Complete cyberpunk short story [1,413 words]

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cyberpunkdreams

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I know this is on the long side, but the complete short story just fit within the post limit. I've not put anything up here for a while, but I'd be very interested to hear what you think. This is from the same world as everything else I've put up here. It's a short vignette into the world of the super rich.


SLUMMING IT

Lucy looked out at the city, a hundred floors below. Cincinnati. Sprawling, chaotic. A patchwork of dark and light. This was her empire. Her weakness. Her perversion.

Rain pattered lightly against the glass. She liked it like that. It blurred, made indistinct. She could see her reflection, just about, overlaying her domain. A sleek Chanel dress, black and custom made. She was fifty years old, but she looked not a day over thirty. She’d retained just enough of her age to keep her face interesting; just enough to let people know that they weren’t dealing with a child. She slipped the dress off her shoulders. It puddled around her feet, smart seams sliding open. As far as age was concerned, her body was another matter. Not a day over twenty. She breathed, watched herself, shimmering, running in the rain. Everything was a mask, a deceit, a deception. She could turn on the static field and have a clear view in a second. Instead, her reflection mingled with the lights below. She felt rotten to the core. She liked it like that.

Her outfit for the night was laid out on the expanse of bed behind her. She never knew what she’d be before she walked in here. The clothes, the accessories, each and every one neatly and precisely prepared. A single sheet of instructions, in her stylist’s meticulous script, telling her where to go and who to be. Once per week. Once every week. That was how often she allowed this for herself. Just once, every week.

Ashley always chose. They never conferred. That was part of the deal, part of the thrill. The not knowing. She trailed a fingertip over faded leather. Jeans, with a frayed canvas belt, slim copper buckle. Black halter top, washed down to grey. Boots. Black denim jacket. Even the underwear was carefully selected.

Anyone could be a tourist. Anyone could spend a night in the slums, get ripped, live it fast and loose. Maybe even take a real risk or two. Lucy’s kick was different. Every week she was someone new, someone unique. Every week she was someone real. Twenty million people in the slums and the Projects, and she’d become one of them, be one of them, just for a night. Ashley would give her everything she needed – the clothes, the story, the background. A neural spike containing everything she’d need to know to survive, to make herself who she needed to be. Because she did need this. She’d go out there alone. Almost alone – a security detail followed her every move, but they were just shadows that she could forget. They were the only ones who knew what she did. Ashley and they.

She liked how things could change, so quickly. How the mind adapted to the now, whatever that now was. One half of an hour ago, she’d been playing politics with her guests. Hardball games at the top of the hierarchy. Some of the best and brightest SensPerience executives, preening and posturing for her benefit, as well as for each others’. Showing off their designer clothing. Their designer spouses. She’d looked each of them in the eye, knowing that in an hour, she’d be down in the streets. She looked each of them in the eye, wondering what their own kinks were. They all had them. All of them. She could find out at the click of her fingers, but she never did. It was more fun this way. More fun not to know. It lent another edge to the game.

She picked up her instructions. She kept the air in her private rooms too cold for comfort. The delicate hair on her forearms stood on end. She liked it like that. She liked delaying this moment for as long as she could, chill air caressing her skin. Finding out how extreme her role for the night was going to be. What Ashley was going to put her through. She knew she couldn’t die out there, but she could come close. Very, very close.

Ashley wasn’t only the best personal stylist money and connections could find. Ashley had imagination. Ashley… understood. Lucy had been many things, over the years she’d been doing this. Just one night to be someone new.

She’d been a cheap whore, run ragged by the enforcers chasing her. She’d been hired to do a hit, and carried it through, hot blood spurting over her hand as she cut the mark’s throat. She’d been a big time dealer, arranging a deal on a brick of heroin. She’d been a punk. A player. She’d been a blood rag reporter, freelance, covering the the most brutal killings she could find. Photographs of blood and gore in lavish detail. She’d been f***ed up the ass in a filthy alley and sat in a teleconference with Jakarta’s research head the next day. She’d allowed a knife slide in inch into her neck before letting her security intervene.

Tonight… she laid down the paper, letting the moment draw out. She was desperate to leave, to be down there, to be part of the casual violence and squalor and dirty thrills. But she was more desperate to let the moment last. She picked up the shorts. Cheap fabric, slightly worn. The bra didn’t fit quite right, because something true to the streets never should. Ashley didn’t tell her where she found these clothes. Were they cleverly faked, or were they the real thing? Had the identity she was about to adopt belonged to someone real? Someone lying dead in the gutter just because she wanted to play? She didn’t know, but she hoped so. She felt rotten to the core.

The top next, pulled over her head. Slightly stained; snug around her perfect torso. She wanted to believe that these were the real thing, bought or stolen on the streets. The very idea that these had been worn before, by another body, was another kind of sick thrill for someone like her. Her own clothes would never be worn twice. The dress she’d discarded by the window would be thrown away by the time she returned. A small fortune turned into trash.

She rubbed a small bag of grime into her hair – authentic grime. Not enough to look dirty, but enough to add a certain level of veracity. Nanites to split the ends and roughen it up, just a little. There would be another vial in the morning, to make her perfect again.

Lucy wondered who she’d be tonight. She picked up the brief and put it down again, unread. Not every night was pain and violence and drugs and horror. She pulled on the jeans, leather too tight around her thighs and crotch. So definitely not a bike courier, not this time. She smiled to herself. She never recorded her outings – each one had to remain unique, existing in her memory alone. She’d been a courier once before, so never again. But that had been a good night.

Jacket next, and cheap jewelry, just studs in her upper ears and a black cord around her neck. Armour ring and a black elastic hairband, almost worn to breaking. She pulled her hair up into a high, tight ponytail. Scrunched her toes into the thick, grey carpet before pulling on the boots. Knee high and more leather. No socks but thick, chunky soles. She buckled them up as tight as she could, feeling her excitement build as the clothes increased their constraint. Ashley knew what she wanted. What she needed. The jacket had a switchblade in its pocket, wickedly sharp. She cut herself with it, just a little. Just to test it, she told herself. She wondered if she’d have to kill someone tonight. She hoped so. Money in the jeans, crushed up Ohio dollar bills. They were real, for sure, but not many of them.

Last were two smooth white tablets, resting on an antique Japanese lacquer tray, perfectly parallel, perfectly centred. She swallowed them with a sip of French spring water. They were designer amphetamines; the only thing not authentic to her performance. They’d keep her going all night, give her the edge she needed. Leave her fresh in the morning, ready for another day of global corporate politics.

She picked up her instructions, her new identity, finally. The neural spike, everything fresh from the streets. The door of her personal elevator slid open noiselessly, black Chanel left discarded by the window.
 
I really enjoyed this; however there was something about it that bothered me so I read it several times through.

There seem to be redundancies within the paragraphs that could easily be reduced. Sometimes it's repetion and sometimes it acts as summary and I think that since you approach this from the point of it being almost self contained or complete that you should consider cleaning those up to remove the excess and allow room for more description and sensory input.

Also there are a considerable number of She and her the she are around 80 including some she'd and the her around 50 and a handful of herself then only 2 Lucy.

I realize that it's difficult sometimes to remove too many pronouns; however as an example the second paragraph could be parapharsed as such(realizing that since I can't fully interpret your meaning in some places--it would be far better for you to do this type of hatchet work.) this remains solely as an example of what I'm driving at.

Rain pattered lightly against the glass. She liked it like that. It blurred, made indistinct. She could see her reflection, just about, overlaying her domain. A sleek Chanel dress, black and custom made. She was fifty years old, but she looked not a day over thirty. She’d retained just enough of her age to keep her face interesting; just enough to let people know that they weren’t dealing with a child. She slipped the dress off her shoulders. It puddled around her feet, smart seams sliding open. As far as age was concerned, her body was another matter. Not a day over twenty. She breathed, watched herself, shimmering, running in the rain. Everything was a mask, a deceit, a deception. She could turn on the static field and have a clear view in a second. Instead, her reflection mingled with the lights below. She felt rotten to the core. She liked it like that.
I tried to retain as many of your words as possible.(I'm not sure about blurred, made indistinct because at 100 floors everything is indistinct. and I'm also not sure about She breathed, watched herself, shimmering, running in the rain. unless she was looking out the window while running through her room and watching her reflection run.)
::
Rain pattered against glass, slow and light as she liked it. It blurred what was indistinct. A reflection overlay Lucy’s domain. A dark shadow of the custom made Chanel dress, contrasted with flesh of the face of a thirty-year-old; though her years were two decades more. Some finer lines retained lest the look become too youthful, left for character and to ensure others knew they weren’t dealing with a mere child. The dress slipped downward from shoulders, puddling around feet, and the image was mostly flesh. The body’s years weren’t squandered as the remainder looked not a day over twenty. Everything displayed as a mask, a deceit, a deception. She breathed as if to sniff the ozone and imagined shimmering skin while running in the rain. In contrast Lucy experienced rot to the core, as she liked it.
::
It is all very good as it is, though for me all the she and her seemed to slow the piece down and make it feel choppy.
 
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I liked it. Really want to know who she became (like missing the start of Joe 90 !)
I also liked the repetive hook thingie "she liked it like that" (probably a fancy author term for that)
It seemed almost dreamlike ... maybe set off with the pills and then have her taking dress off, looking out of window etc to build on that? Like side effects cos she is accustomed to heavy doses?
That would fit the slow tempo
 
Cool. I liked it. Kind of like Cyberpunk Mr. Ben, for those old enough and British enough to remember, except Mr. Ben never got done up the ass in an alley, or at least not in the versions I remember!

Critique wise... To me it felt more like the opening to something, not a complete story. We get a good insight into Lucy and you build her character and the world really well, but it lacks a bite at the end. I was waiting for the twist, but it didn't come. Something like she's a synthetic that wants to mimic being human, or an AI and none of this is real and Lucy is the sim personality of Dwyane, an Alabama trucker who's friends would murder him if they found out he masqueraded as a woman online, or something.

Also - why does she have her instructions written on paper? The mention of paper in a high-end environment where she's got nanobots to style her hair caught me out.
 
Thanks for the feedback! I'll make some tweaks. I get the pronouns thing, and starting with the pills is a great idea. I deliberately didn't reveal who she becomes for two reasons -- one's just a cliffhanger, and the other is because it'll leave the reader wondering if they already have (or will) encountered her in another of the stories already. On a similar note, it's true that there's no twist or whatever, but it really is just meant to be a quick character portrait that sits amongst other work. I actually love the idea of her really being Dwayne the fat trucker, but that wouldn't really work if I want her to be a recurring character. Well, maybe, but not how I have it planned. I might use the idea elsewhere though, if I may?

The paper -- partly that's affectation (why do people burn candles when they could just turn on a light?) and partly because it's more secure. No risk of digital copies being left lying around, etc.
 
I might use the idea elsewhere though, if I may?

Go for it. I've got a ton of Cyberpunk ideas I can't seem to turn into anything at the moment :)

Paper - I get it. Maybe a quick description/reference to it being super high quality, maybe hand written in the sytlist's immaculate calligraphy or something, rather than printed, so there's no digital footprint for her activities?
 
Go for it. I've got a ton of Cyberpunk ideas I can't seem to turn into anything at the moment :)

Paper - I get it. Maybe a quick description/reference to it being super high quality, maybe hand written in the sytlist's immaculate calligraphy or something, rather than printed, so there's no digital footprint for her activities?

Aye, makes sense... and thanks!
 
The story held me to the end, which is always good. As a matter of fact, I was desperate to get to the end for all the right reasons.

I like the use of short, sharp sentences in opposition to longer descriptive ones. It works very well and enforces points well.

I felt drawn in to your world and, at times, I was there.

Rain pattered lightly against the glass.

A few months ago I posted a short story for critique, and the feedback was truly helpful. The key point I took among many was the overuse of adverbs and adjectives. I was definitely guilty of it.

The quote I placed above, to me, would read better if you left 'lightly' out of it. Keep mind that I'm not a technical master of writing, far from it, but I do understand what sounds good.

On the whole, I really enjoyed your piece. It's a short story screaming out for a novel to complete it.
 
The quote I placed above, to me, would read better if you left 'lightly' out of it. Keep mind that I'm not a technical master of writing, far from it, but I do understand what sounds good.

Thanks, for the encouragement and suggestion! I'll take that advice. Maybe there will be a novel, one day... ;)
 
"Pattered lightly" = is a good point. Its essentially redundancy as you can't "patter heavily", or at least that makes less sense. I'm guilty of this kind of thing as well.

Another point ow we are in the weeds. "She could see her reflection..." This doesn't bother me so much but I know some close POV advice says don't use filter words like see, thought, felt, etc.

"She was fifty years old, but she looked not a day over thirty." could easily be "She was fifty years old, but looked thirty." but you use "not a day over" again later so that may be deliberate repetition.
 
Good read. Definitely curious about where it goes from here and imagination running wild.

The only things that struck me as out of place were references to Chanel and heroin. I guess Chanel could still be around and kicking however far off in the future this is, but I'd expect something more exotic (and likely your personal invention of a name) for heroin. Surely the depraved have something...more. Particularly with stuff like your designer drug floating around.

I'm also curious about how the neural spike is implanted, uploaded, assimilated, etc....how's that work? Maybe something like the guy on Shark Tank with the neck implanted bluetooth? :LOL:
 
Thanks, both Martins, for the continued feedback ;). I'll definitely be having a good tweaking session on it.

To answer your points and questions, I think it's realistic that brands such as Chanel will still be around in ~70-80 years time. I have some invented brands as well, but I feel that those kinds of style and luxury brands are more timeless than tech companies, say. And whilst I've never actually taken any illicit drugs, I do know a lot about them, and I know that heroin scratches an itch that no other drug does (not even stronger opiates, such as fentanyl). so I figure it'll still be around, even alongside more designer drugs. My hope with including things that are common now alongside invented things is that it'll make the world more real.

And spikes -- in a socken behind the ear. How it works specifically depends on the type of spike ;)
 
As long as you've thought it through - good enough. I'd say it's possible Chanel is still around in 70 years, but unlikely. Retail is a big struggle right now (I work on retail merchandising software platform) and Fashion is a fickle industry. But there's a chance, if they can stay relevant as a hip luxury brand.

Tech can be fickle as well, particularly as things evolve, but the kind of tech that really runs the day to day of business has long lasting power. How else can you explain that IBM is still a company? Core players that keep businesses alive, even if the tech is garbage compared to today's UX and technical design standards, aren't going anywhere (sans via acquisition).
 
Brands is an interesting one. I'd bet on high end brands like Chanel being around for a good while yet. I think Chanel is family owned so stands a better chance of still being there than a publically listed firm. The folks who own luxury brands and holding companies have a LOT of money. Luxury thrives on scarcity, and there's a heap of luxury brands that are reinventing their business for today's digital age - and remember luxury retailer aren't really retailers - they are brand-led firms first that happen to run retail chains. They are a different beast business wise to commodity retailers or mass-market or even aspirational fashion brands like Northface, Nike, etc. There's a heap that aren't adapting mind, but many of the most well known luxury brands are well over 100 years old already and are still thriving. I think its more likely that commodity brands and retailers will fail/be consumed by Amazon.

Rooting a vision of the future in brands we identify with today makes sense to orient the reader, though I would look at what a brand like Chanel represents now (Parisian couture) and play forwards into your world does that still work. Is Paris and/or Milan still the fashion capital? Globally what's happened? Has China taken over, or like Gibson is the world more rooted in a Japanese chic, in which case maybe Chanel isn't right.
 
It is interesting to think about. When we create our visions of the future, obviously some stuff is arbitrary (to create the world we want) and some you have to make as plausible as possible (unless you're just doing fantasy in space).

One of my choices is that European luxury brands are still relevant -- possibly even more so. I think the chances of a brand such as Chanel still being around are good, although perhaps repositioned or under different ownership (as it's a brand as well as an organisation), for the reasons you've laid out. I also agree about retailers and mass market brands being much less likely to be around.

On the other hand, you have infrastructure companies such as Maersk and IBM and a whole host of others people have never heard of, huge Japanese zaibatsu style organisations, etc. I suspect that a lot of those will still be around, especially those that aren't publicly traded. And as a side note, Japan no longer exists in this world ;)

I've got another story from this collection available for download, if you're interested: Free Cyberpunk Short Story // cyberpunkdreams
 
I'm in. My job has my head shoved into AI, blockchain and the future ramifications of technology on business. The AI subject is accelerating so fast right now that it's reawoken my interest in cyberpunk. Professionally it's fascinating, but it's also very inspiring from a fiction perspective, even if the real world is moving faster than my imagination at times.
 
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