The Very Secret Diary of Aragorn

[Brian G Turner]

I'll place this in here, rather than the other board -


The Very Secret Diary of Aragorn, Son of Arathorn


Day One:

Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.

Day Four:

Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.
Not King yet.

Day Six:

Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.
Still not King.

Day Ten:

Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Balrog.
Not King today either.


Day 30:

In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

Nice chat with Boromir. He’s not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not King.

http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/

 

[Brian G Turner]

I love thos commentaries!

Here's some excerpts from Gandalf's diary:

Day Three:

Massive fecking hangover. Off to Minas Tirith for some aspirin.

Day Twelve:

Went to Saruman for advice about Ring but he had become evil. Nobody tells me anything. Apparently there was a memo. Radagast the Brown probably stealing paper out of my inbox again.

Day Thirteen :

Stuck on top of tower. Great view, but constant pelting sleet not good for pointy hat. Am amusing self by spitting gum down on the Orcs.

 

[Brian G Turner]

And from the very secret diary of RingWraith number 5:


Day 1

Just opened Christmas pressie from Sauron. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty ring!

Day 1,000,967

Got box of chocolates as Christmas bonus from Dark Lord, again. As per usual, Sauron ate all the toffees and left the strawberry creams. How I detest this life of vile servitude.

Still disembodied.

Day 1,001,056

V. bored in Barad-Dur. Nothing to do but play Scrabble with Orcs. Is v. annoying as Orcs only know Black Speech of Mordor. You try spelling Azg Nazg Gimbatul for a triple word score. Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Day 1,001,102

Suspect Sauron gearing up for something. Walked in on him applying ceremonial sparkly mascara. Suspect he will be v. happy when he has body back and can really dress up again.

Day 1,001,106

Have been given brand spanking new horse.
Not for spanking, of course.
Go me!
On minus side, still disembodied.

 

[littlemissattitude]

These are deliciously funny.

 

[scifimoth]

These are hilarious...

 

[Nicado]

Hobbit Force needs

Gandalf said "You must take this ring"
"I don't want to take this ring"
"You must"
"But the toilet is green and foiled?!"
"Ah, yes, the toilets of the Bachelorhood."
"The what??!"
"In your own time my good hobbit, in your own time. You will not easily gain this understanding. You will accept the force as it comes to you when needed. Until then, you will do as you must. The force will seek to deposit itself from you. And when the ring calls, it calls. Trust me on that." Gandalf gave a wierd face then walked away oddly gracious side to side slowly and quickly as he could then jogged a bit, took a corner and found...

Nic