Dialogue tags in the middle...

[Spencer E Hart]

Going through the 1st draft I am writing, I noticed that I am not always consistent in using dialogue tags (and adjacent punctuation and and capitalization) when in between two parts of a line of actual dialogue.

So, if anyone would be willing to give opinions, I'd appreciate it.

Examples from my draft:

1) "Sorry, Chief," the constable said, "but there's a man from Phillips Atomics says he needs to speak with you."

2) "I've never investigated a murder," McCreedy continued. "Mostly, we break up fights and lock up rowdy drunks until they sober up."

3) "Have a look," he said. "Photo of the body."

4) "That reminds me," Bert said, "I'm carrying a new model of the M-Gun the size of a pistol. Any problem with that inside the base?"

I think my main issue is deciding whether the dialogue on either side of the tag is one sentence or two related sentences? And whether to always use comma at end of first part, even if might be two separate sentences (in which case I sometimes used a period instead)?

 

[HareBrain]

They all look fine to me. 1) and 4) could follow the format of 2/3 if you wanted (because both could be two sentences, or treated as such).

I think my main issue is deciding whether the dialogue on either side of the tag is one sentence or two related sentences?

You have more leeway with dialogue. Sometimes non-dialogue sentences that are split by commas, semi-colons or colons are best treated as separate sentences in dialogue.

And whether to always use comma at end of first part, even if might be two separate sentences

You mean using the comma before the first closing quote, or after "said"?

 

[Brian G Turner]

I think my main issue is deciding whether the dialogue on either side of the tag is one sentence or two related sentences?

As HB says, there's more flexibility with spoken word. Sentence fragments are more acceptable. So the issue of whether you treat a line of dialogue as two separate sentences, or a single sentence broken up, is less of a concern. The only thing you need to make sure of is that your punctuation properly reflects this - which, in your above examples, they do. And welcome to the chrons forum.

 

[The Judge]

Just to echo HB, all four examples are fine, though personally with number 4 I'd have written it as two discrete sentences, as "That reminds me, I'm carrying a new model..." doesn't work so well for me written as one sentence. (And if I were in nit-picking mood -- when am I never? -- I'd reword number 2 to avoid all those "up"s.)

You're absolutely right in saying the deciding factor is whether the dialogue continues as one sentence either side of the dialogue tag. Always use a comma (or a question-mark/exclamation mark as appropriate**) at the end of the first piece of dialogue, even if the sentence of dialogue itself ends there IF what follows is a speech attribution, ie "he said". If what follows is a separate action, then it ends with a full stop (period) ie

"That reminds me," Bert said, "I'm carrying a new model of the M-Gun the size of a pistol. Any problem with that inside the base?"​

but

"That reminds me." Bert pulled out his new model of the M-Gun, the size of a pistol. "I'm carrying this. Any problem with that inside the base?"​

** And just in case anyone else isn't sure, if it is a question or exclamation mark, then it's still lower case for the speech attribution even though in an ordinary sentence they act as full stops, so "Are you sure?" he said.

 

[Spencer E Hart]

They all look fine to me. 1) and 4) could follow the format of 2/3 if you wanted (because both could be two sentences, or treated as such).



You have more leeway with dialogue. Sometimes non-dialogue sentences that are split by commas, semi-colons or colons are best treated as separate sentences in dialogue.



You mean using the comma before the first closing quote, or after "said"?

If you notice, in 2) and 3) I had a period after "continued / said," but in 1) and 4) I had a comma.

Still it makes me wonder if those periods should have been commas instead?

I read a dialogue book, but that was several months ago and I don't want to interrupt the writing of the first draft by getting out reference books If I can help it. When I get to the end then I'll worry about stuff like that. I have LOTS of dialogue scenes in the 4400 words I have so far (detective gathering information), and I have quite a mixture of using the dialogue tags at the end, in the middle, or not at all (although sometimes a small "action tag" instead - character points or shuffles papers or something like that.)

Thank you all for the input; it makes me feel that I at least have SOME idea what I am doing

 

[Brian G Turner]

If you notice, in 2) and 3) I had a period after "continued / said," but in 1) and 4) I had a comma.

In example 4), you would only use a period where you had a complete sentence or complete fragment, ie:

4) "That reminds me, I'm carrying a new model of the M-Gun the size of a pistol," Bert said. "Any problem with that inside the base?"