A connection between pain and writing?

[AnyaKimlin]

The Damaging Effects of Chronic Pain on the Brain : Illness and Health Blog | Wellescent.com

This is an interesting article. When I was first diagnosed I was determined I was going down an academic route. I wanted more than anything to be a forensic anthropologist (before Kathy Reichs wrote her books and Sue Black appeared on TV). But part way through my archaeology degree my fibromyalgia caused me to crash and burn in a big way. For years I was classed as having a severe form of the illness and I am still borderline for that.

Then at 33, 12 years after my diagnosis, I started writing. It came out of nowhere but I'd found something that gave me a purpose and I was good at.

At 38 I became vegan and started to feel a bit better. Then I cut out gluten, yeast, caffeine, reduced sugar intake etc and by last February I was feeling fantastic but I wasn't writing. I couldn't. My brain was different.

I slipped and went back into a bad period and I wrote Black's Nest in weeks.

That leaves me with a dilemma as I'm feeling better again, because I am behaving myself diet wise, and again the writing is struggling. Does feeling better mean I can't write and if so do I want to get better?

Well yes I do. I want my health (I won't say back because I've never really had it). But I also want to be able to write.

So question: How do those of you without chronic pain organise your writing? I obviously need to get my brain working so it can write.

 

[Biskit]

I'm not sure this helps, but...

My impression is that I am more creative/inventive when I'm unhappy. I can pick out notable periods where I was stuck somewhere I didn't want to be that seem to coincide with writing things that really worked well. On the downside, the Biskitetta has pointed out that when I 'write unhappy' the result is often more towards the grim and dark.

So, in principal, I ought to arrange to have a crap time every so often, and then finish up the writing when I'm feeling better. That said, we have just reached the end of a nine-month stint with the two of us alternately working away from home - tiring, depressing and just plain not nice, and something I would not be in any hurry to do again. For now I'm going to enjoy some good times (I hope) and try to push the grim and dark of the last nine months into shape, because experience says that the not-so-good times turn up unbidden.

I am also wary of trying to force or trick the unhappy-creative state into being. I think the back of my head that doesn't really talk to me will know the difference.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

That might be my problem - I'm not good at being unhappy. That's been something I have had more than assessed over the years. I'm never unhappy without a reason.

 

[Biskit]

Ruthlessly hacking an old quote: Some are born unhappy, some achieve unhappiness, and others have unhappiness thrust upon them. I've been in the latter category a few times. The one which springs most vividly to mind was around seven years back - working on a job sufficiently far from home that coming back for weekends was not practical. I was working, alone, for between three and six weeks at a time from roughly May to December. I ended up writing three novels simultaneously. One stalled in it's own pool of grim, one has turned into a multi-part beast that I am still writing, and the third is on the to-do list under 'try self-publishing' - not quite grim/dark, but what the Biskitetta calls 'cheerfully nasty'.

I should say that I am currently enjoying the first proper break in nine months, sitting in the yard, with the Biskitetta, in the sun, enjoying peace and quiet (because Road Runner became a very nice coq-au-vin, and in his absence the other cockerels are barely squabbling), with one out of four cats dozing in the spare chair... and ignoring the long list of jobs around the farm that urgently need doing.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Your break sounds wonderful!

I have had crap happen but long term misery isn't in my nature. I will try to recreate it and see if that works

 

[Biskit]

It's like toothache - you get used to it after a while, but it's fantastic when it stops.

Now that I think back, I have recently compared a number of situations and people to toothache.

I can't help a suspicion that ongoing low-grade misery is like boredom - you look for ways out of it, whether that be fixing the problem or finding some other place for your head to live until it's all over. I wrote a blog on it (and never posted it!) called 'Head Elsewhere', which turned into a bit of a short-hand between me and the Biskitetta. From a writing point of view, brushing teeth, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning out the goose shed are all valuable activities, as my head goes elsewhere to do something more interesting.

 

[The Big Peat]

My mother has fibro. I repeated what Anya had said and she gave me a look of utter disbelief. Any writing she gets done isn't done when the flare ups are bad (she mainly does the odd short story though). Not terribly helpful I know.

 

[Nick B]

I work best when I am happy, positive and in no pain whatsoever. Pain to be fair doesn't really stop me from working though. But if I am feeling down, stressed or anything like that, creativity dies right away.

 

[Ihe]

Unhappiness is where conflict lies. And writing is all about conflict. I can see how those two things would be connected. Negative feelings like pain, sadness, homesickness, heartbreak... they are often great wells of inspiration for the artist. And let's face it, writing (and the arts in general) for many of us is a sort of crutch. In your case, it seems that crutch comes into being to help you through the pain. For others is a way of indirectly accessing bad memories, to deal with a latent psychosis (most of us here fall in this category, I bet ), to get through depression, a boost to self-esteem/feelings of self-efficacy, etc.
I've heard several people say that artists are all damaged goods. Sometimes I almost agree. Maybe we really can't work with the beauty of the arts without having seen ugly in the face. When you are happy, you are a full glass, thus you are content. Misery leaves behind emptiness that inspiration can fill. The fierce perfectionism we often see in writers is evidence of this, IMO. Being a perfectionist means that your glass is never full, no matter what you do. There's a constant sense of incompleteness. It's the art of the eternal thirst, like that guy in the Greek myth.

On a personal note, I also tend to write more and better when I'm feeling down. Feeling down=lower self-esteem="all I'm writing is crap"=perfectionist gene kicks in=I try harder. That is when my writing has truly evolved: during periods of "life sucks", where I rather stay at home writing than go out into the world to be a productive/social cog. Not everyone functions like this, but it is just as valid a method of growth. Although it would be nice if we could all learn to write at our highest level when we're in a good place, it is not necessary, and I'd bet most writers/aspiring writers do not fan their creative flames with unbound happiness and feelings of completeness and achievement--quite the opposite I would think.

So, yeah, your brain is working just fine. We all draw our strengths from different weaknesses.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

My mother has fibro. I repeated what Anya had said and she gave me a look of utter disbelief. Any writing she gets done isn't done when the flare ups are bad (she mainly does the odd short story though). Not terribly helpful I know.

Does your mother have pain free days or does she have normal pain and bad pan?

The article is talking about the effect of chronic pain over a long number of years and how it rewires the brain. I was diagnosed 20 years ago but had my first rheumatic factor test over 30 years ago.

I've got severe Fibromyalgia (I know it's bad for everyone and I don't know where your mother is with it but there are people who are worse than me and those who are nowhere near as bad). They now have a severe ME day to distinguish it from normal ME. I'm not talking about flares. During those times I'm a screaming, crying, gibbering wreck and completely unable to function on any level that doesn't involve lying in a dark room staring at the ceiling. The pain is far in excess of anything I experienced in childbirth.

I'm talking about everyday normal pain. What I tend to refer to as "good pain" - it's the level I tolerate and deal with. Until this year pain free was a distant memory for me in fact I don't know if I've ever had it. However, I had a period of three months which was relatively pain free and during that time I couldn't write. In six years it was my only protracted period of writer's block.

I work best when I am happy, positive and in no pain whatsoever. Pain to be fair doesn't really stop me from working though. But if I am feeling down, stressed or anything like that, creativity dies right away.

I'm interested in your process of working if you have one? I want to know how to write and be well. It's hard to explain but I have been ill so long that I don't really know how to be well. It's a very weird experience for me.

So, yeah, your brain is working just fine. We all draw our strengths from different weaknesses.

I'm curious about how to write when not in pain or miserable. I'm wondering if being more organised etc would help. Maybe even planning my novel

 

[Ihe]

My apologies for not actually trying to answer ANY of your original questions . Well, consistency lies in structure. So being more organised would indeed help. Particular times of day, a particular corner of the house to write in, a particular noise/fragrance to accompany you in the creative process... I tend to play folk rock, usually a bit dark/sad, when I write. It does wonders for me. It's a sort of synesthesia: as the melody progresses I picture important plot points progress with it in a very graphic/vivid manner.

As for you, you could try planning the story during the pain periods and only going back to those plans and writing when in your "lessened pain" periods. That could be an interesting exercise, and having something already 1/3 done might give you the nagging motivation to finish it up (this is called the Zeigarnik effect, iirc) during your moments of diminished pain. This way you'd end up writing when you're happier about things you planned when you were miserable. You could get a bit of both worlds and see how that meshes.

Maybe it would also help to have different WiPs for different moods/levels of pain. That way there'd be consistency in the tone of your works. Writing when you're happy/content reads nothing like when you write sad/in pain (unless you're an absolute master manipulator of the written word).

 

[SpacePixie]

I am not very motivated by writing when I feel bad/in pain/depressed/angry, but I do think that different people are wired differently. Having said that, however, I agree with Ihe, that it could be productive to set different writing tasks for different times. Perhaps you could do your initial writing when you are at your most productive creatively, and save the less creative task of editing for when you are not feeling inspired by new ideas. In a perfect world you would not have to balance your health with your writing, but maybe you can at least use you changing health to your best advantage.

Maybe it would also help to have different WiPs for different moods/levels of pain. That way there'd be consistency in the tone of your works. Writing when you're happy/content reads nothing like when you write sad/in pain (unless you're an absolute master manipulator of the written word).

This is a great idea!

 

[Keith Taylor]

I am not very motivated by writing when I feel bad/in pain/depressed/angry, but I do think that different people are wired differently.

Ditto. I don't think I've ever written a usable page while feeling down.

 

[Droflet]

Welcome to Chrons, Keith. Fifteen posts on your first day must be close to a record. Hey, why not drop into the introductions thread and tell us a bit about yourself. Fear not, we're a friendly lot here and we have sherrif Brian to thank for that.

 

[Keith Taylor]

Ha I'm in that weird foggy half asleep zone that comes in the wake of a new release, when there's nothing left to do but sit back and refresh your Amazon reports page. Hanging out on forums is the only way to stay sane, so I'll pop into introductions shortly and say hello

 

[The Big Peat]

I am not aware of the exact medical diagnosis of her levels (I'm a very bad son like that) but yes, life is divided between days when she complains about everything hurting and days where she barely makes it out of her room. But equally she worked up to and slightly beyond retirement age (with the aid of a fair amount of indulgence from her work) so we're probably not talking the exact same history of chronic pain. And I don't know whether they'd have had the same effect anyway. Which is why this isn't exactly the most helpful thing I ever had to say.

Anya, does your routine change when you're going through pain free periods? As Ihe says, consistency lies in structure. I could join the crowd of those saying I don't write too well when in a funk, but really thats because I tend to lose routine then. If I had Bisket's 3-6 weeks by myself with a routine, would I feel down? Yup. Would I be writing? I think so. Routine matters.

Of course, it is possible the pain has altered your brain chemistry. I had a friend who dreaded a certain brand of anti-depressants because he simply couldn't do art while on them. Maybe a different type of book or writing would help.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

I will respond later I haven't ignore the posts but it's Not Back to School Day (we have the tradition of going to the beach) and this requires a lot of thought on my part.

My routine is hugely different - I think part of the problem is I sit down to write when I'm tired. Tired is a new thing for me. Fatigue and exhaustion are very, very different animals and with the Fibromyalgia I never really got the standard tired. Its been a big adjustment this year.

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

I sympathise with you, Anya. I have fibro and psoriatic arthritis and there have been days when the pain has prevented me from writing because I'm just too sore to type (handwriting more than a couple of legible lines went a few years ago). Fortunately, my fibro seems to be mostly mild these days unless something really stresses me, either physically or emotionally, when I get a flare-up. They've recently put me on an expensive miracle drug for the PA which has turned my life around. Walking even long distances, without a stick or help from someone else is a whole new freedom. You don't realise how much you value mobility until you lose it; I lost mine and resigned myself to a long, dependent life, then I had it given back to me. It is perhaps the most wonderful experience after the birth of a child.

Emotional pain was the trigger for beginning my writing journey, back in spring 2014. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Dementia and he began to deteriorate quite rapidly. Always a Daddy's girl, this floored me, so I took to my OH's iPad to distract myself with a story that had been knocking around in my head for 30 years or so. I have my parents living here with me now so I can help nurse Dad, which is wonderful, but my mum is a pretty demanding Personality (capitalization intentional) who emotionally drains those around her. Now, with my fingers in peak fitness for typing, I'm finding it really hard to write as well as I did a few months ago. I've been prolific in these last two plus years with lots of shorts accepted for publication in various magazines and anthologies, but the output has just about dried up recently. I find myself staring at the screen, ideas still bubbling away but with no words to express them anymore.

What's the answer? I think pain is both my friend and my enemy in terms of creativity. Physical pain is easier to deal with than an emotional battering but brings its own problems. Maybe there isn't an answer, or perhaps the answer is inside me. I just have to dig deep, put aside the stress, and find that creative spark again. One thing for sure: I'm not giving up. I'm going to get one of my novels out there somehow. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

 

[Nick B]

Anya, I truly don't know what motivates me. I just do it. That has been an element of my psychology my whole life. It is almost certainly why I used to do the sports I did when a bit younger- mountain bike, surfing, climbing and so on. I had no 'don't do it' switch to stop me, so, feel the fear, revel in it even, then do it anyway.

So I can't help with any advice, because I don't know. I literaly just do it. Not doing it simply doesn't seem to be an option.

 

[CWScott]

I have fibro and psoriatic arthritis

My wife has the exact same combination. I admire your strength to overcome it. Anya, you too. Fibro is one of those illnesses that is hard to diagnose, and is extremely debilitating. It doesn't help that most think there is nothing wrong with you, including doctors. Both fibro and arthritis and difficult to treat. If you are lucky enough to find a good doctor (my wifes on her 3rd rheumatologist, 2nd pain clinic, and 2nd surgeon after spending years and multiple doctors getting properly diagnosed), there is still months of trying different combinations of meds to overcome it. Even then, its always there.

My wife makes jewelry, and thankfully she can still use her hands, but those flare-up days are the worse. And some of the meds she is on turn her into a zombie, but without them she'd be bed ridden.
She can be very creative, but will go days, sometimes weeks, without working on her crafts because of the pain, and the stress dealing with it. I don't have chronic pain, but notice that if I'm stressed, or there is too much on my mind, I can't get a word down. Sometimes it weeks, and maybe months.