Actions in conversations

[Azzagorn]

Now I have always struggled with this. Sometimes it feels fine then there are other times where I look back and think "What an earth?"

What I am talking about his breaking up large/medium/small bits of dialogue with actions obviously I read plenty but he seems to me that different authors handle this different ways.

An example of this.

"Put that back Trevor." His eyes like a smacked puppy he put the apple back in the bowl. "Thank you."

Now this example is easy I guess. In longer segments do 'we' just have to remember to break the paragraphs like normally conversations?

This post seems convoluted I hope it made sense.

 

[Brian G Turner]

It may be the case that you can simplify everything - less dialogue, and fewer actions or introspection. Be brutal when it comes to cutting wordcount, and you may find that helps.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Well, that would naturally lend itself to confusion, because the spacing is all wrong.

"Put that back, Trevor."

His eyes like a smacked puppy, he put the apple back in the bowl.

"Thank you."

That puts the action with the person doing it, instead of muddling it up between someone else's speech. Note, I'm not a fan of that action sentence in the least, but that would at least set it straight.

 

[hopewrites]

Ok so I struggle with this too.

Hope ponders her word choice, "would this work?" Suspecting a rooky mistake, she hastily capitalizes 'Would' in the first edit.

Second guessing herself, 'would' is decapitalized on the second edit.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Hope doesn't want a comma leading into dialogue if it's preceded by something that isn't a way of speaking. Since she can't ponder words (well, not as a means of saying them, anyway, though pondering words is always recommended before actually letting them free into the world), those would be separate sentences.

Hope ponders her word choice. "Would this work?" Suspecting a rookie mistake, she hastily capitalizes "would" in the first edit.

Second-guessing herself, she decapitalizes "would" on the second edit.

Her editor rearranges things and fixes that.

 

[hopewrites]

Thank God for Editors!
Thank Editors for advice.

Eventually I'll thank my memory for remembering it.

So?

Hope threw the ball. "Catch!" Then cringed as it hit Tonto in the flank. "Sorry, I forgot horses don't catch." She apologized.

Tonto snorted his opinion of Hope's memory, "sure you are."



Right?

 

[AnyaKimlin]

I'm not sure what you're asking? Tags like asked, said, replied, interjected, ejaculated etc carry a comma and a small capital as they're part of the sentence. An action or beat usually carries a full stop and a capital letter.

When I write I tend not to use tags and I do what I feel the moment needs. (this is from today's work)

Sometimes I do it like this with loads of additional expression [Matt is in drag]:

“That would be beyond ridiculous. Like I told Ruth she could have a baby but she should not expect me to have much to do with it.” Matt’s face went a bit too blank and for Matt she went incredibly quiet. Usually she hid her rare strong emotions with effusive facial expressions and incessant chatter, but right now her face couldn't cope with what she was feeling inside.

Pete nudged him with his elbow. “Bet you’ve had a little naked Ava snuggled on your bare chest and told her that Daddy would never let anyone harm her.”

The blush made it through the thick foundation Matt had caked her face with this evening. Her face and tone remained soft as she talked about her daughter. “And then the brat peed on me. She did not even wake up and I had to sit there covered in pee until she woke up. It was seriously gross. I am never holding her without protection again.”

But there are other times when I set the scene and don't feel it needs help to imagine [Matt is looking at one of Pete's paintings in a gallery]:

“It is wonderful. Any chance of a brotherly discount?”

“No chance. My family needs to eat.”

“I thought not.”

“It’s not like you can’t afford it.”

“Oh well. £7,500 it is then. I have brought my check book. It is worth every penny to brighten up the small bathroom.”

 

[hopewrites]

I get confused because I write as I speak.

So if my dialogue has punctuation that indicates the speaker has stopped speaking, but I want to add clarity to the type of infection my speaker spoke with... she apologized, do I punctuate the dialog, and then the tag, or just the tag.
Like. What if my speakers last sentence ends with and exclamation point, and I'd like to tag it as wailed rather than shrieked or stormed. Would it be

"You Excrement," she wailed before slamming the door!
Or
"You Excrement!" She wailed before slamming the door.
Or
"You Excrement!" she wailed before slamming the door.

To me all three lines read the same. Some chic is pissed off and runs crying out the door after having her final say.
But I know that to others each line would read differently, and one of them would be right, the others would be some kind of wrong.

 

[LittleStar]

As I understand it, Hope, your third option there is correct.

The sentence should end with a comma leading into the 'she wailed...' but exclamations and question marks are half exceptions to this. By which I mean that they aren't commas, but act as de facto commas where they close the speech marks.
Though should Excrement be capitalised? I always wonder about insults and nicknames etc.


As for OP, I agree with TDZ's analysis. The action and speaker are different so should be split not new paragraphs, but dishearteningly I find the opposite crops up in almost every book I read, and usually inconsistently. Just to make it extra hard to know which is right.

 

[hopewrites]

Well.... I capitalized Excrement because it sounded capitalized when she wailed it.
I don't know. It probably shouldn't be. I frequently abuse capitalization based on the way things sound in my head. (Which is why @chrispenycate 's first comment to me when I got here that I am an important person and should be capitalized really hit home. I had to think about myself differently. Recognize I'm a person experiencing things in a place. I doubt I'll forget that pivotal moment, or stop being grateful I had it.)

I almost didn't add that last, but figured there'd be some odd exception that lets exclamation and question marks stand in for comas. I bet there were even comma versions at some point. Semiexclimation mark? Semiquestion Mark?

 

[AnyaKimlin]

There is a precedent for capitalising words for emphasis. You can do it and some punctuation books still suggest it. But yes the third one is the correct one.