How would you refer to two different, nameless characters in dialog?

[TheDreadScotsman]

I'm writing a scene where a POV character is speaking to two police officers. He obviously doesn't know their names and it wouldn't make sense in the scene for them to introduce themselves by name.

How would you distinguish them in dialog from the POV's perspective? In my first draft they are labeled as the one on the right and the one on the left, but the dialog is rather extended and I don't think it's good to continue to refer to them like that for the whole scene.

"Why are you obstructing the law? " said the one on the right.

What would you guys do to differentiate which one of them is speaking?

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Can they be a man and a woman?

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Or by other physical descriptor, e.g. The one with the hard eyes and the one with twitchy fingers. Big Nose and Squinty. I often pick random features or tones of voice to distinguish between minor characters in these situations.

The one who smelled of garlic and the scruffy one.

 

[BAYLOR]

I'm writing a scene where a POV character is speaking to two police officers. He obviously doesn't know their names and it wouldn't make sense in the scene for them to introduce themselves by name.

How would you distinguish them in dialog from the POV's perspective? In my first draft they are labeled as the one on the right and the one on the left, but the dialog is rather extended and I don't think it's good to continue to refer to them like that for the whole scene.

"Why are you obstructing the law? " said the one on the right.

What would you guys do to differentiate which one of them is speaking?

By referring to them by something they are wearing or have on their person which can be seen. For example speaker one , wears a back hat . call him Mr Hat. Speaker two has a carnation call him Carnation Man.

 

[luriantimetraveler]

Alongside Baylor and Kerrybuchanan's suggestions: you can give them different speech patterns (good cop/bad cop; one blunt the other loquacious, one with an accent and the other without, one fixated on a certain line of questioning and the other more lackadaisical, etc)

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Also if they know each others names that can give your character the info needed

 

[DLCroix]

"Your ID, please," said the youngest policeman, a freckled Senalí, in his early twenties, perhaps from the west side of the Batral or the old port. They were the only Senalis left, who survived the bombing two decades ago. It even matched age.
"Yes, of course," John Doe said. He noticed the older cop keeping his distance, watching his movements and examining the performance of his young apprentice. Although of course the evaluation was up to him. He examined John's card with a smile of cordial threat.
"John Doe," he read. "What are you doing around here, sir?"

When you give a few strokes of characterization, it is easier for you to intersperse younger / older or taller / thinner, etc., and at the same time it helps you to add data that is relevant to the story. I mean, it's not about putting two cops in for nothing. There must be a reason in relation to the story. Also, there are exceptions. For example, my brother is from an airborne unit. Ask him if he has ever given his documents to a policeman. The military is prohibited from doing so by code and by regulation. They can only show their MIT.

In addition there are procedural issues. The policemen may come to a house where a murder has even just been committed but as soon as they get out of the car they give an image of indifference and tranquility, as if it were something routine that they also do not care about. The second point to keep in mind is that nothing that people say to them has to do with what they are going to say. In that sense of being so assertive they make it clear that people are always wrong or misinterpreting things. For example, a police officer never asks something like: "Why are you obstructing the law?" Depending on the situation, the offender is something that does NOT exist, has no rights, etc. That is, from the outset they imply that they are the Law and the authority.

 

[HareBrain]

Or by other physical descriptor, e.g. The one with the hard eyes and the one with twitchy fingers. Big Nose and Squinty

Yes, I've done this and seen it done often -- short nick-names based on physical (or other) characteristics. The danger is that focusing solely on one aspect makes them seem a bit grotesque (after twenty times calling someone "Big-Nose" the reader might get the impression of a schnozz that occupies his whole face). Also, in a sci-fi setting this won't work if they're clones or identical robots.

 

[Susan Boulton]

Give them a nickname as Kerry said, and a brief description to help move the scene on. Don't go into too much detail if they are just in one or two paragraphs. The reader just needs to know what is happening to the main character/characters.

 

[Vladd67]

In one of the Lovejoy books, Lovejoy has a run-in with a couple of thugs and he refers to them by their accents, Bristol and Birmingham.

 

[paranoid marvin]

You could have a constable and an officer (I think one wears a helmet, the other a cap). You could have a constable and a detective? Or as has been said use regional dialects (Scottish, Welsh etc) or a distinguishing feature like a beard. Probably the easiest is to have one male, one female , then you can defer to 'he' and 'she'.

 

[Danny McG]

Make one a red haired Glaswegian dwarf and the other an eight metres tall killer robot

 

[paranoid marvin]

I think you're entering the realms of fantasy there, Danny.

 

[tinkerdan]

I would have to agree with those that say--find a physical identifier in your description.
Something like:

They were your typical Mutt and Jeff. Polar opposites. Probably good cop, bad cop, I hadn't figured which was which.

"Why are you obstructing the law?" The one towering over me said, moving closer.

I gave him my best innocent look.

"While you're figuring out excuses, how 'bout some ID so we can determine if you should even be here." Shorty was slapping his palm with a nightstick. I had visions of a Chihuahua biting at my ankles.

So It was gonna be bad cop, worse cop.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Hi, I've had to do this twice in exactly the same situation; once with police, once with bailiffs so it's in your wheelhouse.

Both of my cops were dressed in a way that allowed me to differentiate, one was in uniform, the other, a detective in a suit. Another time, the baiiffs were differentiated by one having a creased, shabby suit with shiny patches.

In fact, I even had a policeman who is identified by my character calling him PC Charisma (Nicknames as above) as he had none.

 

[Saiyali]

Only one of the police actually speaks, the other takes notes or something but has great eyebrows

 

[sule]

IMO, this is a great chance for you to interject some personality and characterization from your POV character. Ask yourself, "How does my character see these people?" What does your character notice, what stands out to them? Like Phyrebrat said, do they give one of them a nickname? Differentiate by hair color? Accent? How their breath smells? Does one of the officers remind the character of someone from their past? Use this as an opportunity to sneak to the reader some of the POV character's view of the world in an organic way.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Give them nicknames: thick sweater, curly hair, dog face, sex bomb, Doc (after their boots), Laurel and Hardy etc. It will tell us a lot about your character and a lot about them. It can also really jar or fit with the mood of the scene. I absolutely recommend Dolly Parton songs for scenes like this. She injects so much characterisation into a small space and she's only three minutes of your time rather than the three hours of a Shakespeare play. She does things like depicting Jolene with ivory skin, auburn hair and eyes of emerald green. Her methods are great for giving characters you only have for a few lines a measure of depth.