Two months before...

[Hex]

Hello lovelies,

I have a section in my wip where I need to backtrack a couple of months and I'm looking for a way to do it gracefully. Although not-painfully-clunkily would also do.

Something like "To understand the events of which I speak, gentle reader, we must look back two months to the day the chimpanzee ate Mother..."

only, as above, not clunky.

Heeeeelp? Any thoughts/ suggestions/ speculations about chimpanzees welcome.

 

[crystal haven]

Could this character have a diary, and look back two months to the event they'd written down?

 

[thaddeus6th]

I quite like the diary idea. Another could be finding a two month old birthday card/present, or a receipt for something sentimental/plot-important.

Or, if it fits, you could have a healed (or healing) injury/bruise. Character notices it, and then dreamily goes back to how it happened.

 

[Hex]

Thank you

It's not so much that they'd have trouble remembering what happened (it's critical, life-changing stuff and there's no way she'd have forgotten) -- more the wording of introducing the backstory.

So really, how do I write: "And now, we must cast our minds back two months..."

but better?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I usually try for a visual/auditory clue-link.
The hall's tiles were pink, just like the ones two months ago.... (only lots, lots better.)

 

[Abernovo]

You could have a second character refer to an event to your first character, perhaps? The first person could ask if anything's changed from two months ago, or ask what was happening back then. That sort of thing.

Chimpanzees: never, ever, steal their food - they'll get their revenge.

 

[alchemist]

I'm assuming first person present here...

So -- "It had all started two months before, just before Midsummers Eve..."

An event might make it more natural sounding.

 

[Hex]

Thank you

I didn't know that about chimpanzees, Aber, but I'll make sure to never steal their food.

 

[Boneman]

When you backtrack, how much will there be? A para, a page, a chapter? I have done this in my wip, and (I think) it works quite well, because I segued seamlesslyfrom one to t'other, using a phrase that went like this:

“You can trust any man or woman who wears one of these,” Joseph said. ***
Fallon had told me to trust no one.
“Including you?” I'd asked her.
“Especially me,” she replied.

Then I carried on the action from a month ago (so two months could work just as well) and when I reached the end of the chapter, the next one picked up the action in the present. Might work for you, if you can find a connector...

 

[HareBrain]

I usually try for a visual/auditory clue-link.

Yes, you need everything going wavy like on the TV.

You have an advantage in that your main story is in present-tense, so merely going into past-tense will be a sign that we've shifted backwards. But simply starting the "flashback" chapter/scene with a line like "The day Mum ate the chimpanzee dawned as bright and clear as the eyes of a puppy that had just done a poo of which it was very proud", or something. No, not "or something" -- exactly that.

 

[Boneman]

Stupid line arighting... It should have been printed like this:

“You can trust any man or woman who wears one of these,” Joseph said.
***
Fallon had told me to trust no one.
“Including you?” I'd asked her.
“Especially me,” she replied.

the *** to denote a passage of time...

 

[Ursa major]

It's not so much that they'd have trouble remembering what happened (it's critical, life-changing stuff and there's no way she'd have forgotten) -- more the wording of introducing the backstory.

So really, how do I write: "And now, we must cast our minds back two months..."

but better?

Well, you could make it more dramatic by avoiding the need for a specific, separate narrator who exists outside the boundaries of the story, and giving the segue to the PoV character, as here (in third person, in this example):

Suddenly, without warning, her mind thrust her back to the events of two months ago, when...

But better, obviously.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Done various versions of this. I tend to not have some one tell another, but rather show the scene. Don't be afraid to jump a scene backwards, as long as the flow of the story goes forward. (does that make sense?)



Night had come to the battlefield bringing with it the cries of those abandoned in no-man’s-land. Even these faded into sullen silence, as the cold finished the job the machine guns had begun at dawn.

It had been just the night before

One day.

One push over the top ago.

 

[Glitch]

Whereas normally I use # for a scene break. I'm using ~ to separate dreams/flashbacks from the main action. Haven't had any beta feedback on it as yet.