Useful dialogue examples

Hex

Hex

Write, monkey, write
Joined
Mar 3, 2011
Messages
6,252
Location
Edinburgh
Dialogue punctuation is one of those things that... is one of those things.

I came across this on Howard Andrew Jones' blog:

Lastly, some writers use a weird construction that drives me crazy. They’ll make anything a dialogue tag. For instance:

“I don’t like that,” Harry frowned.

Well, you can’t really FROWN a line of speech. Frowning doesn’t produce a noise, like shouting, or sobbing, or saying. You could write:

“I don’t like that,” Harry said, frowning.

Or:

“I don’t like that.” Harry frowned.

That last one is subtly but importantly different from the first example. Because there’s a period and not a comma after “that” it’s clear Harry is speaking, and frowning, as an action, but that you, the writer, don’t think frowning actually produces sound.
Click to expand...
 
I'm still rather a fan of "hissed", even when the words being hissed have no sibilants.
 
"uh oh, I'm guilty of this, adding it to list of things to check in WIPs, thanks," JD frowned :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hex
Please can I beg an opinion on this use:

“Oh, I would very much prefer that the ship did not fall on us,” he joked.

Is 'joked' an acceptable dialogue tag? It seems a little grey in my mind...
 
If it isn't apparent that it's a joke, a dialogue tag won't fix it. Best to avoid all descriptors unless they are absolutely neccesary, he posted.
 
I would accept it. But I'm probably not the best person to ask.

J D Foster said:
Please can I beg an opinion on this use:

“Oh, I would very much prefer that the ship did not fall on us,” he joked.

Is 'joked' an acceptable dialogue tag? It seems a little grey in my mind...
Click to expand...

One reason is that unlike the example above it doesn't strike me as an action that might interfere with the ability to speak, although you could do it differently.

“Oh, I would very much prefer that the ship did not fall on us,” he said, joking.

And I think that works just as well. So maybe a judgement call.

Still you know what they say about jokes. If you have to point out that it's a joke then there might be a problem with it.
 
J Riff said:
If it isn't apparent that it's a joke, a dialogue tag won't fix it. Best to avoid all descriptors unless they are absolutely neccesary, he posted.
Click to expand...

tinkerdan said:
Still you know what they say about jokes. If you have to point out that it's a joke then there might be a problem with it.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your replies

Slightly off topic, but it is interesting that you both picked up on that. I saw it as the protagonist explaining that he understood the other person was joking, as apposed to me (the writer) explaining to the reader that it was a joke. I would never have occurred to me that a reader might not like this, there is too much to think about when writing it makes my head hurt :)
 
The standard rule is use 'he said' unless it really adds something, unless it needs it, cries out for it, must-have-it. An exception might be if you were being deliberately sarcastic, as in some dumb comment that you tag 'he quipped' in order to show that the person is maybe not so exceedingly clever. But that's finicky stuff. It's always interesting to see what other authors slip into their work, that you may not notice as you read it. If you notice it, it's probably not a good idea.
 
I do notice myself paying attention to these dialogue tags these days, and I do mainly use said, asked, replied and so on. I try to keep it busy. I am also a fan of doing an action alternately. "Nathan, do you mind passing the corn over here?" Stan reached his hand out.

What do you guys think of that side of dialogue? I mean, you could also use .. Stan asked, his hand reaching across the table.
 
I think if you look at the saidism or said bookism. Or if it isn't in the usual vein of said. As has been mentioned you should look at such saidism and determine if it adds to the dialogue. If it does then look to see why it might have to be there. Then from there figure out how you might change the dialogue to help convey the saidism without using a saidism. If that doesn't seem to work then consider no dialogue tag with some actions that show what the saidism is trying to give us.

The thing about thinking you have it there for the other character is that that character can't see those words so he's relying on other cues to clue him in.

Such as: "I'm not sure about you, but I'd rather not have the ship fall on us."

Or: “Oh, I would very much prefer that the ship did not fall on us.” A grimace worked its way across his face.
 
Jo Zebedee said:
I'd be happy with it provided it's only occasional. Very occasional. Like once. :) But a show would be stronger.
Click to expand...
Ugh, just checked there are three "joked" in the story, one is completely redundant... I'm going to work on this. EDIT : They are all gone, no one is joking in this story now, they wouldn't dare.

tinkerdan said:
The thing about thinking you have it there for the other character is that that character can't see those words so he's relying on other cues to clue him in.
Click to expand...
This is a really useful way of describing it, thanks, it gave me a kind of ah ha moment.

tinkerdan said:
Such as: "I'm not sure about you, but I'd rather not have the ship fall on us."

Or: “Oh, I would very much prefer that the ship did not fall on us.” A grimace worked its way across his face.
Click to expand...
I'm stealing one of these :)
 
Last edited:
One must needs be careful. "What th-!' Stan asked, his rubber stretchy hand reaching acrost the table.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Stephen Palmer Useful Idiots by Jan Mark Reviews & Interviews 0
JunkMonkey Useful site Book Discussion 0
M Very useful advice on coping with heat and explaining your body's operations Science & Nature 2
Astro Pen Fallacies, useful to know for writers. Writing Discussion 50
Astro Pen Useful carpentry tip. Technology 4

Similar threads


Back
Top