Teenage boys and insults -- help!

Hex

Hex

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I'm stuck on a scene. Is anyone good at teenagery insults?

I need one that my MC can use which is bad enough that it seems reasonable that the other boy should grab him, but not bad enough to make the MC look too evil (a bit evil is fine, though). This is part of an escalating conflict which at this stage is largely about Kevin feeling jealous of/ unsettled by the MC.

Context is that the MC is picking up leftovers in the school cafeteria when Kevin throws an apple at him:

... a half-eaten apple bounces off the table. I catch it.

“Save you going through the bins for it later.” Kevin. What a joy.

I turn it in my hand. “Something seems to have drooled on this, Kev.” As if that would stop me eating it.

"Dirt doesn't normally bother you."

... I lean back in my chair and grin at him. “[something insulting].”

Kevin grabs me.
Click to expand...
 
I don't think insults have changed that much since I was a teenager (not too long ago) tbh. Something not serious and joking like this could be "twat" (british centric) or if you don't mind putting an element of offhand homophobia into your character (which is rampant among teens, so kinda true to life) "Big gay" or, and this is often used as a term of endearment nowadays, the C word.
 
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In Ireland it would be the c word since thats used for practically everything, both friendly and viscous. in this case, most words would be too heavy for your audience, and I’d go for an insult instead. the your ma sucks cocks style.
 
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I should probably mention this is slightly prissy (because I am) YA. No c words, I think.

Thank you. You've all given me something to think about.
 
You've asked in the right place for puerile insults. ;)

As I remember, insults usually revolve around some physical characteristic.
If he's tall, call him lanky
If he's overweight, call him fatty
If he's underweight, call him skinny
If he wears glasses, call him speccy
If he has red hair, call him a ginge
If he's clever, call him swotty
If he has prominent teeth, call him rabbit

Or maybe, in order to provoke violence, it needs to be something about his family.
Does he have any dead relatives? If so, then the other boy should insult them.
Your Father was a drunkard
You Mother was a prostitute

And there's always the classic:
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! :D
 
I've always enjoyed the word minging. But I don't think it fits your MC's speech (Kevin could say it though). Also I'm not sure many outside Scotland would truly grasp the meaning of the word. ;)
 
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"Dirt doesn't normally bother you."

... I lean back in my chair and grin at him. “Your dirty mom don’t bother me at all.”

Kevin grabs me.
 
Asshat. Twat, probably, in your excerpt. Or the less family friendly version of willyhead.

Minging's used all over the UK.
 
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The most realistic thing - at least in this green and pleasant land - is to pick some swear words and call it a day. Here in the south east of the country, while admiring the nuclear qualities of the c-bomb, we tend to focus more on calling people fornicating self-pleasurers, particularly if we're just easing into things. Indeed, we like calling people it so much, it's barely insulting, unless used in a particularly savage tone.

If you want to get insulting, you got to get personal. And I don't know Kevin, but I do know he suggested something that came from his mouth is dirty, so...
 
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My teenagers were all rather polite and have growed up and moved on some time since and I'm far too old to remember teenage insults.

@M. Robert Gibson sums up my ancient recollections quite well, upthread, there.

There's an interesting local usage, that is archaic in most parts of the world: " Rotter."

A popular term in Wodehouse stories, "Rotter" is a person who is unreliable, forgetfull and generally useless.

Here, currently, in the so called "Emerald Triangle": it is a popular term to describe someone who is too stoned all of the time to remember to keep an appointment or follow through on a task.

One might chastise an unreliable person: "You are such a rotter." Or defame a third party as being a "total rotter."

One might apologize: "I'm sorry, I totally rotted on that."

One might be ill, or hungover and describe theirself as being "Soooo rotted."
 
Ah the joys of political correctness. Where would Lord of the Flies be nowadays - Quietly filed away next to Puss in boots in the waste paper bin.

The thing is, is anyone nowadays allowed to write anything that might upset a neighbours cat let alone suggest that a person has any individual characteristics.

I understand that any future publications of the complete works of Shakespeare will be heavily redacted
 
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