In-line or next-line dialogue?

[.matthew.]

Probably a confusing title but hard to phrase it. My question is this:

Which is the best way of formatting your dialogue? Again this is vague and apologies for that, so I'll give a few examples.

It's a first-person, present-tense urban-fantasy if that changes anything (quite a lot of short snappy sentences).

Elanor shakes her head wearily.
"I gave you clear instructions. What part of stay put and wait for backup did you not understand?"
"Maybe the part where I was supposed to let some poor sod be tortured to death?" I snap.

OR...

Elanor shakes her head wearily. "I gave you clear instructions. What part of stay put and wait for backup did you not understand?"
"Maybe the part where I was supposed to let some poor sod be tortured to death?" I snap.

I know both are accepted and I've seen both methods used before, but I'm struggling to decide which I prefer. Sometimes one way looks best, other times the other... I've used both in previous WIP but I need to settle on one for this current project. I'm 4 chapters in using the first example, but keep feeling like I need to use the second...

Oh yea, this question only applies to times when the dialogue follows that same character's action. I would always use a new line if the dialogue was from a different person (or otherwise unrelated to the preceding action).

 

[Ursa major]

Although I chose "in-line" in the poll, I'm going to have to also mention the phrase, "it depends", because it does (as there are almost always going to be occasions when doing something differently will work better).


Speaking of "it depends"....

I would always use a new line if the dialogue was from a different person (or otherwise unrelated to the preceding action).

What you said here would be one of the cases where (except in special circumstances, ones that I can't even imagine at the moment) there isn't a "it depends"....

 

[-K2-]

Part of your issue with the inline might be the use of a period instead of a comma between the dialogue and tag:

Elanor shakes [shook] her head wearily, "I gave you clear instructions. What part of stay put and wait for backup did you not understand?"

Also, somehow those lines don't feel 1st person unless Elanor is being observed by the viewpoint subject.

EDIT:
As to the 'above dialogue,' I personally would only have that preceding line as part of a longer paragraph, using the dialogue in the next line to draw a sharp contrast.

...huffed and crossed her arms drawing tight. After a brief pause, Elanor abruptly shook her head wearily.

"I gave you clear instructions. What part of stay put and wait for backup did you not understand?"

JMO

K2

 

[The Judge]

In this example, most definitely the second option ie keeping action and dialogue in the same paragraph, and almost certainly I'd go with that every time there are such short sentences -- splitting the action and the dialogue risks a confusion over just who is speaking.

I know both are accepted and I've seen both methods used before, but I'm struggling to decide which I prefer. Sometimes one way looks best, other times the other... I've used both in previous WIP but I need to settle on one for this current project.

Then use the one that works best at the time. I can't see why there's a need to settle on one for the whole project -- no one's going to be jumping up and down over inconsistencies of use because sometimes you split them into separate paragraphs whereas usually you don't (though you do again raise the risk of confusing who is speaking). Everything always depends on context.

 

[.matthew.]

Part of your issue with the inline might be the use of a period instead of a comma between the dialogue and tag:

Elanor shakes [shook] her head wearily, "I gave you clear instructions. What part of stay put and wait for backup did you not understand?"

Also, somehow those lines don't feel 1st person unless Elanor is being observed by the viewpoint subject.

K2

Ha, yes my bad. That was actually only because in the example I just moved the line and didn't proofread Good call, although I might have stuck with the period anyway thinking about it

And yes, in that example Elanor is not the POV character (it just happened to be the line I was writing when the question struck me).

 

[.matthew.]

In this example, most definitely the second option ie keeping action and dialogue in the same paragraph, and almost certainly I'd go with that every time there are such short sentences -- splitting the action and the dialogue risks a confusion over just who is speaking.

Thanks, and that happened to be another question I was considering too. With the short ones it looks right to have it as the single paragraph, but with longer ones (that perhaps include more description of the action or environment) it seems a bit iffier.

 

[-K2-]

I edited my above post, sorry about that...the savages here are restless this morning and I was pulled away.

K2

 

[.matthew.]

I edited my above post, sorry about that...the savages here are restless this morning and I was pulled away.

No worries, appreciate any help at the moment. So it seems you are thinking along the same lines as The Judge, with short sentences being in-line with the dialogue, and longer descriptions being separate?

Also, for that line I'd rather keep it short as I have a longer description of her actions both above and below that particular bit and I don't want it to be too heavy (this is pretty much just a practice piece for 1st present and I'm aiming for pretty punchy).

 

[-K2-]

Yes, but that's just how I prefer to do things. That said, I do have extremely rare instances where I'll have a short action line preceding or following dialogue (1:1,000 lines), but in such a case it's to draw a stark contrast or significant emphasis. IOW, the action line is so dramatic or important, even if it was in the midst of just action, I'd give it a paragraph/line to itself.

So, considering the example above (head shaking), I'd either have it as a dialogue tag or as part of a longer preceding paragraph.

HTH

K2

 

[Brian G Turner]

Option 2.

Yes, you'll see 1 sometimes used (inconsistent) in published fiction, but it simply confuses the reader as to who is speaking. Connect dialogue by a character with their actions, unless there's a pressing reason to break it up, such as for breaking up larger chunks of dialogue.

 

[.matthew.]

Option 2.

Yes, you'll see 1 sometimes used (inconsistent) in published fiction, but it simply confuses the reader as to who is speaking. Connect dialogue by a character with their actions, unless there's a pressing reason to break it up, such as for breaking up larger chunks of dialogue.

What about after a long sentence of a description of an action? Would you still maintain the same paragraph or hop down?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

What about after a long sentence of a description of an action? Would you still maintain the same paragraph or hop down?

It depends on whether I think the reader will have kept up. Sometimes I’ll pop a little action in, just to bring people back. It’s amazing how far a good nose scratch can take you....

 

[Trollheart]

If I might tag along on this theme for a moment (sorry OP; I just don't think it's worth creating a new thread for, and I know the janitors here are always grateful for things being as tidy as possible) on the subject of dialogue: how do you generally handle a passage where a) there's considerable action (let's say maybe three lines) and then someone speaks and b) someone speaks, there's further action then the same character speaks again?

1. Looking out the window, Dale shaded his eyes as he squinted against the bright morning sunlight. He knew it had been a mistake to have had that third Mai Tai last night, but this was something he could not put off. Sighing, he turned back: the least she deserved was that he face her. "I have something to tell you, Jean." The rock band in his head, however, was gearing up for an explosive encore, and he lightly touched his temples, hoping she would not misconstrue the action. No more delays. The time was now. It had to be. "I met your father last night and he told me all about it."

2. Looking out the window, Dale shaded his eyes as he squinted against the bright morning sunlight. He knew it had been a mistake to have had that third Mai Tai last night, but this was something he could not put off. Sighing, he turned back: the least she deserved was that he face her.
"I have something to tell you, Jean." The rock band in his head, however, was gearing up for an explosive encore, and he lightly touched his temples, hoping she would not misconstrue the action. No more delays. The time was now. It had to be. "I met your father last night and he told me all about it."

3.
Looking out the window, Dale shaded his eyes as he squinted against the bright morning sunlight. He knew it had been a mistake to have had that third Mai Tai last night, but this was something he could not put off. Sighing, he turned back: the least she deserved was that he face her.
"I have something to tell you, Jean."
The rock band in his head, however, was gearing up for an explosive encore, and he lightly touched his temples, hoping she would not misconstrue the action. No more delays. The time was now. It had to be. "I met your father last night and he told me all about it."

4.
Looking out the window, Dale shaded his eyes as he squinted against the bright morning sunlight. He knew it had been a mistake to have had that third Mai Tai last night, but this was something he could not put off. Sighing, he turned back: the least she deserved was that he face her.
"I have something to tell you, Jean."
The rock band in his head, however, was gearing up for an explosive encore, and he lightly touched his temples, hoping she would not misconstrue the action. No more delays. The time was now. It had to be.
"I met your father last night and he told me all about it."

I'm never quite sure where to break the lines for dialogue, or even if they need to be broken, but I feel that maybe (3) or (4) might be closest?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Not necessarily helpful but I’d take the new paragraph at sighing as that seems to be the action that leads to the dialogue

 

[The Judge]

In this particular case I'd go for the second of those four options, as I think that first line of dialogue warrants more emphasis that is given by the first option, where it's swallowed whole by a long paragraph, but there's no need for more paras after that line of dialogue, as that would give undue prominence to lines which don't need to be stressed.

I'd always suggest basing a decision where to paragraph break on the lines themselves, what they're saying, where the emphasis should be, and also what the paragraphs elsewhere on the page are like eg whether lots of long paras need breaking up with something shorter. To me, it should never be a question of adopting a rigid structure that has to be adhered to on all occasions.