Fear of Finishing?

[Chel]

I wrote a new rant in my blog here on the Chrons. I tried putting my finger on why, when all I want is to finish the first draft of my first book (finally, after three years) so I can start the next one, I still don't just get to it.

I came to the conclusion that either I'm just lazy, very, very lazy, or that, alternatively and more agreeably to myself, I have Fear of Finishing.

I can almost see myself saving and closing the document, sitting back in my chair with the corners of my mouth reaching my ears, and taking a deep breath of relief. I can imagine the feeling of completion, and I can imagine my husband having to hold me back from jumping right into the revision, maybe placating me with some red wine.

I want that. I want to call my mother and brother and aunt and brag about having finished, and I want to pester my friends to read the whole thing and tell me everything that is bad about it.

But I have Fear of Finishing. I have probably less than 10.000 words to go, 3-4 chapters should do it. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of days if I wasn't procrastinating. I even have a good, inspiring plan for my next project, and I'd like to write that during NaNoWriMo camp this month. I'm eager to use all I have already learned from the almost-finished draft of the WIP in the next one.

I'll miss my characters, though. I will miss Sorellia, especially now that she's stopped feeling so sorry for herself and isn't crying all the time. I'll miss Lucas, who has been such a treat to write in all his glorious arrogance and creepiness. I'll miss Auric, loyal, gentle Auric who would have deserved someone better than Amilia. And Tidric and his way of always knowing what to say to make Valmarian feel stupid. But most of all I'll miss Valmarian, even if he's spent most of the book kicking himself over all the things he should have done differently.

Do they all die (in my mind) after I finish the book? Do they fade away to become distant memories, so I have to read my own story again and again if I want to keep them alive? They have only this one story in them, at least as far as I know right now. When it's all told, it's over. For more than three years I've been there in beautiful, vibrant Astelor with them, or in foreboding, hectic Vicerda. For three years I've been guided every bit as much by these characters as they have bent to my will, and soon, it will all be said and done.

I thought the middle part was supposed to be the most difficult to write. Turns out, for me, that the end will be at least as hard, but for different reasons.

Does anyone else suffer from this malady? The Fear of Finishing? Does it go away, or at least get easier, with time? And how do I tackle it?

 

[Perpetual Man]

I'd love to offer a bit of support and say, 'yes I do!' but the answer is no, but I think this something that comes down to the way people write.

And we all write differently.

The thing is that we invest a lot of time and effort into the characters and the events that shape the story they tell, and bringing it to an end is a huge thing, something that should be celebrated and deserves those phone calls and glasses of wine!

For me when I start writing I know how the story will end.

In my current case I knew the book ended with a door slamming closed and writing toward that was the thrill. The closer I got the more anticipation there was for the end. Until I wrote those words, sank back into the chair and just relaxed at having reached the point I was waiting for.

 

[alex_riveiro]

Does anyone else suffer from this malady? The Fear of Finishing? Does it go away, or at least get easier, with time? And how do I tackle it?

I don't think I suffer the Fear of Finishing as you've described it, but something similar...

When I finished my book (that was 2 years ago) I was worried the ending wasn't giving justice to my characters, to all the time (and years) I had put into creating them and creating the universe. In fact, when I wrote what was originally going to be the ending, I realized I needed to continue to write a bit more (around 20k+ words?, maybe less, but around that number) to bring proper closure for some of them, to let them move on with their lives with something else than what had happened to the other characters.

It will never go away, I think. Finishing a book is just as hard as starting it. And even if you want to finish it, you'll realize you're farther away from than you initially thought (I remember telling my family I was "about to finish it" for a month and half before I actually finished the text).

So, some of those characters I made, are on the second book too. Which means they are still alive (if I go by your reasoning) and therefore they haven't become fading memories. But some other characters had, and I put just as much time as I did with the others. To be honest, yes, I think they are now distant memories for me, but I think they are distant memories that didn't just live through my words, also made me learn something.

Like Ahrz, who was a character at the start of that book that, at some point, out of the blue, decided he wanted to do something very different. A rebel character, if you want. His story was closed on book 1, he won't be in book 2, but I feel good about it, because I feel I brought his story to a meaningful level as the book progressed.

In the end, yeah, it'll probably never go away. Those are your characters, you're attached to them (even more if you've tried to let them tell you how to write the story, rather than force them write the story as you want) and that feeling of bitterness when finishing will probably stay with you forever. But if you've done justice to their memories and have completed their stories, you shouldn't be sad, you should be happy that now, those characters you've lived with for three years, will be known by your readers

 

[Brian G Turner]

I used to have problems finishing a piece of work - it felt like so much effort to get near the end, that actually ending the first draft seemed so much unnecessary work.

I think it's like when you go on a long and tiring walk, it always feel worse when you're almost home/reached the car.

There's also the possibility that, on some level, you are dissatisfied with what you're working on. Looking back I was never entirely happy with the early works, but wasn't sure why.

Just slog on and find something that possesses you.

 

[Tecdavid]

It could just be down to apprehension. Three whole years spent with this story, world, and these characters! Of course you'll feel attached to them, and of course it'll feel strange (and sad) to walk away from them once all is said and done. Of course, if there's still the editing to do, you'll see it again yet!
Writing the ending didn't come too difficultly for me, but, like Perpetual, that could be because I had something particular in mind -- I knew what I wanted to do. Maybe that softened the blow for me. But what is scary about the ending is that... well... it's the end! Your story's twists and turns reach the end of the road at last. Your character's hardships erupt, and the lessons they've each learnt are blossoming. The ending is where everything concludes, so it's not just emotional on the writer, but challenging too.

As with any other bothersome scene, it might just be best to go for it, treat it like any other part of the story, and see how it turns out. That whole editing process is there to make changes or corrections if you don't think it's good enough. You certainly sound passionate enough, so if you just give it a shot, you might find it comes more naturally than you think.

 

[Chel]

Thank you all for the support.
I'm making progress, difficult as it is... but I also feel that what I write is good. A very common problem I have is I tend to rush, as I'm so eager to advance the plot. But now that I'm getting close to saying goodbye (until revision time) to my darling characters, I'm taking my time and enjoying it.

Having said that, with my impatient nature, I should have gone for a quicker-paced hobby, like growing trees. Or knitting. I sort of wish I had had that choice.

 

[Chel]

I did it I did it I did it!
I finished it!

I'm close to tears, I'm so emotional right now, but I DID it!

So, uhm.... does "The End" come before the epilogue or after...?

 

[Boneman]

After. And don't worry in the slightest - in the next year or so there will be a few rewrites of the whole thing, a few new characters, a new storyline and you'll be visiting them so often, it's like you've never been away. Put it to one side for three months, re-read it, and you'll see what I mean...

 

[sknox]

Don't worry, you aren't really done!

From my perspective, no work is ever done, it's just due.

There is 'done' in the sense of 'I have written all the scenes I have in mind to write.' But that's not done. Once the editor reviews it ... heck, once I myself review it, then there are scenes to rewrite, scenes to delete, and new scenes to write.

At some point, someone comes along and yanks it out of my hands. That might be a publisher (hasn't happened yet) or it might be myself, deciding to self publish. Either way, the work isn't so much done as it is out of my reach. Which is a good thing or else I'd never stop torturing ... er, revising ... the poor darling.

 

[nightdreamer]

I was thinking along the lines of sknox. What is "done?" When I've written the last word of the last paragraph of the last chapter, I know it's anything but done. It goes to bed for a while until I get back to it for the first round of revisions. I get to that point with a shout of jubilation.

I don't have any sense of characters dying. They're always there, always alive, always embroiled in their adventure, and I can experience knowing them all over again each time I revise the work. They live forever.

 

[Tyburn]

In Hollywood, as soon as a writer types "THE END" that's it and the next day it's on the shelves.

We all know that to be utter felgerkarb.

As soon as you've typed "THE END", that's when the real work starts.

It's taken me two years to put the last five chapters into my work, through starting a new job and having one which, for a change actually challenged me both intellectually and physically. I've only recently typed the two mythical words, which then lead to a complete re-reading, giving a copy to a friend (who loved it by the way) and a few little alterations here and there. I'm now satisfied that it's in good enough shape to be published, even though it does only tip the scales at 50 000 words.

For the moment, I'm waiting on a couple of other people's feedback and starting the planning on the sequel. In a while I'll go back to the original and re-read it once more to make sure it's all okay.

Best of luck with your endeavours people, if I can get to this point working nights as a hospital sterile services technician then I can see no reason you couldn't.

 

[The Judge]

I did it I did it I did it!
I finished it!

I'm not sure how I missed this, but WELL DONE!!

But as someone once said, this is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning...