Summary Of Tayanna the Healer

[Lafayette]

As, Droflet suggested I'm posting a summary of my story 'Tayanna the Healer' here along with three alternate endings. My goal is to use the proper ending for the story. In this case, I can't see the forest for the trees. I will listen to all comments.

Summary of Tayanna​

Tayanna a magic healer of Emerald Valley is bored and desires glory like her father and brother had.

The Master Mage calls her and orders her to go on a mission to Cherry Town to assist the local healer to cure a plague.. It is a 3-5 day journey. Before leaving, the Mage gives her a magi item.

Next morning John Gardner (an orchard grower and friend) is at her doorstep insisting on going with her. Against her wishes, she allows him to come.

On the journey, John almost starts a forest fire. Employing magic and resourcefulness, Tayanna puts it out.

That night, both are attacked by Gorcs. Both are saved by Reeshard and his rangers. John, however, is severely wounded and needs to stay behind. Reeshard accompanies Tayanna on the rest of the journey.

Upon their arrival, they find that the local healer has died of the plague and that Cherry Town is being harassed by Gorcs. While in Cherry Town, Tayanna and Reeshard treat the wounded and plague ridden.

Among the sick is Mayor Megan’s little boy who reminds Tayanna of her dead brother, Eric. Tayanna vows to find a cure.

While in Cherry Town, Tayanna is asked to help interrogate a captured Gorc. She and the others discover a disenfranchise sorceress name Reenah Dahr is behind the plague and the Gorc attacks. Tayanna decides to confront Reenah and asks her to quit her evil. However, she doesn’t want Reeshard to go with her, not wanting him to get hurt like John Gardener so she secretly drugs him to sleep.

She pays Reenah a visit. Reenah surprises her by her sudden appearance. Tayanna tries to plea with her with reason and sympathy and fails. Reenah is a pseudo socialpath and though she likes Tayanna, she attacks her and leaves her for dead.

Many hours later, Reeshard and John (who returns healed) find her unconscious and near dead. They carry her to the mayor’s mansion to recover. While recovering, Reeshard expresses his anger at her. She is also tormented with dreams of guilt. Awaken, she is confronting a truth she’s been denying. Employing warrior magic will kill her because she has a disease: Weldon’s Woe.

Recovered, Tayanna discover lemon berries will eliminate and cure the plague. The trouble is, no one knows where the berries are. Then one day the captain calls for her. The Gorc prisoner is having convulsions and fever. Tayanna discovers after questioning a young boy who brings dinner for the prisoners that after eating berries the Gorc became sick. The berries are lemon berries and are now in Gorc territory.

The captain informs Tayanna that Cherry Town is being assaulted from many directions and that he can’t spare the man-power to escort her to lemon berries’ location.

Knowing that Tayanna is determined to go and that the situation is dire, Reeshard the Ranger talks Tayanna into letting him escort her. Reluctantly, she agrees.

The quest is not a short one. Along the way, they endure a storm. Evading the storm, they seek shelter among trees where they are poisoned and capture by spider bats. At Reeshard’s suggesting, Tayanna uses non-warrior magic to aid them in escaping.

Recovering from all of this, John meets up with them. Both are surprised and glad to see him.

Soon a new danger comes: a graggon. A graggon is a towering, mindless creature that tracks down magic users and savagely tortures and murders them. Tayanna is terrified. Reeshard and John vow the graggon will not harm her. With the help of re-enforcements, Reeshard devises a trap for the graggon, however it requires Tayanna’s presence to draw it.

Before the arrival of the mammoth monster, Tayanna and Reeshard kiss each other goodbye while John looks on.

Despite her petrifying fear, she stays until Reeshard orders her to flee. She does so with great speed and regret for leaving Reeshard and John and the others behind to stop the unstoppable graggon.

Along with these feelings, she knows she is alone and fears another encounter with Reenah Dahr.

In her last battle with Reenah, Tayanna is fighting better, but is still taking a beating. Recalling one of her father’s lessons of combat., Tayanna looks into Reenah’s eyes to anticipate her next move. The tactic backfires. Reenah instead hypnotizes. Tayanna. In her hypnotic state, Tayanna goes back in time to the day when she was unable to cure her brother Eric of his battle wounds and dies. In her dream-state she hears her brother crying out, You hate me. You hate me. I hate you. You deserve to die. Take the dagger and die.

Tayanna rose from her swoon and took the dagger from an unknown hand.

Reenah tell her to take the dagger and kill herself and adds, “Your dear, dear sweet brother Erick hated you.” Deep down, Tayanna knows this isn’t true, and the spell is broken.

Knowing using warrior magic will kill her, Tayanna casts a gigantic bolt of energy. Reenah does the same and Tayanna goes down.

 

[sule]

I know this is just a summary, but I wasn't drawn in by your opening line.

Tayanna a magic healer of Emerald Valley is bored and desires glory like her father and brother had.

Her "desire for glory" didn't really seem to me like a good driving force for a main character. Your opening needs to convey not only what the character wants but what they stand to lose if they don't get it. That's one of the most compelling parts of any story. It did seem like you changed her driving force a few times throughout the summary--in my opinion, one of those later ones needs to replace the "desire for glory" from the opening because there isn't a sense from Tayanna of, "I have to do this, or else..."

The reason I care so much about the opening is because the opening should inform the ending. The story ends when the goal the character desires is either achieved or lost for good. If your story doesn't end with "And then Tayanna returned, achieving the glory that her father and brother had," then glory should not be the defining motive. You have some good driving motives that show up in the middle of the summary and I think that revising your summary to put one of them at the beginning might help you decide how the story should end.

 

[Lafayette]

I know this is just a summary, but I wasn't drawn in by your opening line.

Her "desire for glory" didn't really seem to me like a good driving force for a main character. Your opening needs to convey not only what the character wants but what they stand to lose if they don't get it. That's one of the most compelling parts of any story. It did seem like you changed her driving force a few times throughout the summary--in my opinion, one of those later ones needs to replace the "desire for glory" from the opening because there isn't a sense from Tayanna of, "I have to do this, or else..."

The reason I care so much about the opening is because the opening should inform the ending. The story ends when the goal the character desires is either achieved or lost for good. If your story doesn't end with "And then Tayanna returned, achieving the glory that her father and brother had," then glory should not be the defining motive. You have some good driving motives that show up in the middle of the summary and I think that revising your summary to put one of them at the beginning might help you decide how the story should end.

Thank you, Sule for taking your time out in giving me an insightful critique.

It never dawn on me that seeking glory without an "or else" was a weak theme, yet when you pointed it out it makes sense. I'm either going to have make a stronger "or else" for glory or dump the idea and focus on something else. You are also correct in that I need to do a better job of engaging the reader. As it is currently, glory is a "Ho hum. Who cares?" theme.

You mentioned that I have some good driving motivations in the summary. Could you please tell which ones grabbed your attract your attention?

 

[sule]

These two excerpts are the parts that I thought either created a powerful driving motivation for your character or provided her with an "or else" sort of dealine for completing her task.

Among the sick is Mayor Megan’s little boy who reminds Tayanna of her dead brother, Eric. Tayanna vows to find a cure.

Awaken, she is confronting a truth she’s been denying. Employing warrior magic will kill her because she has a disease: Weldon’s Woe.

For me, both seemed to give the story stakes as well as emotional resonance (she wants to save the boy because she still feels guilty for not being able to save her brother) and a goal (find a cure, even at the risk of her own well-being). For me, it felt like anchoring the story around her desire to find the cure (a desire so strong that it causes her to take incredible risks) would give the story a much more natural progression. If you do choose to do that, it could make it easier to find your ending because you should have a better idea of what the ending entails (finding the cure or losing it completely) and you can instead start you ask yourself questions like, "Why does she care so much about finding the cure?" or "What would drive her to go to such lengths?"

 

[Lafayette]

These two excerpts are the parts that I thought either created a powerful driving motivation for your character or provided her with an "or else" sort of dealine for completing her task.


For me, both seemed to give the story stakes as well as emotional resonance (she wants to save the boy because she still feels guilty for not being able to save her brother) and a goal (find a cure, even at the risk of her own well-being). For me, it felt like anchoring the story around her desire to find the cure (a desire so strong that it causes her to take incredible risks) would give the story a much more natural progression. If you do choose to do that, it could make it easier to find your ending because you should have a better idea of what the ending entails (finding the cure or losing it completely) and you can instead start you ask yourself questions like, "Why does she care so much about finding the cure?" or "What would drive her to go to such lengths?"

Again thank you.

It is amazing, I came up with these two items and didn't realize what I had. Talk about being blind.

Thinking about it just now, I could incorporate both of these ideas into a good story.

Thanks.

 

[Wayne Mack]

After reading the summary, I did not get a feel that there was an overall story arc. That is not necessarily a bad thing as I have read and enjoyed published novels that were a series of vignettes about a common character. This might, however, explain the difficulty in deciding on a final chapter -- this is really an ongoing sequence of events. I will suggest some of my personal opinions of what I would prefer to read as an ending chapter.

• Have the main character live. Do not kill off the main character.
• Wrap up the main dangling plot elements, though it is okay to leave a couple dangling for a potential sequel. Do not leave the world in disarray at the end.
• Decisively beat the antagonist. It is okay if the antagonist survives. Do not leave the main character with a murky resolution of the last conflict.

I hope this helps. Feel confident in your own ability to decide how you want to end your novel. If you don't believe in the ending you are writing, neither will the reader. Pick the ending that you feel is right and put your energy into it. Best of luck!

 

[CTRandall]

I don't see three different endings. It reads like one ending with Tayanna breaking the spell and dieing as she kills Reenah. The only other possibility I see here is Tayanna doesn't break the spell and kills herself under Reenah's influence. I don't know what the third ending is.

As far as endings, any could work. A lot of readers would be unhappy with Reenah winning but it would certainly be different from the usual fare. I think your bigger issue is unresolved plot lines. (At least in the summary. If the book winds these up nicely, you can ignore my next comments.) We don't know what happens to Reeshard and John. We don't know if the town survives the assault. We don't know if the town survives the plague or is destroyed by it. How you resolve these things will be closely tied with how you end Tayanna's story.

 

[Lafayette]

In the first ending, John returns, recovering from his wounds to join Tayanna and Reeshard on their quest in obtaining the lemon berries (the plague cure) from Reenah. The battle between Tayanna and Reenah leaves Tayanna the winner, but mortally wounded. Reenah's body can't be found. In an attempt to give the dying Tayanna solace, Reeshard bestows damehood on her. In doing so, his sword magically restores Tayanna back to life and cures her of Weldon's Woe.

The Second ending is about the same except for an old man (that was Reenah's familiar in the guise of a parrot) partially cures Tayanna using her magic staff. Tayanna is alive, however most of her magic is gone and what she has remaining is on and off and her is hair is still green. Notwithstanding, Tayanna gains the lemon berries and eliminates the plague.

The third ending opens the same as ending one and two in that John is with them, (but not the old man) they gain the berries, Reeshard gives Tayanna damehood before she dies. Her dying wish is to be buried next to her father and brother. Reeshard replies, “It will be done as you wish, my dame.”

Because of the insightful critiques I received, my focus is changing in writing this story. I want to write a story with meaning in it, and I believe that all of you are helping me in doing that. Thank you all.

If you or anyone else have any more comments to add, please do so.

 

[The Judge]

Lafayette, since you already had one thread up on this issue in Critiques, there didn't seem to be a need for a further thread with a precis of your thoughts on the ending summaries, so I've effectively merged the two threads here.

 

[Guanazee]

Hi,

As a woman disabled by a chronic illness, I like the idea of Weldon's Woe. I'd personally prefer to see the MC work around the illness successfully, not cure it, and go on to live a fulfilling life full of adventures.

Just my two cents from my perspective.

 

[CTRandall]

I'd personally prefer to see the MC work around the illness successfully, not cure it,

This is certainly makes for a more interesting story line and character. It's not central to the story but a couple of the characters in Neal Stephenson's Baroque Cycle do this--one living with syphilis (probably not what Guanazee had in mind ) and another surviving but being severely scarred by small pox.

 

[Guanazee]

one living with syphilis (probably not what Guanazee had in mind )

My particular issue is Crohn's Disease, but the great thing about a magical ailment is people with many different illnesses might be able to identify with the character.

 

[Lafayette]

Hi,

As a woman disabled by a chronic illness, I like the idea of Weldon's Woe. I'd personally prefer to see the MC work around the illness successfully, not cure it, and go on to live a fulfilling life full of adventures.

Just my two cents from my perspective.
[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your two cents.

I'm glad you like the idea of Weldon's Woe. In the second alternate ending Tayanna is partially cured with the use of her healing magic becoming unpredictable. I imagine not knowing if her magic is going to work on a patient can be very disconcerting to her and the patient.

 

[Cosmic Geoff]

The story plot as represented in the summary seems to be 'one thing after another' rather than being a connected story. What is the main character's goal? 'Desiring glory' seems rather vague. Later on, it seems that her goal is to heal her own chronic illness using the lemon berries. Why is she fighting with Reenah, who seems to be the principal antagonist in the story? What is Reenah's motivation? Why does/did her dead brother hate her? What is her motivation for taking great personal risk to secure the berries which will cure the plague?
As for the ending, I don't see why she needs to die at the end. It would be more satisfactory if she survives the battle with Reenah, obtains the lemon berries to treat the plague, treats her own illness (or one of the other characters helps her alleviate it in return for something she does), and that she does these things by her own agency rather than by a series of magical interventions.

 

[Guanazee]

Oh, Cosmic Geoff makes a good point. Is your story a full-length novel? There are going to be lots of interesting things that happen that don't need to be detailed so much. It can make it unclear what the driving force of the story is. Have you written a query or pitch for this story, or three potential ones for different ending possiblities? Sometimes that helps me to find the focus and see which option is stronger.

 

[Lafayette]

Thank you for your questions and comments.

The story plot as represented in the summary seems to be 'one thing after another' rather than being a connected story.

I believe all these events are connected. I left out a lot of details in the summary because I was trying to keep it under two pages.

What is the main character's goal? 'Desiring glory' seems rather vague.

Tayanna's desire is to gain glory, but her main goal is to obtain the Lemon Berries in order to cure Cherry Town of the plague.

You're correct the 'gaining glory part is vague and shouldn't be. I'm working to fix this problem.

Later on, it seems that her goal is to heal her own chronic illness using the lemon berries.

This appears to be a misunderstanding. Tayanna is not seeking the Lemon Berries to cure herself, but the Cherry Towners of the plague. It is not even hinted at that the Lemon Berries is a cure for Weldon's Woe.

Why is she fighting with Reenah, who seems to be the principal antagonist in the story? What is Reenah's motivation?

Reenah has a grudge and a vendetta against the Cherry Towners (they reject her as mayor). Reenah is a sorceress and is the source of the plague and trying to prevent Tayanna from curing the town of the plague. Reenah wants to rule Cherry Town.

Why does/did her dead brother hate her?

You missed reading this: Reenah tell her (Tayanna) to take the dagger and kill herself and adds, “Your dear, dear sweet brother Erick hated you.” Deep down, Tayanna knows this isn’t true, and the spell is broken.

What is her motivation for taking great personal risk to secure the berries which will cure the plague?

Tayanna when becoming a mage lealer took an oath to cure and/or ease disease and suffering from people. This was established in chapter two. Tayanna may have an ego, however deep down she cares about people.

As for the ending, I don't see why she needs to die at the end.

One of my thoughts was that glory has a high price which can include death. I am trying to be a little bit original. Notwithstanding, I'm not totally sold on it

It would be more satisfactory if she survives the battle with Reenah, obtains the lemon berries to treat the plague, treats her own illness (or one of the other characters helps her alleviate it in return for something she does), and that she does these things by her own agency rather than by a series of magical interventions.

I will probably do something like this in the long run. It is establish in the story that Tayanna has other tools beside magic to heal people with.|

 

[Lafayette]

Oh, Cosmic Geoff makes a good point. Is your story a full-length novel? There are going to be lots of interesting things that happen that don't need to be detailed so much. It can make it unclear what the driving force of the story is. Have you written a query or pitch for this story, or three potential ones for different ending possiblities? Sometimes that helps me to find the focus and see which option is stronger.

I'm unfamiliar with query. Can you explain it?

 

[JS Wiig]

I'm unfamiliar with query. Can you explain it?

Query Shark

How To Write Query Letters ... or, really, how to revise query letters so they actually work

queryshark.blogspot.com

 

[thisreidwrites]

Ooh, this will be fun! You've got me invested in this!

Before leaving, the Mage gives her a magi item. - Consider adding "which will" and then what it does.

On the journey, John almost starts a forest fire. Employing magic and resourcefulness, Tayanna puts it out. And what does this do? Why does it matter? Is she frustrated with him? Is he angry? Ashamed? I need to know why this scene is here.

Among the sick is Mayor Megan’s little boy who reminds Tayanna of her dead brother, Eric. Tayanna vows to find a cure. So far, I'm tracking just fine! However, the only hints we have as to who Tayanna is have been she wants glory, and she didn't think John should come. Consider sprinkling in some reactions so we know how she feels with these events. That will tell the reader who she is.

She and the others discover a disenfranchise sorceress name Reenah Dahr is behind the plague and the Gorc attacks. Oh, exciting! Intrigue!

However, she doesn’t want Reeshard to go with her, not wanting him to get hurt like John Gardener so she secretly drugs him to sleep. There's some character peeking through! Not just the action, but that she didn't want him hurt. Think of it this way: if she'd simply drugged him to sleep without the explanation that she didn't want him to get hurt, we would have NO IDEA why she did it.

pseudo socialpath - Pseudo means fake, so you mean she's a fake sociopath? (That's the correct spelling of that word, btw! )

While recovering, Reeshard expresses his anger at her. She is also tormented with dreams of guilt. Awaken, she is confronting a truth she’s been denying. Employing warrior magic will kill her because she has a disease: Weldon’s Woe. THIS is one of the most interesting parts. We have emotion; we have internal struggle. Well done!

Tayanna is terrified. Reeshard and John vow the graggon will not harm her. Character development! Woo-hoo!

Despite her petrifying fear, she stays until Reeshard orders her to flee. She does so with great speed and regret for leaving Reeshard and John and the others behind to stop the unstoppable graggon. More character development! See, she's not just doing things for reasons we can't guess. This shows us who she is as a three-dimensional person. You've got this!

Along with these feelings, she knows she is alone and fears another encounter with Reenah Dahr. Excellent.

Reenah instead hypnotizes. Tayanna. I didn't see that coming! Oh, no!

In her hypnotic state, Tayanna goes back in time to the day when she was unable to cure her brother Eric of his battle wounds and dies. In her dream-state she hears her brother crying out, You hate me. You hate me. I hate you. You deserve to die. Take the dagger and die. Wild!! Why is she hearing this? is it intentional torment from Reenah?

Tayanna rose from her swoon and took the dagger from an unknown hand. - Why didn't she use the dagger to fight?

Reenah tell her to take the dagger and kill herself and adds, “Your dear, dear sweet brother Erick hated you.” Deep down, Tayanna knows this isn’t true, and the spell is broken. Woo-hoo!

Knowing using warrior magic will kill her, Tayanna casts a gigantic bolt of energy. - I just gotta know - how is a gigantic bolt of energy not warrior magic?

This has a lot of potential! I think as long as you make sure that her fears that Eric hated her are sprinkled through this, you'll get the payoff you want when she finally defeats that fear. Keep writing!

 

[Lafayette]

Ooh, this will be fun! You've got me invested in this!

This is good to hear.

The reason there isn't more information in the summary is because I was told to keep it under two pages. So, I tried to focus on the more important elements of the story.

Before leaving, the Mage gives her a magi item. - Consider adding "which will" and then what it does.

The master mage does tell her what it does.

On the journey, John almost starts a forest fire. Employing magic and resourcefulness, Tayanna puts it out. And what does this do? Why does it matter? Is she frustrated with him? Is he angry? Ashamed? I need to know why this scene is here.

Originally, I wrote this as a passing event in a paragraph. A friend read this and like it and urge me to write this scene out with glee I did so.

Some may say it lends nothing to the story. I will justify it with several reasons. One: the story is also an adventure. You can't have an adventure going on if don't have some dangerous and crazy stuff happening. Two: the scene demonstrates that Tayanna can be resourceful and act positive under pressure. Three: it shows how Tayanna re-acts to her friends. Initially she is angry at John, but shrugs it off as John just being John. John merely blows it off as just one of those unfortunate accidents.

I know, I know this is lame writing. I will have to go back and rethink and rewrite this so it is more patable.

Among the sick is Mayor Megan’s little boy who reminds Tayanna of her dead brother, Eric. Tayanna vows to find a cure. So far, I'm tracking just fine! However, the only hints we have as to who Tayanna is have been she wants glory,

Tayanna doesn't go to Cherry Tony for glory, but because she was sent by the High Mage to find a cure for Cherry Town, she isn't even thinking of glory. Tayanna's thoughts are on wiping out the plague.

and she didn't think John should come. Consider sprinkling in some reactions so we know how she feels with these events. That will tell the reader who she is.

What I didn't think of when I was writing this and has only now come to me is that Tayanna is an independent person and doesn't need anybody else, especially someone like John.

She and the others discover a disenfranchise sorceress name Reenah Dahr is behind the plague and the Gorc attacks. Oh, exciting! Intrigue!

Good.

However, she doesn’t want Reeshard to go with her, not wanting him to get hurt like John Gardener so she secretly drugs him to sleep. There's some character peeking through! Not just the action, but that she didn't want him hurt. Think of it this way: if she'd simply drugged him to sleep without the explanation that she didn't want him to get hurt, we would have NO IDEA why she did it.

This isn't reveled until after her first run it with Reenah. Something else I didn't state is Reeshard just thought she was just being bullheaded.

pseudo socialpath - Pseudo means fake, so you mean she's a fake sociopath? (That's the correct spelling of that word, btw! )

I misunderstood the word. What I meant to say was that Reenah according to strict terminology wasn't a total sociopath.

While recovering, Reeshard expresses his anger at her. She is also tormented with dreams of guilt. Awaken, she is confronting a truth she’s been denying. Employing warrior magic will kill her because she has a disease: Weldon’s Woe. THIS is one of the most interesting parts. We have emotion; we have internal struggle. Well done!

Far out! I'm getting somewhere.

Tayanna is terrified. Reeshard and John vow the graggon will not harm her. Character development! Woo-hoo!

Despite her petrifying fear, she stays until Reeshard orders her to flee. She does so with great speed and regret for leaving Reeshard and John and the others behind to stop the unstoppable graggon. More character development! See, she's not just doing things for reasons we can't guess. This shows us who she is as a three-dimensional person. You've got this!

Along with these feelings, she knows she is alone and fears another encounter with Reenah Dahr. Excellent.

Reenah instead hypnotizes. Tayanna. I didn't see that coming! Oh, no!

Good. I want some surprises for the reader.

In her hypnotic state, Tayanna goes back in time to the day when she was unable to cure her brother Eric of his battle wounds and dies. In her dream-state she hears her brother crying out, You hate me. You hate me. I hate you. You deserve to die. Take the dagger and die. Wild!! Why is she hearing this? is it intentional torment from Reenah?

Reenah is trying to manipulate Tayanna's dream for her own ends.

Tayanna rose from her swoon and took the dagger from an unknown hand. - Why didn't she use the dagger to fight?

Because she is still in a dream state being manipulated by Reenah.

Reenah tell her to take the dagger and kill herself and adds, “Your dear, dear sweet brother Erick hated you.” Deep down, Tayanna knows this isn’t true, and the spell is broken. Woo-hoo!

Knowing using warrior magic will kill her, Tayanna casts a gigantic bolt of energy. - I just gotta know - how is a gigantic bolt of energy not warrior magic?

Do you think a gigantic bolt of energy is a non-offensive of magic?

This has a lot of potential! I think as long as you make sure that her fears that Eric hated her are sprinkled through this, you'll get the payoff you want when she finally defeats that fear. Keep writing!

This may be problem, because Eric never hated her. She only starts to think this because Reenah suggests this through hypnoses and her guilt of not preventing Eric's death.

Thank you again for your comments.