Query Letter: The Dynasty (Possible Different Direction)

[Cli-Fi]

As many of you know, it takes a query letter to get you in the door. So I wanted feedback on my query letter from my original idea. Please let me know if it could work. I have plenty of ideas that I could work into this whole universe, but then that wouldn't really fit with the idea I have had from the beginning. Since I want to write about how this universe was formed and the key players involved. I'm just wondering if the watch idea was better or is this better. Please help! Would you be interested in reading this?

Cool disclaimer. This isn't a completely original idea. It's inspired by the Mayoral Wilson Dynasty from Back to the Future! I'm thinking of doing it HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy style. If that makes sense.

Dear Agent,

My Science Fiction novel is about the history of The Wilson Family. Whom many regard as the most powerful dynasty that has ever existed in the galaxy, at least in recent memory. The history of this technocratic dynasty begins in the year 2018. According to historical records patriarch Jerry Wilson was a failed political figure who became very rich by quickly getting ahead of the 3D printing issues that dominated early twenty-first century western politics. His genius schizophrenic son Henry went on to build a hybrid conversion system and the Earth’s first Driverless car transport system. Henry’s sons themselves became the first genetically programmed humans. Also known as the now derogative term; Android. Together along with corporate marriages to the Xieng and Carpenter families they built the powerful force known as Wilson Industries. Today, they are perhaps best known for developing the soul production industry. Which directly influences free will through time and space.

Since their reign lasts more than one thousand years. It will take pages and pages to explain the complete history of their rise to power and all of the interconnected drama that comes with it.

My Novel The Dynasty is the complete unabridged 120,000 word version of that fictional history. It is broken up into different anthologies each focusing on the different people and what they had to deal with in their perspective time periods. I come from a background in IT and computers and have a passion for politics and spirituality. The novel is also chock full of futuristic political ideals and forms a colorful geopolitical timeline of humanity’s next thousand years. It stems from my own desire to see faster adaption of technology in society and where that might ultimately take us.

Sincerely,

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Firstly, I don't think writing the query before the book is a useful way to approach it - how do you know what the hook is, and the twists and turns.

In terms of it as a query - for me, it doesn't work. It's not hooky and it's too long. You've told me what the book is about and nothing about the story. Do father and son fall out, does one of their gadgets go horribly wrong? Etc etc.

I'd suggest writing the book and then revisiting the query.

 

[tinkerdan]

ditto @springs.

It is definitely the cart before the horse.
Not only that but I wrote two full novels in rough draft and let those sit a bit before I decided that they weren't doing it for me and I started over and totally changed the whole landscape of my universe.
So a query letter even from those two partially completed novels would have been embarrassing at best.
Best to be certain that this is as far as you can go with the work before deciding to piece together the query letter.

It's almost like writing a blank check.

 

[Hex]

Just to be awkward, I find it quite useful to write the query before the story. I can't often use the initial query once I've finished the ms, but it's a good exercise and it means that when I am finished, I have at least part of a query to work with and some idea as I write of where I'm going.

I think a good structure for queries (or a common one) is something along the lines of:

When [something dramatic] happens to [your main character], s/he [has to do something] in order to [prevent something bad happening].

You can beef it up to tell us more about the character etc. but the above is really what we want to know -- what the conflict is, and what the risks are. You need to be able to fill in the above sentence before you start expanding it.

I can't write one of those for your characters because I don't know what their aims and problems and risks are. I think maybe that's an issue with this query -- it's not so much a query as an overall vision, which could be something interesting but equally might not be. It's too high level, I think.

A good source for query writing is Query Shark and another good one (though beware some of the advice) is Absolute Write's Query Hell -- you need to join the site to get access to it, but it's interesting how quickly one learns to distinguish between queries that make you go: "oooh. I'd read that." and those that don't.

 

[tinkerdan]

That does sound like a sound formula @Hex.

It also sounds like a great base to begin the outline from so I would have to agree with this.

You can't go wrong with the beginning of a succinct outline.

I'd refrain from mailing out to anyone, though.

 

[Cli-Fi]

Oh believe me, I know how to write a query letter in that way. I guess maybe I shouldn't have called it a query letter but it's the best thing I could come up with to call it. I know the so-called rules about writing the query letter before you write the novel. But like @Hex said I like to make a little summary of my idea and what's going to be in it before I sit down to write it. Not to say that I haven't written down all of this yet. I have written already 25 pages about 9000 words of the novel. and that only concerns the 21st century bloodline. This idea goes on for a thousand years, and I'd like to get it all into one large anthology. I'm thinking 10,0000 words for each century.

I'm just wondering if the idea is any good. What did you guys think of the idea itself.

 

[Hex]

Ah sorry. I misunderstood what you were looking for!

Um. It's hard for me to know what to make of the idea because it's kind of high level, still. As a reader, I'm normally a bit wary of things that promise to be epic novels spanning generations -- it took me ages to start reading The Map of Love, which is one of the greatest books ever, because the blurb said it was a "massive family saga", so I might not be the best person to offer an opinion on this.

It sounds like it might be fun -- I like the sound of Henry and I wonder what his voice sounds like and what he does, but I can't get my teeth into the idea -- I can't imagine what he does or why he does it because I don't know enough yet. I think to make someone like me see it, you need to start with a person and their adventure (or maybe a couple of people, generations apart) and show me a little of their experience. That's what tends to work for me, but it's probably not the same for everyone.

I'm in two minds about whether this belongs here or in General Writing Discussion, but since you're looking for feedback on the query, I'll leave it here and if another mod thinks it should be moved I'm sure they'll move it

 

[tinkerdan]

So really you are looking at a summary of your idea for a series of books and asking our opinion about which? The grammar and spelling or the form. Because basically the form might be pretty fluid as regards your own personal needs at this point. The grammar and spelling might not matter at this point. And all that's left is getting a reaction to whether this is a cool idea.

At least to me, because I try not to get into the persons personal summary to keep himself in line. Although somewhere down the line a true summary will be necessary for someone and then that won't hurt. Still ultimately you will be ending up with something best described as the outline for you to use to get started presently.

At this point I'm just sounding confused even to myself.

 

[Cli-Fi]

So really you are looking at a summary of your idea for a series of books and asking our opinion about which? The grammar and spelling or the form. Because basically the form might be pretty fluid as regards your own personal needs at this point. The grammar and spelling might not matter at this point. And all that's left is getting a reaction to whether this is a cool idea.

At least to me, because I try not to get into the persons personal summary to keep himself in line. Although somewhere down the line a true summary will be necessary for someone and then that won't hurt. Still ultimately you will be ending up with something best described as the outline for you to use to get started presently.

At this point I'm just sounding confused even to myself.

I don't know if it will be a series of multiple novels. Just an anthology. I guess I was wondering if the form and style is appropriate for any type of novelization. Within the preset summary of which I have already posted.

 

[Cli-Fi]

Just to be awkward, I find it quite useful to write the query before the story. I can't often use the initial query once I've finished the ms, but it's a good exercise and it means that when I am finished, I have at least part of a query to work with and some idea as I write of where I'm going.

I think a good structure for queries (or a common one) is something along the lines of:

When [something dramatic] happens to [your main character], s/he [has to do something] in order to [prevent something bad happening].

You can beef it up to tell us more about the character etc. but the above is really what we want to know -- what the conflict is, and what the risks are. You need to be able to fill in the above sentence before you start expanding it.

I can't write one of those for your characters because I don't know what their aims and problems and risks are. I think maybe that's an issue with this query -- it's not so much a query as an overall vision, which could be something interesting but equally might not be. It's too high level, I think.

A good source for query writing is Query Shark and another good one (though beware some of the advice) is Absolute Write's Query Hell -- you need to join the site to get access to it, but it's interesting how quickly one learns to distinguish between queries that make you go: "oooh. I'd read that." and those that don't.

Thanks for your input. Since you know so little about the character of Henry, what about him did you like? It's really hard to focus completely on certain characters because the story is very fluid and ever changing with the times In it's current state I have a rough outline of the timeline and a completed rough draft of the 21st century bloodline done. I know the middle and the ending. I'm having trouble picking a beginning.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I'd suggest writing more of it. sadly, it's the only way to get to know the characters and the story. It worries me you have abloodline done and not a character arc because, really, most readers like characters...

 

[Cli-Fi]

I'd suggest writing more of it. sadly, it's the only way to get to know the characters and the story. It worries me you have abloodline done and not a character arc because, really, most readers like characters...

I guess I consider Henry one bloodline. I have written his story. At least where I see the character going/developing. Jerry is also nearly done.

 

[tinkerdan]

Yes; I can't remember ever finishing something and saying, 'Man, I loved that bloodline.'

I'd suggest writing more of it. sadly, it's the only way to get to know the characters and the story. It worries me you have abloodline done and not a character arc because, really, most readers like characters...

Oh, wait. Lazarus Long. He almost was the bloodline.

 

[Cli-Fi]

Oh, wait. Lazarus Long. He almost was the bloodline.

Thanks for that suggestion. Definitely seems like the type of direction I would like to go. Though, I'm not sure how easy it is for new authors to get future history published. Seems like the famous sci-fi writers get to publish this type of stuff after they are well-respected in the industry.

 

[tinkerdan]

It usually amounts to playing the game of finding the pulse of the reader and hawking to that for a period and then subtly drawing them into your world until they think you're still writing to suit them.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

Here's the thing: It doesn't matter if readers are interested in your bloodlines and your future history. What matters is how you execute those ideas. Always. You can have the most intriguing ideas in the world and it won't matter unless you make your characters breathe, unless you can make readers care what happens to them. (That doesn't always mean that they want good things to happen to a character; just that they just care about the outcome.) And frankly, some fairly awful ideas have been made into successful books because, again, the authors made the characters come to life, and readers care what happened.

And if the form you choose to tell the story is unusual -- the future history, the anthology -- then you have to make the writing so exceptional, the characters so appealing (or appalling, some of them) that you convince readers that this, after all, is what they want. You are making it harder for yourself with this structure, no doubt, and maybe you are not up to meeting that challenge just yet, but maybe you are willing to work as long as it takes -- perhaps many years -- and not give up until you reach the point where you can pull it off, because this is the story of all stories that you long to write Or maybe you would rather start with an idea that readers find more instantly appealing. (However, it would still come down to the execution.)

But at this point the question of whether readers might be interested is completely irrelevant. You could make them interested. Or not.

 

[LittleStar]

For me, It has to be about characters and their personal arcs. You can have an overarching story that connects all of them, or a linking theme like Cloud Atlas, but the Individuals have to shine in order to keep the reader, in my opinion.
Edward Rutherford's 'London' was great at this I thought. True I read it more to learn the history of London, but found the characters and their interactions, reversal of fortune and mishaps throughout the 2000 years was what kept me reading. And that seems like what would be needed here.

You have a lot of scope for interesting stories within your small descriptions, Henry, and the soul production, and the marriage between corporate families could have a lot of intrigue in there. Each one I think needs it's own little complete short story or novella. Which seems like what you're intending to do, but it all comes down to execution and we can't know that until its written.

 

[Hex]

Since you know so little about the character of Henry, what about him did you like? It's really hard to focus completely on certain characters because the story is very fluid and ever changing with the times In it's current state I have a rough outline of the timeline and a completed rough draft of the 21st century bloodline done. I know the middle and the ending. I'm having trouble picking a beginning.

Henry's the

genius schizophrenic son

of

a failed political figure

. That sounds like it could be interesting to read about because I know those personal details about him. That's what jumped out to me, not the technological aspects -- I have a feeling (without looking back) that his father got rich with 3D printing, and Henry might have had something to do with cars, but the idea that he's a schizophrenic genius stuck with me from the first time I read the outline.

What if you wrote a separate book for each character and then you'd have a series of loosely linked individual stories?

 

[Cli-Fi]

You have a lot of scope for interesting stories within your small descriptions, Henry, and the soul production, and the marriage between corporate families could have a lot of intrigue in there. Each one I think needs it's own little complete short story or novella. Which seems like what you're intending to do, but it all comes down to execution and we can't know that until its written.

I know what you are getting at. I thought of a watch. That interconnects throughout time, but I'm not sure about that right now. It would be really complicated anyway. One idea I would like to revisit is a trial set in the future for some crime that the Wilson family does. Maybe just simply crimes against humanity... Towards the end of their reign or something. Then work backwards from there and society has to decide if they are salvageable. Yet, I don't necessarily want to have so much dialogue. It's hard for me to pick where to begin. I have written about three beginning and thought of countless more but none of them seem right.

In the meantime I have begun to think of a simpler more contemporary idea. A different story that has nothing to do with this universe. While I further outline this one

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

The hard part is not thinking up ideas, it's making the characters real, as Teresa said above, and then, once you've made the reader care about them, putting them through hell.

I'm very much a novice writer but one thing I have learned is that it doesn't matter how good your ideas are if you can't write them well. The more you write the better your writing will become, the more real your characters, the more compelling your story. I wrote 13,000 words, then rewrote it and edited it and thought I had a novel, but I'm still working on it now, writing and rewriting the whole novel and each time it is better. It's not good yet and may never be great, but it is getting better and better and I am taking huge pride in getting the whole thing right.

What I'm trying to say is that 9,000 words with the aim of 100,000 is still teetering on the threshold of writing and you won't know if it's any good until the whole story is finished and is as good as you can possibly make it, with the help of patient beta readers and editors. I truly believe that if you keep on playing with new ideas and approaches you run the risk of never completing any novel. It will twist and turn enough under its own momentum once you get writing it, so you'll have plenty of chance to change things then and when you're editing it, but unless you knuckle down and write the darned thing it will only ever be 'just another cool idea for a plot' and they are two-a-penny.

If you can't get the beginning right, start in the middle with the action then once you're finished you may well find the beginning will pretty much write itself because by then you know your characters and you know what's facing them.

All the above is just my opinion, but I think the learning curve is fun and writing is the best fun of all. Stop dithering and get writing!