Daysman
Well-Known Member
So, my bit for last month's 75 word challenge (weird tales) arrived in my head fully formed and I was way too quick to post.
Given it didn't make a huge amount of sense, I thought I'd take another run at it, expand it a little, maybe fill in the gaps?
But it's now approaching 1200 words, so I thought I'd best get some feedback.
Any feedback would be very much appreciated.
Please note: the title is very temporary.
Thanks in advance.
Thresholders
The laughter in his dreams has made a new home in his flat.
It's an odd notion, Hugo's first thought that day and every day that week. Now it returns to him in the night. Unable to sleep, he wanders out from his bedroom to find the kitchen he left in darkness brightly lit.
At the table, the piebald stranger is plucking gnarly leaves from a bag of frozen kale. He smiles, greenly, and cries out. "Yo! Hugo's here! Mel, come see!"
Guterral shrieks and chirrups echo from the lounge.
The stranger calls back to the shadows. "No, he's awake! Be as loud as you like!" He directs Hugo with a nod. "Sit down, man."
Hugo lowers himself, slowly, into the chair opposite. "And just who are you?"
The stranger thumps the table. "Didn't I tell ya? He's forgotten us again!"
More screeching from beyond, and floorboard creaks, and the rattling of cups on plates, altogether announce the approaching Mel.
"Yo, we're flatmates! I run security at Club Cosmos, remember? Mel works nights at the server farm, just off Peartree Lane? You do government work, don't you?"
"Government work… yeah, kinda. When did I say that?"
And then Mel squeezes through the door, load bearing tentacles pulling at the frame, many more thinner members airborne and searching ahead. Halfway through, a crown of ambulating eyestalks ducks under the lintel. A dozen cat's eyes squint into the ceiling light before they pivot down, one by one, to peer at Hugo and the stranger.
Hugo stares back, unsure of anything, but given how suddenly familiar it all feels, he just goes with it. "Yeah... sorry. Mel, mate, how are things?"
Mel's tentacles rise and fall, imitating a shoulder shrug.
The piebald stranger wags his grimmy forefinger at Hugo. "Didn't I say stay clear of the bathroom? That place is toxic! Stuff this one leaves behind? Man, it messes with your recall." He turns to Mel. "It's your gaff, you should clean it better."
Mel blows a raspberry and begins rifling through all the cupboards, all at once.
The piebald stranger sighs and adjusts his clip-on tie. "I fancy a lager. You want one?"
Hugo shakes his head. The tip-of-the-tongue feeling he'd had is morphing into something more, and so back they come, and all at once, all the whys and wherefores.
Hugo gets the human bedroom.
The piebald stranger, as he calls himself, stores his ancient belongings in the utility cupboard in the kitchen. He sleeps there too, standing up.
Mel spends her downtime in the bath.
Hugo confesses. "Yeah, I cleaned the tub. Must've been last week?"
Mel's poured a bowl of cereal and is about to add some milk, but now retreats entirely from the kitchen cabinets. She sits in a heap in the corner, cooing to herself.
The piebald stranger pats the largest of her eye stalks. "Don't you fret. You know what, you should padlock the bathroom door, just in case, when you go out."
The stranger glares at Hugo.
Hugo nods, sagely. "I'll buy a padlock tomorrow, leave it here for you on the table. I'll get you your own cleaning products, too. I'll clean the walk-in shower if you do the tub. Deal?"
Mel's eyes blink in unison and round on the stranger for guidance. He turns to Hugo and mouths 'ok'.
For now, Mel remains in her spot, but extends a single tentacle to pour milk and retrieve the laiden bowl. Another limb snaffles a spoon from a draw and she hunkers down to eat.
The piebald stranger turns back to Hugo. "So, how's the lovely Hildagarde? Have you asked her out yet, you slouch?"
Hildagarde? Just what has he told them? Hugo forces a grin. "I'm getting there. You?"
The stranger peels another leaf from the melting mass in the bag. "There's somebody at the club I got my eye on, y'know?"
From the corner, Mel's comment recalls a squeaky seesaw.
"I've got a shot," the stranger insists.
Mel replies with another raspberry and two seagulls fighting over a fish.
The stranger chuckles. "Mel just suggested I might tempt her with cleaning products."
Hugo stares at him for a long second before they both fall into laughter.
Mel ambulates forwards, eyestalks bobbing at the table's edge. She also now begins to laugh. It's the only human sound she makes.
Hugo hears it clearly, in his mind but not in the room.
The stranger raps twice on the table. "You should visit the club!"
"Really? Not my scene, is it?"
Mel conjures a distant fog horn.
The stranger pushes away her nearest eyestalk. "Nah, we get all manner of humans there, you'd fit right in. Mind you, I could introduce you to some right scary thresholders, if you're up for it?"
Tiring now, Hugo sits back. "Maybe at the weekend, yeah?"
The stranger grins. "If you ain't forgot us again by then, I'll hold you to it."
Hugo yawns and stretches and begins toward the door. "I need to sleep. We should talk tomorrow. It's good to see you… again. G'night both!"
The piebald stranger gives a small salute.
Mel waves a bunch of tentacles. Somewhere, she's still munching cereal.
As Hugo pads back to his human bedroom, the piebald stranger returns the kale to the freezer draw and perches at the edge of the kitchen unit. "Happy now?"
Mel burps and flops a single tentacle side to side.
The stranger crouches next to her and whispers. "That's three times now. Don't you wipe him again, no matter what, y'hear? He's a good bloke. Okay, so he ain't got a great sense of reality… who does he think fills the freezer? And who buys his yogurt?"
Mel agrees, delivering a string of burrs and dollops, rounded with a scratchy meowl.
"Exactly! But we both need somewhere to hole up, so best behaviour, got it? Now, you gotta catch a bus, and I need to get in character."
Mel puts the empty bowl on the table. There's a sucking noise from somewhere and she places the spoon beside it. She leaves the kitchen to the sound of someone rubbing together hundreds of party balloons.
The stranger marvels at the theatre of her exit. "There she goes… princess of threshold."
He slicks back his thinning white mane, lifts his jacket from the chair and fishes two silver caps from the inside pocket. He clips them in place, extending his own timeworn incisors to a more convincing canine length, and follows her out.
From his darkened bedroom, Hugo watches them exit the flat.
The piebald stranger holds the door, and for a moment Mel is backlit by the corridor, her pallid flesh translucent. Barely awake, Hugo glimpses a swathe of her gelatinous interior, mostly digestive tract, a folded labyrinth lined with the broken silhouettes of birds and small mammals. But then the door swings shut, they're gone, and Hugo is dozing.
It's morning again before he fully recalls this last revealing glimpse of his flatmates.
Given it didn't make a huge amount of sense, I thought I'd take another run at it, expand it a little, maybe fill in the gaps?
But it's now approaching 1200 words, so I thought I'd best get some feedback.
Any feedback would be very much appreciated.
Please note: the title is very temporary.
Thanks in advance.
Thresholders
The laughter in his dreams has made a new home in his flat.
It's an odd notion, Hugo's first thought that day and every day that week. Now it returns to him in the night. Unable to sleep, he wanders out from his bedroom to find the kitchen he left in darkness brightly lit.
At the table, the piebald stranger is plucking gnarly leaves from a bag of frozen kale. He smiles, greenly, and cries out. "Yo! Hugo's here! Mel, come see!"
Guterral shrieks and chirrups echo from the lounge.
The stranger calls back to the shadows. "No, he's awake! Be as loud as you like!" He directs Hugo with a nod. "Sit down, man."
Hugo lowers himself, slowly, into the chair opposite. "And just who are you?"
The stranger thumps the table. "Didn't I tell ya? He's forgotten us again!"
More screeching from beyond, and floorboard creaks, and the rattling of cups on plates, altogether announce the approaching Mel.
"Yo, we're flatmates! I run security at Club Cosmos, remember? Mel works nights at the server farm, just off Peartree Lane? You do government work, don't you?"
"Government work… yeah, kinda. When did I say that?"
And then Mel squeezes through the door, load bearing tentacles pulling at the frame, many more thinner members airborne and searching ahead. Halfway through, a crown of ambulating eyestalks ducks under the lintel. A dozen cat's eyes squint into the ceiling light before they pivot down, one by one, to peer at Hugo and the stranger.
Hugo stares back, unsure of anything, but given how suddenly familiar it all feels, he just goes with it. "Yeah... sorry. Mel, mate, how are things?"
Mel's tentacles rise and fall, imitating a shoulder shrug.
The piebald stranger wags his grimmy forefinger at Hugo. "Didn't I say stay clear of the bathroom? That place is toxic! Stuff this one leaves behind? Man, it messes with your recall." He turns to Mel. "It's your gaff, you should clean it better."
Mel blows a raspberry and begins rifling through all the cupboards, all at once.
The piebald stranger sighs and adjusts his clip-on tie. "I fancy a lager. You want one?"
Hugo shakes his head. The tip-of-the-tongue feeling he'd had is morphing into something more, and so back they come, and all at once, all the whys and wherefores.
Hugo gets the human bedroom.
The piebald stranger, as he calls himself, stores his ancient belongings in the utility cupboard in the kitchen. He sleeps there too, standing up.
Mel spends her downtime in the bath.
Hugo confesses. "Yeah, I cleaned the tub. Must've been last week?"
Mel's poured a bowl of cereal and is about to add some milk, but now retreats entirely from the kitchen cabinets. She sits in a heap in the corner, cooing to herself.
The piebald stranger pats the largest of her eye stalks. "Don't you fret. You know what, you should padlock the bathroom door, just in case, when you go out."
The stranger glares at Hugo.
Hugo nods, sagely. "I'll buy a padlock tomorrow, leave it here for you on the table. I'll get you your own cleaning products, too. I'll clean the walk-in shower if you do the tub. Deal?"
Mel's eyes blink in unison and round on the stranger for guidance. He turns to Hugo and mouths 'ok'.
For now, Mel remains in her spot, but extends a single tentacle to pour milk and retrieve the laiden bowl. Another limb snaffles a spoon from a draw and she hunkers down to eat.
The piebald stranger turns back to Hugo. "So, how's the lovely Hildagarde? Have you asked her out yet, you slouch?"
Hildagarde? Just what has he told them? Hugo forces a grin. "I'm getting there. You?"
The stranger peels another leaf from the melting mass in the bag. "There's somebody at the club I got my eye on, y'know?"
From the corner, Mel's comment recalls a squeaky seesaw.
"I've got a shot," the stranger insists.
Mel replies with another raspberry and two seagulls fighting over a fish.
The stranger chuckles. "Mel just suggested I might tempt her with cleaning products."
Hugo stares at him for a long second before they both fall into laughter.
Mel ambulates forwards, eyestalks bobbing at the table's edge. She also now begins to laugh. It's the only human sound she makes.
Hugo hears it clearly, in his mind but not in the room.
The stranger raps twice on the table. "You should visit the club!"
"Really? Not my scene, is it?"
Mel conjures a distant fog horn.
The stranger pushes away her nearest eyestalk. "Nah, we get all manner of humans there, you'd fit right in. Mind you, I could introduce you to some right scary thresholders, if you're up for it?"
Tiring now, Hugo sits back. "Maybe at the weekend, yeah?"
The stranger grins. "If you ain't forgot us again by then, I'll hold you to it."
Hugo yawns and stretches and begins toward the door. "I need to sleep. We should talk tomorrow. It's good to see you… again. G'night both!"
The piebald stranger gives a small salute.
Mel waves a bunch of tentacles. Somewhere, she's still munching cereal.
As Hugo pads back to his human bedroom, the piebald stranger returns the kale to the freezer draw and perches at the edge of the kitchen unit. "Happy now?"
Mel burps and flops a single tentacle side to side.
The stranger crouches next to her and whispers. "That's three times now. Don't you wipe him again, no matter what, y'hear? He's a good bloke. Okay, so he ain't got a great sense of reality… who does he think fills the freezer? And who buys his yogurt?"
Mel agrees, delivering a string of burrs and dollops, rounded with a scratchy meowl.
"Exactly! But we both need somewhere to hole up, so best behaviour, got it? Now, you gotta catch a bus, and I need to get in character."
Mel puts the empty bowl on the table. There's a sucking noise from somewhere and she places the spoon beside it. She leaves the kitchen to the sound of someone rubbing together hundreds of party balloons.
The stranger marvels at the theatre of her exit. "There she goes… princess of threshold."
He slicks back his thinning white mane, lifts his jacket from the chair and fishes two silver caps from the inside pocket. He clips them in place, extending his own timeworn incisors to a more convincing canine length, and follows her out.
From his darkened bedroom, Hugo watches them exit the flat.
The piebald stranger holds the door, and for a moment Mel is backlit by the corridor, her pallid flesh translucent. Barely awake, Hugo glimpses a swathe of her gelatinous interior, mostly digestive tract, a folded labyrinth lined with the broken silhouettes of birds and small mammals. But then the door swings shut, they're gone, and Hugo is dozing.
It's morning again before he fully recalls this last revealing glimpse of his flatmates.
