattered by a roar from the lightless, thorn-like trees behind them. A beast, lithe as a lion, built like a bear, but bigger than both, leapt for them from those woods. An Endbringer at last.
Marley was the one to react. His battlestaff struck the beast clean across the face, swiping by its eyes. The creature was blinded, and what followed for it was a fatal stab through the skull. It fell, having been mere inches from ravaging Marley’s neck. He knew how to deal with this particular sort of Endbringer. He and the others had been selected for this assignment for a reason.
‘Now!’ Loc bellowed. ‘Each of you, I want to see you down there now!’ He was now well aware they hadn’t any time to waste. The soldiers leapt over the edge – an act that’d be declared insane by anyone else. But each knew their mission, each knew their strengths, and each knew their foes’ weakness. Their kind weren’t as quick to fall as the demon on the clifftop, so long as the slightest shard of hope still shimmered.
A capable swordarm was nothing without inner strength to keep it steady.
~~~~~
I should probably mention: The narrative might have seemed a bit distant, but there is in fact a reason for this, given by the end of the chapter. Still, please say so if it came across as bothersome.
Thanks very much.
~~~~~~
The clear night sky did little to please the soldiers in black. Their uniforms, dark and durable, melded well against their cool, still surroundings: the forest-covered valley. A silence was shared between the five men, doing well to keep them discreet, though it wasn’t long before the group’s most restless member stood up to gaze over the night-steeped cliffside. That hardy helmet of his helped hide his enthusiasm, and his anxiety.
‘Can’t you feel them?’ he muttered. ‘I can. Sharper than ever before, I’d reckon.’ He almost jittered with anticipation. A rotund soldier, wielding what appeared to be a lance, tried to soothe the man.
‘Think of it like any other assignment: we head down, we force our way through, we leave fretting for later. We know you care for a little slaying, so be thankful the pickings are rich. Endbringers are hardly the most coordinated marks, Avion. You should know not to let their numbers scare you.’
Avion slowed and nodded quietly. There was something very strange about Endbringers. The very sight of so many could mould your emotions like putty, riling your mind, sending your senses into a frenzy. They all knew it. The peculiar beings crept through the shadows, through the murk, through each and every nook and cranny your mind would never dare think about. Places where you could only envision fear being spun and woven. That’s where they spawned, and what better place to suit them than here? Amidst this particular valley?
Avion hated the place. His company weren’t at all keen on it either.
‘Loc!’ Avion hollered. The squad leader was rather used to the nickname. ‘It’s started, I can see it! They’ve begun to swarm.’
The soldiers’ heads shot up, suddenly tense, and they quickly joined Avion overlooking the cliffside. The valley beneath was filled with twisted trees, like a monstrous mouth filled with fangs. Thousands of branches reached up to a cold, merciless moon, all tangled and chaotic. The Endbringers had grown restless. Something odd filled their still, plagued hearts tonight. Only through an occasional gap in the forest’s muddle could the soldiers see the swarm.
Their leader turned to the lancer,
‘Warze, fend off their largest for as long as possible. Overpower any if you get even the slightest chance, but for the Light’s sake, pull back if they grow too troublesome. We cannot afford even the slightest casualty. Not tonight. Not with so few of us.’
Warze nodded, still peering down into that ever-darkening maw.
‘Vorne, you’ll fight alongside him. Back him up if the situation demands it.’ He took a quick look over the edge himself. ‘And tonight, we may very well need all the help we can get.’ A blade-wielding soldier, slim, long-limbed and silent, gave a simple nod.
‘Marley, you’ll join me in the battle behind Warze and Vorne. We’ll keep the littler ilk at bay until the Soulus charges. Only then will we have a chance at besting the lot of them.’
‘Then, home,’ said Avion, sighing a smile.
‘But just how long will it take to charge?’ asked Marley.
To that, the leader looked hesitant, and worried. ‘That, I cannot say. The Soulus is volatile . . . The Vaidriant Sphera’s Light may simply refuse to shine in a place such as this, where its villain resides.’ A little uncertainty pricked his sullen, troubled face. ‘I’ve . . . never had to fight down here before. Krieliss is their territory. Their advantage. It’d only be wise to imagine what makes the Light here glimmer so sparsely.’ He raised his head skyward, as if to challenge the very night, noticing the worried way his men shifted. ‘All I hope is that I can lead you as capably down here as anywhere else.’
The soldiers didn’t respond. They didn’t want anyone’s guard lowered by words of comfort or kindness. They would wait, and let the battle decide how their leader fared here of all places. Krieliss was a place where night seemed endless. A place where winds cut like daggers, where mountains were earth-born claws, and where screams blew like gales from the emptiest hollows. It wasn’t moonlight, lamplight, or candlelight Loc spoke about. It was a light of their own. A different Light. Something brighter, and truly unwelcome in a land like this.
‘Avion,’ the leader went on, ‘I want you to keep the Ethereal in a form befitting a firearm. Attend to the enemies of the air.’
Avion nodded and reached into a sealed pocket of his belt, from which he produced what looked like a glowing orb. It shimmered, though sat still. Yet there was something about that shimmer which promised it held great worth, and value.
The soldier focussed hard with the orb in his grasp, and felt it slowly reshape. The air – the very reality – around it began rippling, warping as the bizarre object performed its shifting dance. Within seconds, the orb had grown, moulded, reshaped into something peculiar but brutal. Something like a bow-gun, resting firmly in Avion’s grasp. The others watched, and none did so much as blink.
Everyone rose, clutching their weapons tight, trying to block out the sounds of those Endbringer hordes, writhing in their masses. The Endbringers they were about to leap into the midst of.
The last moments of peace were then shattered by a roar from the lightless, thorn-like trees behind them. A beast, lithe as a lion, built like a bear, but bigger than both, leapt for them from those woods. An Endbringer at last.
Marley was the one to react. His battlestaff struck the beast clean across the face, swiping by its eyes. The creature was blinded, and what followed for it was a fatal stab through the skull. It fell, having been mere inches from ravaging Marley’s neck. He knew how to deal with this particular sort of Endbringer. He and the others had been selected for this assignment for a reason.
‘Now!’ Loc bellowed. ‘Each of you, I want to see you down there now!’ He was now well aware they hadn’t any time to waste. The soldiers leapt over the edge – an act that’d be declared insane by anyone else. But each knew their mission, each knew their strengths, and each knew their foes’ weakness. Their kind weren’t as quick to fall as the demon on the clifftop, so long as the slightest shard of hope still shimmered.
A capable swordarm was nothing without inner strength to keep it steady.
~~~~~
I should probably mention: The narrative might have seemed a bit distant, but there is in fact a reason for this, given by the end of the chapter. Still, please say so if it came across as bothersome.
