When nouns smother verbs

[Brian G Turner]

So I'm trying to learn about grammar, which is a serious flaw in my own writing.

I'm currently reading Vex, hex, smash, smooch by Constance Hale, a very chatty book on grammar issues, specifically handling verbs.

An early section immediately stands out as something I probably suffer with, though - smothering verbs with nouns.

I'm going to make a note of this for my editing:

Often there is a perfectly good verb buried within a noun - especially in nouns that ... end in -tion, -sion, -ment, -ance, ity.

Some examples:

The senior sent an application
becomes
The senior applied

We entered into an agreement
becomes
We agreed

She gave us a demonstration
becomes
She demonstrated
or
She showed us

All depends on style and voice I'd presume, but still something I'll try and look out for.

 

[Juliana]

Interesting point! Not sure if I do this or not, but I'm going to keep an eye out. I certainly prefer the sound of the verb instead of the noun; more direct and active. Of course, as you say, depends on style of text but still something to keep in mind.

 

[Brian G Turner]

It's been pointed out that I struggle with noun-verb relationships, and when I've rewritten according to my editor's recommendations, the text can feel so tight and strong. I need to be able to spot at least some of these errors in my editing draft.

 

[sknox]

That's a great observation. I'm guilty of same.

I recently started a document that I think is going to turn into my Editor's List, a checklist of things to do after I'm done writing but before I send the work off to an editor. It's a short document now, but I just added a note to look for constructions like this one. FWIW, the only other part of the document is a list of words to search for (passive voice words, conjunctions, etc.). But I can envision a longer document that would be tailored to my particular writing weaknesses and tics.

 

[nightdreamer]

I know I've filtered some of those out in the regular cycle of revision, but I'm sure they'll stand out a little more now. Thanks.

 

[Esfires]

What you're describing is something called a derivational word ending. Derrivational endings added to a word impart either a semantic change, a part-of-speech change, or both. For more direct writing, it is a good general rule to avoid derrivational endings and use only the base morphemes of a word (i.e. the word in its simplest form). That doesn't mean that this is something you should do all the time, though. A sentence can be too direct.

 

[Erin99]

I've always tried to remove needless words from my writing, yet I know some are hard to miss. I always itch if I see "started to", "tried to", or "began to" consistently in people's work (yes, I know I just wrote it ). I'm sure I wrote a list of them on my website, but I can't remember them all now.

My flaw is that I am too long-winded with description rather than that my prose is full of needless words*, and I need to learn that readers don't need to see every little thing I envisage! So tough...



*Doesn't mean I don't have any, however.

 

[BetaWolf]

I find that for our writing challenges, if I write over the limit then trim the scene down to the word limit it makes things stronger.

Strong, short sentences sometimes have more dramatic effect. Han Solo's last line in The Empire Strikes Back was "I have long been aware of your lingering notions of affection towards me."

 

[Biskit]

Some examples:

The senior sent an application
becomes
The senior applied

We entered into an agreement
becomes
We agreed

She gave us a demonstration
becomes
She demonstrated
or
She showed us

All depends on style and voice I'd presume, but still something I'll try and look out for.

I think the context matters as well. If you have a character mentioning a conversation down the pub about a fishing trip, then 'we agreed to go fishing at the weekend' would seem right, but if it was 'well, your Honour, we agreed to launch a seriously risky multi-million pound business' then 'entered into an agreement' might work better or offer a different emphasis.

 

[Ronald T.]

I think it all comes down to "Author's voice". What feels most natural and satisfying to the writer? Do you like the "cake" alone, or do you like a little frosting on top? I think it's a matter of choice. Do you like a few curves on the ladies you find attractive, or do you like them thin as a broom handle? It's a matter of choice, and, ultimately, what you wish your particular voice to be. We can't all be the same. How boring would that be?

 

[Wiglaf]

So I'm trying to learn about grammar, which is a serious flaw in my own writing.

I'm currently reading Vex, hex, smash, smooch by Constance Hale, a very chatty book on grammar issues, specifically handling verbs.

An early section immediately stands out as something I probably suffer with, though - smothering verbs with nouns.

I'm going to make a note of this for my editing:



Some examples:

The senior sent an application
becomes
The senior applied
The senior applicationed.

We entered into an agreement
becomes
We agreed
We have accepted the inevitability of agreeing in principle to entering into an agreement.

She gave us a demonstration
becomes
She demonstrated
or
She showed us
She demonstrationed ...

All depends on style and voice I'd presume, but still something I'll try and look out for.

Just be sure to extract the verb from the noun before you bury the noun in a verb.
I have added some changes suggested by my alma mater's Rady School of Management.

 

[Ronald T.]

I noticed that my "Like" option is missing from my post above. Does anyone no why this might be? Just wondering. Thanks!

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I noticed that my "Like" option is missing from my post above. Does anyone no why this might be? Just wondering. Thanks!

You'll find that your "like" option is missing from all your posts. That's because you can't "like" your own posts. It sort of defeats the whole purpose -- which is to show appreciation for your fellow Chrons' opinions, rather than to collect "likes".

 

[Wiglaf]

You'll find that your "like" option is missing from all your posts. That's because you can't "like" your own posts. It sort of defeats the whole purpose -- which is to show appreciation for your fellow Chrons' opinions, rather than to collect "likes".

Ahhh mannn ... bogus

 

[Ronald T.]

You'll find that your "like" option is missing from all your posts. That's because you can't "like" your own posts. It sort of defeats the whole purpose -- which is to show appreciation for your fellow Chrons' opinions, rather than to collect "likes".

Darrrr! Thank you so much, Dusty. Sometimes I feel like such a maroooon. It's so obvious, yet it never crossed my mind. I made the mistake of thinking I needed to do something to make it show up. It just goes to show how misguided people's thoughts can be at times. I must admit, I'm a bit embarrassed, but deeply thankful for your helpful input. Thanks again.

 

[tinkerdan]

I ran in to something similar to this when someone critiqued my work and it took a while to figure out what they were saying.
In my case I had used some good verbs and then put too many words around them.
When I look at those they seem similar to passive sentences; where the sentence becomes so chatty that it needs a good trimming.