Pseudo-speech impediment

[Plucky Novice]

Hi all,

I'd welcome your thoughts on this one.

I have created a number of new "races" in my YA fantasy fiction. One of these races has difficulty speaking English - second language that does not fit easily with their own lower-pitch language. This creates a type of speech impediment that creates general difficulties in speaking and (at the moment) "s" becomes "sh". The first time I introduce the character of this race, I use the following sentence (first draft):

‘Who’sh that, ShivKel?’ It asked, its speech slow and unnatural, as though it had trouble forming the words.

The issue I have is whether to continue writing the "s" as "sh" for this character and if so, how often. At the moment, I've just dropped it in every now and then, almost as a reminder but I'm not sure that's the best approach. Writing it continually is too much and can be problematic with dialogue such as "You can sit over there."

All opinions welcomed.

Thanks.

 

[zmunkz]

Having played with this idea, I’d recommend you keep it to a minimum. Maybe a few short sentences to get the point across, or a few key words that maintain the effect, but don’t overdo it. My beta readers all expressed frustration when reading anything longer than a line or two. Because the words look unfamiliar, it slows your reader almost to a stop and they have to actively process the words, which seems to be enough to throw most people out of a story.

I’m not suggesting you remove it entirely… I just think you want to lean to the side of clarity, over in-world accuracy. My 2 cents.

 

[-K2-]

Your example doesn't bother me in the least. More so, as long as you used it consistently--THROUGHOUT--"I" would be fine with it.

I've used languages extensively in my novice work. However, I have very forgiving and curious readers.

In my Western, when Chinese (romanized), Mexicans, Germans, etc. spoke, they did so in their own language. I also had numerous, like 10, Indigenous American languages presented which are extremely complex... and I left them at that with actions stating what they meant. My readers enjoyed them enough that they even looked much of it up (web based presentation so easy to do). The comments I received, were not about how it distracted the reader or made it too difficult, but how impressed they were by the accuracy.

In my latest, I have currently two pidgin languages used throughout. They're similar enough to English (based off English as the lexifier), that those readers found it loads of fun trying to figure out what what was said (often accompanied by action), to the point that within a chapter or two they could read and understand it easily. Only one person wished I had 'pop-up' translations (which I supplied by line at the end of each chapter). But, even he found himself understanding it quickly.

In both cases, the readers felt the diverse languages made the stories authentic, as in real (though I don't overwhelm them). And surprisingly, all of the feedback was positive.

So, I have this opinion. If the language is reasonable, authentic (as in works and is real), is not so overwhelming that it feels like you're reading a foreign language book, then I use it.

Let me ask you this. Do you have to serve up every bit of science, magic, logic, etc., so even the most impatient reader will understand it at a glance? I'm not writing for immature, attention deficient readers. I write for adults who I hope want to read something interesting and new, that interests them enough that they might even want to learn more (so look it up).

But that's just me... and my readership of three

K2

 

[The Judge]

For me, this would get very old, very fast -- I read a Janny Wurts book this year where a chap is named Mykkael but the courtiers around him “lisped” his name in an affected, wholly unrealistic and very annoying way so it became Myshkael -- spelled with the italics. It drove me completely up the wall, though to be fair it did serve to highlight the difference between the courtiers (who presumably did this as a way of belittling him, though I couldn't see it myself) and those who pronounced his name correctly.

I'd agree with K2 if this were an issue of a foreign language, but it isn't. The aliens are speaking English but pronouncing it oddly, so there's nothing there for readers to learn and plenty to irritate. (That could just be me, though!) That being the case, personally I'd show it a couple of times when the character is first introduced, but then have something in the narrative to the effect that the POV character quickly learns to ignores the "sh" sound. After that I wouldn't show it again save for where the/a POV character has especial trouble in understanding something and has to mentally translate it and even then I'd probably not have the dialogue itself, but something like "It took him a few seconds to realise Zog was saying 'Here's a section of Tess's harnesses for Susan.'"

Writing it can be problematic with dialogue such as "You can sit over there."

 

[-K2-]

Perhaps it is well beyond where you're wanting to go with this, but it might serve you to consider finer details, first. Details like how do these races learn English, what physical traits they have which might cause limitations (E.g.: think of how the 's' sound is formed...tip of the tongue to the teeth, sh mid tongue to the roof of the mouth. Simply a deeper voice might not affect that 'sh' shift), might they use other sounds/words to compensate.

As an example, in my pidgin languages, due to so many people originally speaking numerous other languages, inflections aren't always used in a way that everyone else understands the meaning. So, the word 'pos (pahs)' is used by all speakers as a precursor to any question... "Pos, ya' yacha?" (Do, you understand?). The word 'pos' may be used like a preceding question mark, or it may be used as a replacement for all inquiring words (who, what, when, where, etc.). Granted, we understand due to the trailing question mark as we read, but two people in a conversation might not otherwise. It's also a word that most world languages can pronounce.

That example is likely much more involved than you're wanting to invest, but it gives an example as to 'why' various changes might take place.

K2

 

[Plucky Novice]

Less is more here clearly. That's not surprising but the views on how to do it are helpful.

@-K2- I've not gone so far as to consider specific physical limitations but they learn English largely due to their close relationship with another of the races. The second race talks in a very high register so they struggle to understand each other's languages and physically can't talk it. English is the middle ground.

 

[Brian G Turner]

One of these races has difficulty speaking English

If you want to show difficulty in speaking a language then grammar, semantics, and popular idioms would strike me as much more realistic challenges. Speaking with an accent would actually show a very good grip of the language.

 

[J Riff]

Does the fact they can't form certain sounds have anything to do with the actual story? Either way, it's irritating after about one sentence. )

 

[Danny McG]

Yoda works for, it does.

 

[-K2-]

@Brian G Turner really hit on a point worth noting. The advanced aspects of language would be the last acquired. In fact, 'telegraphic speech'--where connective words are often omitted--would be very common for new speakers of any language. An example being a small child, they start off saying 'cake.' In a year or so, that advances to 'give cake.' Then, 'give me cake... mommy give me cake... mommy, may I have some cake, please.' You get the picture. So, eliminating some of the advanced aspects of speaking English, is worth considering.

Something else along those lines would be 'code switching.' Code switching is where individuals, don't have a thorough vocabulary of the language they're speaking, so, say using English as the base language they wish to speak, the speaker might also mix in words or phrases from their own or other languages. Gracias for the lovely gift. Está awesome! (Spanish + English). How that works for you is their native words, sounds, or other means of communication, would be mixed in with English--typically--where the speaker has the most trouble. So, if 's-words/words with s'es' give them the most trouble, they might replace the whole word, elide the word (leave out parts E.g.: talkin', mi'sippi), or even add in their own work-around (a click, grunt, wheeze, etc.).

@-K2- I've not gone so far as to consider specific physical limitations but they learn English largely due to their close relationship with another of the races. The second race talks in a very high register so they struggle to understand each other's languages and physically can't talk it. English is the middle ground.

Okay, this is great (for me to contribute to). What you're talking about is 'pidgin.' More so, just as I mentioned with my pidgins, pidgin with English as the common lexifier (the core language used to build on connecting other languages). Along with code switching, telegraphic speech, elisions/elided words, AND their own language at difficult points, they'll find common English words or close approximations which allows them to speak with English speakers and each other.

You mention one speaks very high (I assume pitch), the other low... So, say the 'I' sound is common for the high speakers, difficult for the low--to either speak OR hear--then it would be eliminated from the pidgin language.

That actually makes it simpler. If out of 500 words, only 200 can be spoken by both, then only they will be used as part of the pidgin vocabulary set.

Just some food for thought... AGAIN, that might be much more involved than you wish to get, but, it might give you some ideas to firm up your unique Pidgin English to suit your goals.

Have fun with it!

K2

 

[Dragonlady]

As @dannymcg suggests syntax quirks like Poirot and Yoda can be easier to read

 

[hitmouse]

Yoda works for, it does.

Worksh for Sean Connery ash well.

 

[hitmouse]

Actually Yoda speech is interesting. Trying to learn Welsh, where the word order is often different from English, my evening class realised that Yoda speech uses ( by accident) a Welsh word order mostly, and developed the rule: " If in doubt, say it like Yoda."