Timing of pregnancy debate

[caters]

So far I have chapters in my Kepler Bb story about these life events:

• Events from death of Robin's parents to leaving for the wilderness at 6 years old(chapter 1)
• Events from death of Lisa's parents to surviving in the wilderness at 15 with a lone wolf by her side(chapter 2)
• First time meeting each other for years and marriage(chapter 3)
• Building their home and surviving together(chapter 4)
• Debate about when to have a child(chapter 5)

It is this last one that I need help with. Specifically, I am wondering if Lisa should become pregnant right after they get major progress in their home and start building the baby room and growing fruits, vegetables, and grains, or if she should wait a year. Lisa wants to become pregnant right away but Robin wants to wait a year. This is 1 of their few non-physical differences.

If Lisa becomes pregnant right away, there is a higher chance of a miscarriage, preterm labor, or stillbirth and even if this doesn't happen, there might only be enough food for Lisa and Robin, not Lisa, Robin, and the baby.

If she waits a year, there won't be as much risk but she will be impatient.

So should Lisa get pregnant right away despite the risk or should she wait a year and then do it?

 

[Phyrebrat]

Go with the conflict is my advice ...

pH

 

[The Judge]

I've never wanted children, so I'm perhaps not the right person to respond, but I do have to ask why you're approaching it as if their having a child here is simply a question of when not if. If I'm understanding things, they're in the middle of a wilderness with no help around and little food. Should someone responsible really consider bringing a child into that environment without giving some thought as to that child's future?

Anyway, you've not mentioned what if any contraceptive arrangements they have, so is it possible they can postpone things so easily if they decided to do so? Perhaps more pertinently, what makes you think they're both fertile so she can get pregnant immediately? Even with modern healthcare and proper nutrition there are many, many couples nowadays who cannot have children.

And just as a side note, what is a baby room? If you mean a bedroom for the child, that's a very recent development, and possibly also a very Western one. Most people in previous centuries would have kept the baby in their own bedroom. Indeed, for the poor, children may well have remained in the same room as their parents until they left home. When people are on the edge of subsistence, they're not going to waste time and energy building a larger home than they absolutely need, especially if they're living in a cold climate where having to heat a large area is a real consideration.

Anyway, to answer your question, I definitely think they should wait a minimum of a year.

 

[DelActivisto]

Waiting a year is the responsible thing. That is a very tough time to be going through for the woman. Heavy, strenuous labor can be a great premature labor inducer! That said, how well does abstinence work in your world?


In all likelihood, to wit, it will be the woman wanting to wait a year, while the man is more eager, for obvious reasons. This scenario, where the woman wants the baby sooner, is less believable, and that will probably come across to female readers as being inauthentic.

 

[DelActivisto]

Waiting a year is the responsible thing. That is a very tough time to be going through for the woman. Heavy, strenuous labor can be a great premature labor inducer! That said, how well does abstinence work in your world?


In all likelihood, to wit, it will be the woman wanting to wait a year, while the man is more eager, for obvious reasons. This scenario, where the woman wants the baby sooner, is less believable, and that will probably come across to female readers as being inauthentic.

I consulted a member of the female species who said I was completely wrong. Disregard my advice, I know nothing.

 

[Brian G Turner]

So should Lisa get pregnant right away despite the risk or should she wait a year and then do it?

It is a myth of modern society that people really do get to chose when they have children.

The bottom line is that surprises happen - babies come when they want to, not when you plan them.

 

[The Big Peat]

Is this a story set in the modern western world, a quasi-historical fantasy world, a world of complete whim and whimsy... I feel like that its difficult o see what she'd do without knowing her culture.

 

[Dan Jones]

Good, tricky question! I'd go with whichever option suits their characters the best. And if that means bringing them into direct conflict with one another, that's probably the best option fro a dramatic perspective.

From the description of the world, it sounds like waiting a year would be responsible, but a year is a long time, and sometimes people get very broody. It sounds like there is an existential crisis element to the story too, which may heighten feelings of urgency with respect to (re?)population, so while waiting a year would seem to be sensible( and arguably what your male character might argue for) there may bet exceptionally strong biological urges which will not be denied.

On a side note, if, say, the woman wants a baby right now, and the man wants to wait a year until trying, how is the question of contraception being handled? In this relationship, whose responsibility is it? I ask as, weirdly, more or less this exact situation came up in real life among a married couple I know (not me, I hasten to add) a few years back. They had one kid, and the wife wanted number two immediately. The husband disagreed but, being the dunderhead he is, left the responsibility of contraception to his wife, who of course "forgot" or somesuch, and lo and behold, kiddie #2 appeared nine months later. It did not end well. But my point is, it does happen.

 

[caters]

I've never wanted children, so I'm perhaps not the right person to respond, but I do have to ask why you're approaching it as if their having a child here is simply a question of when not if. If I'm understanding things, they're in the middle of a wilderness with no help around and little food. Should someone responsible really consider bringing a child into that environment without giving some thought as to that child's future?

Anyway, you've not mentioned what if any contraceptive arrangements they have, so is it possible they can postpone things so easily if they decided to do so? Perhaps more pertinently, what makes you think they're both fertile so she can get pregnant immediately? Even with modern healthcare and proper nutrition there are many, many couples nowadays who cannot have children.

And just as a side note, what is a baby room? If you mean a bedroom for the child, that's a very recent development, and possibly also a very Western one. Most people in previous centuries would have kept the baby in their own bedroom. Indeed, for the poor, children may well have remained in the same room as their parents until they left home. When people are on the edge of subsistence, they're not going to waste time and energy building a larger home than they absolutely need, especially if they're living in a cold climate where having to heat a large area is a real consideration.

Anyway, to answer your question, I definitely think they should wait a minimum of a year.

They actually are in an open area surrounded by a wilderness. And they have help. Robin's grandparents are connected to them via an underground tunnel. They are just a few miles south of where Lisa and Robin are.

And there are no contraceptive options here, the only thing they can do to prevent pregnancy is abstinence. And I made it so that both are fertile.

And while yes, that is true, keep in mind, they have a knitting kit(all kinds of yarn, needles, and a pattern book) and an interplanetary communicator that were both teleported to them by humanoids of the same species on Kepler B#, a larger planet in the same solar system. And Robin knows how to build things with wood, clay, mud, and rocks so he can easily build a crib and something to organize the baby's clothes. Lisa knows how to knit, she has just never done it before. And they have a 1'x1'x1' box for Lisa to store her finished knitted clothes and blankets for Robin to organize that was also teleported to them.

Good, tricky question! I'd go with whichever option suits their characters the best. And if that means bringing them into direct conflict with one another, that's probably the best option fro a dramatic perspective.

From the description of the world, it sounds like waiting a year would be responsible, but a year is a long time, and sometimes people get very broody. It sounds like there is an existential crisis element to the story too, which may heighten feelings of urgency with respect to (re?)population, so while waiting a year would seem to be sensible( and arguably what your male character might argue for) there may bet exceptionally strong biological urges which will not be denied.

On a side note, if, say, the woman wants a baby right now, and the man wants to wait a year until trying, how is the question of contraception being handled? In this relationship, whose responsibility is it? I ask as, weirdly, more or less this exact situation came up in real life among a married couple I know (not me, I hasten to add) a few years back. They had one kid, and the wife wanted number two immediately. The husband disagreed but, being the dunderhead he is, left the responsibility of contraception to his wife, who of course "forgot" or somesuch, and lo and behold, kiddie #2 appeared nine months later. It did not end well. But my point is, it does happen.

There is no contraception other than abstinence in my story.

Is this a story set in the modern western world, a quasi-historical fantasy world, a world of complete whim and whimsy... I feel like that its difficult o see what she'd do without knowing her culture.

They themselves are in the stone age but they do have 1 piece of futuristic technology that was teleported to them, an interplanetary communicator. And they live on the surface and underground.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I don't really understand the question. Is having a child, or not having a child, important to the plot of your book?

 

[Biskit]

Is having a child, or not having a child, important to the plot of your book?

I would seriously go with this. Forget what your characters want - screw their lives up as best you can.

As for your characters making careful decisions... when did they find time to think? If you're living a hand-to-mouth subsistence existence, thinking time is scarce. We live on an 18 acre smallholding with a handful of livestock and a bit of fruit/veg gardening, and this is not our primary income, but it is still gruelling at certain times of year. If we had to live off what we produce, it would be dawn to dusk, every day, all year round.

As a further thought, the most likely reasons for not starting a baby would be:
1: exhaustion (rather than a deliberate choice of abstinence)
2: malnutrition (really messes with fertility) - because unless they have a lot of machinery, they will have a high calorie intake requirement.

 

[Montero]

To me the whole set up feels like an odd mix.
They have space travel, a very advanced communicator, but no contraception.
They have tunnelling engineering - otherwise how else would the tunnel exist - but for clothes you are talking knitting.
Also speaking as someone who has tried to knit under instruction - and failed miserably - not everyone finds it easy. I can sew, I can crotchet, I can spin yarn (badly - not done much of it) I can weave but knit - nope.

Now onto more of the detail - and speaking as someone who did 17th century living history and has seen a lot of documentaries on historical living and trying to recreate it - there are a lot of important implications and details in what you have said so far.

Why would the aliens give them an advanced communicator by teleportation (very high energy cost) and knitting stuff?
A baby needs a heck of a lot more than a crib - nappies for starters. And even today, a lot of babies don't have cribs - they get a drawer out of the dresser, a packing box, anything that is enough to keep them warm and from rolling off somewhere - the baby would be in the box, not its clothes.
Mum will need a heck of a load more calories while pregnant and then while breast feeding than she does without. While having to work really hard to produce food and then store it. Food doesn't store itself. You are talking root clamps, smoking, salting, drying, bottling - for which you need salt, heat, lots of bottles/pots to put preserves in. Depending on the harshness of the winter, you could be talking stacks of firewood bigger than the house. Go look at pictures of pioneers in the USA.
They need tools - axe for cutting wood for starters.
Why are they living at a distance from the grandparents? Why not combine resources? How are the grandparents coping with raising all their own food at their age?

Edited to add - and food - you are storing not just for Autumn and winter, but for Spring. You will get nice green growth in the spring, but fruit and nuts - the items with far more calories to them - not starting to be available until June (strawberries).

 

[Danny McG]

It's a woman.
If'n she decides she wants a baby now then he's got no choice in the matter.
Else he will face the awesome power of the nag.

 

[Overread]

There is no contraception other than abstinence in my story.

Abstinence has proven to be a very ineffective form of contraception - especially if there is basically no social structure around them heavily reinforcing it. If it's just the two of them most days in each others company and they get along enough to be married; chances are all the logic in the world won't stop them. Might be that hard work can wear them out; but give it one cold night when they press together for warmth; one near-death accident; one shock moment; one drunken/intoxicated etc...

They might plan or have ideas, but chances are they won't easily hold out.

 

[Cathbad]

Nature will, no matter our plans.

 

[R.T James]

How cold are the winters and how bad are they are entertaining themselves otherwise? Just asking because if they're out in the wilderness, alone with only them. The discussion of if they should have a kid or not really comes to do to them debating if they can.

From what I've seen as long as they have fun bedroom times, it's bound to happen. Unless theres a reason why it can't or shouldn't happen, and honestly even if you. Oh we'll hold out method. Never really works out.

I am confused by the whole set up, but eh. I'm a steampunk writer who has a world with 7 sentient races with 5 that really intermingle. So what do I know? I'm insane.

One story I am writing does have a child involved, However the parents are of different species so the thought of a child being born was never something they expected. (wanted, Oh dear yes they love each other dearly) and the setting would be poor 1600's but the environment they live in is woods and the mother is a tribal, father's a woodland hunter since a young age, so their living conditions are arguably less advanced, but more self sufficient.

So their child was unexpected, it did put a lot of strain on them, mainly for the mother as this was quite a startle, and quite a shocker. There was no baby room, and a crib wasn't really an option for them at first, also the fact the baby was born during winter did not help the situation at all either, a young baby puts a lot of stress on the mother as well. Lack of sleep is an issue, and your priorities suddenly change. It's a monkey wrench on the system.

This is quite an odd question because its such a specific question. I have no idea exactly what your goals are here. I can only consume, assume, and then presume. So I am not sure even what is the major issue here.

With my story its the fact they're sharing an interspecial relationship during the time when one party is literally enslaved, and having such a relationship is illegal, and having a child suddenly makes it to the realm of unbelievable!

Is it just wilderness survival with a blossoming romance, or struggling to keep the ideologies of society they held dear when things were cast away? But they apparently grew up in the wilderness? I see a reference to a future piece of technology and knitting equipment. How much yarn were they given? Knitting takes up quite a bit of yarn. My ex used to do it. (Dear gods I just remembered all of the skews of yarn she left behind... oh dear gods.)

I am confused by what to say.

I think everybody has summarized what I could possibly say.

I'll just finish my rambling by saying.

1 year isn't going to happen. If the mother wants it the male doesn't stand a chance. Literally. She'll find a way. A moonlight night, cuddling time. Or freaking leaning over the right rock in an area they bathe in. Trust me. He'll crumble, she'll succeed, its nature.

"It's my baby and I WANT IT NOW!"

 

[Overread]

Just a further point, if they've already started building a babyroom that kind of already says that they are not planning on waiting a year or more. You don't commit resources to building something if you don't need to when you're living in the wilderness (actually even in modern days people don't tend to do that either- it costs!). If they've built a baby room its to use it, not leave it empty for a whole year.

More likely they'd build a storage room that would get converted into a baby room - but as said above chances are they'd not even keep the baby separate; I doubt they've got baby monitors. Look at many more primitive settlements and many have very simplistic house designs; multiple rooms don't typically feature. Instead you tend to have far fewer rooms so that its easier to heat and manage. Also there's generally less stuff.

It sounds a little like you're taking inspiration from Swiss Family Robinson; but its important to remember that they were a family with multiple mature individuals at the point of their isolation; plus they had a ready supply of building materials from the wreck. Furthermore in a tropical setting they were not as concerned about heating; once you move into colder climates heating becomes a major issue and the focus of most of your settlement. A single working room with a single fire means only one fire to manage; only one fire to fuel and only one fire that could get out of control.

 

[Amelia Faulkner]

Are they eating animals? Do those animals have intestines?

I mean, the idea that you have a universe in which stuff can be teleported, yet people can't sheathe their willies in a bit of sheepgut is counterintuitive. And at the abstinence end of the scale there are a multitude of sexual acts which don't require p-i-v penetration. Everything from dry-humping to going in the back door is available to your lovebirds if they're hellbent on avoiding pregnancy. Why is whoever is communicating with them via the interplanetary communicator not explaining how to delay pregnancy using materials at hand?

And why is Lisa so dead-keen on having babies RIGHT NOW OMG?

 

[Overread]

Use of animal gut is a good suggestion, but at the same time its kind of getting back to the situation of these two. Just how much do they know about survival in the wild? Most people today can cobble together some basic ideas, but sometimes the idea of something like animal gut as a condom might just not occur to them. Don't forget that a lot of more primitive methods get lost/forgotten as civilizations advance. As a result even educated people of a futuristic time might lack key areas of understanding unless they researched such matters in-depth.

And yes there's a wealth of alternative means toward sexual release, but that never seems to stop people; and again it somewhat comes back to the idea of education and exposure to alternative ideas. I'd wager early sexual experimentation would be more likely to head toward regular penetration than alternatives.

 

[Amelia Faulkner]

And if they've both been in the wilderness since children, they're unlikely to even consider delaying pregnancy for sensible reasons such as family planning. Especially if what you've got is two horny teenagers; creatures famed for their inability to plan for next week, let alone next year