Hello, dear community,
I wanted to share this piece with you. It's the second chapter of my WIP, introducing two key characters, one sub-plot and the general setting of the rest of the tome. I hope to have improved a bit since my last excerpt and deliver a somewhat readable material.
Thanks!
It’s hot, too hot in fact. His march is heavy, made worse by the sand under his feet and the old sword he’s been dragging all day long. His mind is blank, out of his dehydration and something worse and unknown. His tired amber eyes see some dust rising at the blurry horizon as he feels his dark brown hair burning hot. He crumbles and faints.
The floor now moves under him, quite irregularly. He’s moving, it’s noisy, and the sun no longer burns his skin, the shade is nice, despite still being hot. His hands move and touch what’s definitively wood. He starts to wake up slowly, he’s very dizzy and moves his hands to see if he touches something else that might tell him where he is, and he reaches something furry, thin and furry, he squeezes in surprise.
“Aaaaaaaaaaah watch your hands!" a woman screams, moving her cat tail after having it squeezed so carelessly.
He gets frightened by the scream “Aaaaah so…sorry!".
Her light brown cat ears are rolled back “What a jerk! I should just drop you off the wagon!".
“No!” he responds, before starting thinking aloud while looking around “...Eeeeh, okay, I’m on a wagon…I was in the desert…”.
Her pale face is still flushed “Well duuuh, obviously yes! We picked you up, half dried! A decision I’m regretting right now!".
He finally sees the pretty demi-cat in front of him “Oh I’m so sorry! I just was palpating everything, I didn’t know you were there…".
She’s still flushed “Well now you do! Now say you’re sorry!" her straight light brown hair falls from her shoulders.
“I already did!".
She puts on a playful smile on her childish face “Just say it again! I take my tail very seriously!".
“…Ok, I’m sorry for touching your tail…"
Her tail moves playfully, as her intense orange eyes look at him “You didn’t just touch it, you squeezed it, quite roughly though…".
He sighs “Huh...I’m sorry for squeezing your tail so carelessly…".
“Valerie! Outlaws!" someone shouts, it’s the man driving the cart.
Valerie reaches her sable “Crap! You were carrying a sword, can you fight?".
“I…I don’t know…Wait…I don’t know anything…".
“How can you not know?! It’s a 'yes', 'no' or 'more or less' question! ".
“Valerie, let’s go!" the man shouts and descends from the wagon.
Valerie looks confident “Let’s go, Anton! It's showtime!" she says while coming out of the wagon too, sword in hand. The tail-squeezing man follows, with his old sword.
Coming down they see a group of seven men approaching the cart, with all sorts of weapons, but no archers or crossbowmen. Anton looks serious and unsheathes the two blades on his back “Good thing not to mess with bolts or arrows while at numerical disadvantage” he says. Valerie seems confident, even entertained by the situation. Her rescued pal is very afraid, with his hands trembling while holding his sword. Valerie turns her face, her tail swinging playfully.
"I didn’t get your name!".
His chin trembles "Wha…? It’s not the time to ask for that!" The marauders are getting closer.
"Just relax, I’m Valerie, and he’s Anton!" she raises her sword.
"I…I’m Raffale…look out!" he says, when the attackers finally reach them.
Anton tags with Valerie, blocking quickly the thief’s attacks, he moves fast on his leather armour, and rapidly cuts through a raider’s leg, Valerie casts fire right on a looter’s face, things are more even now. Three bandits approach Raffale, he’s terrified and tries to talk
"Look, I have nothing to do with this!".
Valerie looks back "Damn, he’s useless! Then why does he have a sword?"
She has to deal with the other marauders, she blocks and jumps, but gets cut on her arm, nothing bad “Arrrgh, dammit!” she yells and fires her magic again. Raffale’s talk is futile, one raider attacks, he’s paralyzed, and Valerie notices it “He’s going to die!” but his amber eyes glow, he blocks, stepping on his enemy, he pushes him away close to Anton, who draws a bloody cross on the outlaw’s back, he’s dead.
Raffale is shocked, the other two looters charge towards him, he panics but his gaze shines again, swinging his blade, touching the dirt, sending dust into the bandit’s faces, blinding them. Raffale hesitates, but then charges, slashing their hands, kicking their groins. Leg sweep, they're down, kick in the face, the blade through their throats. They’re dead, his hands still tremble, he’s bewildered. Valerie looks surprised, his attack was raw, pragmatic, and effective.
Anton looks pleased, sheathing his weapons. His long eyebrows give a serious expression to his rough face “Wow, you certainly know your stuff, that was rude!".
Valerie is amused too “Hell yeah! You fight dirty, literally dirty…I like that, pretty guy" she bites her thin lips.
Raffale’s heart still races “No! Just…hey! What happened?!"
Anton is confused “What are you talking about? You fought really well"
“I’m…No, I just reacted, I was terrified…I’m still terrified…"
“Do you feel alright? It’s like you’d never killed someone, but obviously you did…" Valerie asks
“No…I don’t feel alright…I don’t know how I…I don’t remember anything…"
Anton puts on a friendly smile “Hey…Raffale, right? You were walking in the middle of the desert…you’d never have gotten that far alive carrying just a sword…".
“I just…I just woke up there and started walking…I can’t recall how I got there…I can’t remember anything before waking up…"
“Dude, what a mess you are…Look, we can get you to Heastorwich, but we have to keep going. Anton…”
“Well, I don’t know, Valerie. He may look afraid but he’s clearly not a rookie…”
I wanted to share this piece with you. It's the second chapter of my WIP, introducing two key characters, one sub-plot and the general setting of the rest of the tome. I hope to have improved a bit since my last excerpt and deliver a somewhat readable material.
Thanks!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s hot, too hot in fact. His march is heavy, made worse by the sand under his feet and the old sword he’s been dragging all day long. His mind is blank, out of his dehydration and something worse and unknown. His tired amber eyes see some dust rising at the blurry horizon as he feels his dark brown hair burning hot. He crumbles and faints.
The floor now moves under him, quite irregularly. He’s moving, it’s noisy, and the sun no longer burns his skin, the shade is nice, despite still being hot. His hands move and touch what’s definitively wood. He starts to wake up slowly, he’s very dizzy and moves his hands to see if he touches something else that might tell him where he is, and he reaches something furry, thin and furry, he squeezes in surprise.
“Aaaaaaaaaaah watch your hands!" a woman screams, moving her cat tail after having it squeezed so carelessly.
He gets frightened by the scream “Aaaaah so…sorry!".
Her light brown cat ears are rolled back “What a jerk! I should just drop you off the wagon!".
“No!” he responds, before starting thinking aloud while looking around “...Eeeeh, okay, I’m on a wagon…I was in the desert…”.
Her pale face is still flushed “Well duuuh, obviously yes! We picked you up, half dried! A decision I’m regretting right now!".
He finally sees the pretty demi-cat in front of him “Oh I’m so sorry! I just was palpating everything, I didn’t know you were there…".
She’s still flushed “Well now you do! Now say you’re sorry!" her straight light brown hair falls from her shoulders.
“I already did!".
She puts on a playful smile on her childish face “Just say it again! I take my tail very seriously!".
“…Ok, I’m sorry for touching your tail…"
Her tail moves playfully, as her intense orange eyes look at him “You didn’t just touch it, you squeezed it, quite roughly though…".
He sighs “Huh...I’m sorry for squeezing your tail so carelessly…".
“Valerie! Outlaws!" someone shouts, it’s the man driving the cart.
Valerie reaches her sable “Crap! You were carrying a sword, can you fight?".
“I…I don’t know…Wait…I don’t know anything…".
“How can you not know?! It’s a 'yes', 'no' or 'more or less' question! ".
“Valerie, let’s go!" the man shouts and descends from the wagon.
Valerie looks confident “Let’s go, Anton! It's showtime!" she says while coming out of the wagon too, sword in hand. The tail-squeezing man follows, with his old sword.
Coming down they see a group of seven men approaching the cart, with all sorts of weapons, but no archers or crossbowmen. Anton looks serious and unsheathes the two blades on his back “Good thing not to mess with bolts or arrows while at numerical disadvantage” he says. Valerie seems confident, even entertained by the situation. Her rescued pal is very afraid, with his hands trembling while holding his sword. Valerie turns her face, her tail swinging playfully.
"I didn’t get your name!".
His chin trembles "Wha…? It’s not the time to ask for that!" The marauders are getting closer.
"Just relax, I’m Valerie, and he’s Anton!" she raises her sword.
"I…I’m Raffale…look out!" he says, when the attackers finally reach them.
Anton tags with Valerie, blocking quickly the thief’s attacks, he moves fast on his leather armour, and rapidly cuts through a raider’s leg, Valerie casts fire right on a looter’s face, things are more even now. Three bandits approach Raffale, he’s terrified and tries to talk
"Look, I have nothing to do with this!".
Valerie looks back "Damn, he’s useless! Then why does he have a sword?"
She has to deal with the other marauders, she blocks and jumps, but gets cut on her arm, nothing bad “Arrrgh, dammit!” she yells and fires her magic again. Raffale’s talk is futile, one raider attacks, he’s paralyzed, and Valerie notices it “He’s going to die!” but his amber eyes glow, he blocks, stepping on his enemy, he pushes him away close to Anton, who draws a bloody cross on the outlaw’s back, he’s dead.
Raffale is shocked, the other two looters charge towards him, he panics but his gaze shines again, swinging his blade, touching the dirt, sending dust into the bandit’s faces, blinding them. Raffale hesitates, but then charges, slashing their hands, kicking their groins. Leg sweep, they're down, kick in the face, the blade through their throats. They’re dead, his hands still tremble, he’s bewildered. Valerie looks surprised, his attack was raw, pragmatic, and effective.
Anton looks pleased, sheathing his weapons. His long eyebrows give a serious expression to his rough face “Wow, you certainly know your stuff, that was rude!".
Valerie is amused too “Hell yeah! You fight dirty, literally dirty…I like that, pretty guy" she bites her thin lips.
Raffale’s heart still races “No! Just…hey! What happened?!"
Anton is confused “What are you talking about? You fought really well"
“I’m…No, I just reacted, I was terrified…I’m still terrified…"
“Do you feel alright? It’s like you’d never killed someone, but obviously you did…" Valerie asks
“No…I don’t feel alright…I don’t know how I…I don’t remember anything…"
Anton puts on a friendly smile “Hey…Raffale, right? You were walking in the middle of the desert…you’d never have gotten that far alive carrying just a sword…".
“I just…I just woke up there and started walking…I can’t recall how I got there…I can’t remember anything before waking up…"
“Dude, what a mess you are…Look, we can get you to Heastorwich, but we have to keep going. Anton…”
“Well, I don’t know, Valerie. He may look afraid but he’s clearly not a rookie…”