Study: Half a King - opening chapter

[Brian G Turner]

I thought I'd run a commentary on Joe Abercrombie's opening chapter, posted to io9, as it highlights so many things about strong writing - and openings.

I'll link rather than repost, as I wouldn't want to fall foul of any copyright rules:
An Exclusive First Look at Joe Abercrombie's Next Novel, Half a King

There was a harsh gale blowing on the night Yarvi learned he was a king. Or half a king, at least.

The story opens with the wind providing a sense of foreboding. And then is immediately modified - this is no "great" king, but "half" a king. Already it invites the reader to ask themselves how someone can only be a half king.

A seeking wind, the Gettlanders called it, for it found out every chink and keyhole, moaning Mother Sea's dead chill into every dwelling, no matter how high the fires were banked or how close the folk were huddled.

It's not just a gale - the wind is named and described. To continue the opening tone, this wind "moans" with a "dead chill". An ominous wind indeed!

It tore at the shutters in the narrow windows of Mother Gundring's chambers and rattled even the iron-bound door in its frame. It taunted the flames in the firepit and they spat and crackled in their anger, casting clawing shadows from the dried herbs hanging, throwing flickering light upon the root that Mother Gundring held up in her knobbled fingers.

He's still building on the tone - notice all the choice verbs: tore, rattled, taunted, spat, crackled, clawing.

However, he already showed tone in the previous paragraph. Why do that here? Two reasons, perhaps:

1) context - we can see immediately this is a pre-industrial society,
2) place - the previous paragraph was a general sense of place - now he's bringing us directly into the scene: the room where the action that follows will happen.

'And this?'

Notice how he jumps straight into dialogue? While he lets us know in the next line that we're seeing this from the perspective of Yarvi, also note what Abercrombie is NOT doing: there is no following infodump about the woman, Yarvi, the people, their history, their current situation, why they are sat here, what they did last Thursday, etc etc etc.

Mother Gundring tossed the root aside. 'Ministers must sometimes reach for dark things.'
'Ministers must find the lesser evil,' said Yarvi.
'And weigh the greater good.

Instead of infodumping, Abercrombie is immediately letting the characters describe their conflicts immediately. The above is a good example of this: she is teaching him about use of poisons, and that for his position to come, he must consider doing "dark things".

His counter - about finding the lesser evil - demonstrates that Yarvi is in conflict with this situation. He obviously doesn't believe in doing "dark things" at the moment, but he is being told that sometimes you must for the good of everyone - the "greater good".

There is a little more dialogue to establish setting and character - notice how it works in dialogue, rather than the author tell the reader through an introspective infodump? Then we get to:

'And I'll be Prince Yarvi no more.' All he felt at that thought was relief. 'I'll have no family and no birthright.'

The character is making clear what they want. The emotional development arc is clearly being set.

He meant he lacked the courage, but lacked the courage to admit it.

Again, more setting up of the character Yarvi.

There's plenty more than follows - we learn about the hand, which explains "half a king" in the opening, plus there's a little humour about Yarvi's great skill at making tea.

And then this warm and cosy world is shattered with strong verbs and portentous imagery:

The door banged wide and that seeking wind tore through the chamber. The flames in the firepit jumped as Yarvi did, dancing distorted in the hundred hundred jars and bottles on the shelves. A figure blundered up the steps, setting the bunches of plants swinging like hanged men behind him.

And then the ending:

'What is it?' croaked Yarvi, his throat tight with fear.
His uncle dropped to his knees, hands on the greasy straw. He bowed his head, and spoke two words, low and raw.
'My king.'
And Yarvi knew his father and brother were dead.

So what have we learned so far? Quite a lot, really.

We already know the character Yarvi lacks confidence and courage - potential for reader empathy and sympathy. We also know he is good with poisons but hates the idea of using them. He has made clear his moral boundaries at this stage - he can not yet accept evil works a greater good. He is also relieved to avoid the responsibilities of rule and leadership.

There is a lot here to set up Yarvi's emotional arc and character development, potential foreshadowing (will he need to use poison to work evil for the greater good - and therefore be in conflict with his moral boundaries?).

And yet, it is a succinct piece.

I'm sure there are members here who might quibble at some of the word choices, or express that this does not sound like a story to their personal taste.

That's not what this post is about.

Reading this piece, and then looking at the WIP I'm editing, and I see fat in the latter I otherwise over looked.

And the character development - wants, needs, potential for conflict - all shown early.

I'm not going to suggest this opening for Half a King is the best piece of writing in the world, but it is a good example of lean and punchy writing that modern markets demand, that shows mood and character, and clearly uses various writing tools to begin to set up a story. Less than a 1,000 words, too.

Discuss.

 

[HareBrain]

Notice how he jumps straight into dialogue? While he lets us know in the next line that we're seeing this from the perspective of Yarvi, also note what Abercrombie is NOT doing: there is no following infodump about the woman, Yarvi, the people, their history, their current situation, why they are sat here, what they did last Thursday, etc etc etc.

I'm afraid that's how it did read to me -- character description and background through conversation. The dialogue seemed purposefully steered to bring out certain facts about Yarvi and his people, but any forward movement in the story was lacking until the end -- and Abercrombie had to foreshadow this at the beginning to make sure we got there.

The question we're supposed to ask ourselves, when beginning a story, is why start at that moment? Yarvi finding out he's king is the moment to start it, but why is he having that exact conversation just beforehand? It strikes me as storytelling convenience. Of course, loads of stuff we put in our stories are really for convenience, but the trick is surely to make sure it doesn't read that way.

That's with my ultra-critical head on, and I accept it might be a minority opinion. I haven't become a fan of Abercrombie's books so far, but that's because he doesn't write about what I'm mostly interested in. But I think other starts of his that I've read have worked better.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I'm somewhere on the fence. It is a young adult book so I can live with the telling dialogue for that reason, and it raised enough questions in me to be intrigued to read on.

 

[Bowler1]

The sunrise was the colour of bad blood. It leaked out of the east and stained the dark sky red, marked the scraps of cloud with stolen gold. Underneath it the road twisted up the mountainside towards the fortress of Fontezarmo – a cluster of sharp towers, ash black against the wounded heavens. The sunrise was red, black and gold.
The colours of their profession.
‘You look especially beautiful this morning, Monza.’

The above is from “Best Served Cold”. I like this opening because the very colourful opening is used almost immediately to contrast against the character, harsh descriptions, turned into beautiful. A clever opening I though. Joe is very good with description and realism and well worth a read for that alone. His plots can be a little predictable, but as he is highly entertaining I couldn’t care less.

I disagree with your interpretation on Yarvi’s confidence and courage Brian. Doubts are normal, little white lies in conversation even more so, so the character is showing depth almost immediately and I expect the character to show courage at a later point (this is to some extent the predictable element in Joe’s writing in my view). I think that line was more of a show and tell and a hint of what is to come instead of aiming for reader empathy. However, the scene is set up for reader empathy. A character that does not want to be a king, becoming one. I read the opening and was left wanting more. What more could you want, other than royalties?


I preferred the "Best Served Cold" opening, especially the ending of the opening chapter, but I won't say more as it could be a spoiler.

 

[HareBrain]

It is a young adult book so I can live with the telling dialogue for that reason.

Funny, I almost put "I would be less critical of this if it were YA". I didn't realise it was.

 

[prizzley]

I'm sure you're right, Brian, but it didn't work for me. Partway through the dialogue I lost all interest and gave up.

 

[Bowler1]

Funny, I almost put "I would be less critical of this if it were YA". I didn't realise it was.

I didn't think it was either. There are some very naught sex scenes in Best Served Cold, is that YA?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Funny, I almost put "I would be less critical of this if it were YA". I didn't realise it was.

If you'd had bought a ticket for Brighton you'd have seen him read it and be in the know.

I'm sure you're right, Brian, but it didn't work for me. Partway through the dialogue I lost all interest and gave up.

So much of it is a taste thing. It's quite epic-y for me in terms of description which makes me a bit cautious but I rather like the feel of it. Maybe I could handle YA epic light....

@bowler, no that's adult, this is his first YA.

 

[Bowler1]

Thank you, Springs - all clear now.

 

[tinkerdan]

Having read it I like it. But...

It starts out strong and is indeed compelling then it waxes almost purple but in a poetic way that seems almost to justify itself with two paragraphs that almost sound like the voice of Poe.

Then the dialogue; and it becomes a play perhaps a tragic comedy.

The man who lacks the courage to admit he lacks the courage; now becomes the king.
Is that what makes him a half a king?

And all that nonsense about the wind is that just some blustery bit of fate riding in?

 

[Brian G Turner]

I disagree with your interpretation on Yarvi’s confidence and courage Brian. Doubts are normal, little white lies in conversation even more so, so the character is showing depth almost immediately and I expect the character to show courage at a later point (this is to some extent the predictable element in Joe’s writing in my view).

I very much agree - I simply meant it's easier to sympathise with a doubting protagonist - but I think it's clear this is to be part of the plot.

Btw, does anyone want to discuss how Joe Abercrombie uses various writing tools in this piece? I figured that might be a useful learning experience among us aspiring writers, especially as we're talking about a best selling author here.

 

[Bowler1]

Happy to discuss Brian.


It is interesting to see his switch to YA, as Joe usually does more background, but here it's dialogue, which I think is YA. It feels more immediate than his normal style. Having the ability to switch gears, that I think shows some skill.


There is more showing here, as above, the confidence thing. Yet in the short bit I put up from Best Served Cold, he contrasts right off the bat, dark images to beauty, so the reader has to work a bit more. However, in both he settles into the plot quick, so some things remain constant for Joe regardless of his style.

 

[tinkerdan]

The dialogue is an enormous info-dump. Clever but it's huge.

Why this talk about the Black tongue root that can poison? And the mention of it being a riddle more difficult that the test, which apparently has yet to start. But this introduces the test and should the reader be suspicious of the importance of black tongue root?

Yarvi is a prince getting ready to renounce his birthright and take on a role in part to serve the people, to minister to them. To take up learning and healing and the way of truth and peace. This man who is perhaps third in line to the crown and with long life to king and prince does not envision ever gaining the crown.

This humble man who makes tea for his teacher, tea that may or maynot rivel the tea made by women.

And this prince impaired or deformed that he lacks a hand.

We see the love and respect between teacher and student.

And we even have a small sample lesson on the worlds religion.

What is the sixth tall god and is there a significance that it's left unnamed due to this fateful interuption.

 

[Gary Compton]

I read for pleasure so I want to be entertained. I don't over analyse things. I haven't read any fantasy but I must admit this tempted me so that's the reason he is prob a best selling author.

 

[Brian G Turner]

A potentially interesting point about the opening is the setting of reader expectations.

For example, we know:

- he can boil a tasteless poison
- he makes good tea
- he has clear moral boundaries
- he lacks the courage to make difficult decisions

With any other author, I would immediately predict that a major plot point of this book involves Yarvi overcoming his moral boundaries to make a poison tea for a major antagonist - for the greater good. Probably towards the end, perhaps after having been captured.

However, this is Joe Abercrombie writing, and he normally does a very good job of turning reader expectations upside down (especially in the First Law trilogy, and Best Served Cold).

 

[Bowler1]

For example, we know:

- he can boil a tasteless poison
- he makes good tea
- he has clear moral boundaries
- he lacks the courage to make difficult decisions

However, this is Joe Abercrombie writing, and he normally does a very good job of turning reader expectations upside down (especially in the First Law trilogy, and Best Served Cold).

I think even for YA it would be a little too obvious if all these were to be used in the book later, and certainly in the adult books he always plays with reader expectations and turns many back on the reader.

However, I think the character will grow and learn that being a King involves making hard decisions. No doubt fudging a hard decision and dealing with the consequences of that initial decision. Another decision point arrives and the character then takes the hard decision and no doubt another character in the book meets a stick end. Typical Joe I’d say. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. Someone get the book and correct me if I am wrong.

Clear moral boundaries always move, any good book would deal with this. Or a good King coming to a bad/sticky ending, by being too good? Hard to say, but my money is on moral flexibility after some soul searching. The growing pains coming into adult life and the decisions adults make as a possible theme for the book is also my bet.

I suspect the tea might be something else, does the character poison someone or not? Or does he forget to warm the pot before adding hot water, being a King an all now! That’s a nice sitter ok, and Joe can twist things around, so who knows.

All speculation for now. Will the YA book keep the plot devices simple and focus on character (which Joe can do well), or do something more?