It's blurb time again...

[Nick B]

Yep, the dreaded blurb is once again causing me issues. This time it's for Primordial.

The Padmavati is a survey ship, small crew, not military and the theme is scifi horror. Here's teh blurb I have so far. What is wrong with it? would you read this book? Any ideas to make it better?

Primordial

The crew of the Padmavati make a discovery that could make them rich when their ship is pulled out of warp by an uncharted gravitational anomaly. Among a strange arrangement of megalithic stones floating in deep space they find a derelict, alien starship, which would make billions of credits in salvage rights alone.

When one of the Padmavati’s crew goes missing, a chain of terrifying events leaves them fighting for their lives and their sanity.

 

[tinkerdan]

You might consider putting a bit more into it to explain some of the stakes.

Such as :: is it considered a lucky thing to be pulled out of warp by uncharted gravitation anomalies and just how often does that happen. And if it's a bad thing then perhaps what are the odds that they would find anything of value (or for that matter; find it intact)? And as a survey ship are they really in need of finding something of great value for salvage; is it an answer to a prayer? Or are they just being opportunistic?

On the other hand I might just ask these questions myself and read the first ten pages to see if the writer might be intent on delivering the answers to questions I made up on my own.

I think you are on the right track by keeping it short; but I think to really interest me it might need some more detail squeezed in somewhere.

 

[Nick B]

Also, this is a novelette, not a full blown novel. Not sure that makes much difference to a blurb...

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Sorry, I have issues, around specificity mostly.

Yep, the dreaded blurb is once again causing me issues. This time it's for Primordial.

The Padmavati is a survey ship, small crew, not military and the theme is scifi horror. Here's teh blurb I have so far. What is wrong with it? would you read this book? Any ideas to make it better?

Primordial

The crew of the Padmavati make a discovery which is? What does it mean? that could only could. So the stake is weak make them rich how rich - no cliches please when their ship is pulled out of warp sounds like a sf by numbers concept by an uncharted gravitational anomalytells me nothing - what us this? . Among a strange arrangement arrggggghhhh! How is it strange. Tell me something. Is it just the arrangement, or more? of megalithic stones floating in deep space they find a derelict, alien starship, which would make billions of credits in salvage rights alone.

When one of the Padmavati’s crew who? We root for characters, not nobodiesgoes missing, a chain of terrifying events arrrrrrggggghhhhh - what sort of terrifying eventsleaves them fighting for their lives and their sanityvery wooly.

For me, this is a back to the drawing board blurb.

Who is the story about, what do they hope to achieve, what obstacles do they face, and what are the stakes. No vague hints. I hate hints, even in the book itself.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Also, this is a novelette, not a full blown novel. Not sure that makes much difference to a blurb...

None whatsoever

 

[Brian G Turner]

Too much pushing in background details, not enough about the conflict/tension. The industry recommends you focus on a protagonist, their conflict, and stakes.

 

[HareBrain]

Just to throw in a different opinion, personally I'm not too fussed about the protagonist in a story like this; it's the premise that would hook me. However, this feels like only the first half of such a blurb, and I'd need more specificity on the "chain of terrifying events" and what follows to convince me I'm in for an interesting read.

 

[Nick B]

I have been looking at novels that feel similar, and ofter they don't mention the protagonists by name, and they keep information limited, mostly just setting up the scene.
Alien, Event Horizon, Solaris, Pandorum, novels and films like that. That is the kind of setting this is.
I will rework it over the next few days. I don't want the blurb going much further than the discovery of the anomaly and henge, and then clarrifying that it is scifi-horror.

 

[Phyrebrat]

It's reading posts like this that make me dread should I ever get far enough to need a blurb. I wouldn't know where to start.

Blurb writing seems to have more in common with job interviews than art.

Quellist, you have my sympathy

(Ps. Strictly speaking, 'henge' refers to the earthworks rather than the stone. That is to say it's the ditch and mound.)

good luck!

pH

 

[The Big Peat]

You tell us twice that they've struck the big one. I think you only need to say it once.

How they get to the stones is less interesting to me than what they find there.

I was going to ask for more information about what happens - are they terrifyingly brutal, or terrifyingly impossible, etc.etc. - but if you think the genre way is to say something bad goes down and leave it there, I think you may have too much.

Would I read it at present? Probably not, but SF Horror isn't my genre, so I may be the wrong person to ask.

 

[Nick B]

Noted Peat! I didn't notice the twice mentioning money. the events and entity they encounter is both brutal and impossible... This is a very early start on the blurb. I had as much trouble with Liberator, so asked early this time.

Yeah, Phyre, I have to say that writing the blurb is easily the bit I hate most of all.

I'll get back to it tonite.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

But those you cite as examples... i've found some Alien blurbs. They tells us the stakes and asks questions. Eg

There is an SOS as opposed to 'they make a discovery that...' We know what an SOS is. It means people in danger. It means going into danger. It has stakes.



But even the tagline (which is what they really sold Alien on)

In space, no one can hear you scream.

It is specific. This story is in space, and there will be screaming - from people (hence the you). And no one is going to come. At which point - kerching! Sold.

Yours lacks those stakes. *They going after something to become rich - it doesn't thrill me about the plot. The only pull in is the last line and I still don't know what I should be worried about - or what kind of thing I should be worried about - and why.m

Without any of that, how do I know it's for me. So, specific. Whether it's about character or plot, I'd be easy going. But tell me what's at stake and why. You don't have to spoil to do that.


* it makes me think of Point Break. If you were to try to sell it as rogue bank robbers chased by FBI cop, it sounds everyday and boring. But add the specifics in - rogue bank robbers, part of the hard to penetrate surfing community, are targeted by a failing FBI cop who'll do anything to bring them in, and suddenly it's interesting. You need enough little details in there to intrigue and hook.

 

[Montero]

Primordial

The crew of the Padmavati make a discovery that could make them rich when their ship is pulled out of warp by an uncharted gravitational anomaly. Among a strange arrangement of megalithic stones floating in deep space they find a derelict, alien starship, which would make billions of credits in salvage rights alone.

When one of the Padmavati’s crew goes missing, a chain of terrifying events leaves them fighting for their lives and their sanity.

I wasn't too keen on the structure of the first two sentences - a mix of too many words and also unanswered questions.


The Padmavati is pulled out of warp by an uncharted gravitational anomaly (does this damage the ship? are they now lost? can they get back into warp?)

Other than that my suggestion would be towards rearranging the first two sentences in a shorter form, so you say what the discovery is, rather than calling it a discovery in one sentence and saying what it is in the next sentence.