Help! Punctuation crisis!

[Hex]

I'm having another crisis of punctuation. Because, you know.

Does anyone have any brilliant suggestions for punctuating this?

The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale; sure sign it was uncanny.

It feels like the semi is too much but maybe a comma wouldn't be enough. A dash, maybe, but there seems to be a belief going around among US agents (including the redoubtable Janet Reid) that dashes should only be used as parentheses.

 

[The Judge]

The immediate suggestion which comes to mind is a full stop after "tale" and inserting an "A" before "sure". The next is a long dash between the clauses instead of the semi-colon (though I'd still like an "a" in there).

The two "was"es are making me a tad uncomfortable, though. (A sure sign of uncanniness...? Nah.)

 

[DaCosta]

Personally, feels like a comma to me but wouldn't it read:
The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale, a sure sign it was uncanny.

That's my gut feeling.

 

[Kylara]

(pssst Hex, you don't get white horses they are 'grey' as in they have black skin but white hair The only white horses you get will have pink skin and blue eyes - sort of albino in the rarity)

I'd like an 'a' before sure, and I agree with TJ about the full stop

 

[Hex]

(it's not really a horse )

I put an 'a' in before but took it out because it makes it feel a little too stilted (in my head) -- is there no way this can work without the 'a'?

 

[Mouse]

You can have white horses with pink skin.

But anyway, I'm with TJ.

 

[Dozmonic]

(it's not really a horse )

I put an 'a' in before but took it out because it makes it feel a little too stilted (in my head) -- is there no way this can work without the 'a'?

It looks clumsy without the indefinite article. If it was in dialogue you could get away with it. Otherwise it should be kept in.

 

[Boneman]

The horse was all white, a sure sign it was uncanny, like something from a fairy tale.


The white horse is uncanny, not the fairy tale?

 

[Hex]

Cheers, you guys.

It's first person so I reckon I can get a little closer to a dialogue-like voice (if that makes sense). I just have a thing for it without the article just now. Not sure why. It's how she sounds in my head.

Yes. Uncanny horse. Do you think the original sentence is ambiguous?

 

[Boneman]

Cheers, you guys.

It's first person so I reckon I can get a little closer to a dialogue-like voice (if that makes sense). I just have a thing for it without the article just now. Not sure why. It's how she sounds in my head.

Yes. Uncanny horse. Do you think the original sentence is ambiguous?

No, just badly punctuated... It just seems laid the wrong way round. But if:

The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale - sure sign it was uncanny, she thought.

It's still awkward, but we're more definitely directed by it being a thought...

 

[Mr Orange]

hex, not knowing the context, and being one who loves to overuse ellipses... that's what i would use. something like this:

It was all white, like something from a fairy tale... A sure sign the horse was uncanny.

 

[HareBrain]

Good heavens, this is one of those rare occasions when you can justifiably use a colon and you're not going to take it?

The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale: a sure sign it was uncanny.

Otherwise, I've heard publishers are on the lookout for manuscripts with more mathematical punctuation, and you could quite easily use "which implies" here and even cut a few words:

The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale => uncanny.

 

[Ursa major]

The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale; sure sign it was uncanny.

The horse was all white, a sure sign it was uncanny, like something from a fairy tale.


The white horse is uncanny, not the fairy tale?

I have a different problem, which has nothing to do with the punctuation. (BM's post prompted this line of thought, so that's why I included it here.)


My issue is with the logic of the narrator, who knows the horse is uncanny because it's all white. And yet all white horses being uncanny is something from a fairy tale.i.e. not real life. This doesn't make sense.

If the narrator had said

The horse was all white. Did this mean, as it would in a fairy tale, that the horse must be uncanny?

that would be a logical train of thought. (I'm assuming that fairy tales are not considered to be the height of truth in the world of the book.)

 

[Beef]

Good heavens, this is one of those rare occasions when you can justifiably use a colon and you're not going to take it?

The horse was all white, like something from a fairy tale: a sure sign it was uncanny.

+1 from me

 

[prizzley]

My issue is with the logic of the narrator, who knows the horse is uncanny because it's all white. And yet all white horses being uncanny is something from a fairy tale.i.e. not real life.

Who uses logic IRL?

 

[Hex]

Thanks, you guys

I think I'll go with a comma.

 

[sallyember]

I am a former English grammar teacher, FYI.

Here are my suggestions:
1) use the two em (long) dashes to bracket the phrase, as Janet of Query Shark suggests.
The horse was all white—like something from a fairy tale—sure sign it was uncanny.

2) Re-arrange the sentence:
Like something from a fairy tale, the horse was all white, a sure sign it was uncanny.

Those being offered, I do not like the use of the adjective "uncanny" in this context. It really is a poor word choice. What meaning are you striving for, here?
Unexpected? Bewitched? Magical? Scary? Extraordinary/paranormal?
Decide, and use the word that precisely captures your intended meaning.

Best to you.

 

[Hex]

Thanks for your suggestions, sallyember, and welcome to the Chrons