Poem: fender bender epiphany

[SDNess]

fender bender epiphany
April 23, 2005

i. crash

5:12 p.m. set off
Friendly's, a bite to eat
greasy post-game SuperMelts
display on my mind's window shield

take two rights, one stop sign
one traffic light, right on red
accelerate a tad, there's a hill
then go straight for a long, long time

now the memory get's fuzzy...

something happens here,
but i don't know what

the sunlight acute to my rig
billy corgan grieves through speakers

i must have looked left
or down at the radio
what...
what did i do?

my Chevy s.u.v. keeps cruising
but the little rascal doesn't care
that my eyes - the babysitters -
are off duty at the moment

i look straight forward again
& all i remember seeing
is a small sedan…too close
to the hood of my car

this image, still in my mind
more antiquated as i review again & again
the horror!

i slam the brakes
but not quickly enough...

BAM, BANG, BOOM!
now the sedan is an accordion

ii. realize

5:14 p.m. banged up
me...maladroit
SuperMelts fried from recollection

mind tremors: a rippling of vesicles
mouth opens: holy **** with repeated ****'s
my adolescent egotism raped
by my own precariousness

engines off, doors open
apathetic eyes worry, but don't help

are you okay?
my head hurts!
i'm sorry
you have to stop! hit the brakes!

three analog, synthesized beeps
the ballad of emergencies:
nine-one-one

sirens in the distance
a sole engine roaring
the ambulance arrives
freakishly quick
anyone hurt?

another truck flanks mine
the chief of police's
what happened?

this scene...this debacle
is all because of...me

any doubts concerning my worldly role
have vanished
adolescent existentialism gone
i'm definitely alive
deadly, in fact

iii. endure

6:02 p.m. set free
i'm driving alone again
able to roam wherever
Friendly's hasn't closed!
but...

i'm shackled with guilt
dirty with carelessness

there is only one place to go
a two minute drive home

i replay the hour's events over & over
infinite reruns for i'm in denial

myriads of apologies
never said i'm sorry so many times
nor talked legally with an officer
nor copied insurance numbers like a scrivener
...never before

i pass dad driving
he's ignorant of my latest debacle
& so his smile is accompanied by
jocular body language that radiates
from his reddened skin

him, passing by, an arrow through my heart
like another car hitting me head on

the guilt continues to cook in my gut

i reach home, driving slower than usual
a warrior returning after a brutal skirmish
but luckily not from a massacre

mom's hard to find, but i do find her
she delivers the anticipated moans & shrieks
why? how could you?

& so i wait...

dad comes home
are you okay? are you okay?
the man of rationale
his face is placid & stoic
hazel eyes offer comfort

everything's going to be fine

 

[Tsujigiri]

That is very evocative. I won't say I like it because that would be disrespectful, but it certainly conveys the experience powerfully.

 

[SDNess]

Thank you.