Ray McCarthy
Sentient Marmite: The Truth may make you fret.
Sequel to the "Under The Stone Of Destiny" and is stand alone story mostly.
I'm happy enough with the overall story etc, but as per usual I think my beginning is very weak. Really only the characters and their situation carries over from previous book so no need for a "what has gone before" section. I hope to Trad Pub the Celtic flavoured Fantasy stuff, perhaps USA. So I discussed Editing & Proof Under The Stone Of Destiny with a USA person (you know who you are) and have price, as well as with an inexperienced Irish person. So ideally this will get Edited & Proofing by same 3rd party. Actually to have more extensive 3rd party edit with my "Talent" SF series as I'm going to SP it. Those who have imbibed Maisie and her dialogue know who much that earlier series need serious Edit.
Let the Critters loose to snap at this.
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Carrying The Shining Sword
Chapter 1: Mothers and Fathers
Staff of the road train had to help them at Newbridge, because Anrhi seemed unwell and wouldn’t walk. She would barely wake. Bill had to be carried as he was comatose. The porter and the guard set up a couple of palettes for them in the baggage wagon. There was some excitement as a Dryad was rarely seen in Newbridge. No-one noticed Bill’s foreign biker leathers as he was wrapped up.
Megra and Ghiloric turned heads as it was unusual for an Elf and Dwarf together, so Kevlin and Alice barely attracted any notice even though she was wearing the foreign clothes she’d brought from Ireland. They sat in the next wagon to the Baggage. Alice sat at the window facing forward, with Ghiloric at the other side of the table at the window. Megra sat beside Ghiloric before Kevlin could decide where to sit. So he sat beside Alice. He tried to hold her hand but she snatched it back.
“Don’t,” she muttered.
Kevlin was puzzled by her reaction. Alice was looking out the window. With a clanking and jerk they set off. He looked at Megra, she slightly shook her head and said nothing.
Kevlin was disturbed from his dozing by Megra poking him.
“You should get us all some food,” she said softly in common, “do you have enough money?”
Ghiloric put a couple of ten crown pieces on the table.
“I’ll go,” he said, “thanks Ghiloric, I used the last of my coin paying our fares.”
“Ye are being the only one of us that wouldn’t attract attention,” said Ghiloric in the local Lounthian, but in his strong dialect.
“Try and find something suitable for Anrhi,” urged Megra.
“Yes.” Kevlin got up and carefully made his way up the narrow aisle, occasionally grabbing a hand hold as the road here seemed rough. Easier said than done to find something especially suitable for a Dryad. He was worried about her. The boat journey down river from the White Mountains should have been enough rest.
There was no food on the train. He found an attendant eventually.
“What do we do for food?” Kevlin complained,
“We will be stopping for refuelling and maintenance at Rathlurgh,” he explained, “very few Road Trains serve food. You’ll have longer than usual because a bearing needs replaced.”
Kevlin went back and explained.
“Some of us should stay and mind Anrhi and Bill,” said Megra.
“I suppose I should go with Kevlin and help carry food and water?” said Alice.
“No need,” insisted Ghiloric. “I know Rathlurgh, there are even some Dwarves with shops there. We’ll get Dryad sap for sure.”
“I’d like to go anyway,” said Alice, “We just rushed from the boat to the train. I’ve seen nothing yet, Megra.”
“You don’t need my permission,” said Megra, “I’m not in charge any longer.”
“Don’t I need someone’s permission Ghiloric?”
“Weel, 13 isn’t very old for Dwarf or Elf,” he explained, “but half grown up for a Tuath or Dryad. You’d be old enough to marry next year, though I suppose you’d need Drothnin’s assent, he’s probably your Guardian for a few years. You’d be wise though to stick with me and Kevlin in a strange town.”
“You’d be safe enough,” said Kevlin, “you just don’t want to be getting lost and missing the train.” Kevlin thought Alice looked quite alarmed at the idea she was nearly old enough to be married.
Somewhat over an hour later they turned off the main trunk road and came to a halt in the maintenance depot at the industrial sector of Rathlurgh.
“Alice,” said Megra, “Take of your waterproof jacket and borrow my cloak, you’ll not stand out so much.”
“I’m the only girl in trousers on the train, apart from you.”
“Working girls sometimes wear them,” said Megra, “I admit I only have them since we went up in the White Mountains, I never wore them before, but as Kevlin delights to tell everyone, I am a Princess.”
“Thanks.”
It was evident that Alice had never worn a large cloak fastened with a Broach before. Megra loaned her the second best broach, rather than the royal one she’d been wearing.
“I can’t seem to fasten it on.”
Kevlin moved to help but Megra put a hand on his arm and quickly showed Alice how to wear the cloak and fasten the broach. He hung back after Ghiloric stepped onto the Depot platform.
“What is it, Megra?” he whispered.
“Give Alice space,” Megra urged, “I have an idea that she had a bad experience of a man or boy before she came from Ireland. Perhaps too she is quite insecure, also you are hardly experienced with women?”
“I’ll be careful.” He hurried after the others.
“I’ll check Anrhi and Bill,” she shouted from the wagon door.
“I suggest we eat first and then less to carry back,” said Ghiloric, “I know a good place. We have nearly two hours. Likely more. Alice, do keep up.”
Kevlin realized she was stopping and staring.
Unsurprisingly it was a restaurant run by Dwarves with mostly Dwarves in it. Ghiloric spoke in Dwarvish and they were led to a table.
Rapidly he ordered.
“We don’t have time to waste agonizing over the menu,” he explained, “you’ll like it.”
“So, Alice,” said Kevlin, “what do you think of Rathlurgh?”
I'm happy enough with the overall story etc, but as per usual I think my beginning is very weak. Really only the characters and their situation carries over from previous book so no need for a "what has gone before" section. I hope to Trad Pub the Celtic flavoured Fantasy stuff, perhaps USA. So I discussed Editing & Proof Under The Stone Of Destiny with a USA person (you know who you are) and have price, as well as with an inexperienced Irish person. So ideally this will get Edited & Proofing by same 3rd party. Actually to have more extensive 3rd party edit with my "Talent" SF series as I'm going to SP it. Those who have imbibed Maisie and her dialogue know who much that earlier series need serious Edit.
Let the Critters loose to snap at this.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrying The Shining Sword
Chapter 1: Mothers and Fathers
Staff of the road train had to help them at Newbridge, because Anrhi seemed unwell and wouldn’t walk. She would barely wake. Bill had to be carried as he was comatose. The porter and the guard set up a couple of palettes for them in the baggage wagon. There was some excitement as a Dryad was rarely seen in Newbridge. No-one noticed Bill’s foreign biker leathers as he was wrapped up.
Megra and Ghiloric turned heads as it was unusual for an Elf and Dwarf together, so Kevlin and Alice barely attracted any notice even though she was wearing the foreign clothes she’d brought from Ireland. They sat in the next wagon to the Baggage. Alice sat at the window facing forward, with Ghiloric at the other side of the table at the window. Megra sat beside Ghiloric before Kevlin could decide where to sit. So he sat beside Alice. He tried to hold her hand but she snatched it back.
“Don’t,” she muttered.
Kevlin was puzzled by her reaction. Alice was looking out the window. With a clanking and jerk they set off. He looked at Megra, she slightly shook her head and said nothing.
Kevlin was disturbed from his dozing by Megra poking him.
“You should get us all some food,” she said softly in common, “do you have enough money?”
Ghiloric put a couple of ten crown pieces on the table.
“I’ll go,” he said, “thanks Ghiloric, I used the last of my coin paying our fares.”
“Ye are being the only one of us that wouldn’t attract attention,” said Ghiloric in the local Lounthian, but in his strong dialect.
“Try and find something suitable for Anrhi,” urged Megra.
“Yes.” Kevlin got up and carefully made his way up the narrow aisle, occasionally grabbing a hand hold as the road here seemed rough. Easier said than done to find something especially suitable for a Dryad. He was worried about her. The boat journey down river from the White Mountains should have been enough rest.
There was no food on the train. He found an attendant eventually.
“What do we do for food?” Kevlin complained,
“We will be stopping for refuelling and maintenance at Rathlurgh,” he explained, “very few Road Trains serve food. You’ll have longer than usual because a bearing needs replaced.”
Kevlin went back and explained.
“Some of us should stay and mind Anrhi and Bill,” said Megra.
“I suppose I should go with Kevlin and help carry food and water?” said Alice.
“No need,” insisted Ghiloric. “I know Rathlurgh, there are even some Dwarves with shops there. We’ll get Dryad sap for sure.”
“I’d like to go anyway,” said Alice, “We just rushed from the boat to the train. I’ve seen nothing yet, Megra.”
“You don’t need my permission,” said Megra, “I’m not in charge any longer.”
“Don’t I need someone’s permission Ghiloric?”
“Weel, 13 isn’t very old for Dwarf or Elf,” he explained, “but half grown up for a Tuath or Dryad. You’d be old enough to marry next year, though I suppose you’d need Drothnin’s assent, he’s probably your Guardian for a few years. You’d be wise though to stick with me and Kevlin in a strange town.”
“You’d be safe enough,” said Kevlin, “you just don’t want to be getting lost and missing the train.” Kevlin thought Alice looked quite alarmed at the idea she was nearly old enough to be married.
Somewhat over an hour later they turned off the main trunk road and came to a halt in the maintenance depot at the industrial sector of Rathlurgh.
“Alice,” said Megra, “Take of your waterproof jacket and borrow my cloak, you’ll not stand out so much.”
“I’m the only girl in trousers on the train, apart from you.”
“Working girls sometimes wear them,” said Megra, “I admit I only have them since we went up in the White Mountains, I never wore them before, but as Kevlin delights to tell everyone, I am a Princess.”
“Thanks.”
It was evident that Alice had never worn a large cloak fastened with a Broach before. Megra loaned her the second best broach, rather than the royal one she’d been wearing.
“I can’t seem to fasten it on.”
Kevlin moved to help but Megra put a hand on his arm and quickly showed Alice how to wear the cloak and fasten the broach. He hung back after Ghiloric stepped onto the Depot platform.
“What is it, Megra?” he whispered.
“Give Alice space,” Megra urged, “I have an idea that she had a bad experience of a man or boy before she came from Ireland. Perhaps too she is quite insecure, also you are hardly experienced with women?”
“I’ll be careful.” He hurried after the others.
“I’ll check Anrhi and Bill,” she shouted from the wagon door.
“I suggest we eat first and then less to carry back,” said Ghiloric, “I know a good place. We have nearly two hours. Likely more. Alice, do keep up.”
Kevlin realized she was stopping and staring.
Unsurprisingly it was a restaurant run by Dwarves with mostly Dwarves in it. Ghiloric spoke in Dwarvish and they were led to a table.
Rapidly he ordered.
“We don’t have time to waste agonizing over the menu,” he explained, “you’ll like it.”
“So, Alice,” said Kevlin, “what do you think of Rathlurgh?”
