Losing the love

The Big Peat

The Big Peat

Darth Buddha
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Apr 9, 2016
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What do you do when you're writing a story and realise its no longer a story you want to tell? Soldier on? Forget all about it? Is there anything you've done to regain the love?

In this case, its a bit more complicated than just the story, as it was conceived as a joint project with a friend using his world and now I don't we're particularly friends. We're close enough to finish it (if I want to) but it does sour the project a little in my mind. But, in any case, I think I'm out of love with it anyway.

And now I'm not sure what to do. Its 85% of the way through the current round of editing.
 
I think I would find it very hard to carry on with something I had no passion for. I have plenty of 10-20k starts, some of which died because the idea fizzled out, but others that went because I didn't care about the story any more. If it was purely your own work, I would say shelve it, wait a bit, read it again in six months and see if the love comes back. For a joint project like that, I wouldn't know where to go.

On a wildly depressing note - it sounds doomed. On an equally wildly optimistic note - it's amazing how almost anything (apart from people outside of our fantasy worlds) can come back from the dead.
 
Now this is the reason that you have to think heavily about getting into a collaboration.
I recently had a friend who knew I was published and was hoping, after telling me his story idea, that I could start the story for him. It's a great idea and he was more than enthusiastic, but it didn't do anything for me and I had to decline.

Unfortunately you are in a different place. And on one level it would be a service for you to say, "I've lost the love, so maybe you should finish this."
However, before you go that extreme I would suggest::
Read the entire thing through and find the place where you lost your enthusiasm, because somewhere there is some huge problem-maybe a plot hole-maybe a style choice-maybe a character shift-that started the downward spiral and it needs to be fixed.
 
In my experience, it's hard to regain long-term love for a story after it's faded. You can have a brief resurgence of feeling that persuades you to try, but for me, that doesn't often last much longer than the read-through. To love a story enough to read through it is one thing; to love it enough to do actual work is another.

A story that's finished, and 85% edited -- that's a hard one. But it's very unlikely it would be its final edit.
 
The Big Peat said:
But, in any case, I think I'm out of love with it anyway.

And now I'm not sure what to do. Its 85% of the way through the current round of editing.
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That sounds like work. Which, if you are a professional writer, is exactly what writing is. If you and your semi-friend believe the material is quality and salable, that should be a motivation to finish it.

Can you separate the story from your relationship enough to determine what, if anything, isn't pleasing you about the story?
 
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Sounds like the declining friendship could be more of a root-problem than actual diminishing passion.

Giving it time is the best option. There are stories I've started that I've eventually hated. I've left them, done other projects, and one day an idea pops into my head that changes and invigorates the hated story. For me, the rekindling always starts with a paradigm shift in my story, which usually needs important changes. It is then I realise I lost the passion because at some point, the story stopped being the story I thought it would be. I find it going wrong at a subconscious level, which takes a while to effervesce up to consciousness.
 
Mulling it over.

Would point out for sake of clarity that while it started as a joint project, its now me writing with him editing. Not like I can pass it over or he'll send me something new on it. Its merely background information that *might* explain my lack of love.

Anyone else been in the out of love state before?
 
For me, writing isn't about the money or fame that might come with writing something. But neither is it necessarily about always enjoying myself. Sometimes I have to drag myself through the editing process. But it's still rewarding. That said, I think I would not want to do a joint writing venture with someone when the freindship had gone south. Most freinds can't maintain professional ties afterwards, either, I've noticed. So for me, I would just move on to the next thing. Hopefully there is a next thing?
 
I'm totally not understanding::
The Big Peat said:
Mulling it over.

Would point out for sake of clarity that while it started as a joint project, its now me writing with him editing. Not like I can pass it over or he'll send me something new on it. Its merely background information that *might* explain my lack of love.

Anyone else been in the out of love state before?
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:: Are you not in love with the story or are you just not in love with the friend any more?

First off, I can possibly see a potential for trouble if you started this together and now they are editing while you write. But the question then would be are you sensitive about the edits.

But honestly there is something missing in both your posts to make it clear to me where the problem really lies.

I know, when I had my wife editing mine, it was difficult times at first; but that was mostly my pigheadedness and we fixed that with a two by four. But seriously we've edited well over 600,000 words together and we go over it ten times before we send it to the paid editors and we've learned to love it. Well, at least I have. I really don't know if by half the edits she gets totally bored; however she reads romance novels and I don't write romance, so it has to be a bit of strain.

If you're just tired of writing then maybe you need a break, but as I said usually that's an indication that something deep is wrong with the manuscript and maybe it needs a third set of eyes to freshen up perspective. I'm struggling right now with the third of my trilogy but that's because of some poorly handled sections that I'm now working on. I have found it much easier to put it aside than I did with the first two novels, so maybe that's close to what you mean.

But honestly I've read your posts through several times and I'm having trouble unraveling what you are trying to say.


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In this case, its a bit more complicated than just the story, as it was conceived as a joint project with a friend using his world and now I don't we're particularly friends.
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So is that suppose to be you don't think you are particularly friends.
Which then gets us back to is this about the story and no love or more about relationships?
 
Yes, there should have been a think there.

Anyway, its definitely about the story. Maybe it's about the friendship as well; I raise the matter because somebody might have been in the same place and have advice based on it. But the story itself is one hundred per cent an issue.
 
The Big Peat said:
Yes, there should have been a think there.

Anyway, its definitely about the story. Maybe it's about the friendship as well; I raise the matter because somebody might have been in the same place and have advice based on it. But the story itself is one hundred per cent an issue.
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You wanna fish for ideas to punch it up?
 
Have you spoken to your collaborator about this? Sometimes you need to be honest.
Many years ago, I had a bass player who started simply going through the motions. I took him aside and asked him if he wanted to leave the band. His face lit up and he smiled in relief. It turned out that he did but was reluctant to say so in case he was letting me down. I told him it was fine, we stayed friends and I got a new bass player.

Anyway, people pick up on these things and if you're feeling it, chances are he knows or is feeling it too. Maybe you could pick it up on your own and make it a solo project or maybe your friend wants to pick it up and run with it.

Talking's good:)

Edit: my new bass player was a great musician but turned out to be a complete dick. Now he's doing time in prison. Perhaps I'll elaborate on that one day;)
 
The Big Peat said:
Anyone else been in the out of love state before?
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I don't know if this counts, but I'm no longer in love with my first novel, apart from the occasional nostalgia session. It was badly structured and came from a different mindset and concerns that no longer interest me. (Not surprising, as I started it 20+ years ago.) It's worth asking if you've grown beyond the story in terms of skill or interests, or if it's just that you're bored with it. The latter might be fixed by a break, the former might need some radical changes to what the story's about.
 
Foxbat said:
Edit: my new bass player was a great musician but turned out to be a complete dick. Now he's doing time in prison. Perhaps I'll elaborate on that one day;)
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Bassists for you *drummer snobbery* I haven't spoken to him. Suppose I should at some point but have no particular inclination to at the moment.

What Harebrain's said about different mindset, concerns and interests rings the truest. I could reconfigure the story to meet the changes but at this point it would probably take a full rewrite. Not sure that's worth it.

Think the right answer for now is to put it to one side. I can always come back to it if my mind changes. Think I knew that before opening the thread but was hoping someone had a miracle cure. In the meantime, there's plenty of writing and editing for me to do where I really want people to read the story, so on I crack.

Thanks all.
 
Put it to one side. My current wip was untouched for some years, until a chance comment by a friend made me look again. When I re-read it, I saw more good bits than faults, and became enthused about finishing the story. I'm now 80,000 words into book 2 of the trilogy, and enjoying it immensely. If you can, maybe suggest to the ex-friend that you both do this, and see how you feel in six months, maybe a year. This gives you time and separation to see how you feel about the friend, too.
 
HareBrain said:
I don't know if this counts, but I'm no longer in love with my first novel, apart from the occasional nostalgia session. It was badly structured and came from a different mindset and concerns that no longer interest me. (Not surprising, as I started it 20+ years ago.) It's worth asking if you've grown beyond the story in terms of skill or interests, or if it's just that you're bored with it. The latter might be fixed by a break, the former might need some radical changes to what the story's about.
Click to expand...

Maybe a collab...? ;)

pH
 
Yes, I have fallen out of love with my stories before. Usually I set them aside, work on something else, and wait to see if the love for the other project returns. It is very hard to work on something you have no passion for--you tend not to write at your best in that state, and because of that it is easy to feel a lot of discouragement about yourself as a writer. I recently had to put a project on hold for two months because I was so discouraged with it and had so little love for it that I nearly cried every time I thought about forcing myself to work on it... that is definitely the time to take a break! But then, over Christmas, I had a huge resurgence of excitement for it, and now I'm working on it without a hitch!

But given that it is somewhat of a collab makes it harder. In my opinion, collabs can be difficult with someone you get along with, but with someone whom you've had a bad experience with, it would be even harder. If he is also ready to put it down, I think I would do so without question. Even if he is just editing, it still puts you in an awkward place, and because of the history behind it, you will probably have a bad taste in your mouth whenever you go to work on it. I have a feeling you'll feel much better if you just put this one aside and pick up something new that you can get excited about.

Looking back at your last comment, it sounds like you already made the decision to put it aside, so sorry if the comment was redundant. I wish you all the best on whatever project you turn to next. Good luck!
 
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