Was or Were?

[Astro Pen]

Just writing a story and stuck on this line . "were manifesting" feels right to me though I think "was manifesting" is technically correct for a singular spirit.
I believe the key to this is in "some - were" vs "an - was" Web hasn't really helped me decide. You good people might

"The rooks in the tree above the bus stop were particularly raucous, a light leaf swirl circled her feet, feeling as if some ancient spirit were manifesting."

 

[Droflet]

I'd go with was, Astro. That's just me, though.

 

[paranoid marvin]

My understanding is that 'was' is for the singular and 'were' the plural.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I suggest changing it to read, "some ancient spirits were manifesting." The plural spirits should be used to match the plural 'rooks' at the start.

Also, I don't understand how the phrase, "a light leaf swirl circled her feet," fits in. I think that might be contributing to your indecision over plural or singular and, for me, it makes the sentence confusing.

 

[Astro Pen]

I suggest changing it to read, "some ancient spirits were manifesting." The plural spirits should be used to match the plural 'rooks' at the start.

Also, I don't understand how the phrase, "a light leaf swirl circled her feet," fits in. I think that might be contributing to your indecision over plural or singular and, for me, it makes the sentence confusing.

It is the swirl of leaves around her feet that feels magical, not the rook's calls which are there to add background auditory atmosphere . Maybe I'll split the line thus-

"The rooks in the tree above the bus stop were particularly raucous. A light leaf swirl circled her feet, feeling as if some ancient spirit were manifesting."

 

[Saiyali]

In your example, were follows as if, so using the subjunctive form on the main verb may be correct. Though it appears archaic and odd in the twentyfirst century!

An example of the same thing is If I were you instead of If I was you.

 

[The Judge]

Technically the "were" is correct since it's the subjunctive -- that arises from the "as if" which is describing a situation which isn't real.


EDIT: beaten to the punch by a couple of seconds by Saiyali!

 

[Saiyali]

May I add that I prefer some ancient spirit to an ancient spirit. Some ancient spirit makes this imaginary spirit seem more mysterious and enigmatic and imaginary. An ancient spirit might make me ask myself what ancient spirit? Does this world have ancient spirits that manifest in swirls of leaves? etc

Some ancient spirit keeps it more vague and less immediate, and definitely warrants that subjunctive IMO. But spirit is still singular here, even with some.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Dammit! I knew the answer but was too late again.

sigh ... always the bridesmaid; never the bride.

 

[paranoid marvin]

I wouldn't disagree with either of the last two poster, but either way the meaning is not lost or altered and many people in normal speech use were when was might be more appropriate.

There are a couple of alterations I would suggest that may be worth consideration

The rooks in the tree overhanging/overlooking (more descriptive than above?) the bus stop were particularly raucous tonight (so you have a comparative). As has been mentioned, I would also agree with a full stop here. She was also curious/surprised/alarmed (use the most appropriate depending on her character) to see a swirl of leaves which appeared to be circling the ground in front of her feet; almost as if some ancient spirit were attempting to manifest itself.

I would suggest having the leaves circling in front of her as anything manifesting itself would likely be in a different place to herself. Also if something is happening in front of her she is more likely top notice it.

 

[Astro Pen]

The rooks in the tree overhanging/overlooking (more descriptive than above?) the bus stop were particularly raucous tonight (so you have a comparative). As has been mentioned, I would also agree with a full stop here. She was also curious/surprised/alarmed (use the most appropriate depending on her character) to see a swirl of leaves which appeared to be circling the ground in front of her feet; almost as if some ancient spirit were attempting to manifest itself.

I would suggest having the leaves circling in front of her as anything manifesting itself would likely be in a different place to herself. Also if something is happening in front of her she is more likely top notice it.

Thanks Marvin. The full stop is in
Rooks, in my experience, tend to call from the tops of very tall trees rather than intimate lower branches. The are creating a broad soundscape here rather than any direct communication. Also the leaf swirl is specifically hers, by surrounding her feet. It is her first hint of her own empowerment, not a third party presenting itself to her as a separate entity.

 

[paranoid marvin]

Thanks Marvin. The full stop is in
Rooks, in my experience, tend to call from the tops of very tall trees rather than intimate lower branches. The are creating a broad soundscape here rather than any direct communication. Also the leaf swirl is specifically hers, by surrounding her feet. It is her first hint of her own empowerment, not a third party presenting itself to her as a separate entity.

Yes, that makes sense.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I would still lean towards the singular was. Replace spirit with another singular noun and see what sounds correct: A light leaf swirl circled her feet, feeling as if some ancient person [were/was] manifesting.

 

[Rufus Coppertop]

How does she know what the light leaf was feeling?