Tayanna the Healer Chapter 1

[Lafayette]

Chapter 1

The Calling​

It was spring again in Emerald Valley and with it came the aromas of pine, oak, and cedar and the flora surround them. With the aromas came the caroling of robins, sparrows and wrens. However, Tayanna wasn’t enthralled by aromas or melodies as she nibbled on a batch of sugar berries.

“Green, green, that’s all I see! Are there no reds, blues, or pinks in Emerald Valley?” inquired Tayanna, brushing back her brown-hair to herself. Continuing to gaze out of her window, she quietly asked herself, “Where is the glory in green? There is no glory in Emerald Valley.”

“Are ya day dreamin’ again, Tay?” asked a cheerful baritone.

Tayanna turned her head to see the sparkling blue eyes of John Planter, a local orchard grower. As was his habit, he was delivering a box of fruits at her open door.

“I was counting the greens of Emerald Valley. This time, I counted twenty-four. It’s interesting the way the dew makes the grass and leaves sparkle. They’re like jewels, they’re like like …”

“Like emeralds,” laughed the short burly man sitting a wooden box of fruit on the kitchen floor.

“Yes, like emeralds,” groused Tayanna. Then she paused, “I wonder if there are any places that sparkle like sapphires or diamonds?”

“Why do ya wonder that?”

“Because sapphires and diamonds have glory and emeralds don’t.”

“My father told me long ago that everything has glory. The stars have glory. Birds have glory, flowers have glory, and even dying trees have glory.”

“Everything, but me,” groused Tayanna.

“Tay, that’s not true.” retorted John. “You’re one of the prettiest women in Emerald Valley.”

For an eye blink moment she glared at John. “I’m not talking about fair maiden glory. Besides that, I’m fat.”

“Nahh, yer not,” grinned John. “You’re what’s called pleasing plump.”

Tayanna rolled her brown eyes and sighed, “I’m talking about the glory of importance.”

“But you are important, very important,” sputtered John. “How can you say that? You’re a mage healer. You heal a lot of folk, me included. You’re the best mage healer we’ve had in many a moon.”

“Thanks, John,” said Tayanna, trying to smile. “I know I’m good, I’m very, very good, but the truth is any competent mage healer can do what I do. If I can’t do something else that no one else can do, then I have no glory.”

John scratched his head, “I’m just a simple orchard grower, there’s no glory in that, but I’m happy. You’re a very good mage healer, why can’t you be happy with that?”

“Because, I can do better, but I’m not,” replied Tayanna with a touch of ire. “My father often said, Not to do better when you can is sin and shame. Not doing better is bringing shame to my father’s name. My brother brought glory to father’s name, I am not.”

Then Tayanna turned to the open window again and quietly asked, “John, did I ever tell you what happens to old healers?”

“No.”

“They end up very poor and often homeless, wandering, and plying their trade for mere coppers,” replied Tayanna.

“That’s very sad,” said John.

“But, that’s not the worst of it,” added Tayanna. “Many including the peasantry regard them as mere witches. I can’t bear the thought.”

“Then marry me,” said John. “I won’t let you die penniless.”

Tayanna turned toward John and rolled her eyes, “John, I’ve known you since childhood and I know you’re a wonderful man, but I’ve told you before we’re two opposites of a coin to buy happiness.” Then she softly asked, “How is your uncle with his gout?”

“He’s fine. Ya should know that,” sighed John. “And so are the babies ya delivered to Mrs. Swan last week. You are changing the subject. I believe what you’re saying, but there’s something else that’s gnawing at you. Speak to me, Tayanna.”

Tayanna smiled a sad smile while reaching out stroking John’s balding head, “I’ve already told you John, but you only listen with your ears. I’m stuck here.”

Straining to think, John was about to answer when they both heard, “Jay! Jay!”

Eyes went toward the open windowsill and there prancing with self-importance was a cat size blue jay.

“Hello, Thirstan, what brings you here?” inquired Tayanna, smiling.

“The High Mage desires your attendance,” answered the blue jay bobbing his head.

“Oh really,” replied Tayanna, “whatever for?”

“He did not say,” came a quiet, but melodious answer.

Tayanna’s umber brown brows frowned. “Hmm. When does he desire my presence?”

“Today, at sun high.”

“Today! So soon? Oh dear, and I was planning on doing some gardening for some herbs.” Tayanna then sighed, “Oh well, when the High Mage calls one must answer. Tell Master Gahn I will be there.”

“Thirstan wants a cracker! Thirstan wants a cracker!”

Tayanna smiled, “Of course, Thirstan wants a cracker. How else is he going to remain handsome? What will it be for today, cinnamon or honey?”

“Cinnamon cinnamon.”

John laughed at hearing the blue jay’s eager reply, “Well,” he said scratching his head, “It looks like ya gonna be busy. It’s best I be goin’. By the way, there’s a fresh batch of sugar berries with da fruit. I’ll see ya later Tay.”

“Thank you, John,” answered Tayanna. “My craving appreciates that which reminds me. There is a bottle of blue berry cider I made for you on the table.”

“Thanks, Tay,” said John eagerly grabbing the bottle. “Like I said before, ya make a good wife.”

 

[SashaMcallister]

Just looking at your very first paragraph, I think it does a good job of giving the reader something for imagery, sounds, smells and taste. It brings you into the story right off the bat. Then you build intrigue with the "however" line. I mean, who wouldn't like all that stuff in the first sentence? And yet Tayanna doesn't for whatever reason. Solid start.

 

[tinkerdan]

That's an interesting way of presenting the importance of glory for your character.

However: there is this line...

It was spring again in Emerald Valley and with it came the aromas of pine, oak, and cedar and the flora surround them.

You might consider what is flora and perhaps it should read ...the aromas of pine, oak, and cedar and other flora that surround them.
You should either have 'that surround or surrounding'.

 

[Brian G Turner]

IMO there are a number of technical issues here, such as with POV use here, in that you keep jumping out of your character's perspective. You also seem to be struggling to start the story - your first two sentences are all about aromas, then the third is about how the character doesn't care for them even though you're supposed to be in their thoughts. What follows is lots of dialogue in which you're trying to set a scene and establish character but IMO it comes across as unnecessary chatter. I'm left feeling that you're struggling to find a way to start the story - in which case, I'd suggest starting it with something actually happening, such as her arriving - with trepidation - at wherever she's supposed to be going (and explain nothing!). The best advice I can really give you is to read Wonderbook by Jeff Vandermeer and Save the Cat by Blake Snyder, which will help with the technical issues and character arc you're struggling with.

 

[Wayne Mack]

@Lafayette, your writing has very good imagery and descriptions, however, I feel you may be trying to do too much at once in this introduction. It is my opinion that a writer needs to give the reader an indication of the type of story to follow within the first two paragraphs. I admit to being an impatient reader and I will not read very far into a book to decide whether to pick it up or put it back on the shelf. I suggest picking one key point and addressing that in the opening pages.

To me, the most striking phrase was:

“Green, green, that’s all I see! Are there no reds, blues, or pinks in Emerald Valley?”

This would be a wonderful opening line and immediately I was curious why there were no reds, blues, or pinks. The striking choice to use a blue bird as a messenger is then lost, as the lack of color thought is dropped and the messenger bird is not introduced until much later. I also wondered about the dialog with the blue bird as it leaned more towards the humorous, while the impression I got from your previous outline was that there was an underlying darkness to the tale.

The title, "Tayanna the Healer," gave me another impression, but that only gets raised about halfway through the intro text.

“How can you say that? You’re a mage healer. You heal a lot of folk, me included. You’re the best mage healer we’ve had in many a moon.”

“Thanks, John,” said Tayanna, trying to smile. “I know I’m good, I’m very, very good, but the truth is any competent mage healer can do what I do. If I can’t do something else that no one else can do, then I have no glory.”

This raises two interesting issues of a lack of confidence and perhaps a lack of skill, but there seems to be no follow up. It also seems to indicate a confusing, conflicting streak of arrogance. From your outline, it appears the death of her brother is a significant event in her life. This opens up an arc of character growth, ala the hero's journey plot line. This could be presented via internal thought, discussion with John, or discussion with the blue bird, if it is made to be a wise character instead of a comical one.

The outline indicates

Tayanna a magic healer of Emerald Valley is bored and desires glory like her father and brother had.

I feel that though the intro text says a lot of things have glory, but never really indicates what glory might be, nor why Tayanna feels she lacks it. It doesn't touch on what glory her father or brother may have had. I really don't get the feeling that John is an overly philosophical character and that does not allow any deeper examination of Tayanna's feelings. Perhaps this might be better presented as internal dialog or a discussion with a respected elder.

The intro then tries to bring in an element of romance and the outline hints at a potential love triangle.

“But, that’s not the worst of it,” added Tayanna. “Many including the peasantry regard them as mere witches. I can’t bear the thought.”

“Then marry me,” said John. “I won’t let you die penniless.”

To me, this seems to be an abrupt change in the discussion. If this is intended to be a romance novel (I did not feel that was the intent from the outline), I would expect the dialog with John to be much more flirtatious and would avoid serious subjects. The love triangle aspect would certainly add interest, but I am not sure it fits in the intro.

Foreshadowing is good, but I suggest that not all threads need to be introduced in the first several pages. Give the reader a primary thread and then add the additional ones in later sections. I feel you have a good writing style and just need to provide the reader with an initial focus. I suggest writing out the first two paragraphs, say 100-200 words, and polish that until it stands almost on its own. With that in place, I think you will find that the text that follows will quickly fall in place. You have some strong descriptive phrasing, I feel that the structure just needs to be a little more focused to allow the descriptions to have their full effect.

 

[OHB]

Chapter 1

The Calling​

It was spring again in Emerald Valley and with it came the aromas of pine, oak, and cedar and the flora surround them. With the aromas came (Having two "with it came" sentences in a row sounds repetitive. If you use more varied sentence structures, it flows better.) the caroling of robins, sparrows and wrens. However, Tayanna wasn’t enthralled by aromas or melodies as she nibbled on a batch of sugar berries. ("Batch" makes it sound like they were produced rather than grown. I would suggest using the word "bunch" instead.)

“Green, green, that’s all I see! Are there no reds, blues, or pinks in Emerald Valley?” inquired Tayanna, brushing back her brown-hair to herself. Continuing to gaze out of her window (I didn't know she was looking through a window. The previous paragraph made it sound like she was outside in the valley.), she quietly asked herself, “Where is the glory in green? There is no glory in Emerald Valley.”

“Are ya day dreamin’ again, Tay?” asked a cheerful baritone.

Tayanna turned her head to see the sparkling blue eyes of John Planter, a local orchard grower. As was his habit, he was delivering a box of fruits at her open door.

“I was counting the greens of Emerald Valley. This time, I counted twenty-four. It’s interesting the way the dew makes the grass and leaves sparkle. They’re like jewels, they’re like like … (This should be a separate sentence.)”

“Like emeralds,” laughed the short(,) burly man sitting (setting?) a wooden box of fruit on the kitchen floor.

“Yes, like emeralds,” groused (I've noticed that you use a lot of Said Bookisms. For instance, "inquired," "laughed," "groused." Editors generally don't like these because they divert readers' attention to the dialog tags and away from the dialog itself. They much prefer it if you use "said"/"replied.") Tayanna. Then she paused, (This isn't a dialog tag.) “I wonder if there are any places that sparkle like sapphires or diamonds?”

“Why do ya wonder that?”

“Because sapphires and diamonds have glory and emeralds don’t.” (At this point, I'd really like to know what she means by "glory." I'm not sure how a jewel or a color can have glory.)

“My father told me long ago that everything has glory. The stars have glory. Birds have glory, flowers have glory, and even dying trees have glory.”

“Everything, but me,” groused Tayanna.

“Tay, that’s not true.(,)” retorted John. “You’re one of the prettiest women in Emerald Valley.” (Are they using "glory" to mean "beauty"?)

For an eye blink moment she glared at John. “I’m not talking about fair maiden glory. Besides that, I’m fat.” (Whatever "glory" is, it seems pretty important to her. But I don't know how she's defining it, so I can't follow this conversation.)

“Nahh, yer not,” grinned John. “You’re what’s called pleasing plump.”

Tayanna rolled her brown eyes and sighed, “I’m talking about the glory of importance.”

“But you are important, very important,” sputtered John. “How can you say that? You’re a mage healer. You heal a lot of folk, me included. You’re the best mage healer we’ve had in many a moon.” (This is what's called "As you know, Bob" dialog. You're revealing things by having a character tell us about them instead of showing them in the story. You could start this story off with Tayanna healing someone. Then you wouldn't have to tell us she's a mage healer because we'd have "seen" it for ourselves.)

“Thanks, John,” said Tayanna, trying to smile. “I know I’m good, I’m very, very good, but the truth is any competent mage healer can do what I do. If I can’t do something else that no one else can do, then I have no glory.” (So "glory" is the ability to do something no one else can do? Earlier, she said that saphires and diamonds have glory, so did the definition of "glory" change? It's pretty tiring trying to figure out what she's talking about.)

John scratched his head (This is not a dialog tag.), “I’m just a simple orchard grower, there’s no glory in that, but I’m happy. You’re a very good mage healer, why can’t you be happy with that?”

“Because, I can do better, but I’m not,” replied Tayanna with a touch of ire. “My father often said, (')Not to do better when you can is sin and shame.(') Not doing better is bringing shame to my father’s name. My brother brought glory to father’s name, I am not.”

Then Tayanna turned to the open window again and quietly asked, “John, did I ever tell you what happens to old healers?”

“No.”

“They end up very poor and often homeless, wandering, and plying their trade for mere coppers,” replied Tayanna. (This is more "As you know, Bob" dialog. You could instead show her running into an old healer on the street, and then we would see her reactions to seeing that person and realizing that may be her future as well. Right now, because everything is happening through dialog, she's too emotionally distant from everything she's talking about and comes across as a jaded brat.)

“That’s very sad,” said John.

“But, that’s not the worst of it,” added Tayanna. “Many including the peasantry regard them as mere witches. I can’t bear the thought.”

“Then marry me,” said John. “I won’t let you die penniless.”

Tayanna turned toward John and rolled her eyes (You have a habit of using things as dialog tags when they should be separate sentences.), “John, I’ve known you since childhood and I know you’re a wonderful man, but I’ve told you before we’re two opposites of a coin to buy happiness. (I don't know how to interpret that. I think there are some grammatical issues here, but without knowing what you were trying to say, I can't pinpoint them.) ” Then she softly asked, “How is your uncle with his gout?”

“He’s fine. Ya should know that,” sighed John. “And so are the babies ya delivered to Mrs. Swan last week. You are changing the subject. I believe what you’re saying, but there’s something else that’s gnawing at you. Speak to me, Tayanna.”

Tayanna smiled a sad smile while reaching out stroking John’s balding head (Also not a dialog tag), “I’ve already told you John, but you only listen with your ears. I’m stuck here.”

Straining to think, John was about to answer when they both heard, (This suddenly switched into omniscient POV. It was 3rd-person limited before.) “Jay! Jay!”

Eyes went toward the open windowsill and there prancing with self-importance was a cat(-)size(d) blue jay.

“Hello, Thirstan, what brings you here?” inquired Tayanna, smiling.

“The High Mage desires your attendance,” answered the blue jay(,) bobbing his head.

“Oh really,” replied Tayanna, “whatever for?”

“He did not say,” came a quiet, but melodious answer.

Tayanna’s umber brown brows frowned. (POV issue here. We're in Tayanna's head. She can't see her eyebrows "frown.") “Hmm. When does he desire my presence?”

“Today, at sun high.”

“Today! So soon? Oh dear, and I was planning on doing some gardening for some herbs.” Tayanna then sighed, “Oh well, when the High Mage calls one must answer. Tell Master Gahn I will be there.”

“Thirstan wants a cracker! Thirstan wants a cracker!” (This is a little too much like a stereotypical parrot for me.)

Tayanna smiled, “Of course, Thirstan wants a cracker. How else is he going to remain handsome? What will it be for today, cinnamon or honey?”

“Cinnamon cinnamon.”

John laughed at hearing the blue jay’s eager reply,(.) “Well,” he said(,) scratching his head, “It looks like ya gonna be busy. It’s best I be goin’. By the way, there’s a fresh batch of sugar berries with da fruit. I’ll see ya later Tay.”

“Thank you, John,” answered Tayanna. “My craving appreciates that(,) which reminds me.(,) There is a bottle of blue berry cider I made for you on the table.”

“Thanks, Tay,” said John(,) eagerly grabbing the bottle. “Like I said before, ya make a good wife.”

Line-by-line comments in the quote above. There are a lot of grammatical issues, said bookisms, confusing uses of the word "glory," and telling instead of showing. But aside from those issues, I really think you're starting this story in the wrong place. Nothing's happening yet, so there is nothing to show Tayanna's personality or skills. She feels emotionally distant. At the end, we learn she's going to see the High Mage. I would say that meeting is where the story should start.

My comments may sound harsh, but don't feel bad. Every writer makes these mistakes when starting out. I did too (and still do to a certain extent). You learn through practice, so keep writing.

 

[Lafayette]

Thank you for your comments.

IMO there are a number of technical issues here, such as with POV use here, in that you keep jumping out of your character's perspective.

You've lost me here. What do you mean by, "you keep jumping out of your character's perspective. "?

You also seem to be struggling to start the story - your first two sentences are all about aromas, then the third is about how the character doesn't care for them even though you're supposed to be in their thoughts.

Whose thoughts are we talking about? When I read it the characters including the narrator are talking to the readers.

What follows is lots of dialogue in which you're trying to set a scene and establish character but IMO it comes across as unnecessary chatter.

Maybe it's too much chatter, but I like dialog. To me (and I hope the reader) the dialog tells me who the characters are, what they are thinking, and maybe what they're doing. Is my logic wrong?

I'd suggest starting it with something actually happening, such as her arriving - with trepidation - at wherever she's supposed to be going (and explain nothing!).

I tried this once with Tayanna arriving at the Cherry Town's healer's home only to find that he died of the plague. The person reading it didn't like it and preferred this opening. I will rethink this again.

The best advice I can really give you is to read Wonderbook by Jeff Vandermeer

I bought this book awhile back and due to my muscular dystrophy (which inhibits my strength and dexterity) I had problems turning the pages. I also had problems reading the text which had small print or was hand written in unlegible pencil.

Save the Cat by Blake Snyder, which will help with the technical issues and character arc you're struggling with.

When I have the money I'll buy it.

 

[Lafayette]

@Lafayette,

Thank you for taking the time to critique my work. I appreciate it very much.

your writing has very good imagery and descriptions,

That's good to hear. I need to know what I am doing right as well as what I'm doing wrong.

however, I feel you may be trying to do too much at once in this introduction. It is my opinion that a writer needs to give the reader an indication of the type of story to follow within the first two paragraphs.

I received the impression somewhere that I was suppose to put in as much information as possible in the first paragraphs to give the reader some idea of what the story is about.

I admit to being an impatient reader and I will not read very far into a book to decide whether to pick it up or put it back on the shelf. I suggest picking one key point and addressing that in the opening pages.

I know that in todays market not catering to the impatient reader isn't good business, however I want to the attract the patient reader.

To me, the most striking phrase was:

This would be a wonderful opening line and immediately I was curious why there were no reds, blues, or pinks. The striking choice to use a blue bird as a messenger is then lost,

I thought it was more important to set the scene and the characters first. As for the Blue Jay (not blue bird) I have several reasons for it. I thought it was more convenient to have a bird to deliver the message than a human, a talking blue jay indicates to the reader that this a magical world (after all how many cat size talking blue jays do you know?), and because I like blue jays.

I also wondered about the dialog with the blue bird as it leaned more towards the humorous, while the impression I got from your previous outline was that there was an underlying darkness to the tale.

I feel that along with the darkness in our world there is also light and I like to reflect that in my stories. On second thought, I could use a raven or even a vulture as a messenger, but to me that is too dark.

This raises two interesting issues of a lack of confidence and perhaps a lack of skill, but there seems to be no follow up. It also seems to indicate a confusing, conflicting streak of arrogance.

If you go back and read this: “Thanks, John,” said Tayanna, trying to smile. “I know I’m good, I’m very, very good, but the truth is any competent mage healer can do what I do."

You will noticed that Tayanna agrees with John that she is very good and has a lot confidence in her skills. She knows she can do much, much better, however the environment isn't giving her the opportunity. And yes, Tayanna is arrogant.


From your outline, it appears the death of her brother is a significant event in her life. This opens up an arc of character growth, ala the hero's journey plot line.

Yes, it is significant in that it leads her to a lie and a confrontation with it.

This could be presented via internal thought,

Most of the time she suppresses it, but it does come out at the last part of the story's middle.

The outline indicates

I feel that though the intro text says a lot of things have glory, but never really indicates what glory might be, nor why Tayanna feels she lacks it. It doesn't touch on what glory her father or brother may have had.

I took up Knox's advice and wrote a few paragraphs of what glory meant to me. I came up with a number of definitions: beauty, honor, a good reputation, a way that a person or persons conduct themselves as in an admiral life style, and to Tayanna a way to wealth.

The intro then tries to bring in an element of romance and the outline hints at a potential love triangle.

I do have a little romance, but this is not a romance novel. John is sweet on Tayanna, but it is only one sided.

Foreshadowing is good, but I suggest that not all threads need to be introduced in the first several pages. Give the reader a primary thread and then add the additional ones in later sections.

I'll work on it.

I suggest writing out the first two paragraphs, say 100-200 words, and polish that until it stands almost on its own.

I'll try that..

 

[Lafayette]

Line-by-line comments in the quote above. There are a lot of grammatical issues, said bookisms, confusing uses of the word "glory," and telling instead of showing. But aside from those issues, I really think you're starting this story in the wrong place. Nothing's happening yet, so there is nothing to show Tayanna's personality or skills. She feels emotionally distant. At the end, we learn she's going to see the High Mage. I would say that meeting is where the story should start.

My comments may sound harsh, but don't feel bad. Every writer makes these mistakes when starting out. I did too (and still do to a certain extent). You learn through practice, so keep writing.

I read your comments and corrections and I will read and study them again. However, what do you mean by "bookism"? I couldn't find it in my dictionary.

 

[Wayne Mack]

what do you mean by "bookism"? I couldn't find it in my dictionary.

I hope this is accessible to you. This is part of one of Brandon Sanderson's lectures on YouTube, covering dialog. It is 14:03 in total and he discusses "said bookisms" starting at the 9:00 mark. I, personally, found his points on beats, dialog mode, and said bookism helpful and informative.

 

[OHB]

I read your comments and corrections and I will read and study them again. However, what do you mean by "bookism"? I couldn't find it in my dictionary.

Basically, a "said bookism" is any word other than "said" that is used as a dialog tag. The term "said bookism" came about because someone actually wrote a book of all the words other than "said" that could be used as dialog tags and titled it "The Said Book." That was back when people thought it was a good idea not to use "said." Editors now agree that words other than "said" distract readers from the dialog.

 

[Brian G Turner]

If you're having problems reading, you could try watching the Brandon Sanderson lectures instead:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLH3mK1NZn9QqOSj3ObrP3xL8tEJQ12-vL

 

[Toby Frost]

For me, the biggest problem is that you're trying to prime the reader with too much too soon. Everything feels as if it's going to be of great relevance later, which leads to slightly awkward moments where characters seem to almost tell each other information for the reader's benefit. I think that's something of a confidence issue and as you write more of the story, you'll be happier holding some of it back a little more.

I think that the easiest place to begin a story is often where there is a break from the norm: not necessarily violent action, but the discovery or event that makes this day a particularly notable one. For me, it's the arrival of the bluejay. You could almost say "Tayanna the healer was sitting in her kitchen when a bluejay the size of a cat flew in through the window and spoke her name."

Just a random thought about glory: glory makes me think about ambition, which feels like a rather selfish motive for a character, at least long-term. I wonder if someone close to her might have told her that she was exceptional, and so far, she feels that she's failed to live up to it? That feels almost tragic, and yet would keep the search for glory aspect.

 

[Lafayette]

My comments may sound harsh, but don't feel bad. Every writer makes these mistakes when starting out. I did too (and still do to a certain extent). You learn through practice, so keep writing.

Sorry, I was trying to go back to OHB's comments line by line and ask questions and/or add my comments. I didn't know you couldn't make a reply twice to a post with all its content.

First off, even though your comments made me cringe I do appreciate your harshness. I rather you or the others on this forum rake me over the coals than the non-forum critiquers and the readers.

I also followed the link Brian gave me featuring Brand Sanderson on bookism. Thanks Brian.

One of the things I'm trying to do when giving dialog is how the moods of the characters are changing as they speak. I'm also trying to give subtlety. To me "groused Tayanna," has a different mood swing than "Tayanna barked." So if, I'm not suppose to use a bookism what am I suppose to do?

"Having two "with it came" sentences in a row sounds repetitive."

Yes, you're right. I missed this one.

Bunch of sugar berries does sound better than "batch".

"inquired Tayanna, brushing back her brown-hair to herself."

I was trying to do things at once here. One: telling the reader she has brown hair and two: that she was talking to herself out loud. I struggled with this sentence.

"They’re like jewels, they’re like like … (This should be a separate sentence.)”

Are you saying, "they're like like..." should be a different paragraph?

"“Because sapphires and diamonds have glory and emeralds don’t.” (At this point, I'd really like to know what she means by "glory." I'm not sure how a jewel or a color can have glory.)"

According to my dictionary one of the definitions of glory is beauty. To Tayanna the glory of sapphires and diamonds are symbolic of a higher ideal.

"John. “How can you say that? You’re a mage healer. You heal a lot of folk, me included. You’re the best mage healer we’ve had in many a moon.” (This is what's called "As you know, Bob" dialog. You're revealing things by having a character tell us about them instead of showing them in the story. You could start this story off with Tayanna healing someone. Then you wouldn't have to tell us she's a mage healer because we'd have "seen" it for ourselves.)

I see your point and having Tayanna healing someone at the very beginning would would be better. I still could portray her boredom, introduce John, and the sugar berries (yes, they're important).

I thought I was familiar with the concept of "show don't tell", however I didn't know it could be contained in a dialog. I learn something else new, Thanks.

"(So "glory" is the ability to do something no one else can do? Earlier, she said that saphires and diamonds have glory, so did the definition of "glory" change? It's pretty tiring trying to figure out what she's talking about.)

Isn't this suppose to be one of the joys of reading trying to figure out what the character is thinking?

"John scratched his head (This is not a dialog tag.),"

Then what is it?

"“They end up very poor and often homeless, wandering, and plying their trade for mere coppers,” replied Tayanna. (This is more "As you know, Bob" dialog. You could instead show her running into an old healer on the street, and then we would see her reactions to seeing that person and realizing that may be her future as well. Right now, because everything is happening through dialog, she's too emotionally distant from everything she's talking about and comes across as a jaded brat.)

I could possibly incorporate this after the healing scene. What do mean by "jaded brat"? I never read or heard this term before.

"Tayanna turned toward John and rolled her eyes (You have a habit of using things as dialog tags when they should be separate sentences.),

Can you give me an example of how this should be done? Are you referring to "her eyes" as things?

“John, I’ve known you since childhood and I know you’re a wonderful man, but I’ve told you before we’re two opposites of a coin to buy happiness. (I don't know how to interpret that.

A coin has a head and a tail they're different. A coin is used to buy things.

"Straining to think, John was about to answer when they both heard, (This suddenly switched into omniscient POV. It was 3rd-person limited before.) “Jay! Jay!”

I really don't understand what you or Brian is getting at here. It all appears to be omniscient to me. Can you clarify this for me? I have read POVs before, however I don't understand what you two are saying.

"“Thirstan wants a cracker! Thirstan wants a cracker!” (This is a little too much like a stereotypical parrot for me.)

This scene is meant to be cute. I don't believe everything in life is dark and I like reflecting this in my writing, but I will rethink this and make it less stereotypical.

 

[Cosmic Geoff]

I can see that you are trying to introduce the setup and a couple of the characters in this opening sample. But there are some things that rapidly grated with me as a reader. The first was 'said-isms' (as they are known to me )- in other words, using all sort of words (groused, retorted, grinned) to avoid using 'said'. There is nothing wrong with 'said' or 'replied' so long as you don't use it in every dialogue tag. The 'said' becomes invisible to readers if you use it right. You can vary it by omitting the dialog tag altogether for a few lines in a two-character exchange. Or substitute a small action, e.g. - Tayanna sighed. "xxx xxx ...." But again don't overdo it otherwise readers notice and become irritated.
Why is Tayanna talking to herself out loud?

Tayanna turned her head to see the sparkling blue eyes of John Planter, a local orchard grower. As was his habit, he was delivering a box of fruits at her open door.
There is too much information being told here. Does the reader need to know all this right now? Is it relevant to launching the story?
I see that you are using the conversation to show Tayanna's dissatisfaction and lack of confidence. But the early part of the conversation seems inconsequential. And you could introduce Tayanna's feelings by her silent thoughts (something you can do in a novel but does not work in film or TV).
Avoid dialogue that is there to inform the reader of things the charcters already know, rather than drive the story forward. A conversation in a novel can be an expression of character conflict. (If it isn't, what is it doing there?)
I also want to introduce the topic of 'point of view' or 'POV' for short. 19th century novels were often written as if told by a narrator who knew what each character was doing, but not necessarily what they were thinking. More common techniques these days are to write from the point of view of one character (or one character in each chapter/section) including his or her thoughts, (this is known as 'close 3rd person narrative) or to write in first person ('I') including that person's thoughts. First person is more emotionally powerful but also more limiting in that you cannot show what other characters are thinking, or what they are doing when they are not with the Ist person narrator.
You should acquaint yourself with these conventions, and how they are used in successful published books, so that you can either follow them, or know what you are doing if you choose to break the rules. Over frequent change of close 3rd person POV is generally considered bad - it is known among critics as 'head-hopping'.

 

[OHB]

One of the things I'm trying to do when giving dialog is how the moods of the characters are changing as they speak. I'm also trying to give subtlety. To me "groused Tayanna," has a different mood swing than "Tayanna barked." So if, I'm not suppose to use a bookism what am I suppose to do?

The problem with said bookisms is that words like "barked" and "groused" are so forceful that readers pay more attention to them than to the dialog itself. The context of the dialog usually conveys the tone without the writer needing to specify it. For instance:
“My father told me long ago that everything has glory. The stars have glory. Birds have glory, flowers have glory, and even dying trees have glory.”
“Everything, but me,” groused Tayanna.
You don't have to tell us she's grousing because her words already tell us she's upset. It's implied.

Are you saying, "they're like like..." should be a different paragraph?

No, just a separate sentence. "They’re like jewels. They’re like...like…"

According to my dictionary one of the definitions of glory is beauty. To Tayanna the glory of sapphires and diamonds are symbolic of a higher ideal.

I wouldn't say that beauty is what most people think of when they hear the word "glory," especially when you're saying something has glory. It's a grammatical quirk. Usually, people say "It's glorious" rather than "It has glory." This is partly why the whole conversation between Tayanna and John is so confusing. It's never clear to the reader what glory means to her because she's using it in such an unusual way. The other reason it's confusing is because the meaning of glory seems to change from beauty to the ability to achieve something no one else can. This makes it hard for the reader to follow what she's really talking about.

Isn't this suppose to be one of the joys of reading trying to figure out what the character is thinking?

Not really. Most of this chapter is in 3rd-person limited, meaning it's told from Tayanna's perspective and is in her mind. We should already know what she's thinking.

"John scratched his head (This is not a dialog tag.),"

Then what is it?

Non-verbal actions aren't dialog tags. This should be a separate sentence.
John scratched his head. “I’m just a simple orchard grower, there’s no glory in that, but I’m happy. You’re a very good mage healer, why can’t you be happy with that?”

What do mean by "jaded brat"? I never read or heard this term before.

The issue with starting a novel with a conversation like the one between Tayanna and John is that it only shows one aspect of Tayanna's personality. The only thing we learn about her personality here is that she's jaded. She lives in a beautiful valley, has a good job at which she excels, and has time to laze around eating berries and listening to birds sing, yet she's still not happy. She has such a good life that she's sick of having a good life, which automatically makes it hard for readers to relate to her. Also instead of doing anything to ease her unhappiness, she sits around and complains. This makes her unlikeable. If there were something happening in the scene that required Tayanna to use her skills and show off various aspects of her personality, readers could overlook the fact that she's jaded and whiny and instead latch onto other aspects they like about her.

“John, I’ve known you since childhood and I know you’re a wonderful man, but I’ve told you before we’re two opposites of a coin to buy happiness. (I don't know how to interpret that.

A coin has a head and a tail they're different. A coin is used to buy things.

Those are two different thoughts: Tayanna and John are two opposite sides of a coin, and one coin isn't enough to buy happiness. You're combining them like they're one thought. As you have it written now, it reads as "We are one coin to buy happiness," which doesn't make sense. Also, "two sides of the same coin" usually means that two things go together and you can't have one without the other. It doesn't mean they're opposites or different.

"Straining to think, John was about to answer when they both heard, (This suddenly switched into omniscient POV. It was 3rd-person limited before.) “Jay! Jay!”

I really don't understand what you or Brian is getting at here. It all appears to be omniscient to me. Can you clarify this for me? I have read POVs before, however I don't understand what you two are saying.

The rest of the chapter is in Tayanna's point of view. We're seeing everything as she experiences it and know what only she is thinking and feeling about it. This makes the chapter 3rd-person limited. The sentence above switches into omniscient--the point of view of a narrator who knows what everyone is thinking, feeling, and experiencing. Tayanna doesn't know that John is straining to think and about to answer her. She also doesn't know what he hears. Only an omniscient narrator would know these things.

Hopefully, that clarifies some things.

 

[thisreidwrites]

Okay, this is great for one really important reason: I FINALLY have a sense of who she is!

I think what happened here is what did what Disney is so good at: in a sense, she got her "I want" song.

It's Ariel's wanting human stuff.
It's Belle wanting more than "they" have planned.
It's Tiana wanting her restaurant and to make her dad proud.

This "glory" concept is really interesting, and could give you so much to work with - including character growth, since there could be pride underneath that. Definitely keep moving in this direction!