Luiglin
Getting worse one day at a time
I'm looking to see if the the humour in this flows without it sounding forced or banal.
The scene is just after the Dark Lord rescues what he believes to be a damsel in distress from a foul beast. In reality the readers will know prior to this that she is in fact a demon trying to lure him in. It's based on a twist to an old song I like. Anyone who guesses the song wins - well nothing really except the warm feeling you get for knowing something obscure
Cheers.
Words 567.
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“Why thank you, kind sir.”
The Dark Lord looked at the Minion, who eloquently shrugged back.
“Err... you’re welcome, I suppose.”
She stood watching him, mouth partly open as if waiting to say something. He looked at the Minion again, who, equally bemused, shrugged his shoulders once more.
“Err... you may want to cover yourself up.”
“Oh, yes, of course,” she agreed, sounding disappointed as she gathered up shreds of her clothing.
The Dark Lord looked at what was left of the creature. “He was very angry.”
It was clearly not the comment she was expecting. For a moment furrows of confusion appeared in her pretty forehead as she took into account what he’d said. “Why yes, a nasty beast that has been terrorising the local villages. Its death will be most welcome.”
“Right, I’ll leave you to it.” The Dark Lord made to go, motioning Minion to collect the various weapons.
“Please wait,” she cried, running in front of him. “Come with me, I need you, I fear the dark and I live all alone.” Her voice was breathless. “I’ll give you wine and food to and something special after, if you like.” The damsel lowered her eyes demurely.
“It’s not dark though.”
“It will be by the time I get home,” she answered, somewhat perplexed.
“Is home that far away?”
She nodded, a trace of hair snaking in front of her lowered eyes.
“So what are you doing so far out of the way?” the Dark Lord asked.
“I was... I was... I was looking for fruit.”
“Fruit? I’ve not seen any fruit bushes around. Then again I suppose I’ve not really looked.” The Dark Lord’s face broke out in a wide grin. “Something special eh?”
“Oh yes,” the damsel said in a husky voice.
“Not fresh blackberry pie?”
“Err... no.”
“Cherry Pie?” the Dark Lord asked hopefully.
“Err... no.” Her forehead had freshly ploughed lanes again, all seeded with bewilderment.
“Pity, we like fruit pies. So what’s more special than that?”
“You, know,” she batted her lashes, “something special special.”
“You’re going to have to give me a hand here. Minion, any ideas?”
The Minion raised a questioning finger and wiggled it once.
“Ah, yes. Apple strudel?”
“It’s not any fruit desserts!” Her voice cracked slightly.
“But I thought you were looking for fruit. Ah, I get it. You needed to get more in after using all your supplies.” He winked at Minion. “It’s a fruit cake isn’t it?”
Her pretty head fell, glorious golden hair cascading forwards in a shower of light. She sighed deeply. Her hand rose and seductively brushed her hair back, tucking it behind an ear in the only way attractive women with long hair can as he met his gaze once more. A broad smile showed brilliant white teeth that glinted once and would have launched a million dentists into early retirement.
“No, it’s a special surprise. There is no sugar or eggs anywhere near it.”
“Oh, I like surprises. Let us return this lost, lonely and monster stalked lady home, Minion.”
“He’s coming too?”
“Naturally, where I go, Minion goes.”
Her lips narrowed. “Fine, follow me.”
As they walked Minion waved a couple of times.
“I’m not sure, I’ll ask.” The Dark Lord tapped the lady respectfully on the shoulder. “Excuse me?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you live all alone, in the deep woods if you fear the dark?”
The scene is just after the Dark Lord rescues what he believes to be a damsel in distress from a foul beast. In reality the readers will know prior to this that she is in fact a demon trying to lure him in. It's based on a twist to an old song I like. Anyone who guesses the song wins - well nothing really except the warm feeling you get for knowing something obscure
Cheers.
Words 567.
-----------
“Why thank you, kind sir.”
The Dark Lord looked at the Minion, who eloquently shrugged back.
“Err... you’re welcome, I suppose.”
She stood watching him, mouth partly open as if waiting to say something. He looked at the Minion again, who, equally bemused, shrugged his shoulders once more.
“Err... you may want to cover yourself up.”
“Oh, yes, of course,” she agreed, sounding disappointed as she gathered up shreds of her clothing.
The Dark Lord looked at what was left of the creature. “He was very angry.”
It was clearly not the comment she was expecting. For a moment furrows of confusion appeared in her pretty forehead as she took into account what he’d said. “Why yes, a nasty beast that has been terrorising the local villages. Its death will be most welcome.”
“Right, I’ll leave you to it.” The Dark Lord made to go, motioning Minion to collect the various weapons.
“Please wait,” she cried, running in front of him. “Come with me, I need you, I fear the dark and I live all alone.” Her voice was breathless. “I’ll give you wine and food to and something special after, if you like.” The damsel lowered her eyes demurely.
“It’s not dark though.”
“It will be by the time I get home,” she answered, somewhat perplexed.
“Is home that far away?”
She nodded, a trace of hair snaking in front of her lowered eyes.
“So what are you doing so far out of the way?” the Dark Lord asked.
“I was... I was... I was looking for fruit.”
“Fruit? I’ve not seen any fruit bushes around. Then again I suppose I’ve not really looked.” The Dark Lord’s face broke out in a wide grin. “Something special eh?”
“Oh yes,” the damsel said in a husky voice.
“Not fresh blackberry pie?”
“Err... no.”
“Cherry Pie?” the Dark Lord asked hopefully.
“Err... no.” Her forehead had freshly ploughed lanes again, all seeded with bewilderment.
“Pity, we like fruit pies. So what’s more special than that?”
“You, know,” she batted her lashes, “something special special.”
“You’re going to have to give me a hand here. Minion, any ideas?”
The Minion raised a questioning finger and wiggled it once.
“Ah, yes. Apple strudel?”
“It’s not any fruit desserts!” Her voice cracked slightly.
“But I thought you were looking for fruit. Ah, I get it. You needed to get more in after using all your supplies.” He winked at Minion. “It’s a fruit cake isn’t it?”
Her pretty head fell, glorious golden hair cascading forwards in a shower of light. She sighed deeply. Her hand rose and seductively brushed her hair back, tucking it behind an ear in the only way attractive women with long hair can as he met his gaze once more. A broad smile showed brilliant white teeth that glinted once and would have launched a million dentists into early retirement.
“No, it’s a special surprise. There is no sugar or eggs anywhere near it.”
“Oh, I like surprises. Let us return this lost, lonely and monster stalked lady home, Minion.”
“He’s coming too?”
“Naturally, where I go, Minion goes.”
Her lips narrowed. “Fine, follow me.”
As they walked Minion waved a couple of times.
“I’m not sure, I’ll ask.” The Dark Lord tapped the lady respectfully on the shoulder. “Excuse me?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you live all alone, in the deep woods if you fear the dark?”
