First-person present v third-person past, examples

[Paul Meccano]

I know which one i'd rather be and which one I'd rather read about

I think so too, but it seems odd when only a few words have changed. Might be interesting to try to pinpoint exactly why it is.

Me and death
verses,
him and death?

I know which one I'd rather be and which one I'd rather read about. They're both different by the way.

 

[tinkerdan]

It's your tense that drives the immediacy::

For me, the main difference in feel between the two versions I posted is exemplified by the sentence "Here we go". In the first-person version it's in the narrative, in the second it's direct thought. Why should that matter? I'm not sure, but maybe it's the narrative voice, rather than dialogue (which direct thought is, effectively) that drives immediacy.

Having said that, "Here we go" could only be in first-present, not first-past.

Your past tense has more access to passive verbs and adverbs and those seem to be removing the immediacy.
I'll add that you if you write the third person view in present tense you might see this.

 

[Wiglaf]

Try 1st person past first.
From my point of view, you need to prove a change from 3rd past is better. In this case, you must separately prove that 1st is better than third and that present is better than past. Not equal, better. While, on occasion, first is an improvement, I have never seen present improve a story.*

* I can imagine a rare few, but I have never seen it in practice

 

[Wiglaf]

Oh, mum said, not had said.

 

[HareBrain]

Oh, mum said, not had said.

His mum said this before the "present" of the story, and the story is told in past tense. Hence it has to be in pluperfect tense. It would only be past tense if she were speaking to him at that moment.

 

[Biskit]

His mum said this before the "present" of the story, and the story is told in past tense. Hence it has to be in pluperfect tense. It would only be past tense if she were speaking to him at that moment.

Technically correct, but I just sat here and tested both in my head, and 'his mum said' works for me without destroying the sense of it, and reads better. I think part of it is that the more correct version feels too formal, whilst the 'sloppy tense' version fits better with the more colloquial style of the piece.

 

[HareBrain]

I think part of it is that the more correct version feels too formal, whilst the 'sloppy tense' version fits better with the more colloquial style of the piece.

Yes, I see your point. My third-past writing has always been quite "correct", so I can't remember this coming up before. Might be the clinching argument for using first-present in this case -- not having to worry about pluperfect!

 

[Wiglaf]

I wasn't trying to give an argument for present.
I was more thinking that since it was written first, we could assume that it was said prior to the following sentences without specifying. At leastthat was my rationalization. Also, if it were a thought of his, it would be simple past because at the time of the thinking, he was in his present. Or, the Lodi zinfandel I was drinking when I first posted still isn't out of my system.


The blood in your story pairs best with a red wine. In case you were wondering.

 

[tinkerdan]

FYI
Some good examples of present tense in first and third person POV done well:

First person:
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger
Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami
The Scorpio Races – by Maggie Stiefvater
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens


3rd Person:
Rabbit, Run (whole Rabbit series) by John Updike
Mr. Mercedes: A Novel (The Bill Hodges Trilogy Book 1) Stephen King (starts in past tense)
City of Stairs (The Divine Cities) by Robert Jackson Bennett
The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi