Character essentials

[Paul Meccano]

Hi all

I'm working on a character who is assigned to be a first contact. I wanted to establish who he is and what he brings to the table as much to understand him myself as anything.
below is his written answer to a question.
I would be grateful to get feedback on this first person account and whether it gives enough of who he is at the core.
He's forty-six and has been working within human relations for most of his life, he's a natural at it and has been asked to step up to the plate in a first contact scenario.

I thought I should ask him how it felt to be forced into that position? and would he do it again?

The commander (SNCO)

I’ve thought about this question a bit. I never really wanted to get involved, especially knowing that war was coming. In my lifetime? I thought unlikely, but still possible.

The closer a person is to the leading edge, the more likely they are to be caught in the first blows. War is not my idea of making good a life and as such, back then, I made it difficult for the Tribal third ring to establish a conversation with me. I mean, wow! Did I seriously almost blow my chances for fear of getting involved, for fear of what might happen?... what an idiot.


Thinking about that now reminds me of my mother, she would call me stubborn, suggest she would be better off cutting a stone, squeezing it, to see if she could make it bleed. Her actions accompanying; animated with comedic timing, renewing the aged and groaning metaphor would always draw my hesitant smile, the smile she loved and goaded further. In seeing a chink she’d pry it open with her favorite teaser, “don’t laugh Jet, don’t laugh.” It made me giggle every time, she’d lean in stealthy, annoyingly fast and tickle me amidst the giggle, rendering me useless; fitting and roaring, tears streaming and love in my heart.


Love in my heart… It feels fine to say that now; it’s a reality that I recognize, something I’m fully aware of. I wasn’t always aware but it still drove me to work within human relations and always has driven me regardless.

Being aware of that driver, the thing that makes you tick, really is the key to life. It allowed me to engage in healthy pursuits, a healthy allocation within the tribal tiers, Tribal allocation 03890. Not so personal really but I suppose it's for good reason.

Loving so deeply allowed initial connections with people to blossom, in a moment, where it would normally take many days.

It was trust…I was trusted… and by all that met me, it was a charm for the magicians, wielding me as such. A gift and a curse for me that resolves itself in a stubborn streak, this stubbornness, strangely bringing me back, full circle.


If I were the stone and you were to cut me, would I bleed?


I fear the answer is yes, and regardless of my wish for it not to be so…if it’s love that I bleed, then expect me to die quickly as there’s not much left, I’ve been cut many times before.
I would rather you see the stubborn in me and not draw your blade, I would rather you not cut me at all. Instead goad a hesitant smile and then tickle.

 

[tinkerdan]

Is this something that won't make it into print?
Maybe should be on a 3x5 card for your eyes only?

I'm not sure how much help we can be and I'm glad for that since this stuff is all part of world-building that mostly you can know.

As far as the character's answer--well you are not getting your money's worth.

His answer is taking you on a merry chase of metaphor that evades the question at best and makes no sense to me because in a massive sense it's way out of context. I don't know anything about the War and tribe and magicians and such that he's referring to. Not a good judge for how well that might fit with a metaphor of love and blood and life.

My characters look at love as being like oxygen--you take it in and let it back out and what you give back makes things grow--but it doesn't bleed out of you and cause you to die.

Your character is inscrutable to me. Good luck with him.

 

[The Judge]

If this is just for you to get to know your character, it's rather irrelevant what we think, but I have to say that to me he seems a complete prat. He waffles at length -- clearly he likes the sound of his own voice -- but he shows no real insights of any kind, and no intelligence, either. Frankly, he's coming across to me as a bullsh*tter, who thinks he's a people person, but in fact isn't.

I'm not one for asking my characters questions as if they're real people. What I do is work up their backstory and put them in situations where they are forced to act, not all of which scenes will ever get typed up. That for me is vastly more effective in getting to the core of their personalities because I have them interacting with other characters, not just talking about themselves.

To be very blunt, if you want readers to accept this guy as being good at his job, I suggest you write scenes that show him being good at it.

 

[Paul Meccano]

I'm not sure how much help we can be and I'm glad for that since this stuff is all part of world-building that mostly you can know.

That would have been fine. There really was no critique beyond this comment thats helpful. It's obviously too far out of context for you to help.

To be very blunt, if you want readers to accept this guy as being good at his job, I suggest you write scenes that show him being good at it.

I didn't suggest I wanted readers to think anything. I wanted opinions based on the piece really, you're suggesting I wanted him to be good at his job and not a prat?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I didn't suggest I wanted readers to think anything. I wanted opinions based on the piece really, you're suggesting I wanted him to be good at his job and not a prat?

Actually you did:

"He's forty-six and has been working within human relations for most of his life, he's a natural at it and has been asked to step up to the plate in a first contact scenario."

Perhaps you could tell us what you actually want us to do with this critique, so that we can be helpful. I'm confused if it's an excerpt, a character sketch or what it is.

 

[The Judge]

I didn't suggest I wanted readers to think anything. I wanted opinions based on the piece really, you're suggesting I wanted him to be good at his job and not a prat?

Well, yes, as Jo says -- if he's a "natural" at working in/with human relations, that's telling me he's good at it. If, though, you actually intended him to come over as a useless prat, well, you've achieved it as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Paul Meccano]

Actually you did:

"He's forty-six and has been working within human relations for most of his life, he's a natural at it and has been asked to step up to the plate in a first contact scenario."

Perhaps you could tell us what you actually want us to do with this critique, so that we can be helpful. I'm confused if it's an excerpt, a character sketch or what it is.

Okay, sorry.
We've been told his a natural at it.
"The magicians" was a suggestive word he used for tribal leaders who always seem ( to him) to dictate the terms of engagement.
What I was hoping to show is that he's been abused in the position ( forced to use his skill) and has grown tired of it, become stubborn almost depressed.

It's quite likely I am expecting too much from a reader to decipher that from this ( overdramatised) viewpoint.

It's not going anywhere near print but as a tool I hoped it would be useful as I am playing with point of view style.

 

[Brian G Turner]

Except for the tribal designation number, what strikes me is the lack of detail and the focus on vague pronouncements. The result is that it's all very detached and doesn't communicate a sense of someone focused on problems immediate affecting them.

If you really want to look at character development I'd recommend reading Save the Cat by Blake Snyder. That will help you think less about personality and more about emotional development arcs, which can add real depth to a character.

Hope that helps.

 

[Paul Meccano]

Except for the tribal designation number, what strikes me is the lack of detail and the focus on vague pronouncements. The result is that it's all very detached and doesn't communicate a sense of someone focused on problems immediate affecting them.

If you really want to look at character development I'd recommend reading Save the Cat by Blake Snyder. That will help you think less about personality and more about emotional development arcs, which can add real depth to a character.

Hope that helps.

It funny how one can get caught up in it.
I was trying to trawl the depths of madness and despair, a broken man that doesn't really realise it himself. all whilst trying a style for first person.
It's really difficult having not really reached a low like that in my life.

A few more critiques and I might well make it there.

Cheers Brian
I'll look int Blake Snyder for a helping hand.

 

[The Judge]

What I was hoping to show is that he's been abused in the position ( forced to use his skill) and has grown tired of it, become stubborn almost depressed.

I was trying to trawl the depths of madness and despair, a broken man that doesn't really realise it himself. all whilst trying a style for first person.

I've been thinking about this. Fortunately, I don't have any first hand experience of mental health issues, but I'd have thought that someone who is "almost depressed" and in the depths of despair is going to be much less communicative than you've shown this chap. To me depression is associated with withdrawal -- from other people, from previously enjoyed pursuits, from life itself -- and that would most likely manifest itself in talking less, being monosyllabic when required to answer, volunteering nothing, and certainly not spontaneously talking of joyful memories, but rather seeing the world in greys and speaking in the vocal equivalent of greys, without enthusiasm or energy.

I've no idea what form this "depths of madness" is meant to take, but I can see a kind of manic energy emerging from someone who is falling or has fallen into mental illness, which is perhaps what you're working towards with the piece you've written, but I'd see that more as self-aggrandisement, boasting of non-existent (but firmly believed) achievements or connections, perhaps at the same time issuing vitriol and threats against perceived enemies, but that would be the antithesis of depression to my mind. On the other hand, a "broken man" suggest to me someone with severe PTSD, which again would be characterised by different energy levels, word use and recollections.

If you haven't already done so, it might be an idea to do some research into the kind of mental issues you think this character might confront which will help you to write him accurately and sensitively. Good luck with it.

 

[Aquilonian]

I personally liked the style of writing especially the bit with his mother, which also usefully introduces his name in a natural way. However I think many readers would find it convoluted- I actually like ER Eddison so I have a high tolerance for convoluted language!

Where I struggled was with not quite knowing what Jet was on about. He seems to be telling us that he's stubborn, his own worst enemy maybe, but also loving. Generally I'm very suspicious of people saying that they are "very loving, empathic, etc" because in my experience love is something you do, not something you say- it is best described in actions, otherwise this could just be a narcissist trying to gain our trust. If this was one of my psychotherapy clients talking to me, I'd be trying to cut into his blather and find out what exactly he's trying to put across to me.

As far as I can understand, he's firstly telling us that (1) he's involved in some sort of communications with something strange, (2) he has some special qualities that make him well-suited to this task, (3) nonetheless from habitual stubbornness he initially resisted "their" attempt to establish communication. (4) As regards background, he implies that this communication is in the context of a war that occurred sooner than expected- whether he's communicating with the enemy in this war, or with an ally or potential ally, is left unclear.

Personally I'd rather learn more about one or two of these items first, and bring the rest in later. The fact that he's stubborn and his mother said he was always stubborn is the least interesting bit, we've all met stubborn people and they tend to elicit irritation and frustration, especially when we don;t know why they're being stubborn. Anyway all mothers think their sons are stubborn, don't they? It's far more interesting to know that Jet is communicating with aliens (if that is what he's doing) and that his success or failure could affect the outcome of an interplanetary war or whatever. So I'd focus on this first.

Minor points: (1) "made it difficult for the Tribal third ring to establish a conversation with me" doesn't feet natural to me, too formal, I'd expect him to refer to the TTR as "them" or by some nickname (in a war the enemy are usually referred to by a simple pejorative nickname)

(2) Human Relations. This is presumably a technical term within your imagined culture, but the reader doesn't know what it means to your character in his world, so might tend to make assumptions based on his/her own experience. To me it sounded like "human resources" ie fancy word for "personnel department" ie people who give you the sack.

PS "Depths of madness and despair." Unclear what you mean by that? He doesn't sound mad at all, ie out of contact with consensus reality- although it is difficult to say if someone is "mad" within the context of their own world until we know more about the reality of that world. "Despair" is a separate matter- most mad people are not despairing, many are quite cheerful, some are ebulliently cheerful.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

The overall tone and story is interesting but I don't think it gives us a sense of his character. We get a lot of his mother and his situation but he's relegated to the last paragraph which I think is weaker than the rest of it.

Is this intended as part of the story or reference for yourself? Where does it fall in the story if it is part of it.

 

[tinkerdan]

I have known manic depressives and having gone through a divorce I have touched upon the the depths of madness. However trying to plumb the depth of madness in anyone can become a futile effort, especially from their point of view. Some of them know they are depressed, but have no clear understanding of why; and they have several triggers many of which are common elements that coincide with people who abuse substances(many thrive on triggers and seem to wallow in them). And as such the only person who can help them is themselves, though they do this through the agency of psychoanalysis, meetings and sponsors--they still have to be willing and ready to take the bull by the horns and understand that they'll likely be holding it at bay the rest of their lives. The best an outside observer can do is know the generic symptoms such as holidays and anniversaries especially those of deaths or divorces and attempt to watch for that large dip into madness.

At a friends sentencing, a judge pontificated about how we can not know the mind of anyone no matter how close we are to them. This was in response to the letter I had written about my twenty-five year relationship with a man who suffered some bouts of depression and had landed himself in a mess. As a side note if you don't want your name read aloud in derision before a courtroom full of people--don't write the letter. Despite that the one thing that stuck to me is how cynical we have become in the belief that we can know our friends and they could at any given day be capable of anything no matter how well we think we know them. This is often a disappointment because we really feel we know them quite well and now somehow we don't.

Anyway the reason I digress to this is that this is likely what the madman's mind looks like when he's in the depth of despair in that he feels he does know himself and he can't understand how the world could be unraveling around him so quickly other than that it might be some great plot against him.

In a small way what your piece above looks like is after reaching those depths, the person is now having a conversation(maybe to themselves and actually beginning to try to deal with it). However if they are still in the depths they are not going to be reliable because they still are not willing to admit that they don't know themselves and that they need help understanding themselves and that this won't go away with drugs or other substances and may not go entirely away once they dig themselves to the top.

You have a start at something here and obviously created a bit of discussion about it. But as usual I remain confused because I can't establish that he might be on an upswing in an effort to gain help or if he's fooling himself with talk of the depth of his love and how bleeding him is draining that love.

That could all be part of his psychosis.

Anyway if he is unreliable; this does succeed for me--because that might be what I was trying to say the first time around.

If you ever get the chance to read Matthew Quick's 'Silver Lining Playbook' you will notice that he deliberately stays out of the main characters head(while in first person POV)and concentrates on what he is doing and what he is saying and how he interacts with those around him and how they respond and that shows us the level of his madness better than he probably would be able to express it.

 

[Paul Meccano]

fantastic!!

Aquillonian thanks I agree, I could do this better.

Okay Tinkerdan you have just blown me away. because regardless of limited information to his surrounding circumstances you have identified the human nature in the character.
I have not written this piece perfectly and this is not a pat on my back by any stretch, but THIS:

In my story (the year 2407) Humans have dismissed neoliberalism and have thrown responsibility to the wind ( a win for humans). They have realised that we are products of our environment and therefore have acted upon that knowledge.
However they have found as with super recognisers ( look it up if your unaware ) society has realised that there are super connectors, super calculators.....etc. Our guy is a super connector ( super lover ) and is forced to utilise his skills in an ongoing first contact scenario that breaks him.
There have continued to be problems within human society with wars breaking out ( global unrest ) so when Aliens are detected and communication is opened up with them, he is the obvious choice and from early childhood he has hated the fact he's recognised for something he didn't ask for.

 

[Paul Meccano]

I've been away working for a couple of days and have loads on my plate so have rushed these last posts a bit. I am real grateful for the feedback and time you have all given.
I'm filled with hope for my writing but mostly I'm amazed at what people can take from a written piece with limited info.

It goes to show that we can be free with what we write but should also be careful how much we inform ( show n tell)

I for one now know that people who have know depression have more a chance to decipher it when written, however we all can recognise when somethings wrong.

cheers again all

Sorry for playing with ya a bit.