People on a forum discussing a disturbing TV programme

[Toby Frost]

This is a very short ghost/horror story, probably no more than 500 words, written/styled to look like a series of posts on a forum* about retro TV (so almost certainly written post-2000). A group of users are discussing an American programme about a pirate which they saw when they were young. The programme was so poorly made that it struck the people on the forum as sinister.

As the story goes on and more posts are made on the "forum", it becomes clear that the programme was very disturbing and had some kind of occult element to it. There is a twist which I won't reveal. The programme is called something like "Pirate Pete's Cove". The story may originally have been published online.


*Not this one, before this all gets a bit "meta"!

 

[Wruter]

This one? - Candle Cove local kid's show? - NetNostalgia Forum - Television (local)

 

[Toby Frost]

That's the one! Thanks!

 

[Randy M.]

Whoa, that's good. Freaky good. Also just freaky. But good. And freaky.

I bet there are plenty of stories that could fill an anthology concerning TV, radio, and on-line horror (and a separate anthology for movies). For instance, I recall "Ghost Hunt," an H. R. Wakefield ghost story written as though a radio announcer is reporting from a haunted house.

I'd include this one in that anthology.


Randy M.

 

[HoopyFrood]

Ooh I love when people search for stuff like this because then I get to discover something awesome that I might not have otherwise known!

Going to read this now.

 

[Toby Frost]

It's a clever story because it catches on to a strong idea - old kids' shows were often surreal and occasionally unsettling - and also tells it in a clever way, by using the forum structure to unfold the story, with each contribution racking up the weirdness. Also, of course, you have to imagine it yourself.

In a strange way, it actually reminds me a bit of this: The Twelve Keys of Basil Valentine - Wikipedia

However, I did a bit of research and apparently there is a TV show based on a man investigating the (imaginary) Candle Cove and (this starts to resemble a Moebius strip) an episode of Candle Cove appears in the TV show. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

 

[Danny McG]

No. Way. Do. I. Ever. Want. To. Read. That. Again.

 

[HoopyFrood]

It's a clever story because it catches on to a strong idea - old kids' shows were often surreal and occasionally unsettling - and also tells it in a clever way, by using the forum structure to unfold the story, with each contribution racking up the weirdness. Also, of course, you have to imagine it yourself.

These kinds of stories are my favourite type of horror stories because they skirt so well along the edges of reality and so are much more effective. They're the equivalent of the stories you'd tell each other as a kid "this happened to a friend of a friend..." or "there was this kid down the road...". It's 'real' people in 'real' media. Plus I love stories that only have a tinge of weirdness rather than outright horror. Brings out the chills, I love it!

The Goatman story is an excellent example of this, I highly recommend it if you haven't ever read it. It's much longer (also has quite a lot of swearing, as a warning) but it's become a legendary creepypasta: Anansi's Goatman Story

 

[Randy M.]

Just occurred to me "Ghost Hunt" might be old enough to be out of copyright.

"Ghost Hunt" by H. R. Wakefield


Randy M.

 

[Danny McG]

The Goatman story is an excellent example of this, I highly recommend it if you haven't ever read it. It's much longer (also has quite a lot of swearing, as a warning) but it's become a legendary creepypasta: Anansi's Goatman Story

Not gonna fall for it. No way after the Candle Cove thing (shudder) will I click into suchlike without careful preparation. i.e. Bell, Book and Candle plus three hours discussion with a Jesuit priest

 

[Toby Frost]

These kinds of stories are my favourite type of horror stories because they skirt so well along the edges of reality and so are much more effective. They're the equivalent of the stories you'd tell each other as a kid "this happened to a friend of a friend..."

A lot of M.R. James stories have this feeling, even though the community he'd be part of (early 20th century intellectuals) isn't all that familiar. They also have the sense of just brushing against the supernatural, never quite seeing it head-on. There's one called "Abbot Thomas' Treasure", about decyphering a message in a church window, which works in a similar way. Was it you I was talking to about the Somerton Man and the Isdal Woman?

The master-stroke in Hoopy's story, I think, is the link to the cat. Up to that point, it just felt like a fireside tale, but the sound of the cat brilliantly illustrates the point being made. There's a Philip K Dick story, Second Variety, in which a robot crudely impersonates someone over the radio, which is one of the most unsettling chunks of prose I've ever read.

Oh, and a final thought - it's nice to see that the epistolary story style is alive and well!

 

[HoopyFrood]

I love MR James' stories! That's my other favourite angle in horror stories -- the learned intellectual approaching in an investigatory manner. But yes, he also fits in with many if the features already mentioned, like the friend of a friend, and the subtle horror infringing on the ordinary. I don't recall talking about those that you mention, though the names are familiar.

And yes, it's the part with the cat voice that brings out the chills (and any time someone does a head count...) The uncanny valley is my weak spot so anything that settles nicely into it I love/creeps me right out!

Edit: oh, duh, yes I do know both of those cases! They are so intriguing, I absolutely love stuff like that.

 

[Randy M.]

Tangentially, Hoopy, have you read E. F. Benson? He was roughly contemporary with James and wrote a number of ghost stories (""How Fear Departed the Long Gallery"; "The Room in the Tower"; "The Horror-Horn"; etc.). He wasn't really a Jamesian, but a parallel thread in the development of the ghost story. If you can find the collected stories, a really thick trade paperback from the 1990s, I've read about half, savoring rather than gorging, and its quite good.

Anyway, the point I was aiming for, he's another writer who weaves the ghost story into his contemporary times. I don't think his chills are quite as chilling as James, but there are moments, his story "Caterpillars" particularly, and that one is frequently anthologized.


Randy M.

 

[EJ Heijnis]

This is a very short ghost/horror story, probably no more than 500 words, written/styled to look like a series of posts on a forum* about retro TV (so almost certainly written post-2000). A group of users are discussing an American programme about a pirate which they saw when they were young. The programme was so poorly made that it struck the people on the forum as sinister.

As the story goes on and more posts are made on the "forum", it becomes clear that the programme was very disturbing and had some kind of occult element to it. There is a twist which I won't reveal. The programme is called something like "Pirate Pete's Cove". The story may originally have been published online.


*Not this one, before this all gets a bit "meta"!

This is a deeply disturbing story, and the twist is awesome. Thanks for sharing it!

 

[HoopyFrood]

Yes, I've read Caterpillars in another anthology! Very weird, very ew.

 

[Randy M.]

Yup. That is a fair summary.


Randy M.

 

[Vladd67]

Talking of surreal and upsetting kids programmes there was an article in a recent Fortean Times about UK kids tv in the 70s

 

[Danny McG]

I went back to the 'candle cove' link once more despite my earlier objection because something was niggling in my subconscious. I found what it was after hastily skimming down the story.
There is a further link at the bottom for TV channel "local 58 info" - that turns out to be a very disturbing three minutes long post apocalypse broadcast.
Public service info on the most efficient way to kill yourself (but is it real or a hoax?)

 

[Toby Frost]

I've read a few of these now and, while they're not great literature, some of them are skillfully done and have real strength. "Candle Cove" is the best by a fair way, I think.

I think the strongest of these tap into something that the reader recognises, often on the internet: "Candle Cove" references the creepiness of old, cheap TV and "Normal Porn for Normal People" refers to the feeling that the respectable part of the internet is only a few clicks from something really unwholesome (although it isn't a very good story rather than a set of disturbing descriptions). There's quite a good one about a man exploring a deserted theme park, although the overtly supernatural ending is over the top. In that way, while they're not urban legends as such, they probably owe something to urban legends. Some, such as "Ted the Caver", are essentially traditional ghost stories (that one, while quite well told, is a little bit overlong).

However, I wouldn't say they constitute terribly good writing. They seem to me to be on the rough level of fanfic, and I'm sure that for every good one there are several that fall flat. As a genre, they're probably more interesting as a phenomenon than for the quality of the work, a few examples aside.

 

[svalbard]

It's a clever story because it catches on to a strong idea - old kids' shows were often surreal and occasionally unsettling - and also tells it in a clever way, by using the forum structure to unfold the story, with each contribution racking up the weirdness. Also, of course, you have to imagine it yourself.

In a strange way, it actually reminds me a bit of this: The Twelve Keys of Basil Valentine - Wikipedia

However, I did a bit of research and apparently there is a TV show based on a man investigating the (imaginary) Candle Cove and (this starts to resemble a Moebius strip) an episode of Candle Cove appears in the TV show. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

The TV show is quite disturbing. I watches the first episode with my wife a few months back. She didn't like it and I have not plucked up the courage to continie watching it by myself. Dumb out of me considering my taste in books and movies, but it is a freaky show.