A Question About Story Openings

[The Storyteller]

Hello all! It's been a while since I've been on SFF! I've been busy working on a second revision for an upper middle grade's fantasy book, and I had a question!

Quite a long time ago I put up the beginning to this story in the critique section. It opening with the MC being bored in a lesson from his master, which many people cautioned me against using as a beginning.

I had an idea for an alternative opening that I like, in which he is imagining himself doing heroic deeds (his dream is to go on a quest and become a hero), until his master calls his attention back to the task at hand. We wouldn't know it was his imagination until his master speaks to him, as the MC is so involved in his daydream that he's unaware of reality. Then the fantasy would 'dissolve', bringing him back to the here and now so to speak.

At any rate, I wondered if this is too closely related to the dreaded 'dream opening' I hear so many people dislike? In those stories, the dream misleads you into thinking action is happening where it is not. I don't want to deceive my readers or make them feel cheated, but I do feel opening with the MC enacting his daydreams would definitely set up his personality and several elements of the story, and would keep it from opening with a 'being bored' scene.

Is this misleading, or is it acceptable? Alternatively, I could make it obvious that he was day dreaming: instead of saying 'he swung his sword at the foul beast' I could say "he swung the stick in his hand like a sword at the imaginary beast'. (Don't mind the bad writing, that's just an example!)

I prefer the first option, but if people think it is misleading I'd like to know what they think of the second option as an alternative?

Thank you so much! I always appreciate everyone's opinions and advice!

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

This is probably just a matter of taste, but I prefer the second. The first one seems to "cheat" the reader a bit. ("I thought I was going to read about a sword fight against a foul beast, but it's just some kid with a stick.") The other way you start off with something the reader can relate to (but make sure you still make it vivid and engaging) and then draw her into something even more exciting. The other way is somewhat anticlimactic.

 

[Brian G Turner]

I wondered if this is too closely related to the dreaded 'dream opening'

Yes.

The thing is, you presumably have a story to tell that doesn't involve your MC feeling bored, or simply day-dreaming their time away. So get to that part of the story!

 

[aThenian]

It's hard to say without reading them. But on the basis of what you've described, I prefer the first option. It would be an exciting start and then there is some nice comedy potential/contrast with it turning out to be a dream, and an ordinary - but ambitious - protagonist after all. The reader will sympathise with a protagonist who aspires to so much more and then is brought rudely down to earth.

I do think with the "dream" thing don't overdo it, though - i.e. you can't keep pulling the same stunt on the reader without them getting fed up.

 

[HareBrain]

I think the first option could work if it's very short. I think it's a case of investment. If the reader invests in the situation as real, and then it's shown not to be, you're sunk. If you reveal it as fantasy before the reader has invested in the reality of it, then the reader can invest in the protagonist as a fantasist instead, which is a different thing but can be just as valid and rewarding. You might try hinting at its unreality by making it subtly OTT.

 

[Lew Rockwell Fan]

1st option if the dream is short, second if it isn't.

 

[The Storyteller]

Thanks for the feedback!

To answer the questions of length, it would be very short! And probably a bit 'over the top', as he is a very over the top character. He wouldn't actually be dreaming as he isn't asleep; rather, he would be on his feet swinging a stick around and enacting his fantasy until he is cut off.

there is some nice comedy potential/contrast with it turning out to be a dream, and an ordinary - but ambitious - protagonist after all. The reader will sympathise with a protagonist who aspires to so much more and then is brought rudely down to earth.

This is kind of what I thought! The humor of his glamorous, over the top heroic moment being turned into the mundaneness of his life could be funny, and also set both the tone of the story and the character.


I don't want the audience to feel cheated, but I think I could make it short enough (and allude to the unrealness of it) without betraying the audience's trust? Maybe I will put up the opening in critiques when it is done and ask how people feel about it.

 

[The Storyteller]

The thing is, you presumably have a story to tell that doesn't involve your MC feeling bored, or simply day-dreaming their time away. So get to that part of the story!

Thanks for the suggestion Brian! I appreciate the advice, though I'm not sure I agree with it. I hear people say that kind of thing a lot when giving advice for writing, but I've never felt that way as a reader. I know a lot of books that start with the MC having a mundane or even boring life. I love these books, and usually appreciate the time to get to know the character and their life before they are thrust into things.

I will keep it in mind though, as I try to rework the beginning of the story! If I can think of a better way to tell it without starting the story at the point where the MC is daydreaming, then I will.

 

[Toby Frost]

I have to say that I agree with Brian about this: to me, both proposed openings seem to invite the reader not to be gripped by the story. It may be different in children’s books or YA novels, but it seems best to me to start with the hero grappling with some kind of problem, even a comparatively minor one. There’s nothing wrong with it being mundane as in set in the real world for moderate stakes, but having the character trying to solve a problem makes them more interesting. The dream and bored opening (especially the boring lesson) have also both been done a lot, which might be why they’re less accepted than they used to be.

If you do go with the bored option, why not have the story start at the very end of the boredom? Space Captain Smith begins with Smith’s boss interrupting his dull job to ask him to go on a special mission. The very brief description of what Smith was going (data entry about asteroids) and his wild enthusiasm to go suggest that the job was dull without tiring the reader.

Oh, and shouldn’t this thread be in the writers’ section?

 

[goldhawk]

A story opening is a promise. It's a promise to your readers about what type of story it's going to be. Most dream openings break this promise because the story is not about the dream.

Yes, you can start with a dream if you fulfill the promise. If your character is dreaming about being a hero, then the initiating incident must throw them into the role of hero but in the worst way possible. All the time they are a hero, they have to be asking themselves, "Is this what being a hero is all about? Where are the babes and the ticker-tape parades? Perhaps a boring (and safe) life is really much better."

The opening is a promise and you must fulfill the promise or your story will not work.

 

[aThenian]

It may be different in children’s books or YA novels, but it seems best to me to start with the hero grappling with some kind of problem, even a comparatively minor one.

But drifting off into a fantasy daydream when you are supposed to be paying attention to your master/teacher is a problem. And it is one that the audience (described as upper middle grade) will immediately recognise and empathise with.

 

[The Storyteller]

Oh, and shouldn’t this thread be in the writers’ section?

Blush blush. Would you believe I honestly thought I had posted this in General Writing Discussion? Oops!

But drifting off into a fantasy daydream when you are supposed to be paying attention to your master/teacher is a problem. And it is one that the audience (described as upper middle grade) will immediately recognise and empathise with.

Thank you! That is how I felt about it. Plus, the MC has conflict with his master as a result of the daydreaming, which in turn becomes the catalyst that causes him to set off on his quest.

In this story especially, I feel this kind of opening is important, as the story isn't about the quest the MC goes on, it is about the MC learning about real life. At the beginning, he has very unrealistic expectations of what going on a quest would be like, and a limited understanding on how the real world works. He bases all of his decisions off of how things work in stories, and it lands him in all kind of problems. But as time goes by, he starts to learn about the real world, and that his original fantasies of what it would be like to be a hero are completely inaccurate. I think starting it off by showing his unrealistic expectations and understandings of what a quest would be like and then sending him off on a quest where everything is completely different would make a good contrast. Plus it would establish 1. His overboard and over-imaginative personality 2. his expectations of what quests are like 3. his desire/ambition to become a hero 4. his conflict over his master which leads him to go off on a quest without his master consenting.

To me, those are valid reasons to start the story off in this way! I think starting off with him fantasizing will be a more lively and active way to start the story then sitting bored in a cottage, and will lend itself well to where the story is going. But that's just my opinion; if when I let people beta read it they feel it isn't working I will reconsider the opening!

 

[Paul McDermott]

Blush blush. Would you believe I honestly thought I had posted this in General Writing Discussion? Oops!



Thank you! That is how I felt about it. Plus, the MC has conflict with his master as a result of the daydreaming, which in turn becomes the catalyst that causes him to set off on his quest.

In this story especially, I feel this kind of opening is important, as the story isn't about the quest the MC goes on, it is about the MC learning about real life. At the beginning, he has very unrealistic expectations of what going on a quest would be like, and a limited understanding on how the real world works. He bases all of his decisions off of how things work in stories, and it lands him in all kind of problems. But as time goes by, he starts to learn about the real world, and that his original fantasies of what it would be like to be a hero are completely inaccurate. I think starting it off by showing his unrealistic expectations and understandings of what a quest would be like and then sending him off on a quest where everything is completely different would make a good contrast. Plus it would establish 1. His overboard and over-imaginative personality 2. his expectations of what quests are like 3. his desire/ambition to become a hero 4. his conflict over his master which leads him to go off on a quest without his master consenting.

To me, those are valid reasons to start the story off in this way! I think starting off with him fantasizing will be a more lively and active way to start the story then sitting bored in a cottage, and will lend itself well to where the story is going. But that's just my opinion; if when I let people beta read it they feel it isn't working I will reconsider the opening!

 

[Paul McDermott]

A few scattergun thoughts from a Noob ...
The opening Sentence (so we're told) is the most important one you'll write - if you don't catch the reader's attention, they're likely to look for another book instead. Sounds logical.
I went to a 'prep' Workshop last week for the annual "Pulp Fiction" competition (now in its 10th year) and bought a book containing the shortlisted winners of last year's competition (First Chapters of 12 books). With the best will in the world, I found only ONE which would have persuaded me to start Chapter Two, to see how it developed ... Yes, reading is a very personal thing, but I'm confident I can do better. Entry submitted, fingers crossed!

 

[goldhawk]

The opening Sentence (so we're told) is the most important one you'll write - if you don't catch the reader's attention, they're likely to look for another book instead. Sounds logical.

True for a short story but with a novel, you have more time. The entire first paragraph in fact.

 

[Paul McDermott]

True for a short story but with a novel, you have more time. The entire first paragraph in fact.

Agreed! That's my main reason for choosing Novel rather than Haiku EVERY time!!

 

[James118]

I've been warned off a dream opening by Chronners, but I say go with it, if it fits with the narrative and pacing. I'm sticking to my guns on my daydream too, although thinking about it now, I want to revise how it segues into reality.

 

[Pentagon]

I'm no expert, but are there publishers who will reject out of hand for it? You hear 'horror' stories.

Though I don't think OP specified publishing plans.

 

[goldhawk]

I'm no expert, but are there publishers who will reject out of hand for it? You hear 'horror' stories.

Some publishers will reject stories out of hand for the strangest of reasons. The real problem with dreams or weather or waking up starting a story is that these openings seldom have anything to do with the rest of the story. That's is what should be avoided: anything that does not connect to the story.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Not much more to add other than to reiterate the need for relevance. If the dream is relevant it needs to be painfully so IMO. just imagine someone moaning about the opening and you replying, 'yeah, but it makes sense on page 50...' Now imagine you're telling that to an agent or publisher.

I sympathise with the dilemma because I went through a similar issue in one of my WIPS. The protag is daydreaming in a class, bored and sees what she thinks is Santa Claus jumping up and down on the roof of the school pavilion in July. I'd had to play with the reality of it and think (hope) I pulled it off. It then becomes relevant immediately in the next scene.

Dreams are altogether different... As HB says they can be used as indicators but need handling properly. Can't you start the section off 'in the dream, he/she was...' ?

In movies and TV shows I think dreams as a trick are permissible because we have between 30-120 mins to feel a variety of emotions. In a book you have to maintain that interest and above-mentioned promise for a much longer time. (Esp if your readers are very slow like me )

pH