ErikB
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A little background before I share this first time getting a critique on the site. I have been writing for a long time. I have 3 books published and now I have a new science fiction series coming out. The series is titled; "Chronicles of Lonorangg" and starts off with "Krygan's Pets" which introduces Krygan Vack, the primary protagonist in the series.
Krygan's Pets is about a mid level alien Lord Holder from an intelligent and very powerful race of aliens called ultach that live on a large and heavy gravity lush world of Lonorangg. Krygan has a hobby acquiring and keeping primitive species as pets including bipeds. He captures some sample specimens of humans on one of his exploratory journeys and it is through the mental gifts of one of his captives (a human woman named Jennifer) and the help of a few other pets including an alien half breed female that he winds up surviving an attack and dealing with his enemies and detractors in a very wild story.
The greatest aspect to Krygan Vack is not his high tech dealings with advanced species which keeps him well ahead of others in the quest for arms and technology. Rather it lies with his main pet Marsdek. The only tamed enithorox in the history of his species.
Enithorox are tough creatures. They vaguely resemble a wolf and a big cat in combination and have a natural bioradiation that degrades energy fields and warps projectile weapons. They are immensely difficult to kill. And topping their blinding speed, strength, and stamina they are also venomous. The dew claws and inner fangs of an enithorox are highly toxic.
Everyone on Lonorangg wants the secret of how Krygan tamed the planet's apex predator. There are dreams of military and personal applications for these creatures. But Krygan is not talking where Marsdek is concerned.
This excerpt is from Chapter five "Strange Bedfellows" and introduces the half breed Ylloria to readers. (A gender note: Male ultach are referred to as ulanoc. Females are called ulanari.)
Chapter 5.
Ylloria sat by her window staring at the mygath flock that buzzed around the pink and white tulan orchid flowers. Mygath had blue and purple iridescent feathers on their heads with a bright yellow-gold stripe running along their dorsal region, and it was bordered in black. White bellies with black stripes made for a nice contrast to their duller metallic green and dark brown backs. As she sat in the window box and stared, a soft footfall coupled with the light jingle of thin metal discs that trimmed the hem and border of the new arrival’s clothing. Yellow, pink, and aqua colours. Deep emerald stones were set in a necklace adorning her neck and body.
She glanced at her guest briefly before returning her gaze to the garden flowers and small birds.
“Hello my Lady Pawgwyn. How are you good lady?”
“I am well Ylloria. The Lord Holder has asked me to send you to his office chambers. He would not say why however. This made me curious. Have you had any recent visitations from our Lord Krygan?”
Pawgwyn’s honey yellow eyes studied Ylloria carefully and with a hint of suspicion in them.
Ylloria smiled and continued to stare out the window.
“You mean has he been bedding me? And the answer is no. I’ve not had any attention from our Lord for many a seasonal cycle Lady Pawgwyn. You needn’t worry on that count. I remain a discarded bauble to be used from time to time entertaining his more important and deviant diplomatic friends and rivals.”
“I see. Well he summons you now. Better not to keep him waiting. Up up!”
As she rose from her seated position her deep metallic emerald green eyes flashed in the sunlight and in spite of their stations as servant and House Lady, Pawgwyn took a hesitant step back. Her barely hidden contempt for the young half-breed was mixed with her fear of Ylloria’s other parentage. Her features mixed the brutal strength and physical fitness of the ultach with the psionic mind powers as well as some of the subtle biochemical defenses that made the vanac a difficult race to encounter or deal with.
As Ylloria bowed her head and passed Pawgwyn the ulanari noted with even more jealousy the subtle way that Ylloria walked. It was the elegance of a great jungle haureen in the form of a rival. She would have hurt her physically if she could, but she knew well that Krygan was aware of her discomfort and jealousy with Ylloria. If anything happened to his precious half-breed she had no doubt that she’d end up in a private room with his nasty filthy minded donadar. And as far as she was concerned she’d rather procreate with an animal than allow Q-Iythe the opportunity to torture her or touch her with his nasty genitals.
Pawgwyn fumed as she returned to her station and wondered if she still had any listening devices that functioned in his office? She knew how frequently he swept the place for bugs. Still, it didn’t hurt to check. Perhaps she could find out what the Lord Holder was up to.
Ylloria’s soft silken gowns flowed and billowed behind her as she walked with her head lowered toward the office chambers. But at the door stood the donadar and he smiled and had her stop.
“Lord Holder Vack asks that you join him in the gardens. But you are not to discus this detour with anyone else. He awaits you there. He’s in the upper gardens by the water features.”
She nodded bowing to him.
“As you wish master donadar. Good day to you sir.”
She turned and left and Q-Iythe smiled and watched her go. He had long admired her body and physical features. But he was more interested in her gifts than her form. And with all his scientific objectivity normally in place, it also bothered him a little that in spite of being so much above her in rank, social status, and certainly in his official duties and capacity, there was something not born of his normal lust that stirred in him when he heard her voice.
She made him feel a little more clean and pure inside, if that were possible. He got a slight warmth in his heart that was uncharacteristic and he both enjoyed this and feared it too. It was a weakness, and he hated weakness. Still it made him grin and toy with hidden fantasies of a more romantic nature, until the ugly truth of his nature made him hate himself for even toying with the notion of feelings and love. He shook his head and stormed off. He had to go kill something or torture someone to get himself back on track. He grinned and headed back to check in on Uvosh in his private cell.
Great trees towered around the lake and fast flowing streams of Lord Holder Vack’s upper gardens. The smell of korusonium flowers and the pungent musk of tutu vine filaments always made her feel better. The gardens were beautiful and she loved the fact that he was meeting her here rather than his cold dark black office.
A shadow followed her in the dense bushes and plants to the right of the garden path. She turned to face it and Marsdek approached her from under a large leafed fern. The stripped enithorox padded up to her briskly. But unlike most of those it encountered there was no wrath or aggression or indifference toward Ylloria.
Krygan had remarked in the past as to how disturbing it was to see his beloved pet approach her and seek gentle affection from the girl. Even now Marsdek chirped his contentment as she crouched down and smiled. She enjoyed him and this was obviously quite mutual as the most deadly animal in the garden and in fact on all of the continent now rubbed up against her gently. She scratched behind his ears and he turned his head and delighted in her touch.
“You look as beautiful as the last time we met Marsdek!” She said softly and Marsdek continued to chirp his purred delight and he leaned in closer making her smile even more.
From a bend in the path Lord Krygan approached them and to his astonishment Marsdek bristled at him for a moment and then relaxed again and put himself between Ylloria and Krygan. She stood suddenly and bowed to him.
“Forgive me Lord Krygan. I did not mean to tarry.”
He snapped his fingers and Marsdek reluctantly stood and then sauntered over to him and rubbed his head once against Krygan’s thigh before sitting down at his side. Krygan smiled and then looked Ylloria over for a moment before he spoke.
“Ylloria, there’s nothing to forgive. Come, walk with me.”
She stepped forward and walked along side of Krygan but slightly behind him and Marsdek took the opportunity to rub against her more than a few times as he strode between the two. His playful and content chirping persisted as he delighted in her presence.
Krygan glanced down at Marsdek and then looked at Ylloria’s face. She had her head lowered a bit as if nervous or shy.
“He likes you Ylloria.”
She nodded absently.
“Yes my Lord. I am fond of him as well.”
Krygan laughed a very genuine and amused tone.
“You know, General Sycress was in my office and trembled when Marsdek drew close enough to him. All other ultach fear him. Male and female. Warriors and servants alike. Everyone fears Marsdek. As do every visiting dignitary and guest. And he doesn’t like anyone in my palace, except for you Ylloria. For some strange reason he has a deep thing for you and it is always a wonder for me to see this. It makes me think Ylloria. I wonder what it is about you that Marsdek so favors?”
“I do not know my Lord. Truly I have no idea. But he’s a sweet creature and beautiful as well. I like him a lot.”
Krygan nodded still smiling that devious knowing grin that always threw her off a bit.
“I can see that. Do you not know what he can do? I mean what sort of animal he is?”
“If you are asking if I grasp how deadly a predator he is or whether I am aware that he could kill hundreds of battle armoured ultach shock troops and likely survive with little or no injury, or that he moves with a speed that is beyond the capacity of the eye to follow when need be, then yes my Lord Holder. I know this well. Everyone on Lonorangg knows what an enithorox can do. But to me he’s just Marsdek. He’s a majestic creature and his eyes speak to my heart Lord Krygan. I cannot help it. That’s just how I see him.”
Krygan's Pets is about a mid level alien Lord Holder from an intelligent and very powerful race of aliens called ultach that live on a large and heavy gravity lush world of Lonorangg. Krygan has a hobby acquiring and keeping primitive species as pets including bipeds. He captures some sample specimens of humans on one of his exploratory journeys and it is through the mental gifts of one of his captives (a human woman named Jennifer) and the help of a few other pets including an alien half breed female that he winds up surviving an attack and dealing with his enemies and detractors in a very wild story.
The greatest aspect to Krygan Vack is not his high tech dealings with advanced species which keeps him well ahead of others in the quest for arms and technology. Rather it lies with his main pet Marsdek. The only tamed enithorox in the history of his species.
Enithorox are tough creatures. They vaguely resemble a wolf and a big cat in combination and have a natural bioradiation that degrades energy fields and warps projectile weapons. They are immensely difficult to kill. And topping their blinding speed, strength, and stamina they are also venomous. The dew claws and inner fangs of an enithorox are highly toxic.
Everyone on Lonorangg wants the secret of how Krygan tamed the planet's apex predator. There are dreams of military and personal applications for these creatures. But Krygan is not talking where Marsdek is concerned.
This excerpt is from Chapter five "Strange Bedfellows" and introduces the half breed Ylloria to readers. (A gender note: Male ultach are referred to as ulanoc. Females are called ulanari.)
Chapter 5.
Ylloria sat by her window staring at the mygath flock that buzzed around the pink and white tulan orchid flowers. Mygath had blue and purple iridescent feathers on their heads with a bright yellow-gold stripe running along their dorsal region, and it was bordered in black. White bellies with black stripes made for a nice contrast to their duller metallic green and dark brown backs. As she sat in the window box and stared, a soft footfall coupled with the light jingle of thin metal discs that trimmed the hem and border of the new arrival’s clothing. Yellow, pink, and aqua colours. Deep emerald stones were set in a necklace adorning her neck and body.
She glanced at her guest briefly before returning her gaze to the garden flowers and small birds.
“Hello my Lady Pawgwyn. How are you good lady?”
“I am well Ylloria. The Lord Holder has asked me to send you to his office chambers. He would not say why however. This made me curious. Have you had any recent visitations from our Lord Krygan?”
Pawgwyn’s honey yellow eyes studied Ylloria carefully and with a hint of suspicion in them.
Ylloria smiled and continued to stare out the window.
“You mean has he been bedding me? And the answer is no. I’ve not had any attention from our Lord for many a seasonal cycle Lady Pawgwyn. You needn’t worry on that count. I remain a discarded bauble to be used from time to time entertaining his more important and deviant diplomatic friends and rivals.”
“I see. Well he summons you now. Better not to keep him waiting. Up up!”
As she rose from her seated position her deep metallic emerald green eyes flashed in the sunlight and in spite of their stations as servant and House Lady, Pawgwyn took a hesitant step back. Her barely hidden contempt for the young half-breed was mixed with her fear of Ylloria’s other parentage. Her features mixed the brutal strength and physical fitness of the ultach with the psionic mind powers as well as some of the subtle biochemical defenses that made the vanac a difficult race to encounter or deal with.
As Ylloria bowed her head and passed Pawgwyn the ulanari noted with even more jealousy the subtle way that Ylloria walked. It was the elegance of a great jungle haureen in the form of a rival. She would have hurt her physically if she could, but she knew well that Krygan was aware of her discomfort and jealousy with Ylloria. If anything happened to his precious half-breed she had no doubt that she’d end up in a private room with his nasty filthy minded donadar. And as far as she was concerned she’d rather procreate with an animal than allow Q-Iythe the opportunity to torture her or touch her with his nasty genitals.
Pawgwyn fumed as she returned to her station and wondered if she still had any listening devices that functioned in his office? She knew how frequently he swept the place for bugs. Still, it didn’t hurt to check. Perhaps she could find out what the Lord Holder was up to.
Ylloria’s soft silken gowns flowed and billowed behind her as she walked with her head lowered toward the office chambers. But at the door stood the donadar and he smiled and had her stop.
“Lord Holder Vack asks that you join him in the gardens. But you are not to discus this detour with anyone else. He awaits you there. He’s in the upper gardens by the water features.”
She nodded bowing to him.
“As you wish master donadar. Good day to you sir.”
She turned and left and Q-Iythe smiled and watched her go. He had long admired her body and physical features. But he was more interested in her gifts than her form. And with all his scientific objectivity normally in place, it also bothered him a little that in spite of being so much above her in rank, social status, and certainly in his official duties and capacity, there was something not born of his normal lust that stirred in him when he heard her voice.
She made him feel a little more clean and pure inside, if that were possible. He got a slight warmth in his heart that was uncharacteristic and he both enjoyed this and feared it too. It was a weakness, and he hated weakness. Still it made him grin and toy with hidden fantasies of a more romantic nature, until the ugly truth of his nature made him hate himself for even toying with the notion of feelings and love. He shook his head and stormed off. He had to go kill something or torture someone to get himself back on track. He grinned and headed back to check in on Uvosh in his private cell.
Great trees towered around the lake and fast flowing streams of Lord Holder Vack’s upper gardens. The smell of korusonium flowers and the pungent musk of tutu vine filaments always made her feel better. The gardens were beautiful and she loved the fact that he was meeting her here rather than his cold dark black office.
A shadow followed her in the dense bushes and plants to the right of the garden path. She turned to face it and Marsdek approached her from under a large leafed fern. The stripped enithorox padded up to her briskly. But unlike most of those it encountered there was no wrath or aggression or indifference toward Ylloria.
Krygan had remarked in the past as to how disturbing it was to see his beloved pet approach her and seek gentle affection from the girl. Even now Marsdek chirped his contentment as she crouched down and smiled. She enjoyed him and this was obviously quite mutual as the most deadly animal in the garden and in fact on all of the continent now rubbed up against her gently. She scratched behind his ears and he turned his head and delighted in her touch.
“You look as beautiful as the last time we met Marsdek!” She said softly and Marsdek continued to chirp his purred delight and he leaned in closer making her smile even more.
From a bend in the path Lord Krygan approached them and to his astonishment Marsdek bristled at him for a moment and then relaxed again and put himself between Ylloria and Krygan. She stood suddenly and bowed to him.
“Forgive me Lord Krygan. I did not mean to tarry.”
He snapped his fingers and Marsdek reluctantly stood and then sauntered over to him and rubbed his head once against Krygan’s thigh before sitting down at his side. Krygan smiled and then looked Ylloria over for a moment before he spoke.
“Ylloria, there’s nothing to forgive. Come, walk with me.”
She stepped forward and walked along side of Krygan but slightly behind him and Marsdek took the opportunity to rub against her more than a few times as he strode between the two. His playful and content chirping persisted as he delighted in her presence.
Krygan glanced down at Marsdek and then looked at Ylloria’s face. She had her head lowered a bit as if nervous or shy.
“He likes you Ylloria.”
She nodded absently.
“Yes my Lord. I am fond of him as well.”
Krygan laughed a very genuine and amused tone.
“You know, General Sycress was in my office and trembled when Marsdek drew close enough to him. All other ultach fear him. Male and female. Warriors and servants alike. Everyone fears Marsdek. As do every visiting dignitary and guest. And he doesn’t like anyone in my palace, except for you Ylloria. For some strange reason he has a deep thing for you and it is always a wonder for me to see this. It makes me think Ylloria. I wonder what it is about you that Marsdek so favors?”
“I do not know my Lord. Truly I have no idea. But he’s a sweet creature and beautiful as well. I like him a lot.”
Krygan nodded still smiling that devious knowing grin that always threw her off a bit.
“I can see that. Do you not know what he can do? I mean what sort of animal he is?”
“If you are asking if I grasp how deadly a predator he is or whether I am aware that he could kill hundreds of battle armoured ultach shock troops and likely survive with little or no injury, or that he moves with a speed that is beyond the capacity of the eye to follow when need be, then yes my Lord Holder. I know this well. Everyone on Lonorangg knows what an enithorox can do. But to me he’s just Marsdek. He’s a majestic creature and his eyes speak to my heart Lord Krygan. I cannot help it. That’s just how I see him.”
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