I would like to get some feedback on my idea

rrss2001

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Hi I'm fairly new to writing and would like to get some feedback on an idea I had for a story. It is set in a medieval world and I'm not sure just how much fantastical stuff I'm going to include. My main character is the youngest son of the king.The plot starts when he is summoned to a meeting with his older brother and his father. The next day the main character's brother and father are found dead and the main character, now king, is severely injured. The story follows the main character's search for those who killed his family. At the same time he has to face a rebellion by one of the realm's noble families, who wants the throne back, after generations under their control. Throughout the story we see the main character descends into madness because of his family's death. Some accuse the king of killing his family,because he wanted the throne for himself, while others, those loyal to the crown, say that the rebels are responsible for the death of the previous king and his son. In the end we find out it was the main character who killed his family. In the meeting at the beginning of the story his father disinherited him (still working on the reason), which lead the main character to kill him and his brother, who witnessed the murder. We find out his descent into madness was driven not only by pain but also by guilt. He refuses to believe he did what he did, creating a different version of the events.
It would be good to hear your opinions and if you can think of something that would make this even more interesting I would gladly appreciate it.
Sorry for any mistakes, I'm Portuguese, so there's the reason.
 
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First of all, Welcome to the Chrons!

Does the prince -- the now-king -- know he killed his father and brother? I see you say he refuses to believe it, but on the other hand you refer to his guilty conscience leading to his mental breakdown which to me appears to be a little contradictory. Are you going to posit some kind of mental illness/dissociative personality disorder which prevents his truly knowing what he's done though he might suspect it? I have to say that unless you are a medical professional or have personal knowledge of such a condition I'm not myself too keen on that as an explanation, as it would be all to easy to trivialise mental illness. Actually, the whole "descent into madness" thing worries me somewhat unless you have a thorough working knowledge of mental disability.

I enjoy writing twist-in-the-tail stories, so I'd be happy to find out he is the real murderer, but in that case I'd want to see his search for those who killed his father and brother a Machiavellian ploy to try and convince others he is innocent. The problem with writing that, though, is you couldn't allow the novel to be written in his close POV, since he would know the truth of his actions. Instead, you'd have to write it all from other POVs, which would be a bit like Hamlet written from Horatio's viewpoint, possibly interesting, but perhaps in danger of falling a bit flat. Or, of course, you could write it from his POV showing from the start he killed them, and the interest then isn't whodunnit but can he get away with it!

As to the medieval-type world, it is perhaps overused as a fantasy trope, though there's always room for something well written! Are you a history buff? Is there a period of history which most interests you, and which you know back to front which could take the plot? I imagine it's a Western European setting you're considering, but in such a milieu would a king really disinherit a younger son? The elder would usually take the title under primogeniture, but even if in your society the father can choose his successor he doesn't need to disinherit the other -- why not allow the younger boy to remain Duke of Wherever, or marry him off to some distant princess to cement an alliance? Disinheriting a son is a big legal step for any nobleman to undertake, let alone a monarch -- it means throwing him out entirely without a penny -- so it's not something to be done lightly, and certainly not without a lot of consultation with the main Minister of the Crown/Chancellor/Grand Panjandrum/whatever the official who actually runs the Kingdom is called.

I have to confess to being dismayed when I read fantasies in which royalty and nobility act just like any regular guys. The rich are different from the rest of us, and the super-rich and powerful are very different. Apart from anything else, in most medieval societies they would never be alone -- either slaves or servants are constantly around, and even if dismissed from a room, they would be waiting outside, so true privacy is unheard of and consequently the opportunity to murder with impunity is difficult to achieve. So do think carefully when constructing your plot, and make sure your royals are really royal with all that entails! (Actually, I did wonder if perhaps it might make a more original story if instead of a king and princes you have a wealthy merchant and his sons. You'd lose the battle for the kingdom with the other noble family, but there's still scope for skulduggery and even warfare if you want to write it.)

That's probably enough of my thoughts to be getting on with! I'm sure lots of other people will pile in with suggestions, which will help you on your way. Writing is both an art and a craft, but you've come to the right place to learn both!

Good luck with the story.
 
Well, the Judge spoke of my take.

If he's aware he killed them, you can't write the story from his POV. However, if his mind has snapped into a dissociative condition, it could be quite a good read from his POV!
 
To your other question - I struggled to find the fantasy in the idea and would need that pulled out a little more. :)

(Ps - the rich being rich. That's very true. Teresa Edgerton (an editor known here who we all respect) pulled me on it in my own trilogy when my two main characters went from not privileged to insanely rich and powerful, and had me work at their dialogue and behaviour in the light of the changes that brings. And she was right. Of course.
 
Teresa Edgerton (an editor known here who we all respect) pulled me on it in my own trilogy when my two main characters went from not privileged to insanely rich and powerful, and had me work at their dialogue and behaviour in the light of the changes that brings.

She found something in your work that needed improving?? How come I find that hard to believe? :)
 
Your reply was very helpful Judge. I am aware that writing about mental illness is very hard. I'm in the really early stages of writing this, so I still have a lot to think about.
I would really like to write this from his POV, so we have what at first sounds like a regular story, trying to catch the bad guys, but in the end we get that surprising revelation, if done right and with some good foreshadowing.
Regarding the medieval setting, I should put a little more consideration into that. I'm fascinated by Byzantine history and it's politics: low centralization, even more than in the resto of medieval Europe, a lot of intrigue, coups and civil wars. Maybe something bases around that is more interesting than the standard western european setting.
Maybe making the MC not a son of a wealthy merchant, as you suggested, but the son of a powerful duke instead could bring an interesting side to the story: who do we join in the rebellion (I still want to have that).
Thanks for the help. As I said at the beggining, you were very helpful!
 
To your other question - I struggled to find the fantasy in the idea and would need that pulled out a little more
It is fantasy in the sense that it's set in a different world, with different countries, religions, cultures, etc. All of this is of course bases in the real world, but different nonetheless. What is usually found in fantasy, like dragona and magic, is the stuff of legends and myths in this world.
 
It is fantasy in the sense that it's set in a different world, with different countries, religions, cultures, etc. All of this is of course bases in the real world, but different nonetheless. What is usually found in fantasy, like dragona and magic, is the stuff of legends and myths in this world.
Cool :)

I've written quite a few books now with mentally ill main characters and it is a challenge. One writer (non genre) who does it very well is Stewart Foster.
 
We find out his descent into madness was driven not only by pain but also by guilt. He refuses to believe he did what he did, creating a different version of the events.

These days the news and social media are all over mental health (along with stuff like LGBT etc) and how insidious and common problems within MH are. If you write without experience, you risk getting it wrong, but more importantly, alienating the reader who has experience. Mental health issues are far more nuanced than simply a descent into madness.

What are his symptons? Once you know that, you will know what kind of MH condition he could have, and from there work out how it came to be. And then research, research, research. Even then, if he is a POV character you will be stretched to get anywhere near authenticity without your own experience. I think it'd be easier to empathise and write the Byzantine mindset than someone with a specific mental health issue unless it's something you've experienced yourself.

People don't just develop MH issues so simplistically I'm afraid.

In terms of progress, would it be possible to have, instead, his motivation be by rage and vengeance, or perhaps 'invent' an illness with a side-effect of 'madness'. He could be poisoned à la vodun 'zombies' and this would give you a more fantasy based approach, I think.

If you do decide to pursue the MH route, be aware that conditions gestate over years of experience and a combination of the Perfect Storm of circumstances.

pH
 
Angel Heart might be a good example of a possibility, here. The hero is looking into a string of murders that - in the end - he discovers he committed himself.

Like the movie, this self-deception required an outside influence (the Devil, in the movie's case). In a fantasy novel, this influence could be an evil Imp, a Sorceress, or a myriad of other possibilities - thus negating the requirement of being "medically correct". :)
 
In a fantasy novel, this influence could be an evil Imp, a Sorceress, or a myriad of other possibilities - thus negating the requirement of being "medically correct". :)
That does sound like an interesting idea. It would certainly make the story fit even more in the genre.
For the zillionth time today, THANKS!
 
Welcome to the Chronosphere.

I like the basic idea.

I have to echo the warning about writing about mental health issues but would add that if no one ever tried to write about issues like these without living them, if no one tried to write about topics through research and empathy, then a lot of the human experience would go very under-reported. It will be difficult to do right but if you are willing to try, do not be put off.

I would add that while you could indeed use magic to explain how he does not remember killing his father and brother - and it's a good idea - the whole living with guilt and missing memories will be things that ordinary humans go through, and its worth knowing how that happens. I think you'll want to put in the research anyway.

Apparently there's a rather good TV show on at the moment exploring similar themes from Spain - I Know Who You Are. Might be worth looking at.
 
I agree with the majority in warning against using mental illness. I was wondering whether in his investigations he could discover that he was put under a "confusion spell" or some such, so that in his attempt to find the murderer he needs to track down the spell caster and who hired him, only to find in the end that it was he himself who hired the spell caster so that he could act in a completely innocent way.........just an idea
 
Incidentally, in my WIP tonight I just realised how more effective it will be if a secondary character of mine who appears in two (long) scenes is blind. I really don't want to have to make him blind as I have no experience of the day to day life of someone blind(and this is in the Middle Ages) because I'm going to have to now rewrite after much research.

pH
 
I don't think it's a case of not using mental illness - or I'd probably have to end my writing career now - but ensuring if you do you do it well, with empathy, understanding, and a lot of research.
 
I have to consider my options: magic of mental illness. I'll do some experiments and see how it would affect the plot.
 

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